Chapter 6 #2
I lift my gaze from Lottie to find his sunglasses fixed on me, that damned grin too. A jolt of lust fires straight through my core. ‘ Huh? ’
‘You just laughed?’
Busted.
‘I did?’
He gives a low ‘Mhm?’ and my nipples perk up – tight, tingly, primed for more. What kind of superpower is that?
‘ I’m not sure you want to hear it .’
Dammit , I sound like a bloody chipmunk on helium!
‘Now I definitely want to know…’
Amusement thickens his voice, and I press my thighs together, desperate to fight the ache now thrumming between them.
What the hell’s wrong with me?
A bit of sun and my neglected libido is like, Hello, Mamma!
Don’t you mean a bit of Theo?
If only.
‘Sadie?’
‘Yup!’
He laughs. ‘That tough to admit, hey?’
Not tough. Truthful. Far too truthful. ‘I’m just working out how to phrase it…’
And what to admit .
I chew it over, my lips shifting side to side as I take in the sight so perfect, I’m half-tempted to pull out my phone and snap a pic for posterity. But it’s in Lottie’s bag behind them both, and there’s no way I’m risking another capsize.
Besides, I’m not entirely convinced my bra and tee are hiding the twin-peaks situation I have going on, so the more distance between us, the better.
‘I’m just surprised…’
‘About?’
‘All this…’ I gesture at Lottie and him. ‘The fun, the make-believe, the way you have her wrapped around your little finger.’
He chuckles as Lottie chooses that exact moment to order a change in direction.
‘Pretty sure you’ll find she’s the one with all the power here.’
‘True.’ I laugh. ‘But you’re a natural. And I’m just… surprised.’
He pulls a face. ‘I think that’s what they call a backhanded compliment.’
‘No! It’s not! Not really. I just didn’t see you as the… I don’t know, kid-friendly type. Or I did, but…’
His frown deepens. ‘But what?’
‘I just figured that all these years down the line, you’d be married with kids, and yet…’ I shrug, admitting what’s been bothering me since I rocked up at his swanky penthouse, afraid to set my luggage down, let alone my three-foot wrecking ball.
‘ All these years…? ’ He chokes out, and I bite my lips – oops. ‘Why don’t you just slap an OAP sticker on my arse and wheel me into the nearest care home?’
‘Give over, Theo. I’m serious.’
‘So am I. And I swear you’ve just aged me another decade or two.’
I wish. Maybe then I’d be better at switching off all the feelings he stirs up.
Then again, Theo could be fifty-five to my twenty-five and I’d still want him – much to his horror.
Because clearly, I’m a glutton for punishment.
Wanting what I can’t have? Always Theo.
Wanting what’s no good for me? Definitely Danny.
Possibly Theo, too.
There’s no possibly about it!
And I realise my head is right. When he’s this good, this kind, this incredible with Lottie – and still as off limits as ever – the risk he poses to my heart makes him 100 per cent no good for me.
But to have him in my life as a friend again…
To have him in Lottie’s life – a male figure she can trust, bond with, rely on?
There’s something to that. Something safe. Steady. Sure.
‘You know Taylor’s the same age as me, right?’ he says when I don’t respond.
‘Yeah,’ I agree softly, ‘but she’s living her life in reverse.’
‘Meaning?’
‘Meaning she spent her teens and her twenties looking after me. She never signed up for it. She just did it. Now she gets to be the party girl teenage her never got to be.’
He’s quiet for a beat, his hands obeying the commands Lottie’s issuing out, but his eyes are all about me. ‘Is that really how you see it?’
‘What?’
‘Your sister’s lifestyle?’
‘You don’t?’
‘She has a good social life, sure.’
‘That’s one word for it.’
Irresponsible might be another but hell, who am I to judge her for having a string of lovers when I settled for one and called it so very wrong.
‘Are you jealous?’
‘What— no!’ I blurt. ‘Absolutely not. I’m happy she’s out there enjoying her money and her life. Heaven knows she’s worked hard for it. I just… worry.’
I trail off as my mind drifts back, uninvited, to that fight.
‘Worry, what?’
I don’t answer.
‘Sadie?’
I inhale slowly, bracing myself, before admitting, ‘I worry that she’s like it because of me.
That my mother set her on that path when she lumbered her with me at fifteen.
And if she keeps going the way she is, she’ll end up alone and unhappy.
Just like Dad.’ I take another breath, shake my head.
‘But who am I kidding? If I’d stayed alone, I wouldn’t be in this mess now. ’
He holds my gaze – one strained second, two…
‘But then you wouldn’t have…’
He glances down and I feel his meaning all the way to the pit of my suddenly heavy stomach.
Because I wouldn’t choose not to have Lottie. Not in a million years.
But I’d choose a different father for her any day of the week.
‘I know.’
‘Is that what you fought about?’ he asks. ‘Your differing opinions on relationships, on life?’
‘That was a part of it.’
My eyes flit to Lottie, worrying over what she might hear, but my daughter is so deep into her Pirate Princess roleplay, she’s not paying us any attention.
‘She didn’t approve of… him ,’ I say carefully.
Theo nods, his mouth set in a grim line, jaw flexing. I can only imagine how his eyes are behind the lenses… and it both excites and terrifies me. The passion, the anger, the care.
‘From day one, she saw the signs that I refused to see. She warned me and I wouldn’t listen. When I told her I was jacking in my course and moving to Ireland, you can imagine how she reacted.’
He nods again, his jaw working overtime.
‘She reeled off all the reasons it was a terrible idea. And I?—’
I swallow hard, my throat tightening as I remember how young, naive, and hopelessly in love I’d been.
And how cruel. Driven by my misplaced love for one man, and my humiliation and…
hell , I don’t even know how to label my feelings for Theo any more.
It hadn’t felt like an infatuation, something born of a shitty childhood, chasing scraps, as Taylor had put it. Or ‘daddy issues’, as Theo had.
It had felt like so much more, because he was so much more. He was still so much more. And that’s why I’m here now, trusting him to keep us safe – physically.
As for every other sense of ‘safe’? I’ve built my walls. And they’re not going anywhere.
‘You?’ he prompts gently. ‘She said it was a bad idea, and you?’
‘I accused her of being the jealous one,’ I admit, the words bitter in my mouth.
‘I told her she was possessive and controlling for wanting to keep me here. I dismissed everything she had done for me, threw every sacrifice she ever made for me back in her face in one stupid, careless argument.’ I pause, blinking hard against the tears.
‘I said a lot of stuff I wish I hadn’t. I just wanted her to be happy for me.
And when she wasn’t… I was angry. Offended, even.
Can you believe that? Offended on his behalf. ’
‘You couldn’t have known how things would go.’
‘No.’
I wrap my arms around myself, trying to contain the ache that comes with my shame, my regret… all of it sharper with the clarity only hindsight can bring.
‘But I can’t take back what I said.’
As for the things she said to me…
‘You can apologise,’ he says. ‘Put it behind you.’
‘I’ve tried. I told her I’m sorry, but…’ I drag my teeth over my bottom lip, my eyes drifting to the water as I face my true fear.
‘I don’t know if we can ever get back to what we had.
We’ve barely spoken since. At first, I was just too upset.
Then, every time we did talk, she’d ask something – about him, or us – and it would spiral into another argument.
Eventually, it became easier not to talk at all. ’
My gaze falls to Lottie – all round cheeks, big smiles, and excited eyes. Thankfully, she takes after me in looks. Something else Danny managed to twist into a negative.
Three years, Taylor’s missed out on. Three years of her niece’s life that we can’t get back, because I let him dictate everything.
Do I really want her to miss out on any more?
‘He didn’t like how close Taylor and I were,’ I say automatically. ‘He said it wasn’t healthy. That it was some dysfunctional co-dependency that I had to cut off. And now… now I can’t see a way back.’
‘Of course there’s a way back,’ he insists. ‘You’re sisters, you’re blood, and you love each other. There will always be a way back.’
I swallow another surge of tears. If only it were that simple.
‘You just need to have a real conversation, no dancing around it; just be honest with each other and clear the air.’
‘Maybe,’ I murmur. ‘But it’s hard, you know? To get into that kind of talk when you always have to keep one eye on…’
I glance at Lottie again and he nods, saying nothing, but I sense his brain turning over, the intensity of his gaze behind his shades too. I wonder if he sees right through me. Sees my hesitation for what it is: excuses.
Because ultimately, I’m scared.
No matter how much Taylor fusses, I can’t help feeling like it all comes down to guilt. Obligation, not love.
Like, after everything I put her through, she still thinks I’m her responsibility. A duty to carry, not someone to care for.
When I called and said I needed help, she came running. Of course she did.
But she didn’t offer her own home as a place to crash.
She offered his. Theo’s.
And if that’s not a bad sign, I don’t know what is.
‘Why don’t you go for a drink together?’ Theo offers. ‘And I’ll watch Lottie.’
My mouth falls open. ‘You’re not serious.’
‘Why not?’
Because yesterday, I was pretty sure we were this close to getting evicted.
Today, he’s taking us out and offering to babysit.
It’s too kind, too considerate, too… just way too much.
‘I can’t ask you to do that.’
‘You’re not asking, I’m offering. Besides, I owe you, Sadie. You were there for me during the worst time of my life. Or do you think I’ve forgotten?’
‘I—’
I falter. I don’t know what to think. I know how I feel about that time. The bond we built, or the bond I thought we’d built, before the kiss that broke everything. The kiss I can’t forget, no matter how much I pray he has.
‘I thought you said I was a natural at all of this.’
I wet my lips. ‘I did but?—’
‘No buts. Just pick a night. Find out when Taylor’s free and talk. No excuses, no distractions. Clear the air before it festers any more. She loves you and she only wants what’s best for you.’
‘So… she handed me off to you?’
The tease slips out, tangled up in the truth.
My sister, asking her best friend to take us in instead of offering her own home.
Her best friend, who I’m half-convinced I have some kind of emotional PTSD over.
The same best friend who went from accusations of invasion to outings in the sun, and is now offering to babysit so I can patch things up with Taylor.
Is it any wonder my heart is spinning along with my head?
‘Yeah…’ He grins. ‘Her motives are without question. Her decision, less so.’
I give a breathy laugh. Maybe he does remember the kiss, after all. Gulp . ‘On that, we can agree.’
He cocks his head, and I feel the heat of his stare behind the shades. ‘Careful, Sadie,’ he murmurs, ‘I’ll start to think you don’t like living with me.’
My heart flutters. My laugh catches. ‘Ha.’
If only he knew the real reason why, he’d be the one running away this time, not me.
As for meeting up with Taylor… maybe he’s right. Maybe we do need a proper heart-to-heart.
I think back to the airport – the way Taylor held herself apart, stiff and guarded, while Lottie clung to my chest. The flicker of hurt in her eyes when she’d looked at my daughter – her niece – and saw, all at once, how much she’d missed out on.
Because of me. Because of what I did. What I let Danny do.
To be able to fix that. To heal it. To wrap her in a hug and tell her that I love her, that I want her in our life…
‘Treasure!’ Lottie shouts, her voice jarring me straight back into the present.
She’s pointing furiously at a delicate, white feather floating on the water.
‘We get it! Get it!’
‘Aye aye, Pirate Captain!’ Theo answers, dipping the oar with exaggerated care and scooping it up like some precious cargo as Lottie squeals her delight, bobbing in his lap.
I laugh at the scene they make – Lottie babbling over her treasure while Theo nods solemnly, playing along – a warmth blooming in my chest. And for a second, just a second, the weight lifts. The ache recedes. And I can almost forget everything that’s brought us to this point now.
But the past never stays buried for long…
An hour later, we’re back on land. The scent of sunscreen and sun-warmed grass fills the air, but the ease of the lake feels like a distant memory already. Almost like a dream. And my heart does that thing again – tightening without warning, my chest following suit.
I scan the park, eyes sweeping the shadows, hunting for something or someone I hope isn’t there. But there’s nothing. Just people laughing, sprawled on blankets, playing with dogs… It’s one of those golden summer days when the world insists on being alive and I want to be here for it. I really do.
‘We can take the picnic back home to eat,’ Theo says, his eyes fixed on me – seeing everything I wish I could hide. Reading it, absorbing it, wanting to fix it.
Even though I’m not his to fix.
And I don’t know what to do with that.
I’m used to a man seeing me as a problem.
But a problem worth fixing? That’s new.
And somehow, it’s enough to steady me. Enough to make me want to try at least.
‘No,’ I say, reaching for his hand without thinking. His fingers twitch in mine, his surprise as plain as my own. But I don’t let go. ‘We should stay.’
‘You’re sure?’
His thumb caresses the back of my hand, and a shiver stirs beneath my skin. Not the kind that warns. The kind that longs for more. Not that I should. Not that I can stop it either.
‘Yes,’ I breathe.
He gives a slow nod. ‘All right. Let’s try the rose garden. It’s usually quieter there, and we can find some shade for this one, too.’ He gestures at Lottie, who’s leaning against my legs, her fingers back in her mouth, eyes wide as she takes everything in.
‘Sounds perfect,’ I say. Because this day, it’s for Lottie as much as it is for me. Maybe even more so.
I let him lead the way and Lottie quickly slips between us again, prising our hands apart so that she can fill them with her own.
I smile. ‘I think you’ve got a new best friend.’
He glances down at her bouncing curls, his grin making my heart take flight. ‘What can I say? I’m irresistible.’
Yeah, you are…
The thought ambushes me, and I look away before he can see it on my face.
Bad track record, remember?
If only I could tattoo it across his forehead…