Chapter 12 #2
She sucks in a breath and leans back slightly, hands settling gently on my shoulders as her glistening hazel eyes sweep over me.
‘You look amazing, Sadie. Truly. When I think of the state you were in at the airport a few weeks ago…’ She shakes her head, a soft sigh escaping. ‘I didn’t dare touch you.’
Is she saying that’s why she didn’t hug me?
‘You were so pale, clutching Lottie against you, twitching every time anyone got too close. Me included. But now, look at you. You’re glowing.’
Glowing?
A flustered laugh sticks in my throat. Because any extra colour in my cheeks has less to do with healing and more to do with Theo. The way he looked at me right before I left. The way he made me feel like his every want, every need…
‘This calls for champagne,’ she announces.
‘Champagne?’ The laugh spills out.
I shouldn’t be surprised. She probably drinks the good stuff for breakfast, lunch, and dinner these days. Whereas I barely drink at all.
She gestures to the bartender, who nods in silent understanding, then ushers me into a velvet booth tucked in the corner.
‘What are we celebrating?’ I ask.
‘You breaking free of Danny, of course.’
I stare across the booth at her, eyes locking, and the guilt rises, filling my chest until I can barely breathe. ‘I should’ve listened to you, Tay. You were trying to protect me, and I pushed you away. I hurt you. And I’m so, so sorry.’
She leans in and takes my hand, her eyes welling with mine. ‘Are you seriously apologising to me? After I let you walk away?’
‘Let me? I didn’t give you a choice.’
‘I had a choice. I had the means. I could’ve followed you. Tried harder to make you see him for the man he was.’
‘And you really think I would’ve listened?’
She studies me quietly for a long moment. ‘No, not back then. But after… I should have checked in on you. I should have flown over and seen you for myself. I should have done anything other than what I did… Nothing.’
‘Why would you after everything I said? After how I was… Not calling you, not… not…’ I sniff as a tear slips down my cheek, and I swipe it away. ‘I’m so ashamed.’
‘Hey…’ She squeezes my hand. ‘You were hurting. And you were protecting him. He’s the bad guy in all of this, not you.’
‘But I never should’ve said those things to you. It was cruel, unfair…’
‘It wasn’t totally unfair. There was some truth to it. You’d been my responsibility for so long that I struggled to cut the strings. I was overprotective. Suffocating, I believe you said.’
I flinch. ‘Don’t remind me.’
‘But I was, Sadie. Whether it was beauty school or Danny, I didn’t want you to go. And that was wrong. As for all that stuff about relationships, I’ll hold my hand up to it…’
‘No,’ I huff. ‘I had no business judging you for that.’
‘It doesn’t bother me.’ She gives a coy smile. ‘I own my sex life. I am all about the no-strings fun…’
I choke on a laugh. ‘Okay, sis, TMI.’
Because now she’s got me thinking about Theo and all the no-strings fun we could have…
I swiftly cross my legs beneath the table, squeezing them tight against the pulsing ache, too eager to wake.
‘But seriously…’ Her smile softens. ‘If I could go back and change how we left things, I would. If I could go back and see Danny off, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But I can’t. What I can do is be here for you now. For you and Lottie. I want to be a good sister. A good aunt. If you’ll let me.’
I smile through the tears. ‘You were always a good sister, and Lottie is the luckiest girl alive to have an aunt like you.’
She takes a shaky breath, eyes twitching to the right as the bartender approaches and she straightens up, pats my hand. ‘We’re definitely drinking to that.’
He pops the cork and fills our glasses discreetly before leaving us to it.
Taylor lifts her drink. ‘To sisters.’
‘Sisters,’ I echo, clinking my glass to hers, my smile filled with love for her and the knowledge that Theo was right. No matter what life throws at us, we’ll always find our way back to this, our bond that runs thicker than Dad’s blood ever could.
‘I’m not going to lie, though,’ Taylor says with a suspiciously sly look, ‘I’m a little disappointed.’
‘ Disappointed? ’ I cough over the champagne.
‘I was hoping there was more to this meeting than going over the past.’
‘More? Like what?’
‘I was hoping you were going to ask to come and live with me again.’
‘What?’
She shrugs. ‘I didn’t ask you before because I didn’t want to put that pressure on you when things were so…’ she licks her lips ‘…tenuous between us.’
‘That’s why you asked Theo?’
‘Who else? I wanted you to be with someone I trust… someone you trusted too. I knew you’d feel safe with him, and I wanted someone to keep an eye on you. Not suffocate you, you understand. More just… be there for you.’
So many feelings race through me as she speaks – relief, understanding, love – because everything she’s saying makes perfect sense… when you don’t know about kiss-gate .
Her eyes narrow. ‘I assume things are okay with Theo?’
‘Yes. Absolutely. Theo’s been great. He is great.’
She nods, though her eyes don’t ease up. Does she doubt it? Or does she know something I don’t? Or did my effusive response give too much away? Probably.
‘What’s wrong?’ I dare to ask.
‘Nothing’s wrong.’ She sips her fizz. ‘How can anything be wrong when I have my sister back?’
I smile and take a drink.
‘It’s just…’ she starts and my shoulders hitch, the bubbles sticking in my throat as she leans back in her seat. ‘As much as I love Theo, I’m sure you’re both ready to… you know.’
I frown. ‘No. I don’t know. Has he said something to you?’
I remember the conversation I overheard the day he took us to Hyde Park. Had there been more conversations like that? My stomach sinks. Was there more to Theo’s desire for me to patch things up with Taylor? Despite how he’s made me feel, what he’s said, does he want me out?
‘What, no?’ She waves a dismissive hand, but I spy the flush creeping beneath her blusher. ‘Not really.’
‘ Taylor? ’
‘It’s more that it was a lot to ask of him, and now things are good between us, there’s no reason for you not to come live with me. It would be great to spend time with Lottie and?—’
‘I’ve only just got her settled into a routine though. And I’d like to give her the summer before uprooting her again.’
‘Sure. Of course.’
‘But if he does want us out?—’
‘No, it’s nothing like that. It’s more that he doesn’t really do living with people. He likes his space, his quiet… Like Lottie, he appreciates routine.’
I wrap an arm around my swirling stomach. ‘So, he does want me out?’
‘He hasn’t said that, no. I just know Theo and his track record, and I’m sure it can’t be easy for you living with him either. Maybe you’d relax more with me now.’
‘Track record?’ I give an awkward laugh. ‘You say that like he’s had a mum and her kid move in before…’
‘God, no. He had a fiancée, though. It all went a bit sour after she moved in. I think Katie scarred him for life. Of course, it’s different with you and Lottie, he’ll put you up for as long as you need, but I’d understand if you were ready to move on.’
‘A fiancée ?’ I say, failing to absorb the rest of my sister’s ramble. Did she just say, ‘put up with,’ or, ‘put you up’ and what the actual— ‘Theo was engaged ?’
‘You didn’t know?’
‘Why would I know?’ I say, trying to sound normal and failing.
‘Sorry, love. That was insensitive of me.’ She frowns, misreading my reaction as being down to my absence and not the emotional hit of Theo being that attached to another woman.
‘But yeah, they broke up about a year ago. She was nice enough, in her way. I mean, I couldn’t have lived with her, but still… ’
I want to laugh it all off. Say something clever. But I can’t. Because the idea of him almost being that man to someone else… it hurts .
And it shouldn’t. He’s not mine. He never was.
And I’m so done with love. Danny’s seen to that. Hell, Theo saw to it first.
But the way Theo looks at me… the way I feel when he’s near… the chemistry, the connection… I can’t deny it, and damn, maybe I shouldn’t.
Maybe I need to be more like Taylor and own what I want. The fun. Take what feels good while it lasts… and leave before it ruins me all over again.
* * *
Theo
When I emerge from Lottie’s room – having survived bath, book, bed – it’s to find my mother grinning like the cat that got the cream and the mouse. Only the cream is my chilled chardonnay and the mouse… yeah, you guessed it.
‘Need a top-up?’
She’s standing at the floor-to-ceiling windows, glass in hand, a vibrant pop of colour against the late-evening sun.
You wouldn’t think she was sixty next year.
Her hair’s scraped up into a messy bun, her summer dress more carefree hippy than grown-up chic, and her make-up looks as natural as the golden glow to her skin.
And she’s just endured the same hour I have, chasing after a racing Lottie without so much as breaking a sweat.
Wish I could say the same.
‘Please, darling.’
I head to the bar, pull the bottle from the chiller and she joins me, glass outstretched. I fill it and screw the lid back on. All the while, she’s watching me with open curiosity and I make a point of not meeting her eye.
‘Are you not going to join me?’
I want to, but…
‘I have a child in my care.’
And that’s just a cop-out. The real reason I won’t touch a drop is I want to be certain I have my wits about me when Sadie returns tonight. Because my God, that outfit, those boots, her body, that smile…
It’ll take everything in me to resist the urge that wants to pin her to the nearest surface and claim the promise I glimpsed in her eyes.
‘So you do… and it’s the best thing I’ve ever witnessed!’ She chuckles softly as I turn away to fill a glass with ice and water. ‘You know, you should think about taking them to Pembrokeshire. A little holiday might be just what you all need.’