Chapter 21 Willow
WILLOW
On Thursday evening, I dig through my wardrobe, trying to find something that will work for the party. I’ve never really been to something like this before, so I have no idea what people wear.
“Something nice, but not too fancy?” I mutter to myself, holding up a skirt and then ultimately rejecting it, tossing it on the bed.
I sort through my underwear drawer, looking for a pair that will make me feel confident, even though no one’s going to see them.
“That’s weird. I thought I washed that purple pair…”
They aren’t in the dresser drawer or my laundry basket, and I sigh and shrug internally. That’s the thing with communal laundry rooms. Sometimes something gets left behind and then you never see it again.
I pull on a pair of black panties instead and a matching bra, posing in front of the mirror and then rolling my eyes at myself.
The outfit I pick is slightly dressy, with a nice skirt and a long-sleeved shirt that clings to my curves a little more than most of my other shirts.
It covers my scars, but I think I still look nice.
It should be good enough that for one night I can pretend I’m just a regular college student and forget that I’m from a fucked up home with a hooker for an adoptive mother, scars on my body, and now three dangerous men who move in and out of my life like deadly shadows.
I just want to forget all of that for a little while.
I give myself a once-over in the mirror, brushing my hair until it looks a little wavy from the product I put in it, then fixing my makeup. I’m not some stunning supermodel, but I think I look pretty good.
The skirt swishes around my ankles when I walk, and the shirt is low cut enough to show off a little cleavage and none of my scars. I smile at my reflection, take a deep breath, and then head out to go catch the bus to take me to the party.
Colin said it was going to be held at one of the frat houses right off campus. I have to walk a little from the bus stop to get there, and I would be worried about walking alone at night, but I can hear the music from the party from a full three or four blocks away.
It would be impossible to miss this party or get the wrong house.
All the doors and windows are open, music blasting, and colored lights flashing randomly.
People spill out of the house onto the lawn, laughing and drinking.
Even from the outside, it’s clear the house is packed with people, and when the music changes to one of the popular pop songs that plays on the radio all the time, a huge cheer goes up from everyone inside.
It’s overwhelming, and I take a second to breathe and steady myself before I walk up the lawn to the door.
“You can do this,” I mutter to myself under my breath. “This is what people do.”
I don’t want to leave without at least seeing what it’s like. I’ve never been a big partier, especially since I don’t actually have many friends at school to invite me to parties.
So I’m determined to make the best of this one.
For a little while, I wander through the large house by myself, moving in and out of crowds of people.
There seem to be little pockets of activity, everyone having a good time in their own way.
Some people are dancing, some are playing cards around a table in the kitchen.
Two guys in nothing but shorts streak past me, chasing a girl in a soaking wet t-shirt while they hold water guns and they all laugh.
It’s a sensory overload, and I move to where a table is set up, piled high with drinks and snacks. I’m not really sure about most of the liquor on the table, so I grab a cup and fill it with beer, alternating between sipping at it and eating pretzels.
Someone bumps into me from behind, and I turn to see one of April’s friends.
The queen bitch herself is right behind the girl who bumped me, and April and I lock eyes. A look of surprise crosses her sharp features for a second before it melts into disgust.
“Ugh, I can’t believe you actually showed up tonight.” The disdain in her voice is clear even over the loud music. “Unless you just came for the free food. Couldn’t afford to go grocery shopping this week?”
Her friends all laugh at that, looking at me like I’m dog shit someone tracked in on their shoes or something.
Before I can toss out a comeback, someone slings an arm around my shoulder, pulling me in close. I catch the smell of beer and warm cologne, and turn my head to see Colin standing there.
“Come on, April,” he chastises. “Don’t be like that. We’re all just here to have a good time, right?”
April huffs and rolls her eyes before turning on her heel and leaving with her group.
“Sorry about her,” Colin says, lifting his arm from my shoulder and turning to face me more fully. “I was hoping I’d see you here tonight.”
“Well, I said I’d make it,” I tell him, trying for a smile. “And don’t worry about April. It’s not your job to teach her how to be a decent person.”
He tosses his head back with a laugh. “Damn, I’m so glad you came. I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. We used to bump into each other more on campus, but it feels like you’re barely around these days.”
A flash of guilt shoots through me when he says that. I’ve been so distracted lately with all the other stuff going on in my life that I haven’t had the presence of mind to say more than a couple of words to Colin here and there.
“I’ve just been really busy,” I say evasively. “Job hunting and trying to make sure I have time for homework and all.”
It’s a lie, of course, but there’s no way I can tell him about the guys and the chaos they’ve brought into my life.
“No worries,” Colin says. He smiles, and it makes his whole face light up. “You’re a serious girl. You take care of business, you know? I like that about you.”
My cheeks go a bit warm, and I reach up, awkwardly tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “Thanks. I feel like it just makes me boring.”
“Boring?” he counters, shaking his head. “No way. You’re like… mysterious. You’re always so focused and intent on whatever you’re doing. It makes me want to know what’s going on in that head of yours.”
“Nothing very interesting, I promise.”
“No way. I don’t believe that for a second.” He winks at me, then glances at the table behind me. “Let me get you a drink.”
I still have one in my hand, but I’m not going to turn him down.
I finish the shitty beer as Colin mixes some cocktails for us, feeling the sour taste of it at the back of my throat.
By the time I find somewhere to put the plastic cup down, he turns back to me with another drink in his hand.
This one tastes a whole lot better than the beer, fizzy and sweet, with only a slight burn from the alcohol.
A friend of Colin’s nods to him in greeting as he passes by, and although Colin nods back, he makes no move to leave my side. The rest of the party is loud and chaotic, but it feels like the two of us have our own little corner of it to ourselves, tucked away from it all.
We bop our heads to the music, and either the alcohol or the atmosphere loosens me up enough that I’m not so on edge anymore. Colin brings me another drink when I finish the first, chatting me up easily about everything from my favorite song to my favorite food.
“Spaghetti,” I tell him. “Or just pasta and sauce, I guess. It’s versatile and makes good leftovers.”
“Sure, I can see that,” he agrees. “There’s this great Italian place downtown that makes these massive stuffed shells. Angelina’s Kitchen. Have you been there?”
I shake my head, knowing full well that a place like that is probably way out of my price range. It’s clear from how Colin dresses and carries himself that he’s never had to worry about money in his life.
“Maybe I’ll take you one day,” he says, grinning at me again. “I bet you’d love it.”
“I’d like that,” I reply, smiling shyly.
I finish my third drink, and he leads me to the center of the room where a bunch of people are dancing. While I’m not a good dancer at all, I don’t let that stop me for once, just moving to the beat in a way that feels good. Colin twirls me around, and I find myself laughing giddily.
My head is spinning a little, half from the twirling and half from the alcohol. I don’t drink very often, so those three drinks hit me harder than they probably would for someone else. I stumble a little when he pulls me out of a spin, and he steadies me, tugging me in a little closer to his body.
“Do you want to get out of here?” he asks after a bit. He has to lean in close so I can hear him over the music, and I can feel his breath against my ear.
“Yeah!” I call back, nodding.
That’s what people do, right? They go to quiet places with guys they like? The party turned out to be more fun than I expected, and for as long as I can, I want to keep riding the high of feeling carefree and weightless. Of pretending that life is really this easy.
We leave the frat house, stepping out onto the lawn.
It’s scattered with cups and trash and people, but Colin doesn’t pay them any attention.
It’s like he only has eyes for me. He keeps an arm around me as we walk down the road, and I’m not afraid of the darkened street, because he’s there and the buzz of the alcohol feels so good.
After a few minutes, we step onto what looks like a golf course. The lawns are well-manicured and the lights are pretty, and there’s no one around.
After the loud chaos of the party, it’s nice to be here in the quiet.
“This is beautiful,” I murmur, glancing around.
“Yeah, it is. It’s the kind of place I like to come to when I want to clear my head, you know? There’s never anyone here after dark.”
“Must be nice to have it all to yourself.”
He grins. “Well, now I’m sharing it with you. You know, Willow… I’ve been into you for a while.”