Chapter 43 Malice
MALICE
Three days later, I’m up early, too agitated to sleep.
It feels strange to have stayed in this one place for several days, after being on the move so much.
This is the most I’ve ever traveled, the farthest from Detroit I’ve ever been.
Up until now, my brothers and I were content to stay put where we were.
We made a home and a name for ourselves in the city where we were born…
and now we’re about to cross the border into a whole new country.
Never really saw that coming.
But then again, I didn’t see Willow coming either.
She blew into our lives like a tornado with silky blonde hair and brown eyes like a doe, fierce and vulnerable and brave all at the same time. And she changed fucking everything, altering the dynamic of our little unit and writing herself into our very DNA.
We’ve prepared as much as possible for our entry into Mexico, and we all agreed last night that today is the day we’ll head to the border and try to cross.
Everyone else is still asleep, and despite the urge I had to rouse them from bed so we could get moving already, I decided to give them a few more minutes of rest. So the RV is quiet as I stand by the window and stare out of it, lost in thought.
Willow has spent the last few days practicing on her bike with Ransom, and she’s getting good. When I talked to him last night, he said that she’s solid enough on the basics to be safe riding on her own, and to pass as a biker, not drawing attention to herself.
That’s the most important part of this.
All of us have to blend in. There can’t be a single thing about us that stands out or draws attention.
Vic has spent every single moment of the past few days getting ready for the crossing—doing research, learning which lines we should get in at the border, what time of day to go to have agents who will be less sharp, less likely to put in the effort of scrutinizing us too closely.
He’s even done a couple things that might help throw Olivia off our trail too, manipulating surveillance footage in a completely different city to make it look like we headed west after leaving Oklahoma City instead of south.
If that works, it’ll send Olivia on a wild goose chase and give us more time.
We’re so damn close. Everything is done except for the physical crossing, and that’s the biggest part.
Realistically, I know we’re as prepared as we can be, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling antsy as fuck.
I look around the RV as dim sunlight creeps through the window. Willow is breathing softly with her head on Vic’s chest on the couch. Ransom is on the pull down bed, sprawled out under the scratchy as fuck blanket that came with it.
The sight of Vic cuddling with Willow is one I never thought I would see, and it makes something squeeze in my chest. It’s a soft emotion, one I’ve only ever felt when it comes to the three people in this little shithole of an RV.
I turn away, looking out the window as the sun starts to rise.
In quiet times like this, I can’t help but think of our mom. She liked to get up before dawn too when she had the time, even if she’d had a long shift the night before.
I remember coming downstairs to see her standing in the kitchen with a cup of tea in her hand, reading one of those romance novels she loved so much.
It was probably one of the only moments of peace she got, being a mom and a nurse and dealing with our shitbag dad all the time.
I never wanted to disturb her, so I’d just stand on the stairs and watch the way the morning sun slowly started to fill the little kitchen, spilling light around her until she finally put her book aside and stood up.
As usual, there’s a pang in my chest that comes from thinking about her, and I unconsciously rub the tattoo on my arm that bears her name. It still fucking kills me that I wasn’t there to protect her.
I’ll protect them though, I silently promise her spirit. Ransom and Vic. I’ll keep them safe. We just need to get through today.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to calm the jangle of nerves in my chest.
My thoughts are churning so loudly in my head that I don’t even notice that Willow is awake until she steps up behind me, wrapping her arms around me from behind.
I tense for just a second, then relax, and Willow rests her forehead against my back, her hands splaying over my chest and stomach. I close my eyes, leaning into her touch. As always, I crave it, soaking it up like some sort of drug I can no longer live without.
“I thought you were asleep,” I tell her, keeping my voice low.
“Yeah, I was,” she murmurs back. “How long have you been up?”
I shrug. “A while.”
There’s a moment of silence, and it’s surprisingly comfortable. After everything we’ve been through in the last few weeks, it’s strange to have this moment of peace between us. Everyone else asleep, just the two of us standing together as the sun comes up.
After a while, I turn in her arms, wanting to see her face.
Even though it’s early, she looks rested enough.
Her pale features are smooth, and the morning light catches on the strands of dark hair that I’m still getting used to seeing.
She gazes back at me, searching my face, and I don’t try to hide what I’m feeling from her.
After coming this far, there’s really no point, and I don’t want to hide anything from this woman.
Willow reaches up, tracing the lines of my face with one gentle finger. “You’re worried.”
I just shrug again, because I don’t think she needs to hear me confirm it with words.
“It’s always you, isn’t it?” she murmurs.
“What do you mean? Always me what?”
She bites her lip, like she’s trying to figure out how to answer before she speaks. “Always you who has to protect people. Who takes all of it on your shoulders. You’re the glue that holds your brothers together.”
I blink at her, caught off guard. It’s not what I was expecting to hear, and I don’t even really know how to respond. She keeps watching me, and I know she’s taking in every shift of my expression, trying to suss out what I’m feeling.
It should be uncomfortable, or at the very least fucking invasive, being scrutinized like this.
But it’s Willow, so it’s not.
“We all need each other,” I tell her finally. “We’re a team. A family.”
She nods, agreeing with that. “I know. And I love how you take care of each other. But you’re the head of that family. The natural leader. Even Vic looks up to you, and you’re basically the same age. You’re the one they turn to when they’re unsure, the one they’d follow anywhere.”
“I’m not sure I’m up to it,” I admit, my throat tightening. “I’m not sure I can keep them safe. And if I can’t, then I don’t deserve this role.”
“Yes, you do,” Willow argues gently. “You’ve been keeping them safe, Malice. You went to prison so they wouldn’t have to. You were about to get arrested again the other day, and you told us all to run.”
“Yeah, I remember that.” I narrow my eyes. “I also remember you starting a bar fight.”
Her eyes flash, the hint of a smile tugging at her plush lips. “And I remember you getting mad at me for that. Because you wanted to protect us. You’re good at protecting us,” she insists. “And we believe in you.”
I swallow hard, hit hard by the fierce devotion she’s offering.
Of anyone I know, she has plenty of reasons to not want to follow me.
I’m not infallible, and I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life.
Hell, I was ready to kill Willow for being a witness to our takedown of Nikolai Petrov before Ransom stopped me.
But here she is, offering me her trust, giving me the strength to get through this shit because she believes in me.
My arms tighten around her suddenly, crushing her lithe body against mine as I bury my face in her hair.
I know I’m probably holding her too hard, and it can’t be comfortable for her—but still, somehow, it’s not enough.
I hate every single barrier that keeps us apart.
My clothes, her clothes, the tiny atoms of space that exist between us.
Emotions well up in me, and I feel like I’m choking on them for a second before they take over, almost as natural as breathing. I open my mouth, and the words spill out before I even realize I’m about to say them.
“I fucking love you, Solnyshka.”
Willow stiffens.
She pushes against my chest, squirming out of my grip, and when I release her, she leans back and stares up at me. Her eyes are wide, her jaw hanging slack, and she blinks several times, not saying anything.
When she’s silent for almost a full minute, I clench my jaw, trying to rein the emotions in.
Maybe I shouldn’t have said it.
At least not now, when everything is so fucking uncertain.
“You don’t have to say it back,” I mutter, looking away from her.
“No, I—” She reaches up to rest her fingers on my jaw, turning me back to face her. Her voice is barely more than a whisper as she breathes, “I… love you too.”
It knocks the wind out of me. Her voice is soft, but those four words hit me like a blow to the chest, and I kind of understand now why it took her a minute to respond when I said them to her. I feel like the world just shifted around me, like the man I was a second ago isn’t the man I am now.
Because Willow Hayes loves me.
“Yeah?” I rasp, searching her face.
She nods, her head bobbing quickly as she sucks in a breath. “Oh, fuck yes.”
I pull her against me again, kissing the fuck out of her.
It’s probably too hard, just like the way I held her before, but Willow meets my tongue stroke for stroke, the fire inside her rising up to match the inferno in me.
When we finally break apart, her lips are swollen and pink, and it’s a good fucking look on her.
“I didn’t believe in love for a long time,” I admit in a low voice, brushing my thumb over her bottom lip just because I can.
“Or attachments. I had my family, and after we lost Mom… I knew how much there was to lose when you gave a shit about someone. I thought loving anyone other than my brothers would be a weakness.”
Willow grimaces, her face scrunching up a bit. “Well, I mean, look at how much you’ve lost since I came into your lives. How much you’ve had to give up. Maybe you weren’t wrong, and it is a weakness.”
She looks sad to be saying it, and I shake my head, smiling at her, fierce and possessive.
“No fucking way. There’s no way you could ever be a weakness, Solnyshka. You’re my greatest strength.”
She blinks, and for a second, it looks like she’s about to cry.
But then she goes up onto her toes, and I cup her face in both hands so I can kiss her again.
She makes a soft sound against my lips, and it heats my blood.
Without even really thinking about it, I back her up to the wall, pinning her there with my body, still devouring her mouth with everything I’ve got.
All I want in this moment is to fuck her against this wall. To make her fall apart for me. To make her scream that she loves me as her pussy takes my cock and my cum.
But we don’t have time for that.
Reluctantly, I pull back, smiling in satisfaction at the wide eyed, flushed look on her face.
“Alright,” I grunt. “Let’s get this fucking day over with.”
Willow nods, determination clear in the set of her mouth and the way she holds her shoulders.
“Okay,” she agrees, and together, we go to wake my brothers.