Chapter 10
In one night, Thor and I were sharing a bed…
The rules we established were very simple.
Do not cross this imaginary line.
Do not invade my space.
Do not go beyond it.
Do not touch, not even graze.
I know, redundant.
I wanted the message to be as clear as a spotlight.
… Then, one morning, we woke up close and I couldn’t blame him.
It was natural that we ended up drifting together in the middle of the night, though I was certain I hadn’t moved toward him at any point.
I was too tense and paranoid to commit such a colossal slip.
I ran. Another morning, Thor was holding me, his protective arm around my waist, his breath blowing over my nape, the good sensation seducing me to snuggle better against him.
Another, he went further, one of his legs tangled with mine, our bodies fitting together perfectly.
He wasn’t hiding his morning erection. Once again, I distanced myself.
But the next times, I took longer to run until I was staying and secretly appreciating it up to the limit of pretending. Neither of us said anything. No damage.
But then, what belonged to the mornings, where we could lean on the not-so-flimsy excuse of sleep, became part of our nights too.
I don’t really know how it started and much less how I allowed us to get to this. I also wasn’t looking for answers or excuses. I simply didn’t think.
I wasn’t refusing, speaking, or cursing.
I was staying.
Worse, accepting.
Having Thor here did things to me, awakened others.
I hadn’t given myself pleasure since I’d stepped foot in Italy.
I hadn’t even had the headspace to think about sex.
I’m not saying I didn’t miss it or that I became asexual.
It’s just that I directed my focus to being the mother Lucca needed me to be, and with that, I neglected my needs…
until Thor reappeared and shook them awake.
Thor, each night, made me more and more aware of how much I missed being touched, desired… how much I needed to be kissed… held…
He made it impossible to ignore my lust.
He made me need him.
Thor left me wanting more. Needy. Hungry.
Like the other nights, he lay down wearing only underwear, as he had in the living room, as he always had…
My heart raced at the movement of the mattress.
Thor leaned closer, and his scent invaded me.
I inhaled deeply, affected by the strong masculine scent, and exhaled as softly as I could, yet the breath was so shocking in the silence that it seemed to echo through the room.
I should have been running, saying no. His head approached, warm breath spreading heat over my neck as the large hand fell to my hip and stayed there, still, heavy, hot.
The shock of his touch always paralyzed me.
That bastard messed me up, and I couldn’t pull myself together quickly enough to save myself from his unfair persuasion.
Do not get comfortable.
My body ignited, slowly, painfully.
God, I loved the weight of his hand on me!
The intoxicating sensation of his powerful body covering me…
Stop now.
I pulsed between my legs, the deep ache tormenting my pussy when his hips scraped against mine only to press hard.
He didn’t move. I burned against his firm chest pressed to my back, the scalding heat emanating from his body to mine leaving me wet with a speed that should have scared me.
I closed my fingers in the sheet, giving everything I had to control my impulses and my breathing…
Run. Stop this right now.
Thor knew I was awake. He always knew. But we always acted as if nothing had happened. The moment began and ended in bed. This was our field of consensual torture. It was madness, very wrong. Even so… I wanted him to seduce me… wanted him to try while we pretended…
For the last ten minutes, I stayed still with my heart beating hard.
Waiting… waiting… waiting…
The room thickened with the sexual tension buzzing around us.
Thor breathed me in, slowly brushing his nose over my neck.
I closed my eyes, almost panting in anticipation.
His breathing was regular. Every movement in him calculated and sure.
I hated that he looked this way, controlled and calm, as if I didn’t affect him the same way, even though I could feel in him the hiss of desperation to dare more and take this, or maybe it was only my own desperation.
I hated being seduced by his touch, by the delicious sensation of his cock thickening, full and hard, growing behind me.
I hated the desire burning in my guts, hoping he would dare more by sliding his hand from my hip to between my legs, to that sensitive, aching spot.
I wanted to look at him and drink in the sight of his beautiful body… see his penis grow with his desire for me… see him touch himself and possess me…
His tongue ran over my skin, causing an uncontrollable shiver.
Thor pushed, light pressure, testing.
I almost came undone.
He pushed again, firmer, and we both breathed deeply.
Then he began to rock against me with heavy, firm movements… rubbing… thrusting… increasing… the hand on my hip tightened…
My body trembled as anxiety rippled through my insides, pricking my skin. My entire pussy ached. Getting wetter and wetter.
I only wanted to push back.
Bend my neck to have more of his mouth scraping my skin.
Move my body, arching in offering.
I wanted more. Needed more.
The desperation to be touched on every inch of my body, kissed into oblivion until my lips were sore and swollen, ate me alive.
The oppressive need to be filled and fucked every possible way, hard and wild, slow and gentle, was turning my brain to mush, weakening my resistance.
Undoing my sanity. He was turning me into putty.
Thor was going to turn me inside out!
His breathing grew heavier, a whip of sensations on my skin as he rocked harder, then stronger, faster… intensifying the pressure…
Thor worked his hips in a maddening way.
Moans filled my throat, and I clenched my teeth.
He was hard, deliciously thick and big.
Please. Please.
I could barely contain my body’s involuntary movements.
Sweating.
Aching with want.
Wet lips pressed kisses along the side of my neck.
I lifted my ass, unable to contain myself, my mouth pressed into the pillow, muffling the moans that insisted on escaping and my heavy gasps.
Thor thrust with more vigor, grinding for real.
Panting.
Sick.
Full of lust.
Throbbing.
The delicious friction made the coarse hair of his legs brush against the softness of my smooth ones. It teased my nerves. The sensation… OH, God, so good!
Please.
If only he could hear my thoughts.
He pushed… pushed… Swiveled…
More.
Please.
Do more.
Faster.
I began to plead in my mind, begging for it to be so powerful it could reach his and give me what I wanted, but forbade myself to ask for out loud.
Dying for him to break the limits.
His fingers marked my flesh, his teeth scraped.
The bed creaked beneath us with every rough movement.
We could give each other this and pretend… I wanted to pretend.
I wanted him inside me. Filling me completely.
I wanted to be eaten, devoured.
We didn’t need to undress completely…
Pull my panties aside.
Open me. Penetrate me.
Fuck me.
Faster.
Make me scream.
Force me.
Let me feel.
Deep.
Hard.
More and more… Fuck!
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Please.
A thrill of excitement crossed through me, and I bit my lip, savoring the sensation. Tears bordered my eyes, the pressure so strong in my body, my head, my heart.
Fuck. I only wanted him to dare more, to make me fight him and have him win, sliding deep inside me, pounding hard until I screamed his name.
I wanted the fight, the pretense, the yes I kept hiding behind no.
I wanted his strength, his punishment, his domination.
I wanted to be his possession.
I wanted his damned teasing cock punishing my pussy.
Please.
Shove it all into me.
Make me scream for it.
I want everything. I want nothing.
Love me. Fuck me.
Want me.
I love you. I hate you.
I thought we would die, or I would lose the last shred of dignity I had left and demand that he mount me until he couldn’t anymore… Thor stopped.
My heart beat too hard, too loud. In my ears. Every pulse was a mini earthquake spreading tremors over my skin. I could feel Thor’s against my back, his breathing heavy, his delicious cock throbbing against my ass.
I was in pain. Full of vicious lust. Needing him.
Because, maledetto, I hated it, but I only wanted him.
This powerful sexual chemistry existed only with him.
We stayed still. Our breathing, loud and broken, coming fast.
Without a word, Thor got out of bed, then I heard the shower turn on.
How could I blame him when part of me yearned for the nights?
When I lay with my back to him, wearing tiny panties and short nightgowns to make contact easier and have as much of him as possible without breaking my dignity?
On some level, hoping he would burst through every limit and force himself on me?
Counting the seconds until Thor approached and held me, and tempted me so much we would sweat and pant when we reached the limit of what we could bear?
Or when my head spun with a heavy pressure of desire that made me dizzy from how much I wanted him?
And my eyes filled with tears because all of this was too much to bear?
He did this to me.
He made me want him like this.
He made me ache physically and emotionally.
Thor was my drug. My poison. My addiction…
… Maybe my death…
I truly hated this ambivalence.
Unable to sleep, I shoved the sheet down and touched myself until I a powerful orgasm tore through me that tore through me. My body twisted, lifting off the bed, and I bit my arm so I wouldn’t wake Lucca. Worse, so Thor wouldn’t hear what he had done to me.
It eased the ache a little, but I wanted more. So much more.
I pulled my slick fingers away, sweaty and sticky. Suddenly irritated.
Shit, I couldn’t sleep like this.
Thor entered the bedroom and looked at me.
I had no way to pretend I was asleep. The room was dim, but his gaze on me was too intense, as if he knew exactly what I had done.
I swallowed hard, hating the flush in my cheeks.
“You…” He came at me in an explosion of lust, bent one knee onto the bed, his hand firm around my wrist. Thor sucked my fingers into his mouth. Desire flared inside me, twisting my pussy with envy.
The sexual tension made me lazy, my chest heavy.
I wanted to grab his head and force him into my mouth, then mount him hard.
Thor cursed against my hand, the rough grunt sounding as tormented as I felt. He released my wrist. His black gaze fixed on mine, pulling me deeper into his spell. Shining with repressed emotion, it mirrored mine.
“We can’t keep doing this, Ella.”
I didn’t speak because I didn’t trust myself.
Recognition flickered, love burned, and a profound sadness weighed on us.
Thor lay down and breathed deeply.
“It’s killing us, baby.”