Chapter 4
FOUR
LUKAS
Falling into step next to Eugene, I gave him a pointed look. Eugene and I had met years ago when he’d been looking for more creative ways to ruffle his family’s feathers.
Our friendship had been an odd one at first. A man from a wealthy background and a guy like me who’d gone from a rough upbringing straight into the world of adult film. I’d said as much to him once, and he’d told me that wealth just gave bad parents more expensive ways to fuck you over.
“Your husband is a bit of a shit sometimes. You know that, don’t you?” Not telling Sawyer what I did for a living had blindsided us both. I’d been operating under the assumption that he knew what I did, and he’d been thinking I acted in commercials or some kind of off Broadway theater or something.
Eugene glanced at me, his eyes full of mirth. “I’m a good influence. What can I say?”
“He didn’t tell Sawyer what kind of acting I did.” I dodged people on the street. Eugene and I met at least once a month for lunch, and I followed him into one of our usual haunts.
He said nothing until we were seated at a table near the back where it was quieter. “Did he leave when he found out?”
“No.” I leaned back in the chair and crossed my arms over my chest. “But I could tell he was taken by surprise and a bit uncomfortable.” And as if I hadn’t found him attractive before, the way he blushed really did it for me.
It wasn’t that I had a thing for the shy type, but Sawyer had that whole studious, boy-next-door look going on with his blond hair and eyes like dark caramel.
Eugene cracked up, but I failed to see what was so funny. When he was done laughing, he gave me his serious Eugene face. The one he probably used on Joe but wouldn’t dare to even attempt on Thurston.
“Sawyer is a good guy. A bit repressed. A lot shy about certain things. Personally, I wouldn’t have chosen him for this just because he turns eight shades of crimson when I kiss Joe and then Thurston in front of him.
But Thurston is convinced that Sawyer is the right one for the job, and I trust him.
” His face softened into something almost wistful, but it was gone before I got too close of a look at how gone he was for his husbands.
Though it was Thurston and Joe who had legally married, they considered all three of them husbands.
“I wish he’d known ahead of time, though. It almost would have been easier if he’d recognized me.”
“Would it, though?” Eugene let me stew on that comment while the server came and took our order. He always ordered too much so he could take some home to Joe and pretend that he did it by accident.
When the server stepped away again, leaving our drinks behind and promising to be back with our food soon, Eugene looked at me and started again.
“We all know how well it went before when people knew who you were. They were either turned off or turned on. Sawyer got a chance to get invested in the project…” He paused and leaned forward.
“In person, before he learned what kind of acting you did. That’s not a bad thing. ”
“It wasn’t nice to spring it on him.”
“Fuck nice. It worked, didn’t it?” Eugene’s smile was wide, and he looked far too smug for my liking.
“It was your idea to not warn him beforehand, wasn’t it?”
“Thurston be deceitful all on his own? Never. I told you, I’m a good influence. Sawyer kept the job, didn’t he?”
My shoulders sagged, and I let the tension bleed out. “Yeah, he didn’t cancel the contract. We discussed different ways to approach the book while Lara laid at his feet and got his pants covered in dog hair.”
“If anyone ever needed a dog, it’s that kid.” Eugene’s brow furrowed. “I don’t know his family personally, but I know enough about them to know what it’s like to be in his shoes.”
Eugene made no secret of the fact that his family was full of rich, judgmental assholes who put a lot of pressure on themselves, and everyone around them, to succeed. And success didn’t matter if you weren’t the exact way they wanted you to be.
“Doesn’t anyone come from a normal fucking family? You know, parents who give a shit. White picket fence. Maybe a cat or a dog or some shit. Family vacations in the summer.”
He only shrugged. “What is normal?”
“I’ll kick your shins if you get all philosophical on me. You know what I mean. Don’t tell me you don’t believe in the happy family?”
“Oh, happy families exist, but a lot of them don’t look like the two-point-five kids with the dog and a boat in the driveway and vacations every summer. My family is Thurston and Joe. And sometimes I have lunch with an annoying guy who’s like a brother to me.”
“Shut up, Eugene.”
“See? Annoying, just like a brother would be. Who’s your family, Lukas? Besides me, you're dashing, only slightly older brother.”
“My best friend. My dog.” I rolled my eyes. “And this pain-in-the-ass guy who thinks he knows everything.”
“Relatives come and go, but family is always there.” He reached for his drink and flashed me a smile.
“Look, I’m sorry I convinced Thurston not to tell Sawyer, and I’m sorry we also blindsided you, but I really wanted this to work, and I thought it would be better if he eased into the project first and then found out. ”
“And your reasoning for not telling me this?”
Eugene grinned at me. “Oh, that’s easy. It was fun. Besides, you’d have gotten all weird waiting for him to put the pieces together, or you’d have told him yourself.” He rolled his eyes. “Everyone is so disgustingly honest.”
“Thanks. I think.” Now that the issue of Sawyer and the subterfuge had been settled, I asked Eugene the same question I asked at almost every lunch we shared just to fuck with him. “So when are you going to let me shoot the three of you? I told you it doesn’t have to be published or put online.”
“Joey will never be comfortable with the idea, and Daddy would rather sit on hot coals than bare his ass on camera. Besides, he’s not the only one who’s protective of Joey.”
Eugene flashed me a look that was probably meant to be intimidating, but I didn’t care. He knew I wasn’t really serious. I just liked fucking with him.
I remembered the way Sawyer had turned red from the tips of his ears to his cheeks and down his neck, when he found out I was a porn star. “Please tell me you’ve called Thurston ‘Daddy’ in front of Sawyer.”
“I’m not supposed to, but sometimes it slips.” Eugene wore an expression of victorious mischief. He was a brat, through and through. “It’s harmless. For him, anyway. And it earns me a good wallop from Daddy.”
Our food arrived then, with a dubious look from the server, which pleased Eugene to no end. The man had no shame about what he liked and who he loved.
Once the server scuttled away, I leaned closer. “You’re a menace to society, Eugene.”
“Thank you.”
“I should be mad at you and your husband for meddling.”
“But you’re not and you won’t be because you were never mad. Annoyed isn’t mad. Grateful isn’t mad. Relieved isn’t mad.” He flashed me another one of his winsome smiles. “You’re welcome, Lukas.”
“I suppose it isn’t all bad that you didn’t warn him up front. And to be fair to him, he did take it in stride. He was surprised, but thankfully not disgusted—or elated. Which would have also been uncomfortable.”
“Are you still scarred from the superfan with the English degree who wanted to act out the scenes so he could get a better feel for them?”
God, that had been something else. I thought I’d lucked out at first. A fan with a degree, who was passionate about the project. Until I found out he was a little too passionate.
“And the one who wanted to do a watch party for all my old material so I could talk him through everything. I almost prefer either of those to the ones who ghosted when they found out what I do.”
“Fuck all of them. Sawyer is a good kid. He won’t be creepy or inappropriate, which is why Thurston picked him.
Truthfully, we might have been able to get away with telling him first, but then he wouldn’t have been as comfortable at your first meeting, and I felt that it was important for the two of you to establish even a sliver of rapport before springing the whole we’re going to spend copious amounts of time talking about my dick part of the job. ”
“Well, when you put it like that.” I rolled my eyes. “I suppose I should say thank you.”
“Your gratitude is inspiring. Truly,” he deadpanned. “I still think you could write the book yourself. No one knows better than you what you’ve gone through and the kind of things you want to convey.”
“I’d rather not.” Eventually the truth would come out.
Hell, I’d have to talk about it with Sawyer sooner or later.
I still wasn’t quite ready to rip off the Band-Aid and tell Eugene that the reason I needed a ghostwriter was that I was dyslexic.
Reading was painfully slow for me, and you could forget about me writing anything.
It wasn’t going to happen. Maybe if I’d had a parent who’d been concerned about my wellbeing, even the slightest amount, I might have gotten the help I’d needed when I was younger. But I’d managed this long on my own.
I had a lot of regrets, but I loved my life and was proud of how far I’d come.
I never felt a lick of shame for the things I’d done and the shit I’d gone through.
But, sometimes, the fact that it took me at least twenty minutes to read a single page of text kicked the feet out from under me.
I wasn’t a stupid man, but I was keenly aware of how critical I was of myself when it came to my academic capabilities.
“It’s not for everyone. That’s for sure. Besides, outsourcing leaves more time for you to make that video I’ve been begging for.”
I shook my head. “I’ve made so many of your ideas already, Eugene. The mechanic one. The one with the lifeguards and the guy who almost drowned and wanted to show his appreciation.”
Eugene looked like the cat who ate the canary. “That was a good one. So you’ll do it, right?”
“I make no promises.”
“You’ll do it.” He nodded, far too pleased with himself.
He wasn’t wrong.