Chapter 26
TWENTY-SIX
LUKAS
After a prolonged, if somewhat lazy, post-orgasm make-out session, Sawyer and I decided our bodies were too old to keep lying on the floor. The blanket fort was dismantled, the couch put back together and soon we were redressed and everything looked like nothing had ever happened.
It didn’t feel that way, though. There was a new kind of energy between us. One that was comfortable and hungry. The intimacy we shared had unlocked something between us, something that compelled me to reach for Sawyer, to pull him into my arms and kiss him over and over again.
It took forever to get the cake put away because I was all hands, greedy for the feeling of his body under my touch. I helped him clean up the wrapping paper mess, a bittersweet activity.
“This was probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, you know,” I told him over dinner later. We’d ordered pizza, which he insisted was classic sleepover food, and ate it in the living room while we ignored another Jurassic Park movie in favor of talking. “There’s just one problem.”
“What?” Sawyer looked worried, the little furrows between his eyebrows deepening.
“I didn’t plan on sleeping over. I have no pajamas.” I watched Sawyer’s cheeks turn pink.
“Well, we could sleep without them. You know, for science.”
“Pretty sure that’s not standard sleepover attire.”
He shrugged and dipped his crust in the little cup of cheese sauce. “Pretty sure it’s your sleepover, your rules.”
“I also don’t have a toothbrush.”
Another shrug. “I have spares.”
“Well, then I guess the only thing left is for us to get to the sleeping arrangements. I’m not sure I could handle a night on the floor.” I smirked at Sawyer and the way he blushed, but also rolled his eyes. It was fun to tease him, and he played along so well.
“The bed is big enough for both of us. I’ll be nice and let you sleep under the covers, and I’ll sleep on top.”
“Oh, you think you want to be on top, do you?”
Sawyer’s jaw dropped, and his face turned the shade of a ripe tomato. “I didn’t mean—” He let out a sigh. “I walked right into that one.”
“You did.” Setting my pizza aside, I slid closer to him. I didn’t want food or movies or anything else but to be with him. “But, for what it’s worth, you can be on top anytime you want.”
Sawyer reached up and put his hands to his cheeks like he could hide his embarrassment with them.
“Let’s go to bed, Sawyer.” It was still early, but I didn’t care and neither did he.
I wanted to bask in as much of his attention as I could.
Things were already different between us.
Our connection deeper than before. I’d never felt for anyone the way I did for Sawyer.
And though I wasn’t quite ready to admit that out loud, I knew it was the truth.
I’d found something special with him, and I would fight like hell to keep it.
Sawyer nodded and got to his feet. I helped him put the pizza away, we turned out the lights, and he led me through the house to his room. On the way, we passed what had to be his office. The light was off, but I could see stacks of books on a desk and a familiar-looking laptop.
“It’s a disaster in there.” Sawyer tugged me down the hall to the next room, which was much less of a disaster, but still not the neat-as-a-pin room I’d secretly expected.
The covers were rumpled and unmade, and a chair in the corner of the room held a stack of not dirty but not clean clothes. “It’s only a little better in here.”
“My early arrival threw a monkey wrench into your schedule.”
Sawyer looked a little less embarrassed. “You could say that.”
Yanking my shirt off over my head, I dropped it on the floor and held Sawyer’s gaze as I reached for the fly of my pants. “It’s a good thing I came to see you and not to inspect your house.”
“I wanted everything to be perfect.”
“It was. It is.” Forgetting about my own clothes for a second, I closed the distance between Sawyer and rucked his shirt up, then over his head and let it join mine in a pile on the floor.
“Not only,” I began, working the button of his pants loose.
“Am I used to being around men of varying levels of capability when it comes to picking up after themselves, but I also don’t care.
No one has ever done for me what you have.
” It wasn’t quite the confession it could have been, but it was close enough for now.
Letting my hands drift back to my own pants, I opened my fly and shoved pants and all down to my ankles, then stepped out of them.
“I worried that it was too much. Too over the top.”
“It was just the right amount of over the top. You’re really good at this dating thing.”
That earned me a bright, if lopsided, smile. “I try.”
I closed the distance between us, cradled his face in my hands, and swept in with a kiss. It danced over his lips, and I teased my tongue into his mouth before pulling away. He swayed toward me when I did.
“Get in bed, Sawyer.” I released him then glanced at the bed, deducing that he slept on the left side, judging from the stack of books on the nightstand.
I climbed in on the right and stretched out on my back.
Folding my arms behind my head, I looked at Sawyer standing there still half-dressed. “Well?”
My voice kicked him into action, and he shimmied out of his pants, hit the lights, then climbed into bed.
The minute he was next to me, I reached for him and pulled him close, making him squeak in surprise.
“Shhh,” he said, stifling a laugh. “My parents will hear us.”
I dropped my voice to a whisper. Leaned in and ghosted my lips against his in a feather-light kiss.
“Then we’ll have to be very, very quiet.
” I slid my hand down his back, relishing in the way he arched into me.
Sawyer sucked in a breath when my hand drifted lower, my fingers teasing the crack of his ass.
I muffled one of his needy moans with a kiss.
“Shhh,” I reminded him, my dick more than happy about the game we were playing.
Staying quiet might have been a game, a naughty little role play not unlike other games I’d played in the past or scenes I’d filmed, but nothing about the way Sawyer made me feel was a game I was playing or a role I was putting on.
With him, I was more myself than I’d been with anyone else.
He didn’t expect me to be a certain way, to kiss or touch or talk a certain way.
To act or to perform even when the cameras weren’t rolling.
When I’d been young and first on the scene, I’d easily confused sex and affection as something more meaningful.
Learning that not everyone who was willing to fuck you even liked you had been a tough lesson.
Learning that not everyone who said they loved you was telling the truth had been a harder one.
I’d learned a lot of lessons the hard way, but I’d do it all over again if I ended up here—with him.
It had taken me years to separate sex and intimacy, not realizing that the two weren’t mutually inclusive. No longer the naive youth I’d once been, I recognized the treasure I had in my arms.
Sawyer wriggled closer, sliding his arms around me.
We kissed for an eternity, taking turns leading the kiss.
Sometimes I let Sawyer lead, let his tongue battle mine back into my mouth as I savored the way he writhed against me.
Both of us were hard as a rock again, but we were both content to bask in the connection we were building.
Sometimes, I led the kiss, sweeping my tongue against his as my hands roamed his body. I loved the way he felt under my touch. Warm and supple and sweet for me. Sawyer made the best sounds when I found new spots on his body that were particularly sensitive.
After my lips started to ache from kissing, I pulled away, collapsing next to him on the bed.
Sawyer let out a deep breath. “That was hot,” he said.
He rolled back onto his side and curled against me. Resting his head on my chest, he draped an arm around me. Lips brushed against my chest, but only once, and then he made no other move to keep things going.
“It was absolutely one of the hottest things ever.”
Sawyer laughed. “You don’t have to flatter me.”
“Hey.” I shifted, urging Sawyer to sit up so I could look him in the eyes. “I wasn’t flattering you.”
For the first time since I met him, Sawyer seemed uncertain about something.
“I would never pay you lip service like that. If I say I enjoyed something, I mean it.”
He glanced away, then made himself look at me again.
“Talk to me.”
Sawyer let out a sigh, then moved so he was sitting cross-legged next to me. It seemed weird to lie down while he was sitting up, so I sat up too, leaning against the headboard with my legs stretched out in front of me. Unwilling to put my knees through the torture of sitting cross-legged.
“I just—I tell myself not to compare what we have to your past, and for the most part, I’m successful.
But then there’s that two percent of the time where the doubt creeps in, and I’m like…
what if he doesn’t really like me? What if I’m boring?
If he’s so attracted to me, why did he say he wanted to take it slow? And I know it’s dumb—”
“It’s not dumb.” I reached for Sawyer’s hand and tangled our fingers together.
“I wanted to go slow because I wanted to do things the right way with you. I’ve entered so many relationships that were all spark and sizzle and nothing real ever came from them.
But I wanted something real with you. Something that was based on more than just how good we feel when we’re naked together.
But just so we’re clear, I absolutely love being with you.
Naked and not naked. You’re not boring. You’re the best, brightest, most amazing person that I know. ”
His shoulders relaxed, and he inched a little closer. “Is it wrong that I might need to—or just want to—hear you say that once in a while?”
Thinking back to the birthday card he’d made for me, I smiled. “I can record it for you, and then you can listen to it whenever you want. But if you need me to say it every day, a thousand times a day, I will.”
Sawyer shifted around until he was lying down again, and I slotted in behind him, turning him into my little spoon. “Thank you,” he whispered after a few minutes.
I didn’t say anything. Instead, I just kissed him behind the ear and buried my smile in his hair and breathed in his scent until sleep took me.