Chapter 2
I was left alone to my thoughts as I spent my first evening back in Alpine Peak. The house was quiet, and Chase was in his room, hopefully getting the sleep he needed. But I assumed he was playing video games to distract himself instead.
My mom was well aware that I had arrived. Since I hadn’t seen her yet, I sent her a text message that I was home. Her read receipts were on, letting me know that she knew I was here, even though she didn’t seem to be up for any conversation at the moment. She’d been silently locked up in her room the entire time. It was almost like she called me here, not to make sure I was okay, but to have me take care of her and my brother so she could mentally check out, leaving all the responsibilities up to me.
It was selfish if you asked me.
I was happy to help, knowing she was going through it right now, but we all were. We all had the same shit to work through in our own individual ways. But there were still so many questions I needed answers to. Plans that needed to be made.
A funeral? A memorial? I didn’t even know what my dad’s last wishes were. My mom was the person with all of that information. I couldn’t shake the feeling of frustration brewing inside me. I was the kid, but I felt like the parent right now. I didn’t want to think about whether or not my dad wanted a funeral and have to make those types of decisions.
I wanted to be the grieving kid, working through my emotions and not blocking them out.
The thought was depressing, but that’s what happened when someone died… You had to have someone who was willing to take the reins on planning a funeral.
Someone had to keep it together.
And it seemed like I needed to be that person.
I didn’t have the chance to go to the grocery store today, so instead, I ordered some pizza and cleaned up the house a little, starting with the guest room. My old childhood room—now turned into a guest room—was what I’d call my temporary home. Feeling like I took a trip in a time machine, I looked around at the furniture that lined the walls while I took inventory. Same full-sized bed, same dark wooden dresser, same desk I used to do all of my homework at. Other than the furniture, everything else had changed.
Posters and pictures I used to have spread across the walls were now taken down, giving the room a plain and neutral look. The closet was full of my old keepsakes, packed away in boxes. The room was erased of my memory, with no trace left behind that I once occupied this space as an adolescent.
The doorbell rang, pulling me from my thoughts about the past. I left my room and made my way downstairs to answer the door, the delivery guy on the other side. With the hot pizza in hand, my stomach began to growl, realizing it had been a while since I last ate.
Bringing the pizza into the kitchen, I made up plates for my mom and Chase. In the past, we were the type of family to all sit around the dinner table and eat together, but tonight, that wouldn’t be the case.
I walked upstairs with their food, stopping by Chase’s room first. Just as I had figured, he was playing video games and would most likely eat while he gamed. He accepted his dinner from me, and even behind that sad smile, I could tell he was grateful that I was here.
My mom, on the other hand, had her door locked. My knuckles rapped lightly on the door to let her know I had dinner in the fridge if she got hungry later. When she didn’t respond, I followed it up with a text, repeating myself, just in case she was sleeping and didn’t hear me the first time.?
I sat at the dining room table—party of one—and finished up my greasy pizza while I waited for the bed sheets to be done drying, so I could get back to freshening up the room I’d be sleeping in for a while.
The stale and dusty odor made me wonder when anyone had last stayed in here. It smelled like it had been years. I lit a pine-scented candle and cleaned up the room I’d sleep in, doing my best to make it feel cozier. After all, cleaning always helped my mind stay distracted.?
There wasn’t a TV in my old room, and I needed something to occupy my mind to stop it from racing. After I made my bed, I opened up the closet to see what old items of mine my mom had held on to. There were mostly boxes of old trophies and awards, pictures, and other mementos.
Looking through old family photos wasn’t exactly the first thing on my to-do list to take my mind off the passing of my father. But maybe it would help spark some emotion within me. Now that I was alone, and the tragedy had time to sink in, maybe my body would finally allow me to cry. I could let it all out, even if I didn’t know all the details surrounding my dad’s death.
As long as I stayed strong in front of everyone else, I was allowed to have my moment here, all alone in this crusty room, looking through old photos.?
I was mostly sifting through old birthday cards addressed to me and Chase, but there was one that stuck out over the others. My old high school graduation card from my dad. He would have given this to me just before I left Colorado to chase my dreams of being in the big city in Phoenix.
I opened it up, and it had some generic message about graduating high school and being on to the next big thing, but it was the black cursive handwriting that caught my attention.?
“As you set out on the journey of life, I want you to know how proud I am of you and who you’ve become. Now it’s time to step up and show us what you can become, and I know you can become whatever you desire. I love you, Paige, and always know I’m here whenever you need me. All my love to you, Dad.”?
I couldn’t hold back any longer.
Tears formed, blurring my vision from reading over the card. A drop rolled off my cheek, smudging the decade-old black ink.
My body finally broke down into a mess as I muffled my sobs into my pillow, clutching the blue greeting card in my fist, refusing to let it go. The tears had built up over the last twenty-four hours, and all I could do was read that message over and over again. My dad had so much hope for me. He was so proud of me for leaving this small town and going to the big city for college. All for what? To become a thirty-year-old college dropout turned bartender? What had I even done with my life besides leaving this town behind??
I love you, Paige, and always know I’m here whenever you need me.
I reread the last part of the card, that phrase on a loop inside my head.
What if I need you now, Dad? What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
The thoughts were all-consuming, continuing all night long until I finally drifted off into a deep sleep. I cried myself to sleep so I could wake up stronger, start making plans, get more answers, and find some closure. I had a list of things to do, and it was a mile long.
I woke up the next morning to a pounding headache. I laid there staring up at the ceiling, wondering what my day ahead would look like. Would my mom finally come out of her room? Would I get everything done on my to-do list? Would it be just me planning what was to come, or would my mother help? My dad was an only child. He had no siblings, his parents had both passed, and the family was small.
It was just us left behind.
My first step was to take a shower, hoping that would help wake me up and take this headache away. I turned on the water to scalding hot and let it run over me for what seemed like thirty minutes. A moment to myself was essential before I finished getting ready for the day.?
I had yet to unpack, and my clothes were thrown all over the place after searching for something to change into last night before I went to bed. The thin white tee and my favorite pair of ripped jeans would have to do. There was no use putting any makeup on just to run a few errands in town, so I threw my hair up in a messy bun and tied up my black and white Converse before checking on Chase.
There was sound coming from the other side of his bedroom door. Assuming he was awake, I raised my hand and gave it a gentle knock.
“Chase, I’m headed out to get some groceries and run some errands. There are still some bagels for breakfast, but text me if you need anything. I’ll be back in a while.”?
A moment passed before he responded.
“Okay, I’ll see you later.”
It was a short response, but I was just glad someone in this household was acknowledging my existence.
Stopping by my mom’s bedroom, I let her know the same thing as I did Chase, but there were still crickets where she was concerned. She may be locked up in her bedroom and not speaking to me at the moment, but I’d heard the toilet flush a time or two and the floorboards creak, so at least that told me she was okay.?
First things first, coffee. Heading down to High Street, I knew I needed to make a stop at the coffee shop. The sign for Mugs was just ahead.
The smell of freshly-roasted coffee beans hit me in the face as I walked in. Mugs had a cozy appeal with the soft sounds of Bon Iver’s music playing in the background, the dark mahogany wood, and Edison bulbs hanging from the ceiling. There was a bar top right in front of the window so you could people watch while you drank your coffee. Couches were scattered around with more small tables and a fireplace that was lit, making it feel like the perfect fall day.?
In a town full of old shops and historic buildings, this modernized coffee shop reminded me of one I’d see back in Phoenix.
I walked up to the counter, immediately recognizing the barista. Almost every shop in this small town was locally owned and had been passed down in the family for decades.?Hannah had been here for years, since her family owned the place. She worked the counter back in the day, even when I lived here as a kid. Even though I had been away for years, it didn’t mean the people here forgot who you were, especially if your dad just died and the town gossips were busy chatting about it.
Hannah gave me a sweet smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. That look clued me in that she’d heard the news.
“Paige, it’s been a while, sweetie. I wish you were back in town under better circumstances.” Yup, there it was. I figured something like this would happen while I was out and about today.
I couldn’t expect the people of this town to completely forget who I was, even if it had been twelve years since I was last here. If I still remembered who they were, it was just as likely that they would remember me.
I tried my best to change the subject and avoid the conversation having to do with my dad altogether. I gave her a half smile and said, “It’s nice to see you again, Hannah. I hope the kids are doing well.”?People loved any opportunity to talk about their fucking kids. Hopefully she’d take the bait.
“Thank you, the kiddos are great. So grown up since the last time you’ve seen them. You probably wouldn’t even recognize them!” Her face lit up with the mention of her children. I chuckled, giving her a small laugh, hoping it wouldn’t come out fake. When I looked up at the menu, she chimed back in, sensing I didn’t want to entertain any more small talk. “What can I get you to drink, dear?”
“I’ll just take a large latte. To go, please.” Emphasis on the large; I’d be needing it today.?
Waiting over by the counter for my coffee to come up, I scrolled through my phone that I’d had on silent since I found out I needed to come home.
There had been a lot going on, and I had tunnel vision, being overly focused on getting back here, so I forgot to text my boss at the bar back in Phoenix to let her know I had to take some time off. That it was an emergency. Jotting a few words down, I quickly shot off a text, not caring what would come of it.?
Me: Hey, sorry for the short notice, but I won’t be able to work for a while. I had to make an emergency trip back home to Colorado. My dad passed away. Thought you should know. I’ll be in touch.
I slipped my phone back into my pocket and tried not to think about how I’d probably lose my job. As a bartender, I was replaceable. My boss probably wouldn’t care if I had an emergency. She’d need to fill my spot and get my shifts covered. Money was all that mattered to them, after all.
I’d figure it out later.
“Paige, latte to go!” Waking up from my thoughts, I grabbed my warm coffee cup and wished Hannah a good rest of the day.?
I had no idea what I was going to get at the grocery store. With no list in hand, I supposed I’d just wing it and get the groceries I normally would. After all, I was going to be the one cooking, most likely.?
The important part was to have options in the fridge, because right now, we were grasping at crumbs, and there were only so many bagels to go around before we’d run out of that, too.
Heading toward the grocery store down the main stretch of road, I passed Peaks , the town’s local bar. Based on how busy it was on a weekday afternoon, it had to be a popular spot to gather. And I couldn’t help but notice the “help wanted” sign plastered in the window. After texting my boss that I wouldn’t be at work for a while, I took a mental note in case I needed to be here longer than expected.
The idea of staying here for a bit longer and needing a job continued to lurk with no intentions of going away.
Shaking my head, hoping that wouldn’t be the case, I continued past the bar and spotted a familiar face I hadn’t seen in a very long time. A face that had changed, in a grown-up sort of way.
I had no idea what came over me when I slipped out, “Declan?” The name rolled off my tongue at rapid speed before I could think twice.
I didn’t even want to have small talk with Hannah at the coffee shop, so why was I calling after a guy I hadn’t seen in forever? I felt like such a fucking idiot. He probably didn’t even remember who I was.
It’d been at least twelve years since I’d seen him. We were just kids back then. “I’m sorry, do I know you?”?He looked down at me with a furrowed brow.
Yup. Confirmed. I was, in fact, an idiot. It made sense that he would forget, since he was what… thirteen, when he last saw me??
“You haven’t changed at all…” I blurted out, immediately getting lost in my own thoughts. What were you thinking, Paige?! Of course, he’s changed. It’s been twelve years! He scratched the back of his head in confusion, looking a tad uncomfortable. That was my cue to say something—anything.
“Declan, umm, hi...” Tripping over my words, I did my best to think of something to say that wouldn’t make this any more awkward than it already was.
“Paige, Paige Wilson.” I pointed at my chest, rambling off my name to him as I looked him in the eye and waited for the light bulb to go off in his head. I could tell he was starting to loosen up when his face softened. His mouth formed a smirk I shouldn’t find attractive, but here I was anyway, stumbling over my words and acting like I’d never talked to someone of the opposite sex before.?
“Well, shit, Paige, how long has it been now? You’re all grown up.” His smirk turned into a full-blown smile when he perused my body, starting at my eyes and trailing all the way to my feet.
Noted, he did remember me. This would save me from a lot of embarrassment.
“Umm, it’s probably been just over ten years or so… I can’t believe I used to babysit you and your brother, and now you’re like a man…” My words trailed off as I continued to ramble about how great he looked, without actually saying it. “You have tattoos and facial hair, and wow, you’re so tall.” I bit my bottom lip as I took in his tall frame. He had an amused grin on his face, like he was waiting to see what would come out of my mouth next. “Yeah, what I said about you not changing? That’s clearly a lie. Obviously, I can tell it’s you… but you’re definitely not the same…” I cut myself off and refused to look him in the eyes at this point.
My cheeks felt warm—most likely tinted in the brightest red you could imagine—as I fumbled my words in embarrassment. The rough timber of his laugh escaped his mouth after I got done rambling. I’d never been attracted to someone’s laugh before… until now. He definitely wasn’t a boy anymore.
I was stammering over my words because, clearly, it had been a long time since I’d been around a guy this attractive, and let’s face it, it’d been way too long since I had gotten laid.?
It felt so wrong to find a man that was once a kid I babysat attractive. I was eighteen when he was thirteen, but we were both all grown up now.
“I would hardly say you babysat me…” he said with a wink.?
Did he just wink at me? Was he openly flirting with me?
He smiled softly and continued, “You’re only five years older than me, and back then, my mom just didn’t trust us boys to be home alone. Myles may have needed babysitting, being the wild child that he was, but not me.” He gave me a look with that sexy smirk again. Suddenly, I realized that smirk of his… That may just be his signature thing.
If I had to guess, this panty melting smirk of his had gotten him far in life. After all, who could say no to a guy with a face like that?
He was a smooth talker, and he definitely had game. I’d easily fall for every move, every smirk, every wink. I couldn’t help but wonder if he had a girlfriend. If he was taken. Not that I should care or was even in the right frame of mind to be wondering that sort of thing.
All I knew was, Declan… He was hot. And he may just be the kind of distraction I needed. I didn’t plan to be here for long, anyway, so what was wrong with having a little bit of fun?