Chapter 7
Who was the girl staring back at me in the mirror?
It was difficult to recognize myself at the moment. The dress I was wearing was both a symbol of unity and remembrance.?
Once worn for a friend’s wedding and now recycled for my father’s funeral.
Judging my reflection, I took a moment to wonder if the dress was appropriate for a funeral. Black fabric hugged my thighs tightly, with a mesh skirt that flowed over my legs, falling to my knees. Thin straps held the dress up on my shoulders, and the soft material cinched at my waist perfectly. It was flawless for a wedding; it’s why I had bought this dress originally.?
I felt the need to dress it down, so I grabbed my jean jacket, instantly making it appear more casual. It was a chilly day, and the jacket would help me stay warm. I buckled my single strap heels and did one last look in the mirror. Dragging my hands down my dress, I drew in a long breath.?
“It’s going to be okay,” I whispered. “You can do this. You are strong. You are capable. You are resilient. You will embrace the change coming your way and welcome new opportunities with open arms.”
I repeated those affirmations until I felt ready to walk out the door and face what would be the hardest day of my life.?
It was a chilling car ride to the church in town. Chase, my mom, and I drove in silence. No music played and not a word was exchanged.
Looking out the window as the trees passed by, I thought about how I was going to say goodbye to my dad one last time. My mom was too broken to stand in front of others and give a speech, and Chase had a fear of public speaking. Not to mention he was just a kid. We couldn’t expect him to go up there, speak about his father, and hold his composure. So, it would be up to me to speak for the family and address those in attendance.
I’d written a memorial speech that had been burning a hole in my pocket the last few days. It appeared worn due to being folded over so many times from my constant reading, but I needed it to be perfect. I hoped the words I wrote captured what everyone in the church would be feeling as a whole. I had mixed emotions. Some days, I was angry that he cheated on my mother, and I never knew until he was already gone. Other days, I felt nostalgic and sad, thinking about all of our best moments we spent together. I just wanted to say goodbye properly and leave out the new feelings I’d been harboring since my mom enlightened me about my dad’s other life.
I needed closure.
The car was parked when Mom gave me a look that only I could understand. Giving my hand a squeeze, she looked at me with a furrow between her brow and a gloss set over her eyes. She didn’t need to express herself with words; I knew she was telling Chase and me that it was going to be okay. She was trying her best, even in her broken state, to prepare us for what was on the other side of the car door.
I approached the small white church just off of High Street. There was a beautiful sign welcoming people to my father’s funeral. One of my favorite photos of him appeared on a large white sign set on a black iron easel. Smiling right at me, with his infectious grin, was my dad. The sign kept it simple with why we were here.
“In Loving Memory of Anthony Wilson ?
June 11th, 1967 - October 8th, 2024”
Even though I wasn’t a religious person, I took a moment to appreciate the wonderful job the staff of the church did decorating the place. Out of the kindness of their hearts, they helped our family put on a funeral for a man who never attended their church in the first place, all so we and a few family friends could pay our respects.
White lilies lined the walkway between the pews that led to the dark chocolate closed casket my dad laid in. A beautiful wreath, placed impeccably on top, was full of white lilies, roses, and carnations. Green leaves protruded wildly and made for the perfect piece to lower into the ground along with him. I assumed there was a meaning behind the white flowers, since there was an abundance of them.
Hope? Peace? Sympathy? Either way, I told myself they would comfort him.?
Doing my best to avoid the people walking into the church, I took a seat in the front row while my mom thanked others for coming. I should be there helping her, supporting her, but I had a speech to prepare for. A speech I desperately did not want to give but felt like I had to. My anxiety was at an all-time high.
I wasn’t someone who showed my emotions very often, and now I was going to have to be vulnerable in front of a small crowd. The thought made me want to throw up.
Every so often, I glanced behind me to see if I recognized any of my dad’s friends or coworkers. Doing a double take, I locked eyes with a suited-up Declan.?He walked in with the rest of the Cooper family, and his mom and mine exchanged a few words before the rest of them spoke to her one by one.
Myles looked uncomfortable and a bit different than he did the other day when I had run into him with Declan. Then again, a funeral was about the most uncomfortable event that could possibly take place.
Even on the most depressing day of my life, Declan in a getup like that made it hard to keep my eyes off of him. Wearing a dark navy suit and a white dress shirt underneath, he was dressed better than I could have imagined. As a construction worker, I never would have guessed he owned anything that made him clean up so nicely. I’d been so used to seeing him in his normal blue jeans and T-shirt, all dirtied up after work, that the suit he was sporting was a pleasant change.
I wasn’t going to allow my mind to wander to a place of distraction or attraction at a time like this. Pushing my attraction aside, I was just content he was here on a day like today. A day where I was saying goodbye to my dad. A day where I was a bundle of nerves and a fucking wreck on the inside. He was here to pay his respects, but he was also here for me, and that feeling made me tingle all over with a sense of warmth and safety.
Seeing him was the ray of hope I would need to get through the next couple of hours. His eyes were on me when he hugged my mother. Speaking in a soft voice, I overheard him say, “I’m so sorry for your loss, Lisa. Anthony was a great man.” He shook Chase’s hand, sending his condolences to him as well. Then he headed straight for me, his blue eyes gazing right into mine.
I stayed seated when he joined me. When he placed an unexpected hand over mine, we sat there in silence for a while.
I’d seen him in and out of the bar the last couple days. Working had been a breath of fresh air—a way to get my mind away from reality. Seeing him and entertaining more small talk after he got off work was what I looked forward to. I wouldn’t let him know I anxiously waited for him to walk through the doors to Peaks each night, though.
Letting my thoughts drift away, his voice brought me back to reality.
“Hey…” he whispered. “You’re going to go up there and do just fine. No matter what you say, your dad would admire you so much for it.” He pointed two fingers at his eyes, looked right at me, and added, “When it gets tough up there, look in my eyes and I’ll be right here to help you along the way.”?
I teared up at his words. I didn’t have any friends here. Not a best friend in sight to hold my hand through this day. I hadn’t been home in twelve years, and the faces that surrounded me looked like strangers. But Declan was here. He knew my father as a family friend, but it felt like he was here for me. Even though we had only reconnected in the last week, he was more than I could have hoped for.
“Thank you, Declan,” I managed to utter softly.?
Before I knew it, the funeral was starting. Declan had gotten out of his seat so my mother and Chase could sit by my side. Squeezing my shoulder to remind me he was here for me, he moved into the row behind mine with his family.
It was time for me to address the room of strangers. Because I didn’t know most of these people, it should be easier for me to get this speech out, right? The chapel was so still you could hear a pin drop. Walking up to the podium, speech in hand, I unfolded the crinkled piece of paper for the fiftieth time, surprised it hadn’t ripped in my hands yet.
In my head, I repeated the words Declan told me. “When it gets tough up there, look in my eyes and I’ll be right here to help you along the way.” I took a big breath, looked out to the crowd, and spotted Declan looking right back at me as I worked up the courage to speak. The ease I desperately needed washed over me as I looked into his eyes.
He gave his head a curt nod as if he was telling me it was all going to be okay.
It was time to make my dad proud.
DECLAN
My eyes were set on her. I meant what I said. I wanted her to look into my eyes when she needed strength. I wanted to be the person she came to when she needed someone.?
Standing up there in front of everyone, she was vulnerable, and I saw her in a completely different light. There was both strength and sadness behind her eyes. And she was so damn brave and incredibly strong for voicing her deepest thoughts and feelings about her father.
I didn’t know if I’d be able to stand up there and do what she was doing. She was a stronger person than I’d ever be.
She was fidgeting, spinning her golden ring around her finger. Something I’d seen her do when she got nervous.
I mouthed, “You can do this.”?
Sending me a small nod in return, her chest rose as she took a deep breath. Beginning her speech, I sat there in admiration, not once letting my eyes stray from her. I wasn’t lying when I said her dad would admire what she had to say in her speech today, because I was in awe of this woman and anything that came out of her mouth.
Those emerald eyes of hers started to tear up, and I so badly wanted to stand by her side, squeeze her hand for support, and help her get through this.?
“You were always a shining light, the person I went to when I needed guidance, and you loved me and everyone around you so fiercely. A kind of love that can never be replaced and will forever be missed.”
She continued to speak of her father with the utmost respect. She reflected back to some of her favorite memories spent with him and the rest of her family. Her speech wasn’t just coming from her; she involved them, too.
Her mom and Chase sat in front of me, sniffling at the kind words Paige had put together. As expected, there wasn’t a dry eye in this church. Paige had a way with words, and she didn’t even know it.
Concluding her speech and thanking everyone for attending and celebrating his life, she walked off the stage, passing right by the pew where I sat, and headed straight for the bathrooms. I didn’t care if all eyes were on me as I stood up when she walked by. I needed to follow her. She needed me. At least that’s what I was letting myself believe.
Following closely behind her, I looked to my right, spotting someone in the back corner leaning against the wall. He was by himself, which wasn’t necessarily weird for someone to isolate themselves at a funeral. But something about him was mysterious and struck me as odd.
It took me a moment before I could make out who the guy was. He looked around my age, maybe a few years older. Dark hair and eyes and dressed appropriately, in a button-up and slacks. He started to head in the same direction as Paige, and I couldn’t shake my gut feeling that he was trouble.
Everyone else was still seated when the three of us headed in the same direction. I didn’t like the feeling I had that this guy somehow knew Paige. Especially once I got a better look at the guy, realizing it was none other than Logan Brooks.
How the hell was Paige or her family involved with Logan Brooks ? The guy was bad fucking news, and it had my blood boiling that they could have ever been involved with each other.