Chapter 25
Every time I felt like I was about to crash, Declan and I fooled around one more time. We couldn’t get enough of each other. I wanted his hands on me just as much as I wanted to touch him. You’d think I was breaking a five-year dry spell with how desperate I was to have one more orgasm.
Our feelings for each other continued to spill out as the night went on. As far as I could tell, we were both on the same page. We just wanted to see where this could go and enjoy each other.
One moment, we were in a frenzy of hands and tongues, and the next, we were laying there completely out of breath. Right now was one of those moments. Our breathing was in sync as I started to relax, desperately chasing some sleep. My eyes began to close when I heard Declan’s voice.
“Here, baby, put this on.” He grabbed the shirt he was wearing earlier, handing it over to me. I looked back at him confused; one eyebrow perked.
“You don’t want me naked in your bed anymore?” I questioned.
“I always want you naked in my bed, baby girl. But if you stay naked, there is no way either of us are getting any sleep tonight. Every time I glance down at your sexy tits, this big guy is ready to go again,” he says, nodding down toward his dick under the covers.
“Big guy, huh?” I laughed while sliding his T-shirt over my head, now surrounded by his intoxicating smell even more. The soft fabric was like a nightgown on me, almost reaching the tops of my knees.
“I mean, wouldn’t you agree? I recall you screaming how big I am at some point tonight.” That teasing look formed on his face.
“You’re so full of yourself,” I joked. “Plus, if you keep talking about how big you are, this shirt isn’t going to do much good. So, zip it.”
“But fuck, do my clothes look amazing on you.” His hand started to find its way up my leg when I slapped it away, my other hand shoving at his chest. “Okay, okay, you’re right. Come here, lay down on me.” He pulled me down toward his chest and we laid in silence for a few moments when I started to trace the shapes of his tattoos spread over his arm. I followed the black circles and lines with my finger like I was trying to complete a never-ending maze. The lines were continuous, covering him from his shoulder to wrist.
“Did these hurt?” I asked while still drawing lines on his body.
“Some hurt more than others. But you get used to the pain after a while,” he responded.
“Why get them if they hurt?”
“I like the pain. Just like you seem to enjoy a little bit of pain too.” He had a point. I guess we both liked the pain, just in different ways.
“Fair. You know, I might just have to keep this shirt. It’s way too comfortable. I would hate to have to tear it off my body,” I said as I snuggled in closer to him, showing him just how comfortable I was.
“It looks better on you anyway. You can keep it if you send me pictures in it, just like you did with my sweater.”
“Before you know it, I’ll have every article of clothing you own.”
“It just means you can’t get rid of me then.” He turned serious.
“The only way I’d get rid of you is if you cheated on me.” I laughed. I intended to sound like I was joking but the conversation was now turning a bit deeper than that.
“I’ve never cheated, and I never will.” That was always a relief to hear a man admit.
“Have you ever been cheated on?” I asked hesitantly.
“Every girl I’ve been with has cheated. I always chalked it up to maybe the fact that we weren’t as serious as I thought we were. Miscommunication maybe. When I’ve told girls in the past I was looking for something serious, they took me as a joke. Thought I was just fucking them, when it was always more to me. But I also haven’t allowed myself to be in a relationship in a while. That shit always messed with my mind a little when I was younger.”
He was only twenty-five and his relationship history seemed like a disaster. I couldn’t understand how anyone couldn’t see his potential. How were girls not fawning over him and pining for his attention? Now that I had a taste of him, I didn’t want to give him up. I felt lucky to be in his bed right now.
“I’ve never cheated on anyone…” I admitted. I could feel the deep breath he took and let out, like he was pleased to hear me say that.
“Good, baby. If you wouldn’t mind, don’t start now, please,” he joked, but I knew he was serious.
“Can’t cheat if you aren’t officially with someone. But part of me thinks you already knew that. Maybe you’ve been in this limbo stage before with a girl a time or two. I don’t want any pressure or labels, but I do want you to know I don’t plan to see anyone else.” A small smile tugged at his lips.
“You’re it for me, Paige. But I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to realize the same. Since that day I passed you on the sidewalk, I had no interest in seeing any other woman.” My cheeks instantly flamed with a pink tint to them. I didn’t know what it was he saw in me, but I knew what I saw in him. I could see a safe space. A man with his shit together. Someone who loved his family. A protector of all the people he loved.
Was I one of those people? He had been doing a lot of protecting lately.
“What makes you say that? That I’m it? All I see is a mess of a girl that returned back home under shitty circumstances. A dead father and a psycho ex-boyfriend. If anything, I’m just a project.” I sighed with a lump in my throat.
“You’re anything but a project, Paige. Those things are completely out of your control. That stuff doesn’t define you as a person. You’re funny. You’re fucking beautiful. And you’re so carefree when you let go of all the heaviness weighing you down. I know we have so much more to get to know about each other, but I can’t ignore what I see in you and how I feel when I’m around you.” Tears threatened to prick my eyes.
Hearing him say those things, it made me feel like I really did have a purpose. That there was good inside me. I hated to compare but I couldn’t help it. The recent run-in with Logan re-entered my mind and a flash of memories consumed me. He used to take every chance he could to beat me down and destroy me emotionally. He always said sorry, but I never believed him. I couldn’t. If you were truly sorry, wouldn’t you stop if you realized it hurt someone you cared about and claimed to love?
But hearing Declan rave about me… Fuck, he had a pure heart. He was building me up and putting me on a throne; I’d never had that before. I gave up on men after Logan. In Phoenix, I pushed them aside. Sure, I tried to have a relationship here and there, but mentally, I never felt ready. I didn’t know what it was about being home that had me feeling ready at all. How could I so easily open up to Declan and feel the way I felt about him when I was here dealing with all of this bullshit head-on?
Declan looked down at me as a tear betrayed me and rolled down my cheek.
“Hey, baby, what’s wrong? Did I say something to upset you?” he worried as he wiped my tears with the pad of his thumb.
“No. No, it isn’t you. I feel like an idiot. We had an amazing night, and here I am, crying like a silly little girl. You must have fucked the emotion right out of me,” I lied, trying to play it off, but my smile didn’t quite reach my eyes.
“Tonight was amazing, yes. But trust me, I haven’t forgotten about our run-in with Logan earlier. This day has been an emotional roller coaster. So let it out, baby. Cry if you need to cry. I’m not leaving your side. I’m not here to judge you. You’re not silly or an idiot.” Trying to calm my nerves, I took a big breath and let out a sigh, burying myself in his chest and hugging him just a little tighter until I was ready to let it all out.
“I don’t cry a lot. It took a whole day for me to break down and cry about the news of my dad’s passing. I feel like such a shitty daughter that I haven’t grieved properly. I threw myself into work and I’ve been spending so much time with you, just busying myself in general. It’s like I’ve been waiting to wake up from this dream. I blinked and, in an instant, I was back home, building a new life here and leaving the last decade of my life behind,” I admitted, feeling the relief wash over me now that I got that off my chest.
“Baby, there is no proper way to grieve. We all grieve in different ways. The last thing you are is a shitty daughter and I know your dad would agree with me if he were standing here today. Maybe you needed to be back here and face it all head-on, get some closure. Maybe meeting me was just an added benefit. It’s shitty it took your dad passing away to get you back home for us to reconnect, for you to close your chapter with Logan officially, for you to grow closer with your family. But you are here now, and you are so fucking strong for taking all of this on.” He looked me dead in the eyes, jaw clenched, looking more serious than I’ve ever seen him.
“You’re right. I wish I could see what you see in me. I wish I could be the girl you think I am.” I dropped my eyes, disconnecting from his.
“And what type of girl is that?” he asked.
“You know... The strong type. Fearless. Brave. All of that shit.” He took my chin in his hand, tilting my head back up toward his so I was back to looking in his bright blue eyes.
“Paige, you may be at your weakest right now. But when all of this has passed and you’ve dealt with all of your feelings on your own time, I’ll be here to remind you that you are every single one of those things until you believe me and see it yourself. Until then, I will always be your biggest fan, cheering you on along the way, reminding you every day that I see the best in you.”
Fuck, how did he do that? He always had the right words to say. Any tears falling from my eyes were just purely emotional at this point. I was choked up from the built-up sadness that had washed over me since I came back. But now, I was feeling a whirlwind of emotions from every word that came out of Declan’s mouth.
How could I be so lucky and unlucky all at the same time?