Chapter 22 #3
“The sex part of it was weird to me,” I admitted, still unable to meet his gaze. “I wouldn’t realize until years later that he just wasn’t any good at it. Maybe that’s why he picked younger girls to abuse. Maybe he could fool himself that he was some super alpha sex god instead of a fat loser.”
I thought about the first time I’d had sex as an adult.
It had been with my second college boyfriend, Ross.
He’d been so patient, so tender with me.
He’d shown me how much fun sex could be and how good it could feed.
Our relationship didn’t work out for logistical reasons, mostly that he wanted to go back to Toronto and build a life there near his family, but he’d given me something so precious.
He’d helped me discover that all the awful things that had happened to me as a teenager didn’t have to define me as an adult.
“I didn’t realize I was pregnant until I was very far along,” I confessed in a rush.
This was the part that I rarely ever told anyone.
“I didn’t know it then, but I have PCOS.
It's, like, this hormonal thing. It makes it hard for me to control my weight and causes problems with my periods if I’m not on medication. ”
“I know what it is,” Luka said, surprising me. “Rina has it. She was diagnosed when she was a teenager. I had to learn about it so I could make sure she was getting the right medical treatment. She never wanted to talk about it with me for obvious reasons.”
“I can see that,” I replied, thinking I would absolutely not want to discuss my reproductive health with my brother either.
“So that’s why you didn’t think anything strange was happening when your period was late?” Luka asked carefully.
“I didn’t want to think about it. I was fourteen. I was a baby having a baby. It was just too much. It was too real, and I wasn’t equipped to handle it. If I didn’t admit it to myself, it wasn’t real. It wasn’t happening.”
“So, how did—.”
“I started having a lot of pain and then bleeding.” I squeezed my thighs together at the horrible memory of those cramps that had dropped me to my knees on the ball field.
“It happened during a softball tournament. I tried to ignore it, but then the pain was just too much. I collapsed between second and third base. Everyone was yelling, and my pants were soaked in blood.”
“Elona,” he murmured, obviously upset by the story. “That must have been terrifying for you.”
“It was, but it got so much worse at the hospital.” I could still hear my mother screaming at me. I could still feel her hands slapping at my face and her nails clawing at my neck. “My mother lost it. They had to have the police remove her from the emergency room.”
“Of course, she had to make it about herself,” Luka grumbled.
“Basically,” I agreed. “Brett stepped in and made sure I got the care I needed.” I dragged my soapy fingers along the fine scar hidden under my belly.
“They tried to give me drugs so I could deliver vaginally, but everything went wrong. The placenta tore, and I was hemorrhaging. I ended up having a C-section to deliver her.”
“A girl?”
I gulped, swallowing my pain. “I never saw her. She stopped growing at five months. Brett had her cremated, and we buried her in a spot under one of his favorite trees on the ranch he owns. There’s a little bench there and flowers. It’s a peaceful spot.”
“It sounds lovely.”
“It is.” I kept washing my body, moving down my legs.
“That whole ordeal was basically the end of Brett and my mother’s marriage.
Things were bad before that, but after the way she reacted, he couldn’t respect her.
She wanted to send me away, to make it like I had never existed.
She didn’t want to press charges. She wanted it all to go away, but Brett refused.
She waited until he was on a business trip and had me locked away in a mental hospital in Houston.
That was it for him. He went scorched earth to get me out of there. ”
“Christ, Elona, your mother really is a monster.” He seemed shocked by her propensity for inflicting pain and distress. “What happened to the man who hurt you? Is he still alive?”
I finally worked up the courage to look at him. His eyes burned with fury. He wanted to hurt someone. He wanted to spill blood for me. “He’s alive, but from what I understand, he’s in prison in Florida now.”
“He hurt another girl?”
“No, he lost his teaching license and became a pariah. His wife divorced him, and he ran off to Florida where he got hooked on meth, held up a convenience store and shot someone. He’s in for life, I think.”
“I’m surprised he made it out of Houston alive,” Luka remarked. “I’m shocked Brett let him live.”
“It wasn’t Brett’s decision.” I hesitated before explaining, “Coach Nevolin had ties to Nikolai Kalasnikov’s organization. A brother or an uncle or something like that. Nikolai wouldn’t let Brett kill him.”
Luka narrowed his eyes. “It sounds like I need to have a discussion with Nikolai.”
“You’re not a boss anymore.”
“This isn’t a boss issue. It’s about men doing what’s right.”
“I don’t blame Nikolai for the decision he made. I mean, at the time, I hated him, but now I understand why he did what he did. He was bound by rules.”
“It doesn’t matter. He owes you,” Luka insisted.
“Owes me what?” I handed him the soap so he could get clean.
“Reparations!”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need anything from the Russian mafia.” I poked his chest with a soapy finger. “You don’t need to be making demands of them either. We’re out of that life, remember?”
“It’s not right, Elona.”
“It’s done,” I emphasized. “It’s over, Luka. It was a long time ago. I’ve moved on with my life. I’ve healed physically and emotionally and mentally. I don’t want to go back there. I don’t need to go back there.”
He cupped my face and peered into my eyes. His intense stare left me feeling exposed but also seen. Finally, he said simply, “Okay.”
“Okay,” I echoed, putting an end to the discussion.
We finished our shower and dried off. He brought his small carry-on into my bedroom, and I gave him one of my dresser drawers and part of the closet. He’d packed efficiently and didn’t have much to put away. I enjoyed watching him unpack, relishing the simple domesticity of it.
As I was slipping into my matching pajama set, Luka said, “You know you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met.”
I scoffed, suddenly uncomfortable with his praise. “Hardly.”
“You are.” He pulled on his pajama bottoms and reached for a tee with the KF Tirana logo on it.
“Not just surviving everything you did as a teenager but the way you built a life for yourself on your own terms. The way you supported and loved your family even when it was probably very painful for you.” He caught my hand and tugged me close.
“The way you fought to protect me and your brother on that boat.”
“You would have done the same thing if you’d been untied.” I hadn’t done anything special. I had simply been the one person in that room who could fight back.
He swept his thumb along my cheek. “I owe you my life.”
“You don’t owe me anything.” I placed my hands on his chest. “There are no debts between us.”
“Your brother settled his account with the family. Did you know that?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t, but I’m glad he did the right thing. He stole that money from his jailers, and I understand why he did it. But your family’s contribution needed to be returned.”
“Well, it was, and before I left, that was my final action as boss. I put an end to the feud between our families.”
“There’s not much left of us to fight.”
“Your grandfather still had a few supporters who were making a lot of noise after his death.” Luka played with a section of my hair. “I suspect they’ll come in under Zec’s wing now. He’s an earner. He’ll make them rich.”
“Good for them,” I remarked dryly. “I hope they all have the lives they deserve.”
“Be nice,” he chided with a smile. “We’re all just trying to make a living.”
“Speaking of...” I tapped his chest. “What are you going to do to earn your bread?”
Luka pretended to think about it. “I suppose I could trade my skills as a lover in some sort of gigolo arrangement.”
I swatted his chest. “Be serious!”
“I am! I don’t have any marketable skills!” He was joking, but I sensed the uncertainty and fear in his voice. There was a little bit of shame there, too. “I’ve never had to work. I’ve never had to think about how I can be productive and make money.”
“Well, we’ll have to find you a career. You’ll be miserable without something to keep you busy.”
“Like I said,” he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against him, “I have a few ideas about how to keep myself busy.”
“Luka,” I said warningly.
“Elona.” His devilishly sexy grin was the only warning I had before he claimed my mouth with one of his wickedly sensual kisses.
He held my face between his big hands, his touch tender and sweet.
He wasn’t insistent or aggressive. He kissed me gently before sucking my lower lip in the most erotic way.
I whimpered, and he flicked his tongue into my mouth.
I clutched at his arm and his side, holding tight as he kissed me senseless.
This man was so dangerous, but I couldn’t get enough of him.
I suspected I would want Luka tonight, tomorrow and fifty years from now.
He was the addiction I would never be able to kick.
“I don’t expect you to take me on my word. I know I have to prove myself to you.” Luka ghosted his lips across my ear.
“I know you can and you will,” I assured him, not at all worried that he would find his footing.
“I don’t deserve your faith.”
“You do.” I kissed him sweetly. “I don’t love easily, Luka, but I love you.”
His gaze turned soft and tender. “I love you, Elona.”
Not wanting to dredge up the past, I nevertheless warned, “I don’t share, Luka.”
Chagrined, he promised, “I’ll be loyal to you, Elona. Faithful. To the end.” He kissed my temple. “You’re the only one I want in my bed.” He dotted a playful kiss on the tip of my nose. “And smothering me with your thighs.”
“Luka!” Hot and cold torrents ravaged my body. The image of me straddling his face while he did wicked, filthy things with his tongue, made me clench my thighs together. Just a few words from this man, and I was on the verge of begging him to let me ride his face again.
“Someday, I’m going to give you my last name,” Luka vowed.
Gazing up at the man who had once been my enemy, I said, “Someday, I’ll take it.”