Chapter 12
Callan
I still needed to get used to Lana sitting there, with her notebook on her lap, and her eyes full of wonder. She was brave for coming here and wanting to write about my world, and while I knew she’d only focus on the actual filmmaking, she’d see more than she probably ever had.
Lana was innocent. I didn’t have to know much about her to understand that she never had sex, or a boyfriend, for that matter. She was too focused on college and her future plans, which I admired.
She was the only person in the room who didn’t belong here, and somehow, she still managed to look like she did.
She wasn’t trying to hide or blend in. She was simply trying to observe.
That made me uneasy. I was used to being in control of every detail in this room, but now there was someone writing things down.
Someone who wasn’t here to get off or get paid.
Trey and the girls had finally arrived, and while Trey grabbed the camera, the girls stood next to the bed, chatting quietly.
I chose Madison and Kira for this shoot because I had worked with them before, and I knew they’d make this movie an easy project, given their familiarity with my set rhythm.
Still, I walked over to give them directions.
“We’ll start with the warm-up shots,” I said. “Keep it natural. Just get comfortable with each other first. I’ll cue the real take once I like what I see.”
“Sounds good, Buster,” Madison said, smiling up at me with those fuck-me eyes.
Kira didn’t look as interested in me as she usually did. She tilted her head toward Lana, lowering her voice but not enough that Lana could possibly hear her. “Who’s that?”
“She’s here to observe. College project.”
Madison raised an eyebrow. “You’re letting someone write about us?”
“She’s writing about production,” I explained, my tone leaving no room for argument. “Not the sex.”
Kira laughed under her breath. “Right. Because people will totally read that for the technical aspects.”
I shot her a look that shut her up fast. “She’s not here to judge you. She’s here to learn about how we make films. You focus on your work.”
“Wait, oh my god…that’s the girl who lives here. She’s your stepdaughter,” Madison said, her eyes now wide.
I tensed, hating how my dick reacted to her calling Lana my stepdaughter. It was wrong to be turned on by it, but it was also what kept me hard during sex.
“Like I said: she’s here to learn, not to watch us fuck.”
They exchanged a look, then nodded, clearly unconvinced but smart enough not to push it.
I turned away and walked toward Lana. “You ready?” I asked.
She blinked. “Yeah. I think so.”
“If you need to step out, let Rocco know. Can’t have you make noise in the background.” That came out harsher than intended, but I needed her to understand that this was serious. Though, I knew she was aware of that already.
Her lips parted, ready to snap back. But she held back whatever reply she had ready to fire.
“I’ll let Rocco know,” she said instead, her smile tight.
“Good.” I turned back to the bed. “All right. Let’s start with the first scene setup. I want you both naked in front of the bed.”
They didn’t need any more instructions, and in just a few seconds, they were already undressed and touching each other. This wouldn’t really be a scene in the movie. It was just a warm-up.
Five minutes later, I joined them and had them kneel before me. Normally, getting a blowjob from two hot women always got me hard. But not this time. Not without looking at Lana. I could feel her tense from across the room, and it took everything in me not to look at her.
I focused on Madison and Kira, running my hands through their hair while they touched me and took their turns sucking my cock. They were professionals. Though they were young, only in their early twenties, they had all the experience they needed to give what I expected from them.
Madison had her mouth around my cock, with one hand rubbing the base. Kira watched, encouraging her with dirty words to take me in deeper, while her hands rubbed up and down my thighs.
But no matter how hot the scene was, I just couldn’t get hard.
My jaw tensed, and the urge to look up continued to grow. I hated it. This had always been my safe place. It’s what I did best. Standing in front of the camera with one or more women pleasuring me was what I was good at. But one single person was holding me back from fully embracing it.
“Motherfucker,” I grunted, gripping Madison’s head tighter by fisting her hair with my hands. I held her there and started thrusting my hips, face-fucking her hard in the hopes I would finally get hard.
But nothing.
It wasn’t helping.
Without meaning to, I looked up at Lana.
Her eyes immediately locked with mine, and her lips pressed together tightly.
Her cheeks were bright red. She wasn’t writing.
She was frozen. I could tell she was trying to stay professional, but I could read her too well.
It was a mix of discomfort, curiosity, and confusion, and they all hit me at once.
My dick twitched, reacting to her watching me, and that threw me off harder than expected.
I pulled out of Madison’s mouth with a sharp exhale and stepped back. My chest rose and fell hard. “Stop.”
Both girls looked up, startled. Madison wiped her lips with the back of her hand. “Did we do something wrong?”
I shook my head and kept my tone flat. “No. You didn’t.”
Kira frowned. “Then what’s wrong, Buster?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” I said, even though everything felt wrong.
The lighting was perfect, the sound was fine, and the girls were doing exactly what they were supposed to do.
And yet I couldn’t get out of my own head.
I couldn’t focus with Lana here, and still, looking at her was the only way my body obeyed.
I glanced up again. Lana had gone back to pretending to look at her notes. The tension in her shoulders was clear, and she nervously clicked her pen with her thumb. She shouldn’t have been here. I was the one who said yes, and now I was paying for it.
Rocco leaned back in his chair, looking as relaxed as ever. “You good, man?” he asked, amused but slightly concerned.
“I’m fine,” I muttered.
The girls were waiting. Madison shifted awkwardly on her knees, glancing up at me for direction. “You want us to start again?”
“No.” I ran a hand over my face, feeling the frustration boil. “Take twenty.”
Kira frowned. “Seriously? We just got started.”
“I said take twenty,” I repeated, sharper this time.
Madison opened her mouth to protest but saw the look on my face and stopped herself. She grabbed her robe and pulled it on quickly, exchanging a wary glance with Kira before both of them slipped out of the room without another word.
The second the door closed, silence filled the space. I stood there for a few seconds, staring at the bed, my mind buzzing with too many thoughts at once. Never had something like this happened before, and it was clear—at least to me—why a normal filming session like this wasn’t working out.
I didn’t blame Lana. Not directly. But I mostly blamed myself for letting her into my world and being unable to suppress my attraction to her.
“You need a moment?” Trey asked, lowering his camera. He looked concerned.
“Yeah. Cut the lights for a moment.”
“Shit, man, what’s going on?” Rocco got up from his chair. “Are you feeling sick?”
“No, I just need a couple of minutes.” With that, I pulled my sweatpants back on and walked out of the room.
I was angry, and I should’ve known better. The second I said yes to her little project, I’d opened the door to a line I couldn’t uncross. Having her in there with us was a bad idea, and yet, it was what I needed to keep doing my work.
I paced down the hallway, past the empty kitchen, running a hand through my hair.
My skin was still hot, still buzzing with the adrenaline of stopping mid-scene.
I’d never had to stop before. Not once. My head was always in control, even when my body wasn’t.
But tonight, I couldn’t get a grip on either.
I should’ve told her to stay away. I should’ve told her this wasn’t something she could handle. And instead, it was me who couldn’t.
I turned when I heard the door open and close. Lana stepped out into the hallway, her notebook clutched so tightly against her chest that her knuckles were white. Her face was pale, but her eyes were sharp and steady.
“I’m going to bed,” she said. Her tone was defensive, and she looked like she’d had enough of me and everything about me.
“Wait.”
She shook her head. “No. I’ve seen enough.”
Her voice cracked slightly at the end, and that did something to me. I wasn’t sure if it was guilt or anger, but both sat heavily in my chest.
“Lana,” I said again, stopping her from taking the first step on the stairs.
“What?” she snapped as she turned around.
I took a step forward. “We need to talk about what happened in there.”
Her expression was a mix of anger and discomfort, her jaw set tight. “What exactly happened, Callan?”
“You know what.” My voice came out rougher than I intended. This wasn’t the time for me to make her more upset. I needed to stay calm.
She raised a brow, challenging me. “No, I don’t. Tell me.”
She made it clear she wasn’t going to let me dodge this. She wasn’t afraid of me. She wasn’t like the women who smiled and nodded through everything I said. She dared to confront me. It was infuriating and addictive all at once.
“You being there threw me off,” I said finally.
“Then that’s your problem, not mine.”
“It is my problem,” I shot back. “And I’m trying to fix it.”
Her eyes narrowed. “How? By stopping everything in the middle of a shoot? By making everyone stare at me like I’m the reason your dick didn’t cooperate? You’re supposed to be a professional.”
“I am a professional,” I said tightly.
“Then act like it. I’m certainly trying, but it’s hard when I’m being used for something I have no control over. It’s weird, okay?”