Chapter 19 #2
I sucked in my bottom lip and chewed on it, unable to hide that what he said was true.
I shrugged and lowered my gaze to my hands.
“It’s fine,” I said. “I’ve lived with it all my life, and I don’t sit around screaming or crying, hoping she’ll one day change.
” I looked up at him again and smiled tightly.
“She’s self-destructive and a narcissist, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I want to stay out of her way.”
Callan studied me for a moment longer. I could tell he wanted to say more, but decided against it.
It was for the better. Talking about my mother only upset me.
The silence grew between us, with only the low sound of the TV filling the space.
When I glanced over at him, I saw the tension on his face.
He wasn’t angry at me, but at the situation.
And at Mom. It made me uneasy, knowing she made him feel this way, and having me still around when he easily could’ve gotten rid of me the second Mom left.
I cleared my throat, wanting to shift the weight of the conversation. “When’s the next filming day?” I asked.
I caught him off guard with that question. He looked at me and said, “Tomorrow afternoon. Around two.”
I nodded, keeping my eyes on him even though my pulse was hammering. “Okay,” I said quietly. “I’ll come to set again. If that’s fine with you.”
His body turned slightly. “You want to?” he asked.
“I mean…yes.” I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, trying to sound casual. “I still need a few more notes for the essay, and I was hoping to ask Trey some questions about the camera setups. Just so I get the technical parts right.”
He leaned back, resting his arm along the back of the couch. “You can ask me about them too,” he said. There was a quiet challenge in his voice.
I hesitated, then nodded. “Okay. I’ll ask you then.”
He nodded and looked back at the TV again, letting another moment of silence settle between us before saying, “I’ll need you before I start shooting.”
I turned my head toward him, but he kept his eyes on the screen. I knew what he meant. My throat felt tight, but I nodded. “Okay.”
That finally made him look at me. His eyes danced with amusement. “Are you sure you still want to do it?” he asked.
“Yes.” My answer came quicker than I expected. I didn’t want to sound uncertain, even if part of me was.
He watched me closely, his gaze searching my face. “You were overwhelmed that night,” he said quietly. “When I made you come.”
The bluntness of it sent a jolt straight through me.
My body reacted before my mind caught up, and my pulse jumped at the reminder of how he had made me feel.
I swallowed hard and forced myself to meet his eyes.
“It was my first orgasm,” I admitted. Not sure why I thought I had to let him know, but I had a feeling that he already knew, anyway.
His jaw clenched, and for a moment, he just stared at me. Then he nodded slowly, his lips pressing together. “Yeah, I could tell.”
I felt my cheeks grow warm, the heat creeping up to my ears in the most uncomfortable way. I looked down at my hands, tracing the edge of my thumb with my nail to distract myself. “Great,” I murmured.
“Lana.”
“Hm?”
He was watching me closely, elbows resting on his knees again as he leaned forward. His posture was relaxed but his eyes were sharp. “You don’t have to be ashamed,” he told me.
“I’m not,” I replied too quickly, a small frown forming as I looked away again. “I’m just tired.”
He didn’t look away, just kept staring. I could tell he wanted to continue the conversation about my very first climax, but he changed the subject instead. “Where were you tonight?”
I glanced up at him. “It was Holland’s birthday. She wanted to go out. So we went to this bar downtown.”
He tilted his head slightly, interested in finding out more. “That’s nice. Did you drink?”
“Not much,” I said quickly. “A couple of shots, but I stopped early. I wanted to make sure she got home safe.”
His gaze softened just a fraction. “Good. I would’ve sent someone to pick you up if I’d known you were out that late.”
I smiled faintly at that. “You don’t have to worry about that. We have our trusted driver,” I explained.
Callan raised a brow. “What, like a private chauffeur?”
“He’s an Uber driver we met last year, and we’ve sort of become friends with him. So every time we go out, we call him because we know we can trust him.”
He didn’t look too convinced or happy, but he didn’t say more. When the silence started to bother me again, I said, “It was fun. Holland danced for hours. She’s the kind of person who can walk into a room and make everyone’s mood lift.”
“And did you dance?” He didn’t seem interested in what I said about Holland.
I cleared my throat. “I did. Eventually. It was loud and crowded, and I needed a second to adjust. But Holland being there helped me loosen up. It was nice. I needed it.”
He leaned back again, watching me with that quiet attention he always had. “You look like you did,” he said after a beat. “You look relaxed.”
“Yeah,” I said with a tight smile. “It helped clear my head a little.”
“From what?”
I hesitated. I could tell he, once again, already knew what I was going to say, and what I was avoiding. “From everything,” I said finally. “From the last few days. From you. From what happened.”
His jaw flexed slightly, but he didn’t interrupt. I forced myself to keep talking. “It’s been…a lot. I’m still trying to make sense of it.”
“Do you regret it?”
I shook my head before I could think too long about it. “No. I don’t regret it.” My voice came out steadier than I felt. “I just need a little time to process it all. That’s all. It’s all new to me. But I like it.”
“What exactly do you like?”
I knew what he wanted to hear from me, and he probably thought I wouldn’t, but I cleared my throat and said it out loud. “Being your fluffer. It’s new and exciting, and I’m glad I said yes to it.”
Next to the amusement flashing in his eyes, there was a hint of pride in them too. Despite never having been very close, he kept acting like he had some unspoken responsibility toward me. Like he was watching over me in ways he couldn’t quite explain to himself.
“Good.” That’s all he said.
It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough for me. His expression gave me the reassurance I had secretly been looking for, and that made me feel safe around him and what we were creating between us.
I could feel the exhaustion creeping in now that the adrenaline of being near him had faded. My eyelids felt heavy, and my body sank deeper into the couch. I rubbed my temple and let out a small breath. “I should go to sleep. It’s late.”
He didn’t argue. “Get some rest.”
I stood and brushed down my skirt. I hesitated for a moment before glancing at him again. “Goodnight, Callan.”
His voice was low when he answered. “Goodnight, Lana.”