Chapter 24
Lana
My body was still buzzing and floating in a haze of pleasure I’d never known existed.
Every nerve ending felt alive, and I slowly began to understand why people liked doing this every day.
It was exhausting, though, and I haven’t even had my first time yet.
Callan didn’t seem to be tired. On the contrary, he was fully hard again, and his eyes were filled with desire and need.
I watched him through heavy-lidded eyes as he moved over me. He kissed me again, and I could taste myself on his tongue. It had a strange, intimate flavor, but I liked it.
“Callan,” I whispered against his lips. “Do that again.”
He chuckled and pressed one more soft kiss to my lips before pulling back enough to look at my face. “We’re not done yet, sweet girl,” he assured me in that low, possessive growl. “Not by a long shot.”
My breath hitched. I knew what was coming next.
I wanted it, though I was nervous. He shifted to get off the bed to take off his pants and boxers.
His shirt was next, and my eyes wandered all over his body as he stood there, with his cock standing hard in the air with that slight curve.
I admired it for a while longer before lifting my gaze to his.
He was watching me just as closely, and I wondered what he was thinking.
There was a hint of insecurity in me, unsure if I was enough for him.
I had no experience. This would be my first time.
And though I was willing, I didn’t know if he’d enjoy having sex with me when all the women he had before me were all pros.
Would it be different for him? Would he be bored if I didn’t move the way the other women did? Could I even make mistakes? I managed to give him what he needed with my mouth, so how different could this be?
He moved over me again, settling between my legs.
I felt his thick length press against my still sensitive folds.
My legs trembled, and my heartbeat was kicking up by the second.
He held himself up with one hand next to my head, and with the other, he cupped my pussy.
“I’m going to fuck you now,” he said, his voice leaving no room for filters.
It wasn’t a question. It was a statement of fact, and the raw honesty of it made my thighs clench with need.
“I’m going to be the first one to feel this tight pussy squeeze around my cock. Is that what you want?”
I could only nod. My throat was too tight to form words. My hands moved down to rest on his shoulders, my fingers digging into his muscles.
“Use your words, sweet girl,” he commanded softly, his fingers moving through my slickness. “Tell me you want me to fuck you.”
“Yes,” I breathed out. “I want you to fuck me.”
That was all he needed. His fingers left me, and his hand wrapped around his cock to guide the thick head to my entrance.
He pushed forward slowly, gently, and I felt a sharp, stinging stretch as my body gave way to him.
Under all the tension, there was a small voice screaming at me.
It told me that I was missing something, and fear suddenly came over me.
“Wait, stop.” I pushed at his chest and he immediately stopped moving, with his tip fully buried inside of me. “Condom,” I managed to say. “We need a condom.”
“No, we don’t.”
Heat rushed to my face, suddenly scared that this was a bad idea. Scared that he wasn’t who I thought he was. Scared that he’d change on me and use me like every other woman he ever had sex with.
“Callan, I’m not on the pill.”
“And I can’t get you pregnant.”
That caused me to pause and look at him. I frowned before I realized what he was saying. I still let him tell me. I needed to hear it from him.
“I got a vasectomy.”
“When?”
He grinned. “The day I turned eighteen. Only made sense knowing I’d be fucking multiple women every week.”
I furrowed my brows and studied his face. I hated the truth about his job, and how normal it was for him to say such things. But I couldn’t let myself think that I was different. Because I wasn’t. We were just having fun.
“Okay. But…” I looked down, and my pussy clenched around his tip. Taking a deep breath, I forgot about everything that worried me. “Okay.”
“Lana, look at me.”
I met his eyes and bit my bottom lip.
“I need you to be sure about this. I won’t continue unless you tell me it’s okay to.”
I nodded slowly, my mouth feeling a bit too dry. “I’m sure.”
“Yeah?”
Nodding again, I whispered, “Yes. I want this.”
“Okay.” He leaned in to press a kiss to my forehead. “Then, breathe for me. Relax. I’ve got you.”
I took a shaky breath, forcing the tension to ease from my muscles.
“You okay?” he asked, shifting slightly to adjust himself between my legs.
“Yes, I’m okay. It just…stings a little,” I admitted.
“I won’t hurt you. I’m going to take it slow, I promise.”
I watched him closely. “Okay. I trust you.”
“Good.” He placed another kiss on my lips, then locked eyes with me again before his hips rocked forward in one swift move.
I cried out as a sharp pain rushed through my body, and it faded into a dull ache that was quickly being replaced by a deep, throbbing pleasure.
I arched my back in response, letting everything settle as his hips were pressed flush against mine.
He was fully buried inside of me, and I could feel every thick inch of him pulsing against my inner walls.
“Fuck,” he groaned, his head dropping to my shoulder. “You’re so fucking tight. So perfect. You feel like you were made for my cock.”
He started to move then, pulling out almost all the way before pushing back in, slow and deep. Every stroke sent a jolt of pleasure through me, a pleasure so intense it was almost painful. My hands slid from his shoulders to his back, my nails scraping against his skin as I held on.
“You like that?” he asked, his voice thick with lust as he picked up the pace slightly. “You like my cock stretching this little pussy?”
“God, yes,” I moaned. “Don’t stop.”
“I’m not going to stop,” he promised, his thrusts becoming a little harder and faster. “I’m going to fuck you until you can’t remember your own name. Until the only thing you can feel is me inside you.”
He shifted his angle slightly, and with his next thrust, he hit a spot deep inside me that made me see stars. I cried out, my back arching off the bed as a wave of pleasure crashed over me.
“There it is,” he grunted, his voice full of arrogance. He knew exactly what he was doing, and how he could bring a woman to her knees. “Right there. I’m going to make you come on my cock, Lana. I want to feel this tight little pussy come all over me.”
He started to pound into me then, his movements no longer gentle. He was fucking me hard, his hips slapping against mine. The pleasure was building faster than I thought it would, twisting in my stomach, almost making me sick.
“Callan,” I gasped as my body trembled. “I think I’m…”
“Come for me, baby,” he commanded, his voice rough. “Come all over my cock. Let me feel it, sweet girl.”
His words were my undoing. The tension inside of me exploded, and my orgasm ripped through me.
It was more powerful than the first one.
I screamed his name, my body shuddering uncontrollably as waves of pleasure washed over me.
I could feel my pussy clenching around his cock, milking him, and with a loud groan, he buried himself deep inside me one last time.
I felt a hot flood as he came, his body tensing against mine.
He collapsed on top of me, his full weight pressing down on my body.
He stayed inside me for a long moment, our breathing ragged and in sync.
The frantic pounding of my heart wasn’t slowing to a more manageable rhythm, and I desperately tried to calm myself down.
We were both exhausted, but it was the blissful kind.
My body was limp beneath him, and I thought he might stay inside of me.
That we might do it all over again, and that this was just the beginning of a long night in this bed.
He shifted, propping himself up on his elbows.
I tilted my head back, expecting another kiss or for him to look at me with the same softness I felt inside.
Instead, his face was a mask, making it impossible for me to read him.
He leaned in close enough to brush his lips against mine, but he didn’t kiss me.
He pulled out of me, and the sudden emptiness where he had just been felt like a physical blow.
Before I could even process it, he was pushing himself off me and off the bed.
He stood up, standing with his back to me as I watched in stunned silence as he bent down to retrieve his jeans from the floor.
He didn’t look at me. He didn’t say a word, and it made everything worse.
“Callan?” I whispered. I sat up and wrapped my arms around myself to keep warm.
He didn’t answer. He just picked up his shirt and pulled it over his head before running a hand over his head. His gaze was fixed on the door, and he still wouldn’t look at me. He just kept his back to me.
Swallowing, I tried to make sense of his behavior.
I knew that this didn’t mean much to him.
I was just another girl he fucked, and I could tell he was worried I’d get attached.
That wasn’t the case. I knew what I had gotten myself into, and I was ready to handle the outcome without expecting anything from him in return.
“You don’t have to worry. It was just sex. That’s all it was.”
He finally turned to look at me, and he took his time studying me, trying to make sure I was being honest. His jaw twitched, and for a second, I saw relief flicker in his eyes. He gave a short nod, as if I had just confirmed a business transaction.
“Good,” he said, his voice flat and lacking any of the warmth or lust from moments before. “That’s what it was.”
Then he turned, and without another word, he walked out of the room.
I started crying the second I locked myself in my room.
I was hit with emotions I didn’t let show in front of him.
I couldn’t. I didn’t want to seem weak or give him any reason to think I was getting attached.
He didn’t want that. He hadn’t promised me anything, and he made it clear he never would.
I knew it. I accepted it. And still, admitting it to myself hurt more than anything I’d felt in years.
I wiped my eyes and tried to steady my breathing. My body still felt raw from him, and I couldn’t sit there feeling sorry for myself all night. I needed to wash it off. I stepped into the shower, and I stayed under the water long enough to empty my head or at least dull the edges.
An hour later, I was curled up on my bed, with the covers pulled up to my chin, staring at my phone.
I was on FaceTime with Holland, and I had just finished telling her everything.
Every detail, from the observatory to the filming room to the brutal silence after.
I needed someone to talk to, and Holland was the only one I had.
I needed her to tell me I wasn’t crazy, and that I wasn’t stupid for letting it happen.
Her face on the screen was a storm cloud. She didn’t look disappointed in me. There was no judgment in her eyes for me being na?ve enough to lose my virginity to Callan. No, all her anger was aimed at him, and it was a fiery, protective rage that I could feel even through the screen.
“It’s almost as if every guy goes to the same special academy where they get a PhD in being a complete and utter asshole,” she seethed.
“Like, seriously, Lana. He takes you out to dinner, he takes you to your favorite place in the entire city, he has this whole deep, meaningful conversation with you, makes you feel seen, and then he takes your virginity and just…leaves you on that bed? That’s not just a dick move, that’s a psychological crime. He’s a monster.”
I picked at the corner of my phone case, absently chewing my bottom lip as I listened to her righteous anger on my behalf. It was easier to focus on her than the hollow feeling in my own chest.
“And another thing,” she continued, her voice rising.
“He’s a grown-ass man. Which, once again, proves my theory that they never, ever grow up.
They just get older and find more sophisticated ways to be immature, selfish pricks.
Lana, girl, I need you to know that you did nothing wrong. Do you understand me? Nothing.”
She stared directly into the camera, her expression fierce.
“If anything, you were the one in control of everything. You made the rules clear at the end. It was a total bad-ass move telling him that sex is all it was. He might not have shown it, you know, with his whole “I’m-a-block-of-ice” routine, but I guarantee that hit him right in the ego.
Right in the nuts. Men cannot stand hearing that you used them too, that it didn’t mean anything more to you than it did to them. ”
I looked at her face on my phone’s screen and sighed. “It doesn’t feel like I used him, Holls.”
“But you did,” she said immediately, her tone softening just a fraction.
“And that’s a good thing, considering the way he used you.
You took back the power in that last sentence, Lana.
You told him he wasn’t special enough to break you.
That’s a win.” She paused, her eyes softening with concern. “How are you feeling, though? Really?”
I thought about it for a moment. “Sore,” I admitted quietly. “And stupid. And a little bit empty.”
“You’re not stupid,” she said firmly. “You’re human. You took a chance on something new. And I know you’re going to be okay. Do you still need me to come over?”
I managed a small, genuine smile. “No, I’ll be okay. But thanks.”
“Anytime,” she said, her protective glare returning. “I’ll take you out for lunch on Saturday, and I’ll show you exactly how you deserve to be treated.”
In any situation I felt small or unloved, Holland always stepped in and showed me that friendship truly was the only thing I could count on.