Chapter 40
Callan
Lana had sent me a message last night, telling me she would spend the night at Holland’s, and even though a part of me wanted her here with me, I accepted it without pushing and told her to have a good night.
The kitchen wasn’t fully cleaned anyway, and I didn’t want her to walk back into the chaos her mother had created.
I had called people right and left, arranging for cleaners to take care of the mess while I handled everything with Eden at the police station, filling out forms and making more calls before finally getting back home to help the cleaners finish.
I didn’t want to be the guy who stood around doing nothing, so when they left later that night, I stayed up and kept cleaning the kitchen until I was satisfied with it.
By this morning, the kitchen looked decent.
The cabinets Eden had destroyed needed to be replaced, and the fridge was still empty, but I planned to fix that before Lana set foot inside the house again.
Around noon, I ate lunch and went grocery shopping, filling the cart with everything I knew she liked and everything I needed to restock. When I got home and carried the bags inside, my phone buzzed with her name on the screen.
I leaned against the kitchen island and picked up. “Hey.”
“Hi.” She sounded calm.
“How was your sleepover?”
“Good. It was fun.” I heard the smile in her voice, and it eased the tension in me. She had needed the distance and the comfort of her best friend, and I was glad she got both.
“I’m glad,” I said.
“Me too.” She went quiet for a moment before adding, “Can you come pick me up?”
“Yeah, of course. Do you want me to come right now?”
There was another small pause. “Yes, please.”
“Okay.” I smiled, feeling that familiar pull in my chest at the thought of seeing her again. “I’ll be there in twenty.”
“Okay. See you then.”
I put away the groceries after she hung up, and once the last bag was empty and the kitchen was fully stocked, I headed straight out to go pick her up.
After parking on the side of the street in front of Holland’s building, I walked to the entrance and let myself in.
I took the stairs to her floor, then knocked on the apartment door.
The door opened, and Lana stood there looking up at me with a sweet, genuine smile that made my heart do the craziest flips. She was wearing the same loungewear set, but her hair was now pulled up into a messy bun at the top of her head. She had never looked more beautiful.
“Hi.”
“Hey,” I smiled back, forcing myself to keep my hands at my sides, even though every instinct screamed at me to reach out and pull her to me. “You look beautiful.”
Her cheeks turned a rosy pink. “I haven’t even taken a shower yet.”
“And you still look beautiful,” I told her with a grin, unable to stop myself.
She bit the inside of her cheek and leaned against the side of the door, her fingers gripping the wood tightly.
She was trying to hide from me, seemingly shy after my compliment, and I found it adorable.
I tilted my head to the side and studied her, simply taking in the sight of her face as she looked up at me.
Reaching out, I gently pinched her cheek with the backside of my fingers in a small, affectionate gesture that felt more intimate than a grander touch would have.
“You ready to leave?” I asked.
She nodded, her smile growing slightly. “Yes. I’ll be right back.
” She disappeared into the apartment, leaving the door half-open, and I heard her muffled voice talking to Holland, who seemed to have just gotten out of the shower based on the sound I heard from the bathroom.
I waited with my hands in my pockets, my gaze fixed on the sliver of the apartment I could see, just soaking in the fact that she was okay.
When she reappeared a moment later, I stepped aside to let her exit, and as she moved past me into the hallway, I closed the door behind her. The moment the latch clicked, I was at my limit of holding back.
I wrapped one arm securely around her waist, pulling her back against me.
I took one step forward, pressing her gently but firmly against the wall of the hallway.
I lowered my head, my eyes locking with hers for a split second before my lips found hers.
The kiss wasn’t gentle or tentative. It was desperate.
I poured all of my relief, all of my worry about her, all of my love into that one kiss.
She kissed me back instantly, her hands coming up to rest at the nape of my neck, her fingers grazing the back of my head gently.
She responded with an equal intensity, her lips parting under mine, and a soft sigh escaping her as she deepened the kiss.
I pressed closer, my body melting into hers.
I lifted my other hand to cup the back of her head, holding her to me.
I slowed the pace, my lips moving against hers with tenderness, savoring the taste and the feel of her.
Her hands slid down to rest on my shoulders, and I slowly broke the kiss, pulling back just enough to look at her.
The shadows of fear and exhaustion that had haunted her eyes over the past couple of days were gone, replaced by a look of contentment that made my heart feel full.
I brought my hand up from her waist to gently cup her face with both hands, my thumbs stroking her soft skin there.
I leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Are you ready to go home?”
She nodded slowly, her voice full of conviction when she said, “I’m ready.”
Back home, Lana stopped in the kitchen doorway, her eyes wide with surprise.
I gave her a moment to take it all in, to register that the room looked nothing like the disaster her mother had left behind.
The counters were empty, the floors were clean, and the only reminder of that night was the gaps where the destroyed cabinets still needed to be replaced.
Her gaze drifted slowly across the room, and a small frown tugged between her brows.
“There’s nothing left.”
She meant the plates and glasses. Every single one her mother had smashed.
“Actually, she did spare one thing.” I walked to the counter and picked up the red cock-shaped mug that held loose bills and spare change. When Lana saw it, her brows rose and her expression shifted into amusement.
“She broke everything in this kitchen except that?”
I laughed and nodded, lifting the large mug a little before setting it back down. “Yeah. I don’t get it either. Let’s not question it.”
I moved to the fridge and opened it so she could see the shelves packed full. “I went to the store earlier. Are you hungry?”
She shook her head but kept staring at the stocked fridge with appreciation. “I had breakfast at Holland’s. Maybe later.”
“Good,” I said, closing the fridge again. “Whenever you want something, just tell me.”
She gave a little nod, then said, “I think I’m gonna take a bath.”
“Go. Take your time.”
There was a short moment where she looked unsure if she was allowed to have time to herself. But I saw her expression change again, her eyes determined as she walked over to me. She rose onto her toes, pressing a gentle kiss to my mouth. It was quick, but enough for me to know that she was okay.
“I’ll come down later,” she said.
“I’ll be here.”
***
Hours later, I was sitting on the couch in the living room, mindlessly zapping through channels on TV.
Lana was truly taking her time in the bath, and I even heard her fill the tub a second time when the water probably turned cold.
I didn’t mind. I wanted her to take as much time as she needed. It would help her.
Eventually, I heard her soft footsteps on the stairs. I put the remote down on the coffee table and leaned back, my arms stretched along the back of the couch.
She appeared in the entryway, her hair damp and curling at the ends. Her face was relaxed, and the tension I had seen in her shoulders had long gone. She was wearing a different set of loungewear and fuzzy socks. She looked adorable.
She walked toward me without saying anything, sitting down on the couch next to me with her feet tucked underneath her. Her scent was fresh and floral, and I took in a deep breath so it would linger.
I shifted slightly, turning my body toward hers. She looked up at me, and that’s when I saw the many questions in her eyes. There was no worry or pain, just pure wonder. She took a slow breath to gather her thoughts before she spoke, catching me completely off guard.
“Do you want to be with me?” she asked.
My heart hammered in my chest. There was no doubt in my mind on how I’d answer that, but it felt like a trick question.
“Of course,” I said, my voice firm. I had already confessed my love, and nothing was changing how I felt for her. “More than anything.”
She seemed to brace herself slightly, as if my answer was the easy part and what came next was the hard part.
“Okay,” she said, nodding slowly. “I want to be with you, too.” A wave of relief hit me, making me dizzy.
It was like fireworks going off inside of me.
Thousands of them, all at once and uncontrolled.
“But I don’t know if I can if you’re still having sex with other women. ”
I hadn’t been expecting that because I hadn’t let my mind go there yet. I had been thinking about so many other things instead of what being with me would mean for her.
She continued, her gaze fixed on mine. “I just don’t want you to have sex with anyone else when you say you love me.” Her words were heavy with meaning, and I let her continue without interrupting. I wanted her to tell me exactly what she was feeling and thinking.
“I know it’s probably not fair to you because it’s your job, but I just can’t…” She stopped and took another deep breath. “I can’t be with you if you keep on having sex on camera.”
She wasn’t accusing me or demanding that I agree with her. She was setting a line. One she needed to draw to protect the fragile, new thing that was growing between us. She was stating her own worth. That the love I had confessed to her had to be exclusive.
And I knew that she wasn’t asking for too much. She was asking for what she deserved. I let out a slow breath, moving my hand from the back of the couch and gently covering hers with mine. I rubbed my thumb over her knuckles to ease whatever worries she might’ve had.
“It’s not unfair,” I said, keeping my voice low.
“It’s not unfair at all. You’re right. The love I feel for you can’t exist alongside that side of me.
” I looked into her eyes, wanting her to see the absolute honesty in my gaze.
“I don’t want anyone else. I haven’t for a long time.
That part of my life is over. It was over the moment I realized I was in love with you.
So, if you’re asking if I will stop having sex on camera for you, the answer is yes. ”
Her eyes widened but just slightly, and she let out a shaky, relieved laugh.
“Good,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion now.
“Because I don’t think I could handle it.
I don’t mind if you…you know, keep directing pornos, and…
” She stopped herself and frowned. “I really don’t want you to think I want to control you or anything.
I just…I don’t want you to have sex with other women. That’s all.”
I squeezed her hand and smiled. “And I already told you…I don’t want that either. I want you. Only you.”
The last of her uncertainty and fear melted away, and it was replaced by a strength and clarity that was breathtaking to witness. She studied me closely, her eyes taking in every inch of my face. Then she took a deep breath and said, “I love you too, Callan.”
The fireworks I had felt earlier were nothing compared to this. This was a supernova. An explosion of light and warmth that filled every dark corner of my soul. I couldn’t answer with words. Nothing I could’ve said would’ve been enough. Instead, I leaned in and covered her mouth with mine.
I kissed her slowly at first, and she leaned into me with a soft moan that sent a jolt through my body.
I cupped her jaw and tilted her head to the side to deepen the kiss.
She moved in closer, reaching up to grip my shirt, with her fingers curling into the fabric.
I parted her lips with mine, sliding my tongue into her mouth as another moan escaped her.
I moved my hand into her hair, fisting it gently as I curled my tongue around hers.
The longer I kissed her, the more I felt everything settle inside me.
She was giving me all her trust, meeting me halfway without giving me an ultimatum.
She was simply asking to be my only, and that alone made me proud to be loved by her.
Hell, she could’ve chosen anybody, but even after everything she’s gone through because of me, she still chose me.
When I broke the kiss, she looked up at me with flushed cheeks and a shy smile. I admired her, taking in every inch of her face as I brushed my thumb along her cheekbone.
“I’m yours,” I told her. “Only yours.”