Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
Playing: “Mercy” by Shawn Mendes
Tension whirls in the air, dominance spilling out of me as I try to hold in all of the anguish that I feel.
Kit is sitting on my bed, folding laundry and humming a happy tune that does nothing to tame the beast inside me.
I try to focus on the case in front of me, but the paper seems to blur, the emotion pounding through me making it hard to concentrate.
I can’t seem to let go of being left in the dark by Kit last night.
Not only am I embarrassed for going after Uriah’s bandmate like that, for having instincts that I have no words for, but then, neither omega was even there when we turned around.
They disappeared right under our noses. Rory told us they went to the bathroom to sober up, but when they never came back, I felt sick with worry.
They weren’t returning my texts or Thatcher’s calls, and all Rory could say was that Opal wasn’t feeling well, so maybe he took her home.
When we did finally arrive home, after spending hours fretting over the location of our omegas, I couldn’t even see them to placate the possessive need in me, one that I’m not comfortable having at all.
Not to mention, both of their doors were closed, and Kit never closes his door.
“I can hear you thinking over there,” Kit finally says as he folds another T-shirt into a perfect square.
“Trust me, I’m trying to just let it go,” I reply.
“Well, don’t. Let’s have it out. I don’t want to keep things buried, and your alpha is stirring underneath your skin. I can feel him wanting to take control, and you know it never works when you oppress him, so just tell me what’s bothering you.”
“Okay, fine,” I relent, just because my omega is asking me to do so. “I’m just a bit upset that you didn’t tell me where you went last night. You gave us no indication that you got home safe, and it drove my alpha insane.”
“I meant to text you right away,” he tells me earnestly. “But I forgot. I was focused on taking care of Opal.”
That sentence pours warmth into my veins, warmth that I want to banish but can’t. My alpha is elated by the sound of them getting along, by them being each other’s safe place.
“I promise I will keep you in the loop next time.” He looks me directly in the eye, and the glint there tells me he’s being honest. I nod my head as he goes back to folding.
My mind still feels troubled, though, like something isn’t right, and I can’t pinpoint exactly what that is.
“Did you sleep in her bed?” I ask, knowing she’s let him into her room before.
Kit shakes his head. “No, she slept in mine.”
I do a double take. He’s avoiding my eyes, trying to seem nonchalant. “What’s going on, Kit?”
He gives a light chuckle. “I could ask you the same thing.”
“I don’t know what you mean by that.”
“I mean… why haven’t you made a move on her yet? I know you like her.”
My gut twists as his eyes peer into me, begging me to agree, but I can’t make my mouth form the words out loud. “I know you’ve been pursuing her, but we’ve never discussed if I would—”
“Are you saying you don’t feel the same way, then? That you haven’t found yourself subconsciously searching for her in every room we enter? That she doesn’t gravitationally pull you in anytime she even glances your way?”
“I don’t know,” I tell him, but I know that’s a lie. Maybe not when we first met, or even a few times after, but ever since her omega called out for help, my gaze has been glued to her. “I’ve been so busy…”
“That’s an excuse, Sam,” he scolds me, crossing his arms in front of his chest. It muffles his heartbeat, and it causes something in me to break.
“Anytime you have an instinct about something, you bury it in your work or volunteering or anything else that distracts you so you don’t have to think too hard about it. ”
I blanch. “That’s not true. That’s not the reason—”
“I know. You love what you do, but sometimes, you use it as a way to escape.”
“Stardust—”
“No, don’t ‘Stardust’ me.” He finally puts the clothes down, turning his body in my direction.
“I’m tired of us avoiding this,” he hisses.
“The way you and Thatcher reacted last night… that wasn’t normal, Sam.
I know it, our friends know it, and even you know it.
Thatcher may not know it, but you know something is up. You’re just ignoring your instincts.”
I choke on nothing, feeling his cautionary warning like a punch to the gut. “I know it’s not normal,” I admit. “But there’s nothing we can do about it.”
“We can stop running away from what is obvious.” He stands up and walks toward me, his black T-shirt hanging slightly off his shoulder as he looks at me.
My mind wants to focus on that, but his hands touch my face, pulling me back to his gaze.
“You like her, Sam. Just as much as I do. Just as much as Thatcher does.”
“I don’t know anything about her,” I lie, because I know that her lips taste like kindness and her touch feels like everything my body needs. I physically relax whenever she’s in a room. And being that attached to an omega who isn’t mine scares me.
Kit’s face morphs, determination and stubbornness written all over it.
“She likes dipping peanut butter pretzels into Nutella because of the different textures. She loves cozy anime, but the more fantasy and magic, the better. She wants to be a teacher, wants to show children that no matter their temperament, they are worthy of being seen and taught.”
“Kit—”
“She cooks you breakfast every morning because she knows you take care of everyone, and she wants to do the same for you. She crochets literally anything she can think of that reminds her of us because she wants to keep us close. Jemma loves her more than she loves me, and that’s saying a lot.
” My omega sighs. “She seems shy, but there is a vibrant, loving person making herself small underneath there, and I think that’s something you two have in common. ”
“Kit,” I say again with exasperation.
“You might be an alpha,” he continues, “but you’re also a prime. I don’t understand how you’re not picking up on what’s going on here.”
My eyebrows scrunch in as I take in how serious my mate is being. “And what is going on here?”
“She’s ours,” he proclaims, his tone the softest I’ve ever heard him. It hits me square in the chest, but not in a good way. The hope on his face doesn’t soothe me—it causes fear.
“Even if that’s how we feel, it doesn’t matter,” I inform him, feeling the itch to go back to my work and deal with this conversation later. I start to fiddle with the papers on my desk. “Our pack is already complete.”
Kit slams his hand down on the desk in front of me, the sound making me flinch as I witness the anguish in his face. “Why are you fighting this?” he asks me. “Why aren’t you making any room to let her in?”
I steel my spine, even though seeing my omega in distress causes every molecule in my body to panic.
“What are we going to do, Kit? What if we let her in, let the possibility of her joining our pack become a reality? And then six or eight months down the line, she meets her scent matches or other alphas who can take care of her, and she leaves us in the dust? Two omegas in one pack isn’t common.
There’s no way to guarantee that it will work between all of us. ”
His eyes widen. “What? That’s what you’re panicking about? When have you ever cared about what’s traditional?”
“It’s not just that, Kit. But if that happens, I’ll have to pick up the pieces, and I don’t know if I can do that if it all goes to shit with her.
If that happens…” I stop, my brain going a million miles a minute.
My breaths come in deeper, my calming technique working to do its job as my lungs slow enough for me to continue.
“If that happens… it would destroy us, and we’re already a mess.
I was supposed to lead us, and look at the trench we’ve ended up in. ”
“Sam. We’re not in a trench anymore because of Opal,” he tells me, and I’m reminded of her words from the party last week.
How she’s been trying to fix things all by herself, because I haven’t been around to help.
Because I’ve been avoiding the inevitable, not letting myself look at the broken pieces at our feet.
“What if she realizes I can’t lead like a prime should?” I say, the emotion stirring from deep down. “I want things to be perfect, but they’re not.”
Kit’s hand finds its way to my shoulder. “You have to stop taking on all of the responsibility. It’s driving you insane, Sam. Nothing will ever be perfect, and the more you strive for it, the quicker it will slip through your fingers.”
I’ve never considered that, because I’ve always taken on too much.
It almost feels natural at this point. My life was turned upside down when I was a teenager, but I got a second chance.
I didn’t feel worthy of it, but the more I work, the more I contribute to the world, and the burden feels less heavy.
“But… she deserves the best,” I argue again.
“You may not be perfect, Sam Langley,” Kit starts, his eyes pouring into mine with crystal clear adoration. “But you are the best.”
He pulls me into a hug then. My omega comforts me, letting me soak in the praise like I never have before. And despite being scared out of my fucking mind, I let the idea of us seep into my chest and curl up, like a seed of hope waiting to grow into something beautiful.