Chapter Twenty-Six
Hearing the right words at the wrong time can ruin everything. -Lyla
Lyla
I hum as I rifle through my purse looking for my keys.
“Where, oh where, are my keys?” I make up a silly song while I hunt for the darn things. I swear the older I get, the bigger my purse gets, and the smaller my ability to keep track of my keys gets. It’s like there’s a hole in the bottom of my bag that they disappear into.
“Aha!” I say triumphantly and hold the keys up into the air. I glance around, realizing I am of course talking to myself in an empty parking garage.
“Lyla! Lyla! Stay right there! Don’t move!” Asher’s panicked voice rings throughout the garage, bouncing off the concrete walls.
I grimace and swing around. The man has been nothing if not relentless. There is a part of me that wants to hear what he has to say, but I also know that I’ll cave. I’ll cave and we’ll end up in this dance together, making love and then feeling him pull away, over and over again. He’ll try for me, but in the end, he won’t be able to give me what I want. He won’t be able to return my feelings.
I ball my fists by my side and face him head on. It’s time to have this out, whether I’m ready for it or not.
Asher is out of breath by the time he finally stands in front of me.
I arch an eyebrow as he leans over and gasps hard. “Give…give me just a minute.”
“What’s so important, Asher? I have things to do.” Not really, but I want to appear like he isn’t the only concern in my life. He doesn’t know my only plans are to go home and watch trashy shows and eat ice cream.
He straightens and frowns, giving me a hard look. “Really, do you? Another date?”
I swallow, hard. “It’s not your business if I do or not. Do you have one with Madeline?”
He rolls his eyes. “You know Madeline has gone back to Atlanta. And I told you before there’s nothing between us. She tried to kiss me, and I pushed her away.” He reaches out to take my hand, but I pull away. “I want you, Lyla, only you.”
I bite my lip and try to keep the tears at bay. “You want me for how long? For a few months? For a year? How long until you get tired of me and trade me in for another model?”
He reaches for me again and this time I make the mistake of staying still. Sparks shoot up my arm as he grasps it. “Lyla, it’s not like that.” His green eyes beckon to me, imploring me to listen. I want to close my hands over my ears and not fall for him yet again, but I can’t seem to stop myself. Why do I have to be in love with this man?
“What’s it like then?” I ask softly. “Are you going to stay for a while and then decide you’ve had enough? Maybe give me a few good years of “caring” about me?”
“I didn’t have the best example growing up, Lyla.” He glances down at his feet. “I saw too much hate. It’s hard to believe in love.” His head snaps up and his gaze meets mine. “But I believe in you, Lyla. I…well,” he sucks in a deep breath, “I love you and I can’t seem to stop myself.”
I take a step back. “You…you love me?” I repeat, unable to process the words coming from Asher.
He nods and sends me a quick, nervous smile. “I do. I love you, Lyla.” His words sound surer now and I revel in the sound of them.
I close my eyes. I want to let the words roll over me and wrap me in their comfort. I want them to be all that I need. But…
“Why now, Asher? Why say the words now?”
He slides his hand along my cheek and grasps the back of my neck. “Because I’m sure now. Because I know now. Because I can’t bear the thought of you leaving me now, or any day.”
I let him pull me in closer and I revel in the feel of the heat between us. I let him kiss me lightly and then open for his tongue to twine with mine. I try hard to block out all other thoughts. I want to turn off my brain and focus on this. I want to focus on the feel of his arms around me and the way my body feels pressed up against his. But…
I push away from him. I gasp and try to catch my breath. “Why would you think I was going to leave you?” My eyes narrow. “What have you heard?”
His cheeks turn ruddy and my stomach sinks. “Um, Nurse Vicky said you asked for a recommendation for a job in Tampa. But that’s not why…”
I raise a finger to his lips and smile sadly. “That’s exactly why, Asher. You’re afraid of losing someone familiar. You’re afraid of me not being there for you. I wondered why you were so quick to say “I love you” now. You love continuity and for things to stay the same.” I give a dry chuckle. “I almost believed you there for a second.”
I turn to walk away and feel his hand on my arm again. “I mean it, Lyla. I love you. I love you so much.”
I glance back at him and cock my head to the side. “I think you do, in a way. I’m just not sure it’s the way I need.” I send him a small smile. “No need to worry, Asher, though. I’m thinking of leaving, but it won’t be for a while yet. You don’t need to worry about it.”
I finally open my car door and let myself in. I start the car, half expecting him to start pounding on the car door, but when I drive away, he’s still standing there, looking lost. I feel an ache in my heart as I turn a corner and he disappears from my line of view.
I take a deep breath and tighten my hands on the steering wheel. What have I done? What if he really does love me?