Chapter 4 #2
After more quiet contemplation, Jack said, “Because you think this will make everyone back off from setting me up with people?”
“Among other things, yes.” There was a lot being left unsaid, Gray realized, including the actual reason for his offer.
But once he had Jack all to himself, he’d have plenty of time to make him comfortable and ease into a new type of relationship.
Gray had been moving toward this moment for years so on his side the pace was glacial, but Jack was running on a different timeline and his needs were what mattered.
Slow and steady wins the race, and with Jack as the prize at the end, Gray had endless patience.
***
“Do you think they throw away the parts they cut off?” Gray asked.
“Looks like it.” Jack squinted at the television as he untucked his leg from underneath his backside. “I don’t know why they do that with perfectly good cake. It’s such a waste.”
“I’m assuming it’s so they have straight edges when they frost it, but you’re right. There must be some way to use it.”
“We can ask the teacher in class tomorrow afternoon.” As promised, Gray had signed them up for a three-week baking class.
The first one was the following day, and Jack was looking forward to it more than he had anticipated.
“Do you know what we’re making?” Still not comfortable, Jack stretched his shoulders back, scratched his neck, and then crossed his legs, resting his left foot on his right knee.
“Mmm,” Gray pursed his lips. “I think the schedule’s on the website. I’ll check.” He picked up his phone from the end table and started typing. “You okay there?” He darted his gaze toward Jack and grinned. “You’re extra wiggly tonight.”
“I can’t get comfortable.” Jack put both feet on the floor, but instead of staying still, his right foot reflexively started tapping.
His body was tired from a long workday and a big meal, but his brain was on overdrive because of their dinner conversation.
The dichotomy of tired and wired had him on edge.
He didn't quite understand what Gray had meant by being his boyfriend and he didn’t know how to ask without guilting Gray into doing something he didn’t want to do.
Were they actually dating or were they pretending to date?
Had Gray been doing Jack a favor by offering to play boyfriend in public or did he intend for the game to carry over into their private time?
If it was the latter, what did that mean?
Jack’s sex life had always resided somewhere in the neighborhood of nonexistent and disappointing.
When he was young, it was because Jaime hadn’t been interested in the physical aspect of their relationship.
After they broke up, Jack hadn’t felt safe enough with anyone to enjoy himself, so he rarely tried.
But he felt safe with Gray, and to hear their friends say it, Gray had an extremely free and non-discerning policy when it came to sex, so would the boyfriend idea include Gray touching him?
It wasn’t the first time Jack had fantasized about that possibility, but he could usually get his thoughts under control.
Their earlier conversation now made that impossible.
“We’re making an olive oil cake.”
“Do you think it has chocolate in it?” he asked.
“We can only hope.” Gray set his phone down and held his arms open. “Come here.”
There was no way to read that body language as anything other than an invitation for a hug, so Jack quickly scooted closer and leaned into Gray’s chest. When strong arms wrapped around him, he took a deep breath and relaxed.
“There you go,” Gray said, voice quiet and calm. “Feel better?” He rubbed Jack’s back.
“Uh huh. Sorry.”
“For what?”
Embarrassed at his teenage-like behavior, Jack said. “I don’t know.”
“Are you freaking out because of my boyfriend suggestion?”
In reaction to being caught, Jack’s heart rate spiked. He tilted his head back and met Gray’s gaze.
“Do you want to tell me which part freaked you out?” Gray pushed his fingertips against Jack’s nape, pressing out the tension.
“I don’t know,” he said truthfully this time.
Gray hadn’t suggested anything Jack didn’t want or hadn’t thought about.
He had merely put into words an idea that normally lived in Jack’s head.
He laid his cheek against Gray’s chest and considered the question.
“I think it’s mostly that I don’t understand the parameters of the offer. ”
Instead of laughing at his tendency to focus on minutiae or rescind his offer because Jack made everything too complicated, Gray gently brushed his fingers through Jack’s hair and said, “Fair enough. Let’s iron out the details.”
“Thank you.” Jack curled his arm around Gray’s waist and held onto him.
“Talk to me about the parts that are on your mind and we can drill down on them.” In typical form, Gray had identified the issue, wiped away the noise, and was breaking it into parts that made everything seem simple.
In his professional life, Jack usually was able to do the same thing, though it took him a bit longer and made him endlessly anxious because he worried about making the wrong decisions and hurting his staff.
Gray, on the other hand, was even-keeled at work and at home.
His decisiveness and confidence made him the best sounding board, which was why Jack relied on him when he needed to talk through his toughest decisions.
This was personal, not professional, but the structure of their discussion was familiar, which put Jack at ease.
He thought through their earlier conversation so he could articulate his questions.
“Dating can mean different things to different people,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “What does it mean to you?”
Gray opened his mouth and then snapped it shut with a frown. “That is unexpectedly difficult to answer.”
“It is?” Jack sat up. Gray was one of the most competent people Jack had ever met. Very little was difficult for him and Jack had asked a seemingly softball question.
“That depends. Are you asking about my history with other people or are you asking about us?”
His concerns had been squarely related to what Gray was offering him, but now that the topic had been raised, Jack realized he wanted to know about Gray’s past boyfriends.
They’d been close friends for two decades and that had ramped up in recent years, and yet, they never talked about the men they dated.
That was in part because there was very little Jack could bring to the table when it came to that topic.
He’d had one failed relationship ten years earlier and he had rarely gone out with anyone since then, so there wasn’t much to say about his love life, and he wasn’t qualified to give useful advice.
Not that Gray asked him for advice related to men.
In fact, Gray never discussed his own love life, probably because their friends frequently gave him a hard time about his many escapades.
The last thing Jack wanted was to make Gray feel like he was piling on.
Before Jack could answer his question, Gray said, “Maybe it isn’t actually that difficult.” He drew in a deep breath. “I don’t date, Jack. Haven’t in a very, very long time.”
“But…” Jack frowned, thinking of the stories and jabs their friends had made over the years. “Everyone says you—” He stopped talking, not wanting to repeat the words he wished their friends didn’t say.
“Have golden arches over my bed?” Gray tilted one side of his lips up in an almost smile.
Jack flinched. He was being overly sensitive, but he didn’t like when people talked about Gray’s sex life, even if it was good-natured teasing.
“They’re not wrong, but if that’s what’s worrying you, I can assure you, now that we’re finally doing this, that’s in the past. I’m all in on monogamy.
” He reached forward, picked up Jack’s hand, and rubbed his thumb back and forth over his wrist. “Which brings me right back to your original question.” He grinned.
“First off, let’s be clear that the parameters of our relationship can be whatever you want them to be.
” He curled his free hand around Jack’s nape.
“When I imagine being your boyfriend, it’s a lot like what we have right now.
” Gray jerked his gaze down to their joined hands resting on Jack’s upper thigh. “Except ramped up.”
“We already talk almost every day and we see each other all the time.” Jack looked at Gray’s hand and fought the urge to slide it up a few inches. “And we’re, uh, a lot touchier than I am with our other friends.”
“Exactly.” Gray leaned forward and kissed Jack’s forehead. “Let’s do more of that.”