Chapter 15
“Can you hear and see me?” Jaime asked. “Because the way you’re looking through me makes me feel like a ghost. I’m considering setting myself on fire just to feel alive.” He laughed like he had said something funny. He hadn’t.
“Taking that action may have the exact opposite result,” Gray said. “I’ll get you a lighter,” he mumbled as he gathered the empty plates and stacked them.
“What did you say?”
He didn’t respond.
The night had been unpleasant, but he thought he’d been doing an adequate job of playing nice with Jack’s ex.
They’d eaten dinner, engaged in meaningless conversation, and then sat on the back patio and lit a fire in the outdoor fireplace.
Needing a break from Jaime, Gray had gone back inside under the pretense that he had to clean up and start the dishwasher.
Unfortunately, Jaime had followed him, insisting that he’d help.
“Are you mad at me for something?”
He kept ignoring Jaime and hoped he’d catch a clue and go back outside.
“You do realize looks can’t actually kill, right?” he asked.
Apparently, Gray had given him a dirty look. Whatever. He was all out of nice, and Jaime wasn’t giving him any space to emotionally recharge.
“We’ll see,” Gray answered. “I’m extraordinarily patient and I have no problem taking my time and playing the long game.” He placed the silverware on top of the plates. “Ask Jack if you want confirmation.”
“Are we still talking about why you’re mad at me? Because I’m losing track of this conversation.”
“That’s not surprising.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It’s a good thing people inexplicably find you charming and attractive because smart you’re not.” He elbowed past Jaime, causing him to stumble. “Was that clear enough for you?”
“Alright, you’re definitely mad.” Jaime caught himself and stood up straight. “At least I wasn’t confused about that part. Care to tell me why?”
“No.” He walked around the table toward the doorway.
“Are you jealous because of my past with Jack? Is that what this is?”
Gray froze, turned around, and sneered. “You think I’m jealous of you?” He slowly looked Jaime up and down, scoffed, and said, “Dream on, asshole.”
“What did I do?” Jaime sounded bewildered. “Seriously, Gray, what have I ever done to you?”
No longer bothering to rein in his rage, Gray glared at him and said, “You think I’d give a fuck if you’d done something to me?
You don’t rate high enough on my radar for anything you do, say, or think about me to matter.
” He strode out of the dining room and into the kitchen, hoping against all hope that Jaime would fuck off.
He took a deep breath, then another, willing his muscles to relax. That didn’t work so he put the dishes in the dishwasher and then walked over to the standing freezer and opened the door. One way or another, he had to find a way to coexist with Jaime Snow.
Loud footsteps sounded behind him. “What is your problem with me?” Jaime wasn’t quite yelling, but his voice was louder than usual and more than a little angrier.
Face in the freezer, pretending to be looking for something but actually attempting to cool down, Gray didn’t bother responding.
“Jack poked his head into the dining room and said that he and Oliver were going to the store. Having a fire outside made Oliver think of s’mores and they’re getting the ingredients.”
“Thanks for relaying the message. Feel free to wait for them out back.”
“I am not leaving this kitchen until we hash this out so you may as well stop defrosting whatever’s in there and talk to me.”
Jack usually liked salty treats instead of sweet, but on stressful days, he ate Ben and Jerry’s Chip Happens. Gray had just restocked. If Jaime didn’t go back outside soon, the ice cream was going to get soft.
“This is not the day, Jaime, and I am not the one.” Gray kept his tone even, and his voice calm, but the warning was clear.
“I’m sure that means something, but hell if I know what it is.”
Well, it should have been clear. “I swear to God, you have two neurons in your brain and both of them are fighting for third place.”
“Alright, that one I understand. You’re calling me stupid. Again. Are we on the playground?” He heard one of the chairs next to the kitchen table slide across the floor. “Sit with me and let’s have a real conversation.”
“I’ll pass, thanks.”
“Come on, man, we’ve been friends a long time. Talk to me.”
That comment was too much to roll off Gray’s back. “I am not your friend.” He closed the freezer, turned around, and looked Jaime in the eyes. “You’re Jack’s friend so I tolerate you. But you’ve never been my friend.”
Jaime winced as if Gray had hit him. “What did I do?”
“You know what? I changed my mind.” Gray stomped toward Jaime. “This is very much the day, and I am absolutely the one.” He planted both palms on the table and leaned over Jaime. “You want to know why I don’t like you?”
“Yes. Let’s hash this out so we can clear up whatever it is and put it behind us.”
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen.” Gray shook his head.
Jaime looked taken aback, but he gathered himself quickly and plastered on one of his I’m-oh-so-charming-and-everyone-loves-me smiles. “I’m pretty convincing.” He pointed to the chair across from his. “Please sit down. The looming’s making me uncomfortable.”
“Why do you think I’m doing it?”
“Let me try a different approach.” Jaime sucked in a deep breath and then loudly let it out. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” Gray straightened and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Yes, I’m sorry.”
“What did you do that warrants this definitely sincere and completely convincing apology?”
“I don’t know yet,” Jaime said. “But whatever it is has you really upset and I’m sorry about that.”
The guy could have taught snake oil salesmen a trick or two. “Your affable persona bit doesn’t charm me, Jaime. You can save it.”
“I’m not putting on a persona. How long have we known each other, Gray? Fifteen years? Twenty? I realize that we aren’t as close with each other as we are with the rest of our friends, but you know me.”
“I do know you. I know you and that’s why I don’t like you.” He glared at the man who had decimated Jack’s self-worth and still felt entitled to come to his house for dinner. “You may be the hero in your story, Jaime, but you’re the villain in mine.”
Jaime’s jaw dropped.
“Tell me something.” He pulled out a chair and sat across from Jaime. “Why did you date Jack?”
After staring for a couple of seconds, Jaime closed his mouth, wiped his palm across his forehead, and rolled his shoulders, as if to gather himself. “I dated Jack because he’s amazing. I’d think you’re the last person who needs that explained.”
“I know he’s amazing. He’s amazing in a lot of ways. He’s an amazing friend. He’s an amazing business partner.” He rested his forearms on the table and leaned forward. “Why did you date him?”
“I’m not sure how to respond to that.”
“Too difficult a question? I have another one. Why didn’t you break up with him when you realized you weren’t in love with him?”
“I love Jack.” Jaime sounded offended. “I’ve always loved Jack.”
“Bullshit.”
“Excuse me?”
“That’s not how you treat someone you love.”
“I never mistreated him!”
“No? So you’re looking me in the eyes and telling me that for the ten years you were with him, you were in love with him and you told him that and you showed him that and you made sure he felt that every day in every way?”
“I didn’t…” Jaime frowned. “It was complicated. You don’t understand.”
“I’m a quick learner.” Gray leaned back in his chair. “Explain it to me.”
“Jack is amazing, like I said. He’s smart. He’s funny. He’s handsome. He’s everything someone should want in a boyfriend.”
“We agree on all that. And yet, you didn’t actually want him to be your boyfriend, but you didn’t let him go.”
“I wanted to want him.” Jaime lowered his gaze. “I tried for years to want him. I tried so hard to want him. But it didn’t work.”
“You made the point, walked into the point, and then tripped over the point, but you still can’t see what you did wrong.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that’s not what it means to be in love with someone. Trust me, I know. I’ve been in love with Jack for a very long time. I’ve never had to try. I want to show him how I feel about him every second of every day. And I don’t spend those days fixated on myself.”
“You’re right.” He squeezed his eyes shut, grimacing. “I wasn’t in love with him.” He opened his eyes and looked at Gray again. “I did love him. I still do love him.” He pressed his lips together and shook his head. “He’s the best person I know. That’s why I stuck it out for that long.”
“You tried to keep one foot on the boat and the other foot on the dock, and Jack’s the one who fell into the lake.”
“I'm not sure I’m following your many analogies, but regardless, you do realize that I didn’t force Jack to stay with me, right? There were two of us in that relationship voluntarily. He could have left me at any time.”
“So it’s his fault that you treated him like shit? That’s what you’re saying? He’s loyal and he doesn’t give up on people so that means he deserved it?”
“I didn’t treat him like shit. If I had, he would have left, and he didn’t. That’s what I’m saying.”
“Just because someone carries it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.
Letting Jack lug your contempt around for all those years was shitty.
But I get your point.” Gray tapped his fingers on his thigh.
“My always wise grandmother used to say the same thing, only much more eloquently. Eventually you have to stop blaming a clown for being a clown and you need to blame yourself for going back to the circus.”
Honestly, Gray blamed himself for not recognizing that Jack’s relationship was a toxic circus and not helping him get away from his clown of a boyfriend.
“At this point, you’ve called me everything but a child of God and now you’re calling me a clown? Is that it?”