Chapter 12 #2
“No!” She was mangling this explanation. “That was the result of the writing prompt. My real review was a glowing one. Five stars. Or five forks, I guess, since that was the rating system the Courier used.”
Zach fell back against the bench. “Let me get this straight. You came to my restaurant, loved the food, didn’t care for me, went home, wrote a terrible article about my restaurant, then wrote a good one, but somehow the bad one ended up in the newspaper?”
“That’s about ri—”
He held his hand up. “And then, your very bad review—the imagery is still seared into my brain, by the way, vivid—tanked my restaurant, which led to bankruptcy, caused my girlfriend to break up with me, and sent me on a series of dead-end cooking jobs in order to get my life back on track? And now you’re telling me it was all a mistake? ”
Hearing it all together like that—the restaurant, the bankruptcy, the breakup—made the whole thing ten times worse. And it was already very bad. Her lungs felt tight, like she couldn’t get enough air.
Zach sighed. He rubbed his temples. “I can see why you wanted me to know all of that. I wish I could say it makes me feel better, but it just doesn’t.
” He stood and paced a few steps. Then he tapped his fist on his leg three times.
“I just want to put this whole thing behind me. I have some good opportunities in front of me if I can just focus on them.”
Not forgiveness. Not really. But it was close enough. The band around her chest loosened by one notch.
How was it possible that she felt both better and worse?
She had thought that telling him would make him feel better, maybe even forgive her faster.
Then they could move on and…what? Be together?
But she was moving to Jonathon Island, and he wanted to live on the West Coast. There was no future there.
Whatever had been developing between her and Zach wasn’t meant to be.
Ava hadn’t intended the bad review? One of the most pivotal events of his life, arguably the most pivotal event, and it was all a mistake. Not only that, but the woman he’d spent the past six years being angry at wasn’t who he expected at all.
It was all leaving him confused.
Her quiet words had torn the scab off a wound that still festered. And yet, he couldn’t square those old feelings with the new ones he was acquiring.
He ran a hand through his hair and took a minute to compose his thoughts.
Shouts of laughter occasionally drifted from the festival area, disrupting the quiet around the gazebo and surrounding hotel grounds.
The scent of hot oil and caramelized sugar also drifted over.
His stomach rumbled, but he didn’t think it was only because of hunger.
“Do you have any questions for me?” Ava looked at him as though she were afraid of what he would say.
“Why didn’t you tell me this before? Like back in Seattle?”
“I tried to get the newspaper to print a retraction, but I was so new that they wouldn’t go for it.
That review got tons of hits online. And then my parents shared it with their fans…
” Her lips twisted in a grimace. “After trying for a few weeks, I finally decided to come see you for myself, to apologize and explain. By then, you were already gone.”
That tracked. “I moved to Austin two months after Peach failed. What a dead-end job that turned out to be. A line cook in a catering kitchen where the recipes included barbecued beef and pretty much only barbecued beef.” He’d begun cooking on autopilot. Living on autopilot.
Moving to Saratoga Springs and even New York City hadn’t helped. And now at Escargot, with Chef Louie blocking him whenever he could, he was on the same trajectory. In fact, since Seattle, he’d been on autopilot in all areas of his life. Romantically, financially, and spiritually.
He was tired of it.
Time to get out of this stale half-life of his.
He looked at Ava. Over the last few weeks, he’d learned that she was nothing like the monster he’d built in his head. He liked spending time with her. He wanted to fully forgive her, to trust her. Like Pastor Arnie said in his message the other night, just as the Lord forgave you, and all of that.
Maybe he needed to take drastic action.
“Ava, would you like to go on a date with me?” Okay, not his smoothest proposal, but the words were out there. They hung in the air for a moment, and his chest grew tight with the breath he was holding.
Ava raised her eyebrows. “You really want to go on a date. With me.”
“Look, I’m not going to deny that all of this has thrown me for a loop.
I’d rather just forget the whole thing, but instead I’m going to work on forgiveness.
” Bitterness wasn’t worth it, he was learning, except when needed for balance in a dish.
“And despite a big mistake from a long time ago, I like you, Ava. I’d like to see if we have any kind of future. ”
“Then, yes, I’d love to go on a date with you.”
He looked at his phone. “We’re free for the rest of the day. Want to get together in a few hours?”
“Tonight?” Ava hadn’t stopped staring at him. He patted his shoulders and then the top of his head. “What are you doing?”
“I’m checking to see if I grew a second head.” Oh, he liked teasing her. “The way you’re staring at me…”
“Sorry.” She bent her head to either side, almost to her shoulders.
“Now what are you doing?”
“Checking to see if I have whiplash. This conversation took such a sharp turn.” She laughed and stood. “Okay, if we’re really doing this date thing, I’d better go freshen up.”
He wanted to tell her that she was fine just the way she was, but he needed a moment too. More than that, he needed someone to debrief with.
After Ava walked away, Zach pulled out his phone. “Uncle Bryan, can we talk?”
“Hey, Zach!” His uncle’s voice sounded warm and strong. “I’ve got some time. What’s up?” For as long as he could remember, his dad’s brother had been a mentor to him. If anyone could help him work through the problem of Ava, Uncle Bryan could.
“Can you meet me at the gazebo at the Grand? I need to hash some things out.”
“I’ll be there in fifteen.”
When his uncle arrived, he wrapped Zach in a hug, his thick forearms and working man’s body a solid mass.
He’d recently moved back to Jonathon Island with his wife Mary to run the family’s pumpkin farm.
“Good to see you.” Uncle Bryan slapped Zach on the back and then pulled away.
Zach motioned to the benches lining the walls of the wooden structure and they sat.
“Thanks for coming over.” Zach led him through the story of how he and Ava met, their subsequent lives, and now his growing attraction to her. “Except, every time I think I’m ready to move past what happened, something brings it all up again.”
A crowd of people approached, walking in the direction of the food festival. Among them were his mom and dad. Strangely, his dad had his hand on the small of his mom’s back, guiding her over a dip in the lawn.
A chill wind swept over the trees, bringing a hint of lake water. Zach rolled his shoulders, then began pacing inside the gazebo.
“Hmm. That is a tough one.” Uncle Bryan cocked his head to the side, the way he always did when thinking through a difficult situation.
“Forgiveness can be hard, but we’re called to do it anyway.
Let’s walk.” They headed out across the lawn, passing outside the festival grounds and into the magnificent gardens someone had restored for the Grand.
“Yeah, Pastor Arnie was talking about that the other night. I’m not sure I can forgive like Jesus did. He was perfect. I’m so not.” He shrugged. The fact he couldn’t let this go was a perfect example of that.
A laugh rumbled out of Uncle Bryan. “I can attest to that. None of us are. The good news is that we don’t have to be.”
“I just don’t think I can forgive and forget.
I mean, I know Ava’s review wasn’t intentional now, but the consequences of it are all tangled up in what happened afterward.
I essentially lost my restaurant because of her.
” Their strides took them off the hotel property and out along the water on the west side of the island.
Waves crashed against the shore, carrying leaves and bits of sticks with them.
Overhead, a seagull cried its discordant call.
“One bad review was all it took? Maybe you need to take a closer look at your memories from back then.” Uncle Bryan cleared his throat.
“But either way, we know God is sovereign. He takes our bad situations and works them for the good of those who love Him. He is more concerned with our hearts than our comfort. He allowed that article to be published, and while that might be a tough bite to chew on, He has a purpose in it. We have to trust Him.” He clapped Zach on the shoulder.
“Plus, I have good news for you. Forgive and forget isn’t in the Bible. ”
Zach halted, shoulder to shoulder with Uncle Bryan, at the edge of Lake Huron. The lake stretched to the horizon. Sunlight glittered across its surface. “I’m pretty sure it’s in there.” Hadn’t he heard that in Sunday school or something?
“Sure, the Bible tells us God will forgive us and not remember our sins. That means that any sin that He washes away He won’t hold against us.
And it says we shouldn’t keep a record of the ways people have wronged us.
” Uncle Bryan cleared his throat. “But that just means we don’t hold on to our hurts, counting them over and over.
We release them to the Great Healer and trust Him to work in our hearts.
The concept of forgive and forget has been warped into something God never intended. ”
A wave rippled over the sand, taking some of the debris with it. “Huh. Okay. So I don’t have to forget, but how do I forgive?”
“Fake it ’til you make it.”
“What?”
Uncle Bryan laughed. “I just mean you keep acting in forgiving ways, not bringing up old hurts, not using those things as weapons. Sometimes it helps me to say the words ‘I forgive you’ out loud, even if it’s in the privacy of my own space.”
Zach suppressed the urge to laugh out loud. Just say “I forgive you” and it would all be over? Not in this lifetime.
“So, I what, just keep pretending she didn’t do anything wrong?” They began walking back toward the hotel.
“Nah, you don’t ignore the wrongdoing, but once you’ve decided to forgive, you act as though your heart is following suit.
I know it sounds a little nutty, but it’s always worked for me.
” Uncle Bryan paused as a squirrel ran across their path.
“Of course, this isn’t an excuse for someone to walk all over you, but maybe that’s a conversation for another day.
It sounds like this Ava is sincere in her apology.
Take her at her word and start acting like you forgive her. The rest should fall into place.”
“I guess I can give it a try.” Couldn’t hurt. At least it was more than what he was already doing. And hadn’t he just decided that he needed a different trajectory in his life?
“I’m going to head into town.” Uncle Bryan waved toward the main drag.
“Thanks again. Tell Aunt Mary hi for me.”
“Will do. I’m praying for you, son.”
He checked the time on his phone. Whoops. He’d better hustle if he wanted to be ready in time. But what kind of date could he pull together in such a short time? He turned and headed up the hill to the Grand, a breeze off Lake Huron at his back.
He didn’t want to take her to Kelley’s Bar & Grill. The place would be overrun with tourists. Best to keep this to a place he felt more comfortable.
The hotel rose up in front of him. His steps faltered. The site held so many memories, good and bad. Despite the recent history, the hotel had always felt like a safe space. Right. It could make a good date.
He thumbed a text to James.
Zach
Okay if I use the kitchen tonight?
James
It’s all yours.
One problem down. Now what to cook together?
Their conversation from when they planned their contest dish came back to him.
Right. That sage and brown-butter malfatti her parents had made.
It shouldn’t be too hard to recreate a similar dish.
He’d just need a cookbook with the pasta in it so he could get the proportions of ricotta cheese and flour correct. The sauce would be simple.
Okay. So all he needed was to find a cookbook, preferably one from Italy, source the perfect ingredients from the island’s tiny grocery store, and forgive the woman who blew up his life.
Easy as chicken potpie.