Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Ava lay on the couch in her beige Chicago living room, staring at the ceiling. No one had told her that breakups could feel so awful.
When she’d broken up with Elias, it had been different.
Maybe because she was still young and full of hope for a different future for herself.
She’d had plenty of time to settle down.
Breaking up with Zach was totally different.
If it could even be called breaking up. They’d only spent time together for a few weeks, only had one date, only kissed once.
As a writer, she should probably come up with a more accurate word for the experience.
Except, she knew she’d been falling for him.
And her heart was broken.
Breakup it was.
The room smelled stale after being closed up for the almost two weeks she was away. She’d gotten home late last night, submitted her revamped articles to her editor along with some of the snapshots she’d taken of Jonathon Island, and then collapsed into bed.
This morning, she’d wandered around the small space, given her droopy ficus a drink of water, and tried to summon up the energy to do anything. Anything at all, really. Which was how she found herself lying on the couch, counting the bumps on her popcorn ceiling.
On the floor, her phone buzzed with a text message. She picked it up. Dani.
Dani
Thanks again for coming to Flavor Fest. We couldn’t have done it without you. I hope you’ll visit Jonathon Island again soon.
Visit.
Not live there.
At least the fight between her and Zach hadn’t completely turned his family against her. But maybe Dani was being polite.
Her phone buzzed with another text from Dani.
Dani
Don’t let my brother fool you. He’s a big marshmallow under all that bluster. I’m sorry you two ended on such a sour note. I’d love to get to know you better.
Okay. Not just being polite.
She keyed in a reply.
Ava
I was glad to see your island in person again. It was everything I’d remembered and hoped for.
She hit send, then hesitated, fingers hovering over the keyboard. Finally, she typed.
Ava
I enjoyed getting to know you and your family too.
Dani
I hope we didn’t overwhelm you. We can be a bit much.
Ava
No. You were all great.
The ribbing Ollie had given them sprang to mind. Zach’s family was amazing.
Dani
If you ever come back here, let me know. We can grab a coffee.
Ava
Thanks. Will do.
She put her phone back on the floor and laid her arm over her eyes.
Her phone buzzed again. And kept buzzing. A call this time. Her grandma’s face popped up. Ava had used a photo of her from her eightieth birthday. A sparkly pink crown on her head as she held up a cake nearly on fire from all the candles.
“Hi, kiddo.” Her grandma sounded strong. “Are we still on for lunch today?”
Ava sat up straight. “Lunch?” She put her grandma on speaker and opened her calendar app. “I don’t have you in my calendar.”
“Hmm, that’s weird. Maybe I forgot to ask you. I wanted to be sure to get together to hear all about your trip.”
“At least I know where I get my absentmindedness from.” Ava smiled. This old joke had run for as long as she’d lived with her grandma.
“I hope you’re up for lunch, because I’m downstairs.”
Ava laughed. “I guess I don’t have much choice. I’ll buzz you in.”
A few minutes later, she gave her grandma a hug and let her into the apartment.
“Ava, it’s a really nice day today. Let’s get some of these windows opened. This place needs some fresh air.” Her grandma’s mauve pantsuit and Vera Wang printed scarf tied at her neck contrasted with the drab furniture she walked past. She opened the drapes and tugged open the window.
“You’re not going to get much breeze through there,” Ava said. “The building next to mine blocks the wind and sun.”
“It’s better than nothing.” Her grandma dusted her hands together. “Shall we order some lunch to be sent up?”
“Angelino’s?” The Italian restaurant on the corner was a favorite of theirs.
“Perfect.”
Thirty minutes later, the scent of tomatoes and garlic filled her kitchen. She dished them both a plate of the fragrant tortellini.
“Now, tell me everything.” Her grandma pulled her plate closer and took a bite. “I bet nothing on that island compared to Angelino’s.”
The malfatti she and Zach had made was definitely better. “I had some amazing food over there. No need to be a snob about the island.” Her tone was sharper than she meant it.
“I’m sorry,” Grandma said. “I’m just loving this tortellini.”
“No, I’m sorry. It’s just that the whole thing ended so terribly, I’m a little sensitive, that’s all.” Ava outlined some of the highs and lows for her grandma, including the beginning and awful end of her relationship with Zach.
“Mm-hmm. So, you had some amazing food, found a place you could call home, and fell in love with a boy, is that it?” Her grandma raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like quite a trip.”
“It isn’t love.” Her heart tightened. “It couldn’t be.”
Her grandma took a drink of water. “I fell in love with your grandfather in one night. He showed up at the dance hall where I was working. Only took one night to convince me he would be the man I would marry.”
“Things like that don’t happen to me. I’m more of the love-them-and-leave-them type, only it’s me that gets left.” Ava bit her lip, focusing on the pain.
Her grandma put a hand over hers. “Sweetie. I’m sorry about your ex-fiancé, but he was a terrible person. It had nothing to do with you.”
“And Mom and Dad?”
Her grandma sighed. “I should have told you this a long time ago. I think your mom is bipolar. She never had a formal diagnosis, but it fits with everything about her.” Her grandma looked away for a moment, then met her eyes again.
“That’s partly why she said those terrible things about never wanting you.
She loved you so much that she didn’t want to screw up your life. ”
“She rejected me because she loved me? That makes no sense.” But in a way, it jived with what she knew about her mother. “Okay, fine. I guess I can see that. But Dad?”
Her grandma waved away the question. “Oh, he was always going to follow your mother. He can be quite immature, which is why he won’t stand up to her. But he truly loves her, so I forgive him for that.”
“They always let me down,” Ava said.
“I’ve got news for you, kiddo. People do that.” Her grandma patted her hand. “But if you find the right ones, they will always let you know that they regret it.”
“You’ve never let me down.” An idea blossomed in Ava’s heart.
Her grandma had always been there for her.
“Maybe you did in little ways, but never in the ways it counted.” Her grandma had been at every one of her school events, she’d made a scrapbook of every article Ava had ever written.
She’d shown up. Her grandma had always chosen her, wanted her.
Even if her parents were terrible, her grandma made up for it.
Sure, she had been lonely, but she’d never had a reason to doubt her grandma’s love.
Emily, too, had been there for her. Maybe Ava needed to work on that trusting thing.
“This is probably terrible timing, but I found a place in Arizona,” Grandma said. “I’m hoping to move there at the end of summer. I want you to know it has nothing to do with you. But now you can go anywhere.”
Gulp. Her heart squeezed. Knowing this day was coming didn’t make it any easier. “I know you love me. I’ll be sorry to live so far away, though.” She took a deep breath to ease the ache in her chest.
“Maybe you can come visit me on one of your newspaper trips.”
Ava fidgeted with her fork. “That dream has died. Judson said my stuff wasn’t good enough to justify sending me on the road.
” Her first drafts had been pretty scattered.
She’d let everything with Zach distract her.
“I buckled down and fully rewrote my articles, but I think I already blew my chance. He hasn’t said anything about the revisions. ”
“I’m so sorry, honey.” Her grandma patted her hand again. “I know how much that meant to you.”
Ava shrugged. “I didn’t get the house I wanted, so staying here in Chicago makes sense, I guess.
No need to work remote when I live just a few blocks from my office.
” But all the truth she tried telling herself didn’t erase the bitter taste of loss.
She forked another tortellini but then pushed the dish away.
“Anyway. I’ll be fine. I’ll make a new plan. ”
“Now that we have that settled, tell me more about this young man you’re falling in love with.” Her grandma popped a tortellini in her mouth.
“I’m not falling in love.” Was she?
“Nonsense. I can see it all over your face. You love this boy.” Grandma pointed her fork at Ava.
Ava’s face felt hot. Fair skin struck again. “He’s not a boy. He’s a chef. He makes me feel more confident. He’s funny, and he’s kind. Usually.”
“And why are you so sad about it?”
“We left things in a really bad place between us. I don’t really even know what we were fighting about. He accused me of some outlandish things, and I fought back.”
Grandma folded her hands on the table. “I remember having some doozies with your grandfather. Usually, they weren’t about what we were fighting about, if you know what I mean.”
“Yeah, there probably was more to it, but our relationship was so new it didn’t seem worth it to pursue.” Her stomach turned over. That decision held so much regret. But she didn’t know how to reverse course.
“Love is always worth it.”
“Maybe I wanted to leave him before he left me.” As the words left her mouth, they rang true in her heart.
She didn’t want to be rejected by Zach, so she hadn’t even given them a chance to figure it out.
She’d just turned tail and run. “He was right too. I put my articles before him—before our team. I should have apologized for that. I just got so defensive.” She’d betrayed him, however unintentionally, but the result was the same.