CHAPTER 22
M y arms are loaded with two trash bags full of discarded containers and random items from the party setup. The sun has dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in deep purples and oranges. The oppressive summer heat that had lingered all day has finally started to ease, leaving behind a more bearable warmth that makes the evening air feel almost pleasant as I step outside, heading toward the large trash can alongside the house.
“Bailey?”
I scream, dropping the trash bags and whirling around to find Gavin standing there, his hands raised in surrender. My heart pounds so fast, like a trapped bird, and I press a hand to my chest, feeling the erratic rhythm beneath my palm.
“Don’t do that!” I snap, my voice sharper than I’ve ever used with him. “You scared me half to death!” The words come out breathless and high-pitched, my nerves still jangling from the shock. The sound of crickets chirping in the yard sounds deafening compared to the silence that’s stretching between us. Their persistent symphony only amplifies the awkward tension, making me even more aware of how still Gavin’s standing. The evening breeze rustles through the leaves overhead, but it does little to ease the heaviness in the air.
“I…I’m sorry,” he says, taking a step closer. The light from the sconce on the side of the house catches the color of his eyes, making them seem to glow. His facial hair twitches slightly as he frowns. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just… can we talk? Please? I feel like you’ve been avoiding me all evening, and I need to know if I did something wrong.”
The concern in his eyes makes my stomach twist with guilt. My fingers clench into fists and then open up again as I try to maintain my composure. The tension in my shoulders makes my neck ache, but I force myself to take a slow, measured breath to stay calm.
“Not everything is about you, Gavin,” I say, immediately regretting the words as hurt flashes across his face. His expression crumples for just a moment before he schools it back to neutral, his jaw tightening visibly. “I just… I have other things going on in my life right now.” I say as I start picking up the bags.
“Is this about me giving you that kiss yesterday at the Spring Fling?” he asks quietly, his voice barely above a whisper in the evening air. A gentle breeze stirs his dark hair. “Because if that’s what’s bothering you—”
“No!” I cut him off, gripping the handles of the bags firmer. “It’s not about that. I just… I can’t do this right now. I think I need…” I pause, and the words spill out of me before I even realize I’m saying them. “I think I need space.”
My throat closes up and I feel like I’ve just shoved glass down it, so sharp and painful, and the summer evening suddenly feels much colder than it did moments ago.
“Space?” His voice cracks slightly, and the sound breaks something inside me. I can see the confusion and hurt run across his face, making my chest constrict painfully. “Bailey, talk to me. Whatever’s wrong, we can figure it out together.” He reaches toward me, and I flinch away, hating myself for the way his face falls at my reaction. He lets his hand fall back to his side, fingers flexing.
“There is no ‘we,’ Gavin,” I say, the lies tasting bitter on my tongue, like acid burning through me. My heart is screaming at me to take it back, to tell him the truth, but I can’t. I don’t want him to know how messy my life is. “Please, just… stop.”
He stares at me for a long moment processing my words, his jaw clenched again, a muscle ticking in his cheek. The shadows from the sconce now cast harsh lines across his face, making him look older, harder somehow. “Okay,” he says finally, his voice carefully controlled, though I can hear the betrayal threading through it.
“If that’s what you want.” He turns and walks away, his shoulders rigid, each step seeming to echo in the quiet evening air. The sound of his tires on gravel fades into the night, leaving behind an emptiness that feels like a physical ache inside of me and that’s when I let go of the bags again, dropping my head into my hands, my shoulders shaking with suppressed sobs.
“That was mighty unkind, child.”
I jump again, my elbow knocking against the siding as I turn to find Ms. Lucy standing in the back doorway, her arms crossed, and disappointment written across her face.
“Ms. Lucy, I—”
“That man has done nothing but care for you and Sophie since the day he met you two,” she admonishes, her voice stern, pointing in the direction of his truck. “And you just threw that care back in his face like it meant nothing.”
Tears burn the back of my eyes, blurring the edges of her silhouette.
“You don’t understand—”
“No, you don’t understand,” she cuts me off, taking a step closer. “Fear is a powerful thing, Bailey, but letting it drive away the people who love you? That’s not protection, that’s self-sabotage. And you are better than that.”
“That’s not fair!” I snap, my voice rising with a defensive edge I can’t control. “You have no idea what I’m dealing with. None of you do!” The tears I’ve been fighting spill over, hot streaks down my cheeks that I angrily swipe away. “I’m trying to protect my daughter, to protect everyone!”
She doesn’t flinch at my outburst. She stands there, solid as an oak tree, weathering my storm with the patience of someone who’s seen far worse.
“And how exactly does pushing away a good man protect anyone?” she asks, her voice softening just enough to make my defenses crack further.
“Because—” My voice catches, the words tangling in my throat. “Because when Matt finds us, he’ll hurt anyone who’s close to me. That’s what he does. He destroys everything I care about.”
The admission hangs in the night air between us. Cricket songs fill the silence as she steps closer, her face illuminated by the porch light.
“So you’re throwing away something real and good because of what ‘might’ happen?” She shakes her head slowly. “Child, that’s giving that monster power that he doesn’t deserve.”
I sink down onto the porch steps, my legs suddenly unable to hold me up. The truth of her words hit me like a tidal wave. The image of Gavin’s face, the hurt and confusion in his eyes, flashes through my mind. The way his shoulders slumped as he walked away. The sound of his truck engine fading into the distance.
“What have I done?” I whisper, more to myself than to Ms. Lucy.
She eases down beside me on the step, her knees creaking slightly. “Nothing that can’t be fixed with some honesty.”
I shake my head, staring at my hands. “You don’t understand. Gavin deserves someone whole. Someone without all this… baggage.”
“Seems to me,” she says, “that man knows exactly what he wants. And it’s you, baggage and all.”
The full realization of what I’ve just thrown away settles over me. A good man. A chance at happiness. The possibility of trust and safety that I’ve been craving for so long.
“I have to fix this,” I whisper.
Her expression softens by a fraction, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly seeing my realization. “Yes. You do.”
“Please, can you stall the party until we get back?” I plead, already standing up. “Just keep everyone occupied for a little while longer. Please, I promise I won’t be too long.”
Twenty minutes later, I’m sitting in my dark car outside Gavin’s gate, staring at the keypad through my open window.
The gate to Gavin’s property stands closed, a barrier I hadn’t anticipated. Last weekend when Sophie and I came over for dinner, it had been wide open, welcoming us in without a second thought.
Was that really only a week ago? It feels like months have passed since Sophie pressed her little hands into the bowl of cheese, giggling as Gavin encouraged her to make a cheese mountain on the dough.
With Ms. Lucy’s words still coursing through me, I pull out my phone and tap on his name, my heart thundering so hard I can barely breathe.
“Please pick up. Please pick up. Please.” I whisper into the nothingness, my fingers drumming anxiously against the steering wheel. Each ring feels like an eternity, the silence between them stretching out like a physical pang.
It rings four times before he answers, his voice guarded and distant and why shouldn’t it?
“Hello?”
“Gavin!” I blurt out, my voice laced with anxiety, my fingers now clutching the steering wheel for support. “I’m outside your gate. I… I don’t know the code. Please let me in so I can explain myself.”
There’s a long pause, filled only with the sound of his breathing, and for a moment I think he might hang up, that he won’t give me a chance to explain. Then I hear him sigh, the sound heavy with emotion.
“Why are you here, Bailey?”
“Because I was horrible to you,” I say, tears starting to spill down my cheeks as I look beyond the closed iron gate, my vision blurring while I stare at the warm yellow lights glowing from his house in the distance. I wipe at my cheeks with trembling fingers, trying to keep my composure even as more tears fall. “Because you didn’t deserve to be yelled at or pushed away. Because I’m scared, I’ve been scared and I’m letting that fear make me hurt the people I care about. Can you please let me in? I need to apologize properly. I need to make this right. I need to explain.”
Another pause, and then the gate begins to swing open with a mechanical hum. I let out a shaky sigh of relief, my shoulders sagging as some of the tension finally drains away. “Thank you,” I whisper into the phone, but he’s already hung up, leaving me with nothing but the quiet beeping of the disconnected line in my ear.
I drive up his long driveway, my heart pounding so hard I can feel it in my throat, my fingers still gripping the steering wheel. His front door opens as I park, and he steps out onto the porch, arms crossed over his chest. Even from here, I can see the tension in his shoulders, the rigid way he’s holding himself.
I quickly get out of my car and stop at the base of the porch, looking up at him. The hurt is still visible in his eyes; I feel smaller than ever under his gaze.
“I’m so sorry,” I say, my voice breaking. “I’ve been going through something… something I’ve been afraid to talk about. But pushing you away wasn’t the answer. You deserve better than that. I deserve better than letting fear control my life. I can’t keep living like this.”
He uncrosses his arms, taking a step toward me, making his way down the porch steps. The wood creaks beneath his feet as he moves closer.
“Whatever it is, Bailey, I told you, you don’t have to face it alone.” The tone of his voice finally breaks the dam loose inside me. A fresh wave of tears spills out of me and before I know it, the words follow. My anxiety is suffocating as I tell him everything about mine and Sophie’s circumstances, how we ended up in Pine Grove seeking refuge from a life we needed to escape. The summary of Matt’s abuse pours out. The emotional manipulation, the constant fear, the physical abuse, his drinking. I tell him about the divorce papers that have been filled, thanks to the lawyer, my voice catching as I explain about the fear that’s been eating me alive, consuming my thoughts day and night. When I get to the part of Matt’s call I wrap my arms around myself, trying to hold it together, explaining how it triggered me, putting me right back on edge. My words tumble out faster and faster and as I explain, Gavin listens with such intense focus, his eyes never leaving me. I tell him my fears and how I didn’t want to drag him into my mess and that’s why it’s taken me so long to tell him all this. How I wanted to so badly, but I was afraid he would leave once he knew the full truth. The thought of losing him, of watching someone walk away because of my baggage, makes my throat tighten painfully with a lump.
He’s full of understanding and a protectiveness that makes me feel safe for the first time in so long, and I can’t help but cry and share every dark secret I’ve been holding inside.
When I’m done laying everything out before him, he immediately closes the distance between us and wraps me in the biggest hug I’ve ever received. His entire body envelops mine; he cups the back of my head and presses me in tighter and I squeeze him back, feeling the solid warmth of his chest against my tear-stained cheeks. His familiar scent surrounds me as he holds me close, and for a moment, the weight I’ve been carrying on my shoulders feels lighter. My fingers clutch at the fabric of his shirt, desperate to keep this connection, this understanding that flows between us without the need for words.
And after what feels like forever and yet no time at all, he pulls back from our embrace. His hands move to cup my face, his thumbs gently wiping away the tears that have streaked down my cheeks. The tenderness in his touch nearly undoes me all over again.
“Bailey,” he whispers, his eyes searching mine. I can see everything in them. Understanding, compassion, and something deeper that makes my breath catch.
Time seems to slow as he leans in, his gaze dropping to my lips. My heart hammers against my ribs, and for once, my anxiety isn’t screaming at me to run. Instead, I find myself moving closer, drawn to him like a flower to the sun.
His lips meet mine, and the world falls away. This isn’t the hesitant first kiss we shared on Ms. Lucy’s porch after our dinner date. This is something else entirely. Deep, passionate, alive with everything neither of us can put into words. His hands weave in my hair as he pulls me closer, and I melt against him, my fingers gripping his shoulders.
I feel the warmth of his breath, taste the faint sweetness of him, and something inside me that’s been locked away for so long cracks open. He’s pouring everything into this kiss, his understanding of my pain, his promise to stand beside me, his unwavering support. It washes over me in waves, healing parts of me I thought would stay broken forever.
When we finally break apart, both breathless, he rests his forehead against mine. His eyes remain closed for a moment, as if he’s memorizing the feeling.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he murmurs, his voice rough with emotion. “Whatever comes next, whatever you’re facing, you don’t have to face it alone anymore. And you’re not dragging me into anything, I’m choosing to be here.”
I look up at him, seeing the determination etched across his features.
“But Matt, he’s—”
“He’s a coward who preys on people he thinks are weaker than him,” he cuts in, and there’s steel in his voice now, his jaw tightening visibly. “But you’re not weak, Bailey. You got yourself and Sophie out. You’re building a new life and that takes incredible strength.”
My tears continue to spill over, hot tracks down my cheeks, so Gavin pulls me back into his arms. I press my face against his chest, his heart beats steady and strong under my ear, a reassuring rhythm that helps calm my racing thoughts.
“I won’t let anything happen to either of you,” he murmurs into my hair. “I promise. We’ll figure this out together.”
“We?” I ask, my voice muffled against the fabric of his shirt.
He cups my face in both of his hands, thumbs coming back up to gently wipe away my tears. His touch is tender. “Yes, ‘we’. If you’ll let me, I want to be there for you and Sophie. I care about you, Bailey. Both of you.”
The sincerity in his voice makes my heart swell, and warmth blooms in my chest. “Sophie adores you,” I say softly, managing a wobbly smile. “And I…” I trail off, not quite ready to put words to the feelings growing inside me. Though I know they’re there.
“I know. No pressure, no rushing. We’ll take this at whatever pace you need. I just want you to be comfortable with everything. With me.”
I lean into his touch for a moment longer, savoring the warmth of his hands on my face before straightening up. My heart is still racing, but for different reasons now. “Will you come back to the party with me, please? I asked Ms. Lucy to stall until we got back, and…” I bite my lip, suddenly feeling nervous, twisting my fingers into the hem of his shirt. “I’d really like you there. Sophie would too.”
“Of course,” he says without hesitation. “Just let me grab my keys from inside.”
His lips find mine again, and I sigh into him, letting go of more of the tension that’s been building up inside me. It’s like he senses what I need without me having to say a word. I didn’t realize how heavy my burden was until now, how much I needed to share my fears and insecurities with someone I trusted. And Gavin is that person. I feel safe with him, and I know I can be vulnerable. It’s a relief to let go, to let someone else in after keeping my walls up for so long.
Driving back to the party is quiet. Gavin follows behind my car in his truck, and I can see his headlights in my rearview mirror the whole way. It feels like a metaphor, him having my back, watching over me. The thought makes me feel safe in a way I haven’t in a long time.
We pull back up to the party, the warm light from inside spills out onto the front porch, bright against the evening sky. I can hear Sophie’s laughter floating through the screen door, mixed with the sounds of the party, and it makes me smile despite my still-puffy eyes.
Before we go inside, Gavin catches my hand, bringing me to a stop. I turn to face him, and he steps closer, his thumb brushing over my knuckles.
“Hey,” he says softly, his eyes searching mine. “I meant what I said. I’m in this with you. Whatever happens, whatever you need, I’m here.” His voice is firm, his gaze intense. It’s as if he’s promising to shield me from any storm, and in this moment, I believe he could.
“You’re not alone anymore,” he adds, and something inside me melts. I squeeze his hand, grateful for his unwavering support.
“Thank you,” I murmur, feeling stronger and more grounded with him by my side. “That means everything.”
We walk inside and find Sophie sitting at the dining room table with all her party guests and her face lights up when she sees us.
“You’re back!” she exclaims, sliding off her chair and running to Gavin with her arms outstretched.
He scoops her up effortlessly, settling her on his hip. Her birthday crown tilts precariously, and he reaches up to straighten it with his free hand.
“Yup! I wouldn’t miss your birthday, Soph.”
She smiles wide as she wraps her small arms around his neck in a hug. He pauses for a moment, clearly touched by her unrestrained affection, then places his hand on her back and hugs her in return, holding her close.
Ms. Lucy catches my attention from across the room, and I see the approval in her smile. She knows that I’ve made things right.
“Mommy!” Sophie calls out looking over Gavins’s shoulder. “Can we have cake now?”
I smile, feeling more relaxed being surrounded by my friends and family. “You bet we can, sweetie.” Taking her from Gavin’s arms, we make our way back to her chair where her chocolate cake sits waiting, decorated with a sparkly ‘5’ in the center and ‘Happy Birthday Sophie’ written in delicate pink frosting and every color of sprinkles you can imagine are placed all around the round cake.
As I light the candle, Jake dims the lights, leaving us in shadow except for the soft flicker of the flame. I begin the birthday song, with all our guests joining in harmony. She beams with delight as everyone focuses on her, then blows her candle out with one breath, momentarily cloaking us in darkness. The room erupts in applause and celebration as Jake turns the lights back on.
I slice and distribute the first piece of the rich chocolate cake to her and then to the others, I’m filled with certainty that this is exactly the life I want for my daughter and myself.
I watch Sophie devour her cake, purple frosting smearing across her cheeks as she giggles with Tommy. The party continues around me, but I feel myself fading, the emotional whiplash of the day catching up with me. My body feels heavy, like I’m moving through water.
Ms. Lucy slides into the chair next to me, pushing a glass of lemonade my way. “You okay, sweetie?”
“Just tired,” I admit, offering her a small smile. “Today’s been… a lot.”
She squeezes my hand. “I can see that. But you’re doing great.”
Across the room, Gavin chats with Jake, occasionally glancing my way. When our eyes meet, he gives me a subtle nod that manages to soothe me. I take a deep breath, feeling the tightness in my chest loosen slightly.
Mary Beth bustles over with a plate of cake, setting it firmly in front of me. “Try a piece Bailey, it’s delicious.”
I laugh despite myself. “Yes ma’am.”
As I take a bite, the sweetness floods my mouth, and I realize I’m actually hungry. The simple pleasure of chocolate cake feels like a small miracle after everything.
Sophie darts over, her face a mess. “Mommy! Tommy says he has a treehouse! Can we have a treehouse?”
“Maybe someday, sweetie,” I say, wiping her face with a napkin.
She climbs into my lap. I rest my chin on her head, breathing her in.
I’m exhausted, wrung out from crying and confessions and fear. But looking around at these people I feel something unfamiliar settling in my soul.
It’s belonging.
For the first time in years, we’re surrounded by people who genuinely care about us. The realization is both overwhelming and healing.