CHAPTER 33
M y hands won’t stop shaking as I clutch my phone tighter, Gavin’s steady voice on the other end of the line the only thing keeping me from completely falling apart. The ice cream shop has erupted into chaos, employees and customers searching every corner, calling Sophie’s name. But I know. I know in my gut she’s not here anymore.
“I can see the shop,” Gavin says. “I’m pulling up now.”
Seconds later, he bursts through the door, his eyes find me immediately. I launch myself into his arms, and he holds me tight against his chest.
“The police aren’t here yet?” he asks, and I shake my head against him. “Okay, tell me exactly what happened.”
I pull back, wiping at my face. “We were playing Guess Who. I went to order you a smoothie, I could see her the whole time, Gavin. She was getting the game ready for us to play again. When I turned back around, she was just… gone.”
His jaw tightens. “And you think Matt?”
“Who else would take her?” My voice cracks.
Blue and red lights flash through the windows as two police cars pull into the parking lot. Officers stride in, their faces serious as they approach us.
“Mrs. Monroe?” one asks, and I nod. “I’m Officer Lyons. Can you tell us exactly what happened?”
I repeat the story again, my words tumbling out faster and faster as I describe Sophie’s clothes, her hair, everything I can think of that might help them find her.
“And you suspect the father might be involved?” The officer asks, jotting notes in his pad.
“Yes. Matt Monroe. He’s been… unstable since he received divorce papers.” I swallow hard.
“Do you have any recent photos of Sophie?”
I pull out my phone and show them pictures from just a little while ago, Sophie sitting on top of Buttercup, holding the reins and horn as she smiled at the camera.
“Good, this will help. We’re putting out an AMBER Alert right away. Do you have any information on where the father might have taken her?”
I shake my head. “Sophie and I moved here not even two months ago. Matt was…not so kind to us so we left.”
Gavin’s arm tightens around me protectively, drawing me closer. “What about his family? Any relatives he might go to?”
“His parents are in Florida, but they cut ties with him years ago. His sister…” I pause, thinking back to happier times. “His sister Lisa lives about an hour away from him in Thackerville. She’s in Oklahoma too. We were always close, she used to visit before Matt scared her off.”
Officer Lyons nods to his partner, who immediately steps away talking rapidly into his radio. “We’ll check that out. In the meantime, we need you to stay available. Go home, wait by your phone. We’ll have officers checking traffic cameras, talking to any witnesses. Every minute counts.”
“I can’t just sit at home while my daughter is out there!” The words tear from my throat, raw with desperation. My hands clench into fists at my sides.
“Mrs. Monroe,” his voice is gentle, trying to settle me, his eyes full of understanding. “The best thing you can do right now is to be somewhere Sophie can find you if she manages to call or get away. We have officers all over town looking for her. Every available unit.”
Gavin’s hand rubs soothing circles on my back, his touch anchoring me. “He’s right, Bailey. Let’s get you back to the house. Ms. Lucy can come over, and we’ll make calls, contact everyone we know.”
I want to argue, to run screaming through the streets until I find my baby, but I know they’re right. I let Gavin lead me to his truck, my legs barely supporting me, feeling like they’re made of iron.
As we drive to his house, I stare out the window, searching every car we pass, every sidewalk, anywhere I might catch a glimpse of pink or blonde hair. My phone buzzes, the AMBER Alert for Sophie, her sweet face now being broadcast to phones across the state. The sight of her photo with the word “MISSING” above it makes my stomach lurch.
“We’ll find her,” Gavin says, reaching over to squeeze my hand.
I flinch away from his touch, my body recoiling instinctively. His hand hovers in the air between us before he slowly pulls it back. The world around me seems distant, like I’m watching everything through thick glass. The trees outside the truck window blur together as we drive, my mind floating somewhere far away from my body.
“Bailey?” Gavin’s voice sounds muffled, underwater. “Bailey, look at me.”
I can’t. My eyes stay fixed on some invisible point ahead. Sophie’s face fills my vision, her smile this morning during her lesson. I should have never brought her here. I should have gone further, hidden better.
“Bailey.” Gavin’s voice is firmer now, grounding me slightly. “I need you to stay with me, okay? Sophie needs you present.”
Sophie. My baby. Gone.
“She knows your number, Bailey,” he says gently. “If she can call, she’ll find a way.”
Something in his words pulls me back into my body. I blink, turning to look at him for the first time since we got in the truck.
“She memorized it,” I whisper, my voice sounding strange to my own ears. “We practiced. But what if he won’t let her near a phone? What if—”
“One step at a time,” he interrupts softly, his eyes flicking between me and the road. “Right now, we focus on what we can control. The police are looking. We’ll call everyone we know.”
I nod mechanically, trying to anchor myself to his words.
Tears start streaming down my face and my voice breaks. “He wouldn’t’ hurt her…right?”
“Stop,” he says flow, though his eyes are showing sympathy. “We can’t think about ‘what ifs’ right now. We need to focus on helping the police find her. That’s what Sophie needs from us.”
I nod, trying to pull myself together.
“Can you call Ms. Lucy? I don’t think I can… I don’t want to use my phone in case—.” The words catch in my throat, but he nods.
I stare numbly as he pulls into his driveway, the familiar crunch of gravel under the tires barely registering. While he talks on the phone, explaining what happened in a low, steady voice, I find myself transfixed by his house. Everything seems like it’s moving through molasses, dreamlike and surreal. The chalk drawings decorating the pathway to the front porch catch my eye, making my chest tighten painfully. We’d drawn flowers and butterflies together this past weekend, her little hand clasped in mine as we colored the concrete. She’d insisted on drawing a rainbow too, even though her colors had gotten all mixed up.
“She’s on her way,” Gavin says softly. “Come on, let’s go inside. We’re going to find her, Bailey. I promise.” His voice carries a conviction I desperately want to believe.
I let him guide me inside, my feet moving automatically across the threshold. But my heart stays out there, somewhere in the unknown with my little girl, praying she’s safe, praying she knows Mommy’s coming for her. I have to believe we’ll find her. I have to believe she’ll come home, that I’ll hear her sweet voice again.
Because the alternative is unthinkable.
I press ‘end’ on my phone with a frustrated sigh. Lisa’s phone went straight to voicemail again, I left her another message, trying to keep the worry out of my voice as I asked her to please call me back when she got a chance and I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear tires sliding on the gravel outside, the sound piercing through the tense silence of Gavin’s living room. Through his front windows, I see Ms. Lucy’s Buick come to an abrupt halt in the driveway, kicking up dust and small stones. She’s out of the car before I can even process what’s happening, moving faster than I’ve ever seen her move, her normally composed demeanor replaced with urgent energy.
Gavin and I rush to the front door, and we meet her on the front porch. Her silver hair is disheveled, like she’s been running her fingers through it repeatedly, and her cardigan is slightly askew.
“I’ve called everyone, honey. And I mean everyone.” Her voice carries that stern determination. “The ladies from church, my bridge club, all the shop owners downtown, Mary Beth, Molly, even that ornery old Henry. They’re all keeping their eyes peeled for our Sophie.”
My heart swells at her use of “our,” the simple word carrying so much meaning. In the short time we’ve been here, this community has embraced us like family, making this small town feel more like home than anywhere else ever has.
“Have you heard anything from Matt?” She asks, patting down her hair, trying to tame it. “Any calls or messages?”
And as if on cue, my phone dings with an incoming text message. My stomach drops as I pull it from my pocket. The number isn’t saved in my contacts, but I recognize the Oklahoma area code immediately.
Matt.
My hands shake so badly I almost drop the phone. I feel the blood drain from my face as I read his message:
“You don’t deserve our daughter.”
My knees go weak, and Gavin and Ms. Lucy are right behind me. I feel them both move closer, their presence both comforting and suffocating as more messages start coming through in rapid succession.
“You think you could just disappear and that I wouldn’t find you!?”
“You’re nothing but a selfish bitch!!!”
“You’ll never see her again!”
The words blur together as panic claws at my chest, making it hard to breathe.
“Call him,” Ms. Lucy says firmly, her southern accent thick with emotion.
“What?” I look into her determined eyes; they’re beginning to gloss over with unshed tears.
“Call that piece of shit right now.” She points down at my phone.
I tap his number and press the speaker button and the phone rings once, twice, three times. Each ring feels like an eternity, the sound echoing in the suddenly too-quiet space.
“What do you want?” His voice is cold, hostile, so different from the man I married years ago.
My throat constricts as I hear his voice, my body automatically tensing like it always does. Years of conditioning kicks in, and I find myself shifting into that familiar pattern. The one where I make myself small, where I try to smooth things over.
“Matt, please.” My voice comes out soft, placating. “Where’s Sophie? I just need to know she’s safe.”
“Safe?” He barks out a laugh that sends chills down my spine. “She’s safer with me than she ever was with you. Running around, living God knows where, with God knows who.”
I catch Gavin’s movement from the corner of my eye, see the way his jaw clenches, but I can’t focus on that now. I have to handle this the way I always have. Carefully, delicately, like defusing a bomb.
“You’re right.” The words taste like ash in my mouth, but I force them out anyway. “I shouldn’t have left like that. I was scared and confused, and I made a mistake. Please, can we just talk about this?”
“Now you want to talk?” His voice rises, and I flinch instinctively. “After you took my daughter and disappeared? After you turned her against me? After you sent me those fucking papers?”
“I never-” I stop myself, taking a shaky breath. “I mean, you’re right. I should have handled things differently. Please, Matt, just come back so we can talk this out. Face to face.”
Ms. Lucy’s hand finds mine, squeezing gently, and I pull away instinctively but then I realize I’m trembling.
“Oh, now you want me to come back?” His voice drips with venom. “After you’ve probably been whoring around with-”
“That’s enough.” Gavin’s voice cuts through the air like a knife, firm and authoritative. My heart stops.
No, no, no.
“Who the hell is that?” Matt’s voice drops dangerously low. “Who’s there with you, Bailey?”
“Nobody,” I say quickly, shooting Gavin a pleading look. “It’s just-”
“Don’t lie to me!” He roars, and I jump, nearly dropping the phone. “You’ve got some man there, don’t you? Is that why you left? You fucking–”
“I said that’s enough.” Gavin steps forward, his eyes blazing. “You don’t get to talk to her like that.”
“Gavin, please,” I whisper, but it’s too late.
“Oh, Gavin, is it?” Matt’s voice turns mockingly sweet. “Well, Gavin, let me tell you something about my wife-”
“Ex-wife,” Gavin corrects, and I want to scream.
The silence that follows is deafening. I can practically hear Matt’s rage building through the phone.
“You think you know her?” Matt’s voice is deadly quiet now. “You think you know what kind of woman she is? The kind that abandons her family? The kind that-”
“The kind that had to run because you beat her?” Gavin’s words hit like physical blows, and it’s as I start to shake my head in denial, that I feel the tears start falling. “The kind that was protecting her daughter from-”
“Gavin, stop!” I cry out, but it’s too late.
“You listen to me, you mother fucker,” Matt snarls. “You don’t know anything about my family. And Bailey? You’ll never see Sophie again. Never. How’s that for protection?”
The line goes dead.
My legs give out, and I sink to the floor, the phone clattering beside me. Ms. Lucy kneels next to me, pulling me into her arms as I start to sob.
“What have you done?” I look up at Gavin through my tears. “Why couldn’t you just stay quiet?”
“Bailey, I couldn’t just stand there while he–”
“You don’t understand!” I push away from Ms. Lucy, stumbling to my feet. “You don’t know him like I do. When he gets like that… when someone challenges him…” The words catch in my throat. “He’ll hurt her. He’ll hurt Sophie just to punish me.”
“He won’t,” Gavin steps toward me, but I back away. “We won’t let him-”
“You just made everything worse!” My voice breaks. “I could have talked him down. I could have… I always could before. If I just said the right things, agreed with him, took the blame… But now?” Fresh tears spill down my cheeks. “Now he knows about you, and he’ll never… he’ll never…”
The panic attack hits me full force. My chest constricts, and I can’t breathe. The room starts spinning, and black spots dance in my vision. I hear voices—Ms. Lucy calling my name, Gavin trying to apologize—but they sound far away, underwater.
“Bailey, honey, breathe with me.” Ms. Lucy’s voice breaks through the fog. She takes my hand and places it on her chest. “Feel my breathing. In and out. That’s it.”
I try to focus on her steady heartbeat under my palm, on the rise and fall of her chest. Slowly, painfully, my breathing starts to normalize.
“I’m sorry,” Gavin says softly from somewhere behind me. “I was just trying to help. I couldn’t stand hearing him talk to you like that.”
“I know,” I whisper, still not looking at him. “I know you were trying to help. But you don’t understand what he’s capable of. When someone stands up to him, when someone threatens his control…” I wrap my arms around myself, trying to stop shaking. “He doesn’t just get angry. He gets even. And he always makes sure it hurts in the worst possible way.”
“We need to call the police,” Ms. Lucy says firmly.
I look at Gavin then, see the pain and regret in his eyes, and I start to feel guilty for lashing out at him. He was only trying to protect me, to stand up for me in a way no one else ever has. But that’s not what I needed. What I needed was to play my part, to be small and sorry and submissive, to say whatever Matt wanted to hear until Sophie was safe.
I’m sitting beside Gavin, my head resting against his shoulder as he strokes my hair with gentle, reassuring motions. Nugget is curled up next to me with his head in my lap and I gently pet his head with long soothing strokes. Animals can sense when something is wrong, and Nugget is no exception. My eyes are puffy and aching and my throat feels raw and scratchy from all the crying I’ve done. Officer Lyons and his partner, Officer Guerero who was with him at the ice cream shop, just left after taking detailed notes about Matt’s call and messages.
“We’ll check traffic cameras and coordinate with nearby jurisdictions. Every detail helps.” Office Lyons had said, his notepad filled with hurried scribbles and arrows.
Now, Ms. Lucy is bustling around Gavin’s kitchen, the sounds of pots and pans creating a white noise that almost drowns out my racing thoughts. I know she’s trying to keep herself busy, to feel useful in some way, it’s just how she copes. The rich, homey smell of her chicken and dumplings would normally make my mouth water, but right now, my stomach is twisted in so many knots I can’t even think about eating.
My phone suddenly lights up, the same number flashing across the screen as earlier. My heart leaps into my throat, pounding so hard I can feel it in my ears.
“It’s him,” I announce, sitting up on the couch and put it on speaker.
“Hello?”
“Mommy?” Sophie’s little voice comes through, and I nearly collapse with relief, my whole body sagging towards the phone.
“Oh, baby! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” The words tumble out of me in a desperate rush.
“I’m okay.” Her voice sounds small, uncertain. “Daddy’s in the bathroom right now.”
My heart clenches.
“Daddy says I’m not s’posed to talk to you but I miss you.” Her little voice breaks and tears spring to my eyes.
Gavin squeezes my shoulder while Ms. Lucy stops her cooking, both of them listening intently.
“I miss you too, sweetheart,” I whisper, trying to keep my voice steady. “Can you tell me where you are? What do you see around you?”
“I dunno.” Sophie sniffles. “But that blinking red light is scaring me again.”
Blinking red light? I furrow my brow, trying to make sense of what she means.
“What blinking light, baby?”
There’s rustling on the other end of the line, movement, and my stomach drops. I hear Matt’s voice faint in the background.
“I love you, Mommy,” Sophie whispers quickly, her words rushed and frightened.
Then the line goes dead.
“Sophie? Sophie!” I cry into the phone, but there’s nothing. Just silence. My hands shake so badly I nearly drop my phone.
Gavin pulls me against him as a sob tears through my chest.
“That blinking red light,” I mutter between gasps for air.
My mind races. A red blinking light… like the sign at that run-down motel where Sophie and I stayed when we first left Oklahoma? The Paradise Inn, with its flickering neon sign? I remember how the light had cast an eerie crimson shadow across the parking lot, making everything look sinister and wrong.
“Oh my God,” I breathe, jumping up too quickly, my legs unsteady beneath me. “I think I know where they are!”
“What? Where?” Gavin stands too, steadying me as I sway slightly.
“When Sophie and I first left Matt, we stayed at this motel just outside the Oklahoma boarder. The Paradise Inn. It’s this awful place with a huge red neon sign that flashes all night. Sophie hated it, she made me close the curtains because the light scared her.
I grab my purse from the counter, and rush to the key ring at the front door where Gavin keeps his truck keys. My mind is racing with thoughts of her, of that dingy motel with its cigarette-burned carpets and water-stained ceilings, of Matt’s unpredictable temper that could flare like a match at any moment.
“Bailey, wait!” Gavin catches my arm as I head for the door. His eyes are intense with concern, amber depths pleading with me to stop and think. “You can’t just rush off like this. We need to call the police, let them handle it.”
“No!” I wrench my arm away, surprising both of us with my force. The desperation in my voice echoes off the walls. “You know how long that could take, Gavin? She’s my daughter!”
“Honey,” Ms. Lucy’s voice carries from the kitchen, thick with worry. “Gavin’s right. This isn’t safe.”
“I know exactly where she is!” I insist. “That motel, it’s where we stayed when we first escaped him. I know it’s a coincidence that they’re there, but Sophie said the same thing to me about the red light when we were there.” My words, coming out faster now, driven by my growing anxiety. I’m going. I have to go.”
Gavin runs a hand through his dark hair, clearly frustrated, his jaw clenching and unclenching. “Then I’m coming with you.”
“Gavin.”
“This isn’t a discussion,” he cuts me off, bypassing me and grabbing his keys from the hook. “You’re not facing him alone.”
I want to argue, want to tell him this isn’t his fight, but the determined set of his jaw tells me it would be pointless. My heart pounds against my ribs as I watch him check his phone. Deep down, I have to admit that knowing he’ll be beside me gives me a sense of security and courage I’ll know I need to face Matt.
“Ms. Lucy,” Gavin turns to her, his voice tight, “would you—”
“I’ll stay right here,” she nods, understanding immediately. “You two be careful, you hear me? And Bailey, don’t you dare try to handle this yourself.”
I nod quickly, already heading for the door, my purse clutched against my side. The evening air is hot and sticky as we rush to Gavin’s truck, the sky dark and threatening rain. He opens the passenger door for me before jogging around to the driver’s side, gravel crunching under his boots.
As we pull out of his driveway, I’m already pulling up the GPS on my phone. “Take the highway north,” I direct him. “It’s about an hour away, almost at the state line.”
His hands are tight on the steering wheel as he accelerates towards the highway, the engine roaring as we merge onto the main road. “Tell me about this place. What should we expect?”
I close my eyes, the memories washing over me like cold water. “It’s a u-shaped building, two stories, painted this awful faded yellow color. The office is on the right end. Room 218, that’s where we stayed before. It’s on the second floor, near the middle.” My voice catches, and I swallow hard. “The parking lot is small, and there’s a Coke machine by the stairs. The whole place smells like old cigarettes.”
“Bailey.” His voice is gentle. “What’s the plan here? We can’t just burst in there.”
“I…” trailing off I realize I haven’t thought that far ahead. I fumble with my fingers in my lap as panic threatens to overwhelm me. “I don’t know. But I can’t just sit and wait while my baby is with him. You don’t know what he’s capable of, Gavin. When his temper snaps…” I shudder, remembering the sound of shattering glass and the ache of his fist against my cheek.
“Bailey?” Gavin’s voice breaks through my thoughts. “Can I hold your hand?”
The simple question pulls me back to the present. I blink, looking over at him. The dashboard lights cast a soft glow across his face, highlighting the concern on his face. His right hand rests on the center console, palm up, waiting.
“What?” I manage, my voice small.
“Your hand,” he says, glancing briefly from the road to me. “You’re shaking.”
I look down and realize he’s right.
“Oh.” I place my hand in his, and his warm fingers close around mine. The simple contact anchoring me to this moment, to this truck, to him.
“Deep breaths,” he reminds me, his thumb brushing gently across my knuckles.
The steady pressure of his hand in mine becomes a focal point, something real and solid to concentrate on instead of the terrifying possibilities spinning through my head.
“I’m scared, Gavin,” I admit, my voice barely audible over the hum of the engine.
“I know,” he squeezes my hand. “But you’re not alone this time. We’re going to get Sophie, and we’re going to be smart about it.”
I nod, drawing strength from his certainty, from the way he says “we” without hesitation.
“Tell me more about Matt,” he says after a few minutes of tense silence. “The more I know, the better prepared I’ll be.”
I swallow hard, my throat tight with fear and memories. “He’s…unpredictable. He can be charming when he wants to be, that’s how he fooled me for so long. But when things don’t go his way…” I trail off, then force myself to continue, my voice barely above a whisper. “He’s not very patient. And when he drinks, that’s when he’s, his worst. He becomes someone else entirely.”
Gavin’s jaw clenches, and his hand tightens on mine. I see a muscle twitch in his jaw. “Has he ever hurt Sophie?”
“No,” I shake my head quickly, the words tumbling out. “Never. That’s one line he hasn’t crossed. But she’s seen…she’s seen him hurt me. That’s why we left. I couldn’t let her grow up thinking that, that kind of behavior was normal.”
The truck accelerates slightly, and he squeezes my hand slightly. The engine growls louder as we pass another car. “We’ll get her back,” he repeats, his voice hard with determination. “I promise you that, Bailey. He won’t hurt either of you ever again.”