Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
S tepping onto Hope’s back deck was like stepping into a photoshoot for some high-end parenting magazine. An impressive archway made entirely out of blue and pink balloons held a big sign in the middle that read “Boy or Girl?” In the garden, round tables were decorated with blue or pink centerpieces. A long table off to the side had themed snacks and a massive tower of cupcakes topped with either pink or blue icing.
“Oh, it’s a gender-reveal party,” Lucy breathed as Joel came up beside her.
He glanced down at her and registered the delight on her face. And it was hard not to be caught up in everyone’s joy. He was genuinely happy for his sister and Gabe and knew there had been a journey to get to this moment. But his concern for Lucy’s mental well-being was his priority. So there was some relief in seeing her okay being here. At a baby shower that was also a gender-reveal party.
Without thinking, he reached for Lucy’s hand. She immediately linked her fingers with his, leaned against his shoulder, and looked up at him with a reassuring smile. A swell of pride lifted the dread that had weighed on his chest. This was his woman, and her smile was the center of his universe. There would be hell to pay if this ended, but at the moment, he couldn’t muster a single fuck about that.
“Um, okay, so this is new,” Hope said, interrupting his thoughts. Her gaze was locked on his and Lucy’s joined hands.
Right, here went nothing…or everything.
“Hope, there’s something you should?—”
“Joel!” His mother’s trill shot through the air and a second later, she appeared beside his sister. “Darling, I’m so glad to see you. I miss having you in San Francisco, not that I ever saw much of you there, but at least I knew where to find you if I wanted to.” Audrey Morgan opened her arms for a hug.
Joel leaned into them, letting his mother’s arms settle around his shoulders.
When she pulled back, she regarded Lucy. “The last time I saw you must have been at a Christmas party five or more years ago. You look lovelier than ever, Lucy. How are you doing?” she asked as she reached for Lucy next. “I’m so happy that you’re here to join us for this.”
Lucy nodded. “I’m so glad to be here. Hope, you must be excited to add the newest member to your family.”
Hope smiled, rubbing her enormous belly. “Yes, I’m 100 percent ready to have this little guy…or girl. I swear, it feels like this baby is trying to push every single one of my organs out through my esophagus.”
They chatted and mingled in the garden with friends and relatives who’d come to share in his sister and brother-in-law’s special day. Finally, he led Lucy to a table.
She tugged his hand, and he leaned closer. “When are you planning on telling your family about our engagement? Before or after cupcakes?”
Excellent question. As a man who meticulously planned most things in life, he was finding himself in more situations than ever where he was making shit up on the fly.
He pulled out a chair for Lucy to take a seat. “Definitely after. As they say, first gender reveal, then engagement reveal.”
A soft gasp drew his attention from Lucy’s unamused eye roll, and behind his shoulder, where Ivy had halted dead in her tracks.
Shit.
“Ivy,” his sister called from across the garden by the punch bowl, summoning her best friend with a wave.
With one last wide-eyed gawk, Ivy turned from Joel and hustled straight to Hope.
Double shit. Those two had a bond thicker than cement. If Ivy thought she uncovered the news of the century, no way would she withhold it from Hope for even one second.
Sure enough, Ivy immediately launched into an excited monologue as Hope poured lemonade into a glass.
“Who is that?” Lucy asked, as she followed Joel’s gaze to Ivy and Hope.
“Ivy. She and Sean are my neighbors across the hall. She’s also Hope’s best friend.” He watched as Hope’s eyes widened to saucers and her mouth formed a small o. Yep, the tea had definitely just been spilled.
Great, now Hope was waddling toward them. He straightened in his chair and reached under the table to grasp Lucy’s knee in a protective gesture.
“What is it?” she asked, placing her hand over his under the table, and the touch nearly distracted him enough to forget his sister was approaching with a look of determination.
“She’s coming,” he whispered.
“Who’s coming?” Lucy whispered back, moving her hand to his upper thigh, leveraging herself to look behind her shoulder.
Christ. Jesus . Her hand was an inch away from his dick, but she might as well have been stroking it by the way he was reacting.
Bloody hell. Now he was going to have to face down his sister about his no longer secret engagement with a raging hard-on. Perfect.
Somewhere from heaven, an angel rang a bell, and his sister halted in mid-waddle.
The bell rang again, and Ruby shouted, “Time to eat the cupcakes!”
When Gabe came up and took Hope’s hand and lead her to the cupcake table, Joel released the breath he’d been holding in a low whoosh. Lucy rubbed her hand up and down his thigh, as if to get his attention. His pants were so tight now, he’d have to remain sitting for at least a half an hour.
“Who’s coming?” Lucy asked again. “What are you talking about?”
He was about to come if she didn’t stop touching him, that’s who. He gripped the innocent fingers under the table and moved their joined hands to her lap. See how you like it, honey , he thought as he ran his fingertips along her upper leg, skimming the thin fabric of her dress. When she sucked in a sharp breath, a surge of victory hit him.
“Nothing,” he murmured into her ear. “False alarm.”
When Lucy swallowed and nodded, he smirked, satisfied that he wasn’t the only one turned on at a gender-reveal garden party.
Gabe and Hope took the top two cupcakes off the tower, which were both covered with white frosting, and made a production of counting down to taking a bite.
Joel marveled at his brother-in-law. Gabe’s curmudgeonliness was his brand, and while Joel was sure he’d softened somewhat since getting together with Hope, he still had a reserved, vaguely pissed off way about him. Given all he’d gone through, Joel couldn’t blame him. And yet, here Gabe stood under a bright balloon archway, holding a white cupcake, posing for an invasive amount of photographs, and grinning from ear to ear like he couldn’t wait to post this on the family Instagram account that Hope had mentioned she’d started.
Hope was an enchantress, and Gabe was head over heels in love with his new life. Ruby ran up to her father, and he swung her into his arms. At the final countdown, he held his cupcake so they could take a bite from either side together. Hope simultaneously took a bite of her own.
When pink icing oozed from the center, Ruby’s fists pumped the air as she whooped with joy, cupcake flying out of her mouth. Hope threw her arms around Gabe and Ruby in a group hug as the crowd cheered and clapped. Gabe’s rumbling laugh sounded stunned and elated at the same time. He looked a little shell-shocked but happier than Joel had ever seen him.
The unbidden memory of Lucy telling him four years ago that she was pregnant hit him like a Mac truck out of nowhere.
In that moment, he too had felt the most terrified and happiest he’d ever been in his life. He too had choked out an astonished laugh, half shock, half overwhelming emotion, when Lucy had softly uttered the words.
With pink icing sticking to their lips, the expectant parents kissed, and something coiled in Joel’s gut, snaking its way up his chest and lodging in his throat. The sensation was unfamiliar and awful. Not quite resentment, he’d never begrudge his sister this happiness, but it was ugly, and it left a bitter taste at the back of his throat. He drank deeply from his glass, but the cool champagne did little to ease the sourness.
Beside him, he heard a sniff.
“A girl,” Lucy whispered.
Her eyes were blurred and lost, but so beautiful Joel caved into the longing that had been pounding inside him, into his need to comfort her and be comforted by her. He cradled her against his chest and pressed a kiss to her temple.
“It’s beautiful, right?” Lucy said, her voice muffled by his shirt. She hid her face on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I just need a second.”
“Take as many as you want.” Christ, was that his voice? It sounded raw and foreign. He hugged her closer, willing himself to regain his usual control. He needed to be strong for her. “I’m right here,” he murmured hoarsely as she buried her face in the fabric of his shirt. He stroked her arm, shielding her from the surrounding guests.
Their mutual pain was a private bubble, bonding them together for one singular moment, despite the people that surrounded them. The sounds of joy and congratulations were everywhere. And for the first time, he resented that not one of them knew about the son they’d lost.
“It’s okay. I’m okay. It’s—just—” Her words stuttered to a halt .
“I know,” he murmured. He could finish her sentence for her—It’s just that their gender reveal had taken place in a hospital, and their baby had already been gone when they’d found out a little boy had almost been theirs.
Slowly, she pulled away, looking up at him with wet lashes that sliced another year off his life. “I’m okay,” she said again. “And it really is beautiful, Joel. Some of these are happy tears. Believe it or not.” She choked on a laugh and dabbed her eyes with a napkin.
Anger flooded him. How had he been such an idiot? I’m fine, she’d said. I’ve gone to baby showers before , she’d said. Why hadn’t he listened to his gut? He knew better. Four years ago, Lucy had grieved in private. No one had known what she’d been through. She’d only had him. They’d only had each other. And then not even that.
He shouldn’t have brought her here. “Come on.” He pushed his chair back. “Let’s go.”
“But—”
“But nothing.” He was getting her out of here, away from the reminders of what they didn’t have, away from the happy family that should have been them. Jumping to his feet, he reached down for Lucy’s hand when his sister’s voice rose above the crowd, delaying their escape. He’d have to get Lucy out of here discreetly. Causing a scene would only make it worse for her.
“I want to thank everyone for coming today to share this with us. We are so unbelievably excited to be meeting Baby Girl Walsh very soon.” Hope gave her husband another lingering kiss.
Gabe cupped the back of her neck to keep her locked in, and someone in the crowd, probably Sean, let out a loud whistle.
Taking the distraction as an opportunity, Joel tried again, clasping his hand around Lucy’s but she shook her head marginally.
We can’t , she mouthed.
He furrowed his brow in confusion. Of course, the fuck, they could. This had been his fear, he didn’t want to subject Lucy to this.
Hope’s laughter filled the garden as she pushed playfully at her husband’s chest. “Okay, clearly we have a lot of celebrating left to do, but first, I wanted to hand the floor over to my big brother, Joel, because we are celebrating more than just our little baby girl today. Joel, why don’t you come up here and tell everyone your news?”
What the fuuuuck?
Swiveling his head, Joel leveled his sister with a glare, and her answering sugar-sweet smile screamed, This is what you get for not telling me first.
He shot a look at Ivy, who shrugged innocently while Sean sat beside her, shaking his head warily.
“Oh shit,” Lucy whispered below him where she still sat.
He glanced at her, his hand still tightly clenched in hers. Her eyes were wide, tear stained, and anxious. He couldn’t blame her, but he wasn’t letting her down again, either.
He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before lifting his champagne glass and seeking his parents in the crowd. His mother watched him, with a curious smile. His father appeared confused.
Joel cleared his throat. He was going to have to break the news of his fake engagement in front of everyone at a fucking gender-reveal garden party.
“Thank you for that, Hope,” he said through the smile he saved for his boardroom. “Let me start by asking you to join me in raising our glasses and toasting my beautiful sister, her husband, and my perfect little niece Ruby. You deserve every happiness, and I’m so glad that you are building on perfection by adding another little future CEO into the mix for me to dote on and spoil. Cheers to all four of you.” He raised his glass and a sea of hands followed.
Hope’s eyes got misty as she took a sip of her sparkling apple juice, and Joel knew he was forgiven for not telling her about Lucy first.
When everyone had had a sip from their glasses, he turned to Lucy. Her hand was still tightly clasped in his, mostly because he couldn’t let go. He’d forgotten how much strength he drew from her.
“As most of you know, I have spent the better half of this last year in Portland working on expanding Morgan Construction out of state. During that time, I have spent what free time I had with Hope, Gabe, and Ruby. Seeing them together has made me realize what I’ve been missing in my life.”
Someone in the group sniffled, but he didn’t check to see who it was.
“I have my work, and it’s brought me great success, but other than that, I realized that I lacked any real purpose.” Spending a night at the office was not uncommon for him. “I wanted a reason to come home every night. A reason to take a vacation. A reason to walk around grinning like my brother-in-law over there.” He tipped his drink toward Gabe, and his audience chuckled.
Lucy stared at him blankly, with her gorgeous mouth open a crack, like she didn’t know what to make of the speech he was giving.
“What most of you don’t know is that this woman right here, Lucy Barone, she’s been my friend since we met as kids at one of my father’s Christmas parties. After that, we used to chase each other around construction sites while our fathers talked shop, which”—he waggled his finger at his sister and Gabe—“was completely illegal and not a pro-tip on parenting, but hell, it was the 90s.”
Another chuckle rippled through the guests.
“I’ve been chasing Lucy ever since, and somewhere along the way, she became my reason.”
A chorus of “ awwws ” wrapped around them, but he couldn’t have moved his eyes away from hers if the whole world was burning down. He was trying to gauge her reaction, every flicker in her pupils, every quiver of her lip, the way her hand went boneless in his. He needed to know that she was absorbing what he was saying, because even though she’d hurt him more than any living person ever had, she had been his reason, dammit. All along, she’d been his reason.
And even if this wasn’t exactly as he wanted it to be between them, he needed her to know that one truth. “So, I asked her to marry me, and by some miracle, she said yes.”
He forced himself to look away from her and at the crowd. His mother was crying. His father’s jaw was on the floor.
“So I want to offer a toast to my new fiancée, Lucy. For making me the happiest man on earth.” He lifted his glass, and a roar of cheers erupted.
Lucy rose to stand beside him. “That was—” She took a long sip from her champagne glass. “Better than expected.”
Joel grinned at her. “Get used to it, baby.” Before he could think better of it, he pulled her close and kissed her.