11. I’m Still Here
11
I’m Still Here
I may or may not have gone a little too far when a group of drunk men left an idiot behind to piss. But the way Tormenta stepped out of her shell and showed me she isn’t afraid of my darkness only made me want her more. A little killer she is indeed.
We venture off into the festival and hit up the fun house. Our time there quickly becomes chaotic. He’s here, the horror etched in her face says it all. I have to keep playing dumb because if she finds out I was actually tracking her for him all trust will be off the table.
November 06 2023
I can hear things going on around me. Monitors beeping, people talking, I can even feel someone’s hand resting on my arm. I try to force my eyes open but no matter what I do nothing works. My body won’t even flinch when I give it my all.
“How long will it take for him to get better?” A choked voice that shatters my heart. Esmé is here.
The last thing that I remember was being separated from Tormenta, Little Killer and her screaming out my name. When I turned, Marklov and his pigs were locked in with me. They began beating the living shit out of me nearly by an inch of my life. Darkness consumed me whole. Fucking bastards. They will pay for what they have done.
“Little Killer, are you here?” Speak, please… I can feel my heart rate begin to quicken. The machine begins beeping rapidly, and the nurse in the room opens my eyes with a bright flashlight that points into my soul. I tried talking, but no words came out. These are all just thoughts at this point.
“Is he going to wake up soon?” a small, broken voice cuts in.
“It’s been almost a week since the incident. Given his state, it’s ultimately up to how he recovers from the Traumatic Brain Injury commonly known as a TBI, as we discussed before. I know this can be hard on you and we have resources if you need them.”
“Resources! That’s the best you have to offer? Fuck this. Get out!”
Esmé’s voice is holding strong. The doctor walks out with the nurse, the footsteps of defeat fading out and pulling the door shut as they go.
I want to reach up and hug her. Tell her everything is okay. I’m okay, I’m here, I’m alive and I can hear you! But something is not letting me.
Sasha’s voice cuts in.
“Let’s just let him rest, sweetie. You know how your big brother is. He is strong and won’t give up, especially when he has you to fight for.”
Esmé lets out a cry that only lasts a moment before I feel her hand leave my arm.
“Let’s go home for the night. We will send Raph up here, and if anything changes, I will tell him to call me immediately. Okay?”
“Okay.”
The room falls silent, aside from the beeping sounds from the machines next to me. Lulling me back to sleep.
“Boss, wake up. It’s Raph.”
I’m awake, but nothing is different. I still can’t move, talk, or open my eyes.
“Anyways, they took her. The woman you were with on Halloween night. I don’t know who she is or what she means to you but I have a feeling it’s something special if you risked your life for her.”
That’s the truth. He sees things others can’t, and I admire him for that. I need to wake up and get the fuck out of here. Marklov is a dead man. No questions asked, and I want to be the one to do it. I have to get up and get out to save her. Little Killer, hold on, I am coming for you.
My monitor beeps as my chest rises and falls. Raph stands up and over me.
“Gabriel, calm down. It’s going to be okay. I have been looking for any and every Intel that I can. I just can’t make any moves until you say something. You got to wake up, brother.”
I try moving again, and my voice is an echoed scream only I can hear.
“Squeeze my finger if you can hear me.”
Raph places his fingers in my hand. I fight with what I can and try to squeeze, but nothing happens.
“I was reading up, and I saw that people in your condition can have an awareness of the sounds going on around them. They can even feel things, but their body is still recovering. I just need something, Gabriel. Please.”
No one ever uses my real name unless it’s personal and in a time of fear. Ghost was a name I earned many years ago and stood by only being called that.
The room falls silent again as Raph sits next to me in a chair. I can hear the typing on his phone. He is probably checking in on everyone.
My hand rests down at my side. “Just give me the strength, Lord, please.” I test myself, straining all of my energy into one area of my body. My hand—I just need the slightest movement so he knows I’m aware and listening to everything.
Come on, you bastard move! I fight with myself. Finally, there’s a tiny sign that I’m still here. My finger twitches. It is only slight but enough to catch his attention.
“Boss! Can you hear me? Do it again if you can hear me!”
I fight again, and this time, it comes a little easier. I twitch my fingers again.
“You fucker! You had me so damn scared. I’m here, boss; it’s me Raph.”
He calls Sasha and tells her what is happening before the doctors even get the chance to know. That’s my guy right there. Family first.
“Doctor! Get in here!” He shouts out of the room. Moments pass, and it feels like forever before anyone even comes in.
“Hi, can I help you?”
“He flinched. He fucking flinched! His fingers moved!”
“Sometimes that is the body’s natural reaction in cases like this. I’m sure from time to time you will see that.”
“No, it wasn’t like that!”
Sasha and Esmé’s voices come into the room almost in sync.
“We’re here! what happened!?”
“Everything is fine. There was just a misunderstanding, that is all.”
The doctor says to the girls. I can feel the heat radiating off Raphs body as he grabs my arm.
“No. Fuck no. There was no misunderstanding. Gabriel moved. I was talking to him and updating him about some things, and I asked him to please give me a damn sign so that I know he can hear me… and he moved his fingers. Not once but twice!”
“Is it true?” Esmés voice speaks up.
The doctor clears his throat. “I was not in the room. I was with another patient.”
“Alright, no problem. How about we give it another shot?” Sasha says, her voice steady and composed. She’s like the glue in our self-made family, always keeping us grounded and united, no matter how chaotic things get. Her calm demeanor reassures us that everything will be okay.
“Gabe, can you hear me? Can you hear us? Move anything so we know…”
My eyes roll back and forth, moving from side to side. I twitch my fingers once more, and Esmé gasps in surprise.
“I saw it! I saw him move.” She shouts, unable to tame her excitement.
“Is it a misunderstanding now doc?” Raph bites out.
“Oh my gosh. We’re here, Gabe, it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.”
“I apologize, but I need him to do more than just flinch before we can take him off the high dosage of pain medications. We want him to be comfortable, and I assure you I will do everything-”
My eyes snap open, and a surge of irritation courses through me. I can’t stand listening to this dick head of a doctor’s voice any longer.
“His eyes are open!” Esmé calls out.
The doctor turns and examines me yet again. This time, when the light is on my eyes, I can follow it. It burns, but I do it.
“He’s reactive now, I will get a nurse in here to lower the medications shortly.”
My eyes start to close, feeling so heavy after using up all my energy. I’m totally wiped out and really need to rest. If I want to get better, I need to listen to my body and stop being so damn stubborn. If I want to get out of here and take back what’s mine, I need to let myself heal. It’s hard, but I know it’s what I got to do. So, I’m just going to give in and let myself drift off for a bit.
Lying here in this hospital bed, I can feel every ache and pain as the medications wear off, reminding me of how much I’ve pushed myself. The sterile smell of the room, the beeping of the machines, it all just adds to the exhaustion. I think about everything I went through, all the hits my body took, and how much I want to get back to my life. I miss the simple things, like the warmth of the sun on my face and the sound of the wind passing by as I speed off on my bike. But I know that if I don’t take this time to rest, I won’t be able to enjoy those things again. Esmé needs me. I need to take back control over everything and protect everyone I love.
So, I close my eyes and take a deep breath, letting the fatigue wash over me. I remind myself that healing is a process, and it’s okay to take it slow. I need to be patient and give my body the time it needs to recover. It’s not easy, but I know it’s the right thing to do. With that thought, I finally let myself relax, hoping that when I wake up, I’ll feel a little bit stronger and a little bit closer to getting back to the life I love.