Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
“ Time will explain.”
~Jane Austen, Persuasion
T obey’s getting married…And I might see her. Elation and anxiety spun through Elle as she sat in the front row clasping Aunt Janet’s hand. The officiant stepped beneath the birch arbor. Taking a deep breath, Elle joined as guests twisted to the back as music heralded the wedding party. Clenching her jaw, she rallied herself for emotional impact, but there was no sight of Mom. Like seeking a beacon in the dark, her gaze was pulled to Clayton strolling toward the chairs in a suit identical to Uncle Pete’s. But he filled it in a way that sparked every one of her nerve-endings to life.
Pete strode from the opposite side and the two men met at the start of the grassy aisle to begin their walk to the altar. Clayton’s stare tethered to Elle as he moved closer. Passing the first row, he winked at her causing her belly to swoop. He took up his position on one side but didn’t shift his eyes away from her. His intent gaze on her sent happiness fizzing within her.
Guests oohed as Lt. Scout, dressed in full police uniform, trotted down the aisle, stopping to sit next to Pete. With a lift of his hands, the officiant motioned for everyone to stand while from opposite sides of the lawn, Tobey and Jerome glided toward each other with the biggest smiles on their faces. Elle tried to focus on them and not scan the backs of heads for familiar blonde curls. As they reached the chairs, Jerome and Tobey intertwined hands and continued to the altar together.
“Dear family, friends, and the rest of you folks they had to invite.”The officiant paused for laughter with an impish grin. “We are here to join two hearts together, to witness the love of Tobey Coates and Jerome Evans.”
In less than the blink of an eye, the happy couple were pronounced married while their guests applauded.
As the wedding party posed for pictures, Elle followed the other guests to the tent for drinks before dinner. Quickly locating Carmen and Mathew standing in line at the bar, she joined them.
“You look so pretty,” Carmen gushed, taking Elle’s hands to inspect her. “Like a mermaid.”
The comparison was spot on. Her auburn hair was styled in loose waves. A silver starfish necklace and matching earrings accompanied a strapless tea length lavender dress that shimmered in the sunlight.
“And I didn’t even have to sell my voice to a sea witch.”
“The night’s young.” Noah joked, joining their group.
Carmen, Mathew, and Noah were at Elle’s table, located near the bar and far away from where her mother’s assigned seat was. In addition, Meghan, the third partner at the vet clinic, and her wife Karla joined them.
“Alright folks, let’s hear it for one of the best men, Clayton Owens,” the DJ hooted, ushering in the best man toast portion of the reception.
“Here’s our guy.” Noah elbowed Elle.
Our guy?
Clayton gripped the microphone. “Evening.”Those gray eyes scanned the guests seated under the tent, lit on Elle, and remained there for a beat. He cleared his throat and began his toast. “Speaking words isn’t my forte but reading them is. One of my favorite authors wrote that happiness in marriage is entirely by chance.”
Elle beamed. The Pride and Prejudice reference created a moment just between Clayton and her in this ocean of people.
He continued, “But Jerome and Tobey, you are a sure bet. Thank you, not just for letting me stand up with you today but for reminding me that love is everything and when I find my everything, I plan to hold on to it, just like you two. Congratulations!”
The air practically sizzled between them. Elle placed her hand on her heart hoping nobody else could hear its loud drumbeat.
The sun had set, and after the wedding feast was cleared away, fairy lights illuminated the tent with a romantic glow. Carmen and Mathew had moved onto the dance floor for the first of what Elle knew would be many dances. Noah headed to the bar to check on Todd. Elle sat alone reading texts from Willa and Viet demanding pictures of her hot farmer in his wedding suit.
“Elle.”
She looked up to find Clayton, hands in his pockets and a flirtatious grin on his face.
“I liked your toast. It was the perfect Austen fanboy moment.”
“Can I buy you a free drink.” He gestured to the bar with his head.
“Ok,” Elle agreed, ignoring her full glass of rosé on the table.
As they walked to the bar, his palm pressed against her lower back. Heat flooded every inch of her body at his touch.
“Clayton! You look so handsome in your suit.” A silver-haired woman turned from the bar her arms spread. It had been eighteen years since Elle had last seen Mrs. Owens, but she knew her thanks to the pair of soft gray eyes identical to her son’s.
“Thanks, Mom.” He blushed. “You remember Elle Davidson?”
“Elle…”Mrs. Owens searched, her eyes growing wide with recognition. “Eleanor!”
“Mrs. Owens. It’s nice to see you again.”
“What a beauty you grew up to be. I’m not surprised. I must find Chris. He’d love to say hello.” She held Elle’s hands.
“Where is Dad?”
“He’s in the restroom. Old age, small bladder.”
“TMI, Mom.” Clayton shook his head.
“Here you go, Mrs. Owens.” Todd placed a beer alongside a glass of red wine on the bar.
“Thank you. Let me get these back to our table,” she said.
“Mom, do you want me to carry those?” Clayton asked, looking at Elle with apologetic eyes.
“I wouldn’t want you to desert Elle.”
“Oh, I’m fine. I helped set this joint up, so I won’t get lost.”Elle brushed it off with a wave.
“Thank you, Elle. I haven’t seen him all week. I’ll have him back to you shortly.” Mrs. Owens held her drinks out to Clayton.
“It was nice seeing you, Mrs. Owens.”
“I’ll see you later.” He shrugged.
“Clayton, come back and buy me that free drink later?”
With a big smile, he tipped up his chin before spinning to catch up with his mom.
“Eleanor, you still want that free drink?” Todd teased.
Eleanor? There’d been a familiarity about Todd at the Wine Down earlier that week, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. The use of Eleanor, when he’d heard her referred to as Elle by Carmen and Noah made her flip through the pages of her mental photo album.
“Todd Krueger!” she gaped.
“The one and only.” He bowed.
Todd was two years younger than Elle, but had been in band with her. The brass section had been made up of all boys and Elle. The shy, pint-size Todd was so different from the cocksure tall man in front of her.
“I wasn’t sure you’d remember me.”
“I do. You were in the Kiss Our Brass section.”
A pleased smile swept his face at the mention of their band section motto. “You know you put that in my yearbook. It reminded me What Would Eleanor Do, when I got picked on for being scrawny. Just ignore the fuckers.”
Affection curled her lips. “Todd, call me Elle. It’s what my friends call me.”
They fist bumped in band geek solidarity.
“Alright, here’s that extra case” Noah slipped behind the bar with a case of beer, his jacket now gone, and sleeves rolled to his elbows.
Elle started to move away. “I’m going to put this on the table and then go dance with Carmen. I’ll see you both later.”
“Elle, save me a dance,” Noah shouted from behind the bar.
“Hey Elle, you’re too good for Prince Charming over here. Tell him to kiss your brass,” Todd teased and slapped a wet towel against Noah’s forearm.
Noah flinched. “Dude! Really?”
“Save it for my performance review,” Todd snarked.
Oh, Todd. Shaking with laughter, Elle walked away.
As the DJ played pop hits, she let the music take over her body, shimmying her hips, tossing her arms, and hooting with laughter as she danced with Noah, Carmen, and Mathew.
Between finding her own version of the dance beat, her gaze flicked to the head table, where Clayton sat talking to Jerome’s father. She hadn’t seen Clayton after he left to carry his mother’s drinks to her table. There was still the matter of that free drink he owed her.
“Let’s slow this down.” The DJ’s deep voice came over the mic.
“Yay!” Carmen cheered, her arms wrapped around Mathew’s neck, his hands at her waist. She nuzzled into his neck at the first notes of “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran started.
Couples paired, singles shuffled off, and others held hands while walking to the dance floor. Elle started to walk back to her table when Noah stepped in her way.
“How about that dance?” A dimple punctuated his charming smile.
Elle tilted her head, peeking around Noah, to where Clayton stood in front of his table, his gaze fixed on the dance floor. The tiny paw prints tattooed on his right forearm were visible thanks to the absence of his jacket and his rolled-up sleeves.
Shifting her stare back to Noah, she grinned.“Sorry. It’s saved for someone else.”
He glanced at Clayton and then back to her. “It’s about time. Go get our guy.” He kissed her cheek and walked away.
Elle strode toward Clayton, whose grin got bigger with each step closer. He closed the distance between them. As they reached each other, she took his hand and led him onto the dance floor. Just as she had seen Carmen do with Mathew, she encircled Clayton’s nape.
Clayton rested his hands at her waist as they swayed, their gazes intertwined. “I didn’t get a chance to tell you how beautiful you always look in purple,” he whispered, pulling her closer.
Elle nestled her face against his collarbone. “I didn’t get to tell you how handsome you look in this suit.”
“I thought you were going to dance with Noah.” He swallowed hard.
“You thought wrong.”
Chin rested atop her head, his arms banded around her. It wasn’t the first time his chin had been there. It found its way there, when his strong teenaged arms caught her body as she almost fell from the bleachers at that Winter Ball so long ago. In his arms, snug under his chin, she was safe. Then and now.
“You always smell like Thanksgiving.”
“Like turkey and stuffing?” Her giggle was muffled against his chest.
“Like vanilla and pumpkin. I can’t smell it without thinking of you.” He inhaled deep.
“Now let’s get this party going again. I think it’s getting hot in here.” The DJ hyped as Nelly bounced from the speakers.
Elle raised her head. Clayton still held her, pressed against him, staring at her. The beat of the new song interrupted, and they realized at almost the same time their position was no longer fitting. Elle slipped her hands from his neck to her sides as he stepped back a few inches, but his hands remained on her waist.
“Elle…” he started.
“Clayton!”A grinning Jerome yelled as he hurried to them.
“What’s up?” He dropped his hands but kept his focus on Elle.
“Lady Elle.” Jerome gave her a courtly bow.
Elle? A quiet laugh fell out of her. Clearly Aunt Janet had set up the bat signal to call her Elle.
“Sorry to steal Clayton, but I need my best man for a bit.”
“I was about to take a break anyway.” Elle patted Jerome’s arm and then strode off the dance floor.
“Elle!”
She pivoted at Clayton’s voice.
“When I’m done with this, can I buy you that free drink?” Hands in pocket, he flashed a lopsided grin.
“You better.” She winked, turning to sashay away. It was a little sassy, but a lady likes a man’s gaze on her backside sometimes. Especially the right man.
She went back to the table, scooped up her silver clutch, and ducked out of the tent to what Uncle Pete had dubbed the fancy crappers.
Pete had been obsessed with these impressive portable restrooms. For weeks he’d blathered on about them during their weekly calls. Taking in the row of stalls, piped in music, the fresh floral scent, and a basket overflowing with an array of fancy toiletries, Elle got it.
“These are fancy.” Helping herself to one of the luxurious hand soaps, she smiled. “ Tres chic .”
Humming along with Jan Arden, she washed her hands. Her eyes raised at the creak of the door opening. A pair of familiar blue eyes and darkened blonde curls filled the mirror in front of her.
Elle’s breath grew ragged, and her pulse sped as if coming face-to-face with a shark in the deep.
A firm line was fixed on her mother’s face; her gaze stony. Tiny wrinkles lined the corner of her eyes. Sadness still swam in their depths but was shaded with something different. Remorse?
Sucking in deep breaths, Elle spun to confront her past. There she was, not a phantom, not a memory, and not an image in the mirror, but her mother in the flesh. That ball of dread she’d fought all day inflated.
No words. No smile. No reaching hands. Mom just shrugged and walked into a stall. The lock sliding into place knocked the wind out of Elle with its indifference.
With her hands still damp, Elle clutched her handbag and retreated outside. The celebratory sounds of the wedding behind her were trumped by her shallow gasps. Going back wasn’t an option, because she was there. Mom is fucking here.
The last few hours of clinked glasses, swaying hips, stolen glances with Clayton, were a mere distraction lulling her into false safety.
“Elle,”Clayton rasped, his hands holding her trembling shoulders, eyes clouded with concern.
When did Clayton come? She blinked.
“Take me home.” she croaked as he tucked her against his chest.
Ten minutes later, parked in front of the Little Red Barn, Elle slumped against Clayton’s shoulder. The emotions drizzled; her tears screamed for release. She rubbed a hand over her tight chest as if the mere act would erase the locked away feelings.
“When Evan died,” Clayton broke the silence, “It was hard for me to talk about it and, at times, it still is. Noah reminded me I’d made him talk about what happened during his second tour in Iraq and that it helped. So, when I need to talk, I talk. When I can’t, I don’t.” In a soothing caress, his fingers moved from her hair to her arms. “I’m not telling you what to do, just saying if you need to talk, I’m here. I’m in it with you.”
She lifted her gaze to capture his, seeking his strength as cracks formed in the well-constructed dam holding everything in. Let it break.
She sat up, pulling out of his hold, and scooted over a few inches, her eyes focused on the past. “The last time I saw my mom was winter break my freshman year of college. We didn’t spend much time together because she was either working or with Jamie, her boyfriend.” Her voice broke. She shook her head and carried on. “Jamie taunted me about my weight saying I had a pretty face, if only I’d lose fifty pounds, I’d be attractive. But he made Mom happy, so I said nothing.”
Clayton’s fingers threaded in hers, anchoring them together.
“It was the last week of break… Mom was working late. Jamie was there, drinking, waiting for her. We were in the living room watching TV. He was in the chair, and I was on the couch. Then he was beside me. He asked me if someone had popped my cherry yet…fucking crude. Jamie said big girls shouldn’t be choosey as he started touching my leg. Then he kissed me. I tried to get away… I tried to fight…”
It’s strange what details of that night she remembered. The scratch of grandma’s afghan beneath her bare behind. She’d tossed it in the garbage bin after. The mug of hot chocolate that had spilled on the coffee table after he’d pushed her down. She’d wiped the mess up with her torn pajama pants after. The taste of bourbon from his forced kisses. She wouldn’t know what that taste was until her first year of grad school, when Viet dated a guy from Kentucky who brought some from back home. After she tried it, she spit it in the sink.
“After, he rolled off, he told me I should be grateful that someone like him took my virginity. Then he walked out of the room.”
Heavy silence reigned in the pickup. Elle focused on the white trim and large window of the Little Red Barn. A safe corner in Perry. Along with the man sitting beside her. Clayton is the first person in eighteen years she’d told what had happened that cold January night.
“Did you report it?” Clayton whispered.
“No. It doesn’t matter now. Jamie died in a drunk driving accident two years later. I guess Karma got him.”
“What happened when your mom came home from work?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t there. I left and stayed with my friend Viet for the remainder of the break. I never told Pete what happened. It wasn’t until I got back to school that I told someone.” Her voice quaked.
“Your mom?”
“She didn’t believe me. Kept saying he wouldn’t do that. She chose him over me. It would never be me. I was not enough,” she croaked.
Crack. Crack. The sound of her heart breaking filled her senses.
“When I saw her tonight, I thought she’d say something. I was wrong. She didn’t say a damn thing, just shrugged and walked into the stall.”
Crack. Crack. Crack.
“I will never be enough!”The dam holding back her emotions broke. Her body heaved with deep wracking sobs.
Clamping his hands on her face, he guided her gaze to his. Desperation glistened and tears dripped from his stormy eyes. “You are enough. You are everything. You hear me Elle?You are enn…enn…enn…enough.” He gulped in air as he stuttered. “You are ev…ev…ev…everything.” Soothing lips brushed against her forehead before pulling her weeping and quivering body into his strong arms, telling her it was safe to fall because he was there to catch her.