Chapter Twenty-Six
Hallie smirked when she heard the front door open as she sat at the breakfast bar, sipping her coffee and texting Audrey. She wouldn’t be up yet, but Hallie liked messaging her as soon as she woke up. She liked Audrey waking up to the knowledge that someone had started their day thinking of her.
“Oh, hello,” her mom said as she walked into the kitchen. She’d have seen Hallie’s car in the driveway, but she still seemed surprised.
“Good morning, Mother. Where have you been?” she asked, barely suppressing her amusement.
Sure, when she’d shown up after work yesterday, she’d wanted to talk, but, given that her mom being out all night led to her being able to have sex with Audrey, she was, interestingly, feeling great about the whole thing.
Her mom pointedly avoided her gaze, moving around the kitchen to make herself coffee—decaf, just like Audrey drank. “Just had some errands to run early this morning.”
“Is that right?”
“Yes?”
“So, do you want to talk about the errands you had to run yesterday evening and all night long?”
Her mom deflated and turned to look at her with a surly expression. “You’ve been here all night.”
“I have indeed.”
“Of course.” She shook her head. “Well, we’re all adults here, Hallie. I’m sure you can figure it out.”
Hallie laughed into her mug. She didn’t mind occasionally discussing sex with her family—they’d always been open—but they didn’t get into the details, and she absolutely did not need a play-by-play of her mom’s night. “Dirk, I’m assuming?”
Her mom side-eyed her. “Obviously.”
“I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you.” She pulled some bagels from the pantry and held them out to Hallie, putting two in the toaster when she nodded. “And should I assume you’re here because you wanted to talk about Audrey?”
“It’s a fairly safe assumption, isn’t it?” She wasn’t sure why, now that her mom was here, she was being evasive. She just wasn’t sure what the answer was, and that scared her.
Her mom studied her as she pulled cream cheese from the fridge and plates from the cabinet. “I think the fairly safe assumption is that you’re never going back to the person you were before her and that means you’ve got some pretty big decisions to make.”
“Ones I have no idea how to make.”
Her eyes looked troubled as she watched Hallie, only looking away when the toaster popped up and she moved to plate up their breakfast.
When she finally took a seat at the island, she half smiled. “You’re thinking about moving away for her.”
Hallie shrugged, biting down on her bagel.
The familiarity of it set her insides aching.
California wasn’t that far away, it wasn’t a different country, but it still felt so far from what she’d always known.
And, the bigger problem was that she had no idea if she could make it work.
“I don’t know,” she finally said, feeling small and inferior.
Her mom laughed. “I’d find it odd if you weren’t. There’s something special between you two.”
“Kind of wild, though, don’t you think? To be considering uprooting my whole life for someone I’ve known for a few weeks.”
She shrugged. “Maybe, but you’re old enough to know this feels different, that it’s something that needs you to consider the life you want to live. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Part of me can’t imagine not being here. You’re all here, my whole life has been here…”
“We’re not going anywhere, honey. This place will always be your home.”
“But, what if I moved away and everything changed?”
“I’m sure some things would change. A huge part of your life would, but, if being around Audrey’s family is making you worry our relationships would change, you don’t need to.
We’re not the Sinclairs and you spreading your wings isn’t going to turn us into them.
” She put her bagel down and turned to face Hallie.
“All I’ve ever wanted for the four of you is for you to be happy.
Whatever that looks like for each of you has always been enough.
And, if your happiness is pulling you to LA, that’s okay.
The worst thing you can do is ignore the best parts of life. ”
“You regret the shots you didn’t take,” she murmured, echoing Zora’s words to Audrey.
“Wise words. Ones to live by. I’m sure Audrey could tell you that better than most people.”
Hallie smiled, thinking of Audrey and how perfect being around her felt. “She already did.”
Her mom smiled. “Wise woman.”
“Yeah…” She gulped her coffee. Nothing had ever felt simultaneously so easy and so complicated all at the same time. “It’s too early for me to be moving, but I can’t imagine life without her. I don’t know what happens if I walk away and I don’t want to find out.”
“You really can just know there’s something worth trying for.”
“Apparently. But I can’t ask her to move back here. It’s too complicated for her.”
“Maybe it is now, but, give it a year, and you never know where the two of you might be. You’re both still so young. You have the time to figure it out.”
She was right, of course. Sure, they weren’t kids anymore, but they were young enough.
When this whole thing had started, it felt impossible because Audrey had valid, real reasons for why the distance wouldn’t work for her.
But they were figuring it out together. The more their relationship developed, the more things became possible.
Who was to say what would become possible in the future?
“You wouldn’t hate me if I eventually moved away?” she asked, picking her bagel up in a bid to seem nonchalant. She didn’t really think her mom would hate her, but something about the way Audrey’s family abandoned her had been playing on her mind for so long now that she just needed to check.
Maybe it was more a check that, if she brought Audrey completely into her life, she wouldn’t be introducing her to another complicated family dynamic.
But, when her mom smiled knowingly at her, Hallie knew she had nothing to worry about. “Not at all. I’d be glad of the excuse to visit, and I’d be glad you found happiness. No matter where you two end up, your family will always be here to love you.”
Hallie nodded, chewing her bagel. She did know that, always had.
She was simply trying to figure out the most important thing that had ever come into her life, the one with the possibility of turning her world upside down, and, when she was doing that, she needed a little reassurance.
She was grateful to her mom for giving it to her with the endless patience she’d always had for the four of them.
They finished their bagels in silence, Hallie’s eyes watching the flicker of Christmas lights through the tree in the other room.
She’d turned it on when the morning was still dark.
She loved paying attention to it, remembering being at the farm with Audrey.
She wanted to know what it was like to come back here with her every year, to go to that Christmas tree farm and pick out a tree with her family.
She wanted to rewrite Audrey’s understanding of Christmas in Michigan, to rebuild her enjoyment of the season and fill it with home-baked goodies, family movie nights, and cinnamon rolls before tree picking.
Audrey had so much to offer, most of which she didn’t even realize, but Hallie did too, and she loved the idea of the life they could build together.
When she’d finished her coffee, she smirked and nudged her mom. “Well, I’m going to have to stick around for a while at least. Got to see what’s going on with you and Dirk.”
Her mom snorted. “You absolutely do not need to be poking your nose into that.”
“Why not? I’m happy for you!”
“Because you’re my kid and it’s weird.”
Hallie laughed. “Our whole family is weird, it’s our thing. What’s one more oddity?”
“In this case, relevant. I can be invested in your relationship with Audrey, but I absolutely do not need you pulling the same thing in reverse.”
“Well, okay, but I’m definitely going to tell Audrey about this whole thing.”
“You do that,” she said loftily.
“And Wes, Isaac, and Luca.”
“Whatever makes you happy. Honestly, I wouldn’t expect anything else from you kids.”
Hallie laughed. That tracked. The four of them had always loved to talk.
Their mom had been glad of it—encouraged it even.
Hallie was pretty sure it was a massive factor in why all of them were so close, and why they were all so readily able to discuss their feelings.
So, it wasn’t surprising that their mom was used to it.
She’d done a damn good job with the four of them, even all alone.
Hallie was glad she’d finally found someone who’d care for her the way she’d always cared for them.
“Does it feel like the best parts of life?” she asked her mom genuinely, thinking of her earlier comment.
Her mom smiled, her gaze distant. “I think the four of you are the very best part of life, but yeah, it’s good.”
“We’re happy for you, Mom, all of us.”
She laughed, standing up to busy herself in the kitchen. “Just as we’re all happy for you and Audrey, and will continue to be no matter where you end up.”
“Yeah… I mean, she’s already looked at jobs here, I spent last night looking at jobs over there. That’s kind of serious, right?”
“Maybe, but that’s okay. Real love is a serious business. Yes, it’s wonderful and worth taking risks for, but it’s the stuff you two have already been doing. It’s understanding each other, having patience, being there in the dark moments, and figuring out what works best for you both.”
Hallie nodded. She felt like she’d understood that from the moment she’d met Audrey. There had just been something different between them, something she’d never experienced before, and all of that stuff came easily. It made sense when it was with Audrey.
Love, it turned out, was a complex, many-faceted thing, but that made it beautiful.
Sitting at her mom’s kitchen island, it felt obvious.
She’d grown up here, she’d sat at this counter and had a million conversations with her mom over the years.
She’d experienced so much love, and she could now see all the ways it had grown and morphed with them.
And that, more than anything else, told her everything would be okay.
Love had the capacity to hold people in all that they were, it could withstand distance and change, the good times and the bad.
Love held on through everything the world had to offer, so long as those experiencing it were committed to showing up and choosing it every day.
And, when it came to romantic love, she finally was.