Chapter 2
two
Easton
Freshman Year at GCSU.
All my mind can manage to think through its buzzed haze is this girl kisses like a pirate. I’m under siege, full-on attack. I gently pry myself away and shoot her a lop-sided apologetic grin. “Gotta piss.” That should do it.
I turn tail and make my way through the blue-and-white crowd that has taken up residence in my apartment.
I head in the direction of the bathroom.
It’s a fucking crush, which is usually the case after a win on a Saturday.
We swept the entire series, and my teammates are taking full advantage of having tomorrow off.
My gaze instantly searches for a familiar head of inky black waves like it always does.
My ride-or-die. My wingman. Thank God for Maddy, or I’d have no game—off the field.
Funnily enough, I’m a great ballplayer, but I’m a horrible player.
I’m pretty sure that if I weren’t a hot-shot right fielder for the GCSU—Greater Connecticut State University—baseball team, I’d still be a virgin.
Which I’d probably be okay with, because sex is like…
it’s fine, I guess. Not that I’d ever say that out loud.
My teammates would burn me at the stake.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy sex or don’t find girls pleasing to look at; I do.
I just think my libido must have been made a little faulty.
I don’t ever think I need sex. I need to have sex with that girl.
I’m happy enough with my own hand. That right hand serves me well playing ball and playing… with myself.
Woof, I can hear my teammates’ uncontrollable laughter just from my internal thoughts.
That’s the last thing I need. I’m bad enough when it comes to peopling as it is.
Maddox is the one who’s always been the charmer, the one who sets everyone at ease.
He has that instant-best-friend quality to him.
But I got to him first. That man is my best friend.
A frown pulls at my mouth and I'm jostled from both sides by wall-to-wall crowd.
A best friend whose perpetually messy black waves are absent.
Me, though? I’m awkward. It’s not like I don’t know words, but when someone starts speaking to me, I forget which ones I should say.
Should I make eye contact? Am I making too much eye contact?
Gah. I hate it. Baseball has always been my escape from not feeling like I fit in my own skin.
It’s the one thing I can always talk about, the one place I’ve felt normal and accepted, where that anxiety fades away.
That and with Maddy. That’s what happens when you’ve known someone since you were six years old, though.
I prefer staying in, not into the party scene. I’m an introvert through and through. But more often than not, the party is brought to me. I let out a sigh. I just want to disappear with Maddy. Head to the beach and enjoy the peace and quiet and my best friend.
I sidle up to our fellow roommate and catcher, Gary Alvarez. “You seen, Barnes?” It always feels weird referring to Maddox by his last name, even though that’s jock culture for you. But to me, he’ll always be my Maddy.
A sly grin spreads across Alvarez’s face, and he nods toward the stairs. “Upstairs with that blond guy who’s been hanging around lately.”
My frown deepens. I’m not sure what that grin’s all about, but I have noticed that guy hanging around. Tyler? Trevor? I don’t know. All I know is he better not think he has a chance of stealing my best friend away from me. Am I possessive of my best friend? Why, yes, I am.
I can’t help it. Me and Maddy go so far back, we’re practically woven together at this point—we’re not even two separate people anymore.
And it’s the same on the field. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve fielded a ball, and it’s instinctively ended up in his glove at second, perfectly cutting off the double. It’s like we move as one.
I’ve always been able to talk with him, and he’s never cared when I’ve made a complete fool of myself with others.
There was always a spot at the lunch table with him and all the friends he so easily made.
Then we hit high school, and in our freshman year, our baseball team made it to the State’s semifinals for the first time ever.
After that, no one cared if I stumbled over my words or said something uncool—and let’s face it, I did that a lot.
Baseball and Maddy, always saving me. Once I became a star on our baseball team, my…
awkwardness…became cute to all the girls.
I lumber up the stairs. The ground wobbles, and I land hard against the wall.
I blink a few times. I must have had more to drink than I thought.
Or not. I’m, surprisingly, actually a lightweight.
Probably because I really don’t drink much.
Baseball is my priority, and I’m not letting anything get in the way of my goals.
Major leagues, boo. Urgh. Boo? Even my internal thoughts are uncool.
I step onto the landing just in time to see one of my teammates, Joe Bassitt—who doesn’t live here—being dragged into my room by a pretty brunette.
I sigh. Will definitely need to change the sheets before I crash out tonight.
Bassitt has this weird fetish for fucking in other people’s beds.
Another point for why parties are not my thing.
Muffled sex noises fill the hallway as I head toward the door opposite mine: Maddy’s room.
Something twinges in my belly, something a bit like that feeling I used to get when I was little and had been left out.
Maybe it’s envy? Classic fear of missing out.
I want in on this sex-secret. What makes it so incredible?
A hoarse male shout stops me in my tracks. Well, then. Clearly, the people going at it up here are having a grand old time. I’ve never been inspired to make noises like that. And now a girl is crying out to God. Ah, college.
There’s nothing but bedrooms up here, so I’m assuming Maddy’s in his room with the idiot who thinks he has a chance at being my replacement.
I stop in front of the door and pause. Do I knock?
My neck prickles, and something turns over in the back of my buzzed brain.
Maddy took this guy up to his room. The door’s closed.
I bite my cheek. That can’t mean what I think it means, can it?
I scoff. No, of course not. I’ve known Maddy for-ev-er—The Sandlot voice sings through my mind. He surely would have told me if—
The door swings open, and I’m greeted with idiot-blond guy. My mouth parts, but of course I can’t find any words. He’s flushed, sweaty, his usually straw-colored hair, darkened and plastered to his head. Alarm bells are ringing.
“East?” A deep rumble comes from the interior of Maddy’s room. His voice is lower and hoarser than usual.
I glance at Tyler-Trevor, shooting him a tight smile, and squeeze by him into Maddy’s room. “See ya on the flippity-flip.” Oh, God. Kill me now.
Maddy’s rumbling laugh echoes around the room. “Bye, Ty. I’ll…be in touch.”
Tyler, it is. I grimace at the same time my gut clenches. I close the door on him while he’s mid-wave. But I really don’t care because Maddy and I have some serious talking to do.
I turn on my best friend and hit him with a glare. “What the hell was that?”
Maddy watches me carefully, his expression so stupidly neutral I can’t read his thoughts. He’s been getting better at that lately, shutting himself off from me. I hate it. It’s like he wants to create distance. A band tightens around my lungs. Why would he want distance from me?
“What do you think it was, East?” he asks slowly.
I run my hands through my hair, tugging lightly. What do I think it was? Am I supposed to say? What are the rules here? All I know is my buzz is completely gone now.
“Well… You had a guy up here. With the door closed. Not that that necessarily means anything. But there were like sex-noises and stuff. I mean, I don’t know if they were coming from here. But I could hear them in the hallway, and he was kinda sweaty and flushed. So, um. Yeah.”
Maddy’s lips twitch from where he’s sitting in his bed. My eyes widen. Sitting in his bed, wearing nothing but a sheet over his lap. Oh. That seems a bit like a glaring sign. How did I miss that?
“Areyougay?” I blurt.
He scrubs a hand down his face and lets out a breath that has his shoulders slumping. “Yes, East.” His green gaze locks on mine. “I’m gay.”
My mouth drops and for the first time ever, it’s Maddy I can’t find words with.
A million questions are running through my mind.
Is this new? How long has he known? Did Tyler help him discover this side of him?
But the loudest of them all… Why didn’t he tell me?
My heart twists like a wrung-out cloth in my chest. Did he think he couldn’t trust me with something like this? That it’d change us?
My attention falls to the floor, and I blink away the burn.
“What are you thinking, East?”
I look up at him and shrug helplessly, emotion rolling over me like a wave determined to drag me under. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” I say hoarsely.
Something flashes in his eyes, something that has me taking a step backward.
His mouth tightens, and he shakes his head once before standing.
He throws the sheet away, unabashed in his nudity—not like it’s new, considering we’re always around naked men in the locker room.
He hunts for his boxers, then steps into them with jerky movements.
He’s…angry with me. Maddy has always been the type to turn quiet when he got mad. A silent storm.
I frown at his hips. Those boxers are new. They’re really short, almost like full-on briefs, and they expose almost all of Maddy’s muscular thighs.
“What exactly was I supposed to tell you? What did you want me to say?”
My attention snaps to his face—his scowling face. His black brows are crushed together, his jaw ticking.