Chapter 5
five
Maddox
I stare at the text conversation on my phone screen.
The words waver in and out, and I furiously blink away the moisture obscuring my vision. Not that I need to see them to know what they say. I’ve read them enough times.
This is so much worse than I thought it would be, and it hasn’t even been a full day.
Fuck. I’d dropped East off at the airport this morning.
How was that today? I guess technically yesterday since it’s now just past midnight.
I still haven’t responded, and I can already tell he doesn’t understand why.
My chest fractures, and I let out an unsteady breath.
This is going to hurt him, and not some small slight.
A major wound. One we might not recover from.
My eyes sink shut. I can picture those light-brown brows pinched together, blue eyes shining with confusion.
Vulnerable. Easton has always worn his emotions on his sleeve for all the world to see.
He doesn’t know how to do it any other way.
The only time he can shut it all down is when he’s out on the field or at the plate.
Not for the first time, I wonder if I’m making the right decision. Maybe it’s better to be pathetically in love with him knowing he’ll never be able to return it. Every part of me, down to the smallest atom, rebels at the idea of hurting him. Hurt yourself instead, my mind whispers.
I press the heels of my palms into my eyes.
I just want to get over him. I don’t want to love him anymore.
I want him to be in my life and for my heart to not feel like it’s being put through a paper shredder.
Seeing him with Shelby for a whole fucking year was the worst kind of torture.
If they got married… I’d be his best man.
How can I stand up there and watch the man I love marry someone else?
And stand at his fucking side while he does it.
I can’t. I can’t do it.
This is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it’s what’s best for the both of us.
I blow out a breath and tap out a quick reply.
Sorry, crazy day. Glad you’re settling in well. Night.
No ‘talk soon.’ No ‘I miss you.’
I swallow down the acid rising in my throat, place my phone on my nightstand, and roll onto my side. I clutch my pillow to me like a lifeline and let the tears fall. I have a feeling I have a lot of nights like this ahead of me.