Epilogue
nineteen
EASTON
One month later…
I lie in Maddy’s bed, arms crossed behind my head as I stare at the ceiling.
Subtle shadows dance there in the soft glow of morning light peeking through his curtains.
I got the news that the Jetties want me to start with High-A next season.
We’ll head to Florida for Spring Training toward the end of February, and then, as long as everything goes well, I’ll be on my way back to South Carolina for my first full season playing pro ball. Even better, Shane’ll be there too.
Shane and I have grown really close. We talk almost every day. As hard as those months were without Maddy, I’m really grateful that I got Shane out of them. I’m not sure we’d be as close as we are otherwise. I owe so much to him, and I hope I can somehow return the favor someday.
If this year has taught me anything, it’s that sometimes life gets really fucking hard.
But you can’t ever stop fighting. When you’re stuck in the middle of the storm, it feels like there will never be light again.
Brighter days are ahead, though. They’re out there.
You just have to stay afloat until they come.
And, fuck, are my days bright now. Maddy by my side.
Shane as my teammate. Rooming with him and Paulie, who we met during the High-A playoffs.
What a fan-fucking-tastic boon that was when Paulie reached out to me and Shane.
I came out to Paulie—I knew he’d be a safe person for me with how he doesn’t bat an eye over his brother being queer.
So, it’ll be me, Shane, and Paulie. A safe space.
I’ve decided I’m not going to come out to the rest of my teammates or the Bridgeport Jetties organization yet.
Maddy will visit when he can between classes—he’s starting his doctorate in physical therapy at GCSU.
Unfortunately, we’re not going to be able to see too much of each other between that and my crazy schedule.
This time will be different, though. There will be phone calls and video chats and contact whenever we’re able.
That, and we’ll have a private place where everyone accepts us when he is able to make the trip down to see me.
We’re both going to put our heads down and work our asses off to achieve the future we want.
Major leaguer and Doctor of Physical Therapy. Sounds like a perfect match to me.
I glance over at Maddy’s sleeping form and soak him in. His dark lashes flutter lightly in sleep, and his lips are parted softly. I brush back his hair. I should let him sleep, but…this is a first for us, and I’m kind of antsy. I feel like a kid on Christmas. I snort at my inside joke with myself.
I can’t believe I almost missed out on this.
Sometimes, late at night, my anxiety gets the better of me, and an overwhelming anguish takes hold. The what-ifs come. What if I had never realized this for what it is?
It’s like my brain never even recognized Maddy as an option—as a partner in life, as a lover—so it never went there.
I think, with Shelby, it helped that she was a girl, because my subconscious was like, yeah, you’re supposed to be attracted to girls, and I had been trying to be for so long.
It probably didn’t hurt that she’d given signs she was interested in me too.
She never pushed, but it was clear she wanted more than friends.
But with Maddy? I didn’t see any signs, because, well…he’d been burying them.
I hate that we had to go through what we did for us to find our way back to each other like this.
To find what we were always meant to be.
And I know it doesn’t make sense, but the thought that I might never have realized it without that?
It takes hold of me and threatens to smother me.
My chest seizes, and I let out a slow breath.
That didn’t happen, though. It’s just my mind trying to play games with me. We’re here together. This is real.
I think sometimes when you have something so extraordinary, something so rare that you can’t believe it’s real, the fear of losing it presses even harder on your heart.
I love him so much.
Maddy shifts and lets out a muffled groan. He reaches for me, and my heart warms. I’m going to miss this—falling asleep with him beside me and waking up next to him—when I leave in a little over a month. I can’t believe I went so long without this. So much time I missed.
But we have forever now.
It won’t be easy. We have years of long distance ahead of us. I know we’ll get through it, though. Because no matter where baseball takes me, I’ll always be coming home to him.
“Maddy,” I whisper.
He groans louder. I kiss his forehead, and then his lips. His mouth moves languidly over mine, and I smile against him. I knew he was starting to wake up.
“Maddy,” I whisper again.
His eyes slowly blink open, his green gaze hazy. I know when he’s finally fully there because they spark to life at the sight of me. Something else I’m really going to miss.
His lips hook up in a half-smile. “Hey, babe.”
“Hey.” We lie there on our sides, staring at each other like two idiots for who-knows how long. “You know what today is?” I finally murmur.
He nods, his lips pressing tight against a smile. We really are idiots. One-hundred percent idiots in love. It’s not like we haven’t spent this day together before, but not like this.
I cup his jaw and dust my thumb over his cheek. “Merry Christmas, boyfriend.”
He nuzzles into my palm and presses a soft kiss there before turning back to me, his green eyes glowing with a smile. “Merry Christmas, boyfriend.”
It’s like my whole body exhales, everything inside me melting into a soft contentment.
I pull him to my chest and bury my nose in his hair. His arm slides around me instantly, drawing us even closer.
This is the best Christmas present I could ask for—me and Maddy, us, exactly like this.
I breathe in that woodsy, Maddy scent, let it fill my lungs, fill my heart.
I have everything I’ll ever need in this moment.
Everything.
Maddox Barnes is my everything.
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