MAYA BROOKE
Watching Finn feed Skye does something to my brain chemistry.
It’s stupid, and maybe I’m even more stupid to put my trust in him after everything. But I know the expression on his face when he holds Skye is authentic because I know that feeling all too well. In utter awe that we could make something so beautiful in this world of chaos.
An hour later, I show Finn how to change Skye’s nappy. He keeps telling me he’s useless because he doesn’t know how to do anything, but I don’t judge him because I didn’t know either. When you’ve done it once, you can do it again and again. It just takes a little practice.
“Oh my god,” Finn chokes out and waves a hand in front of his face. “Why does it smell so bad?”
I stifle a laugh, but my eyes are beaming. Oh, the joys of becoming a parent. “You get used to the smell.”
“Used to it?” His green eyes widen. “Oh god. It’s burning my eyes.”
My teeth sink into my bottom lip to stop the giggle rising. “Not too late to back out now,” I say lightheartedly. “Wait until she moves onto solid foods, that’s when it really starts to smell. From what I’ve heard, this is nothing.”
Finn glances at me. “Nothing is going to push me away,” he says adamantly. “Even if something so pretty can be so stinky.”
My laugh finally breaks free, and Finn’s eyes soften. I can’t remember the last time I laughed. It warms my soul and holds me like a tight hug. It’s probably because I’m starting to realise I might not have to do this alone, and I’ll have someone to share this experience with.
“I’ll never forget the time after my birthday party,” I say, and Finn freezes. “We were both a little hungover, but oh my god, whatever you ate that day, your farts literally smelt like sewage. If you compare that to Skye, you’d win hands down.”
“Hey,” he scolds me playfully. “We said we’d never bring that up again.”
I slap my hand over my mouth to stop the chuckle from escaping. “I’m sorry,” I say before pursing my lips, but my smile keeps crawling in. “If you think this smells bad, you literally had a demon inside you that day. It was almost a hazmat issue.”
His head shakes in disbelief. “You are a menace for bringing that up, Maya Brooke. A menace. We swore secrecy.”
My nostrils burn at the memory and the damage it did to my sense of smell. Despite some couples thinking it would be disgusting, we couldn’t stop laughing. “Like father, like daughter.”
Finn grins. “Well, I’ll take it. She might be beautiful, but she’s one smelly girl.”
“Hey.” I swat his shoulder gently. “She’s our perfect, smelly girl.”
His gaze glistens as he stares down at me. “Yeah, you’re right,” he says softly. “I like hearing you laugh.”
I stop breathing at his words. That’s one thing about Finn: being around him feels so easy that I never have to worry about acting like a fool. We never took anything too seriously, and every moment felt like I could undoubtedly be myself.
I teach Finn how to clean Skye properly and fit her nappy so it doesn’t rub her skin. Then I show him how to put her in one of her baby grows with red love hearts printed all over.
“Did I do it okay?” Finn asks as he takes Skye by the armpits and holds her head up with the tips of his fingers. “If I’m doing anything wrong, please just tell me.”
The panic in his voice is valid because, as parents, we want to get it right as soon as possible.
I rest my hand on his bicep, and he glances at me with fear in his eyes.
I give him a supportive squeeze, the kind of support I wish I had when I did this by myself for the first two months.
But I let it go. He might not have been there, but he’s here now.
And maybe I’m latching onto him because I know I’m struggling.
“Finn, I promise you, you’re doing good.”
His lash line starts to build with tears, and I’m washed with sudden emotion. “Okay.” He looks back to Skye as she kicks her legs a little.
He kisses her belly, and she releases a smile and a low sound that echoes off the walls. She hasn’t started properly laughing yet, but I know when she does, I’m going to be a goner. He does it again and again, and the noises increase, as does her smile.
“Oh, look at you, pretty girl.” Finn beams at her as she looks so tiny in his hands. “You are the most adorable thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on.”
“She likes you,” I whisper.
“Do you think?” Finn’s voice strains with surprise.
I hum without hesitation. “She’s calm and happy.”
We head back to the living room, where Finn sits down with Skye in his arms. She falls asleep within seconds, proving just how comfortable she is with her dad. Maybe something she’s been missing.
Finn doesn’t take his eyes off her. It’s like he’s stuck in a trance, completely in awe. “Should I put her down?” he murmurs.
“If you want to keep holding her, you can,” I say as I watch them. “Just don’t fall asleep while you’re holding her.”
“I won’t,” he says. “I don’t think I could. I never want to stop looking at her.”
My heart swells at his sincere words.
After a few moments, he finally looks up to meet my gaze. “Maya,” he starts, and the tone of his voice tells me everything I need to know. I brace myself. “I know things ended badly between us, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. I think about you every day, and I miss what we had. I—”
“Finn.” I adjust my position on the sofa and wrap myself up in my arms. “Skye needs parents who are going to be there for her. This isn’t about us anymore, not now we have a little girl. I don’t want to ruin what we have got going on, especially if we figure out how to co-parent successfully.”
“Co-parent?” Finn’s voice cracks. “That’s what you want?”
There is a sharp stabbing pain in my side when I see his expression morph into deep sadness. “I want what’s best for Skye,” I whisper. “I don’t want to see her suffer. If things end badly and destroy what we have going on…it’s too risky, and I won’t put her through that.”
Finn’s throat clenches as he swallows. “Right.” He nods solemnly, but his chest begins to rise and fall rapidly. “I understand.”
My fingers tingle at the urge to touch him because I wish we could go back to what we had before—minus his drinking. There isn’t a day I don’t think about him, but there is too much on the line.
I’d be a liar if I said my heart didn’t weep for him.
That I pray I could look into my future and see how it’ll pan out, but I can’t.
I open my mouth to speak, but the front door opens, and I whip my head to find Nina walking in.
The second she lays eyes on Finn, she mumbles something under her breath that definitely isn’t friendly.
Finn’s shoulders tense, but he tries not to move as Skye is still asleep in his arms.
“Are you kidding me, Maya?” Nina directs at me without even acknowledging Finn. “You brought him here? To my house.”
“He has a name,” I grit and stand as she slams the door, making Skye stir from her sleep. “And yes, he’s here because he wants to see Skye.”
Nina barks out a sadistic laugh that makes a shiver run down my spine. “Oh, Maya, you’re so naive. You’re falling into his trap.”
Finn frowns. “I’m not setting a trap.”
“I’m not talking to you,” she says as she raises a hand at him without sparing him a look.
My mouth falls open in disbelief. “Why are you being so rude?”
“Did you forget what he did to you, Maya? If he did it once, he can do it again.”
I flare my nostrils at her. “It’s my choice to make, not yours. You don’t know him.”
Nina scoffs. “I know that he turned his back on his family to get drunk instead.”
“Stop it,” I spit through my teeth. “You want to pretend that you know the full story, but you don’t. It’s not your place to butt in.”
“No?” She curls a brow at me. “What about all the days you cried to me and told me you hated him?”
I grind my teeth together. “You’re not being fair.”
Nina shakes her head coldly. “You are going to end up in a worse position than you were before, Maya, by letting him into your life again. Don’t you see that?”
“Shut up, Nina!” My voice comes out too harshly, and I despise myself for shouting.
Skye immediately starts to cry, and Finn attempts to soothe her. I glance over at them as he rocks her from side to side. My heart feels like it’s about to stop altogether because this is too much for me. Everything I do is wrong.
I can’t stay with my sister. I physically can’t do it anymore. My fingers itch to sink into my hair and rip at the roots.
Nina walks across the living room before stepping into her bedroom and slamming the door shut behind her. I don’t even have to blink before tears are streaming down my face because I’m losing at everything.
Finn stands up and walks towards me. “You okay?”
It’s obvious I’m not okay, but I should be the one asking him that after what Nina said. I silently take Skye from his arms and attempt to calm her down by cooing and rocking her.
“Hey.” Finn steps forward and wraps his hand over mine. “Let’s go get some fresh air.”
“Did you not hear everything Nina said?”
Finn’s jaw flexes before relaxing. “Yes, and I deserve it. Now let’s go outside and take a breather, okay?”
I don’t fight him on it because being in this house for a single second more is about to destroy me mentally and physically.
But I’m already broken.