FINN THOMPSON
JJ:
How’s everything going?
Istare down at the message from my best friend as I sit in Maya’s house and watch even more mind-numbing TV while Skye sleeps. It’s late, and I don’t know if I can sleep just yet. As much as I want Maya to go out and have fun, I fear she’ll come home feeling worse than she did when she left.
It doesn’t take a genius to know she has mother’s guilt. She probably hasn’t left Skye with someone while she goes out to enjoy her life before, but she’s not just leaving Skye with me, I’m spending time with my daughter.
My eyes flick over my phone as I stare at the message from JJ.
Finn:
All good.
You’re not at the party?
Na, Silas and Ronan are there though
Can’t be bothered and I’ve got a test I need to prepare for
Fair enough
How’s Skye?
Sleeping like the angel she is
Ready for the night shift
You’re such a great dad, Finn. I really hope you know that
I blink down at my phone and let the weight of his words wash over me. JJ doesn’t say things just for the sake of it; he’s honest, and when he means something, he’ll say it with his chest.
Still got a lot to prove
Well, even if you do, you’re well on your way
My lips curl into a smile.
And if you need me let me know, I’m going to be up most of the night trying to cram for this test
Will do, thanks, brother
Don’t know what I’d do without you
Brother for life
I glance at the time to find it close to midnight, and I sigh and lock my phone. I reach over to grab the baby monitor and focus back on the TV. It doesn’t matter whether Maya comes home in five minutes or in five hours, as long as she has a good time and gets home safely, it doesn’t matter to me.
A hand brushes my cheek and slides into my hair. I still for a moment, and my eyes ping open to find Maya kneeling down in front of me. I jolt, realising I’ve fallen asleep on the sofa again, but she doesn’t seem alarmed.
“Hey,” she whispers.
“Hey,” I croak back.
Maya’s dark eyes roam my face in the dim light. “Why are you sleeping on the sofa?”
I shrug as I push myself to a sitting position and grip the baby monitor between my hands. “I closed my eyes for a second. How was your night?”
The first thing I notice is that she’s in pyjamas as if she’s freshly showered. She doesn’t smell like a party, not a single scent of alcohol or cigarette smoke.
“Yeah.” She smiles softly. “I had a good time. Glad to be home.”
“Good.” I attempt a smile back, but exhaustion has completely consumed me.
“Come on.” She beckons with her head. “Let’s go to bed.”
My brows crease in confusion. “What?”
“Bed,” she says again. “You’re not going to sleep on the sofa.”
“I can sleep in Nina’s room.”
Maya narrows her eyes at me like she wants to whack something over my head. “No,” she states with determination.
“Are you sure?”
“Shh,” she murmurs as she tugs on my arm to get me to stand. “We’ve slept in the same bed hundreds of times. What’s the difference now?”
I glance down at her. “The difference is we’re not together, and I’m probably going to want to hug you at some point. You know how much of a cuddler I am.”
Maya laughs softly, and it catches me by surprise. She’s in a good mood, and I’m glad about it. Hopefully she came to her senses and realised we’re all human, and sometimes we deserve a night off from our lives.
“It’s okay,” she says as she entwines our hands together. “I won’t kick you off if you try to hug me.”
My heart stammers at her words. I’m a very touchy-feely person when it comes to Maya, I always have been. We can be at opposite ends of the bed, and in the morning, I’ll be curled around her with her head tucked into my chest.
Maya takes a quick glance at Skye in her cot before pulling back her bedsheets. I stand there staring like an idiot until she pats the mattress.
“Come on,” she whispers. “Skye’s fast asleep and probably won’t be for long, so I’d hurry up if I were you.”
I strip myself of my T-shirt and remove my trousers until I’m in nothing but a pair of blue boxers. Maya rests her head against the pillow as she watches me climb into bed beside her.
Once I touch the soft sheets and pull them up and over my shoulder, I release a breath of satisfaction. We both watch each other for a while, and I’m not entirely sure why. Probably because it’s the first time in months we’ve shared the same bed.
“Goodnight, sunshine,” I whisper.
Maya’s eyes flutter shut as a ghost of a smile lingers on her lips. “Goodnight, Finn.”
I reach behind me to find the switch for the lamp until the room is cloaked in darkness. My head settles back into the pillow as I listen to Maya’s very quiet breathing. She’s probably exhausted from her social battery running low after the party.
That’s one thing I remember vividly, one moment she’d be the life and soul of the party, the next she’d be begging to go get food and head home. Those were the early stages of our relationship, when I wasn’t getting as blackout drunk.
My heart aches when I think how many days with Maya I ruined because I wanted to get fucked up rather than spending quality time with the woman I loved. I missed so much. Days I’ll never be able to get back. And she still stuck beside me.
I inhale sharply as my hand moves forward. I freeze when it touches her fingers, and the desperation inside me to hold them is nearly agonising. Without a second thought, I entwine our hands together and raise them to my lips to kiss her knuckles tenderly.
“What was that for?” Maya grumbles through her sleepy voice.
My mouth twitches as I was expecting her to be fast asleep. “For being you.”
She snorts. “What does that even mean?”
“You’ve saved me in ways you don’t even understand.”
Maya says nothing in response.
I sigh when her breathing pattern changes—now she’s asleep.
“And I’ll never find anyone like you,” I murmur against her knuckles.
The room falls back to silence, and I attempt to close my eyes and join her in sleep, but instead I savour the moment, lying beside the woman of my dreams, our hands clasped and our baby a few feet from us.
It might be unconventional, but it feels right. As if my heart is finally starting to heal the gaping hole that tore through the middle. It might be stupid of me to pray for an ending where we’re all together, but I won’t give up on her.
Especially when she never gave up on me.
I close my eyes and hold Maya’s hand until I drift off to sleep.
At some point in the night, Skye starts to cry.
Maya immediately groans and rolls around in the sheets. Before she has the chance to swing her legs over the bed, I stop her, and she glances back at me through the darkness.
“I’ll do it,” I whisper.
She blinks at me through crusty eyes. “No, it’s okay. I’ve got it.”
“Sunshine,” I murmur. “I’ve got it. Go back to sleep.”
Her brows pinch. “You sure?”
“Positive.”
I lean over and press a kiss to her forehead. It’s too natural.
Maya’s eyes widen a little more as I pull away. “Mm. Okay. Thank you.”
As soon as I stand from the bed, I tuck her back in and watch as her eyes flutter shut. I walk towards Skye’s cot and tug her into my arms as she cries. I take her to the living room and shut the bedroom door.
“Oh, baby.” I rock her gently. “I think someone needs to be changed and fed. Huh?”
Skye’s face starts to redden as she continues to cry. After changing and feeding her, I sit with her on the sofa as she finally drifts back to sleep. I stare like I always do, wondering how we made the most perfect little human.
I drag my finger gently across her cheek.
“I wouldn’t change you for the world,” I whisper. “And I’m going to get your mum back, no matter how hard I try. She deserves love, and care, and everything in between, and I promise I’ll never let you two down again.”
My eyes sting at the way she looks so peaceful between my arms.
When I head home later that morning after greeting Maya with coffee and breakfast in bed, I registered how different she looked at me. Not in a bad way, in a good way.
Maya’s been doing this by herself, and there’s been no one to look after her. Which is going to change because she deserves to be seen, heard, and recognised for everything she’s done.
The second I walk through the door, I head to the kitchen to find Ronan, Silas, and JJ in the living room.
“Hey,” I greet them.
Silas groans, and no doubt he’s sporting a hangover. I don’t miss those whatsoever. The headaches, the sickness, the depression. It’s not worth it. Not after spending the night with my daughter. Nothing compares to that. Even if I was woken up at five in the morning.
“Hey,” JJ says. “How was looking after Skye?”
“Good.” I move to flick on the kettle. “You guys go out?”
Ronan nods. “Yeah, Fen’s party.”
“Maya was there.” I draw a mug from the cupboard.
“Yeah, we saw her,” Silas murmurs back.
“Did she look like she had a good time?”
When neither of them responds, I glance over my shoulder to find Silas and Ronan sharing a quick glance. I frown at the exchange.
“What?” I demand.
Silas sighs and drags a hand down his face. “Saw her talking to that new guy on the football team.”
“Who?” I hate the sourness of my voice. It’s bitter, harsh, and completely unneeded.
Why am I asking? I clearly just want to upset myself.
“Alfie,” Ronan says. “They looked a little cosy.”
His words slash through my heart like a knife. I close my eyes, inhale, and turn back to the counter to breathe through this information I really didn’t ask for.
“Yeah, she—”
“Silas,” I rasp. “Please. I don’t want to know.”
It’ll fucking kill me.
Hell, the jealousy that roars inside my chest is painful. I don’t need to hear any more details for the sake of my sanity. I won’t be able to unhear what they say, and I really don’t need to start spiralling.
The sad truth is that we’re not together. Maya can do whatever she wants. But I want her to choose me. I want her to be with me. And yet I can’t stop her from being with anyone else, even if it will tear me to pieces.
“Yeah, Finn doesn’t need to know.” JJ’s voice is low and serious. “It’s not fair to sprout that shit on him.”
“Just saying,” Silas murmurs. “Not sure if you wanted to know or not. I don’t know what’s going on between you guys.”
I clench my eyes shut. “I’d rather not hear it.”
“Okay, sorry,” Silas says with a wince.
My stomach aches from this information. It might mean nothing, but at the same time, it might mean something, and I can’t let that thought fester for too long.
I busy myself making tea as JJ approaches at my side. “You okay, brother?”
“Trying to be,” I murmur.
He places a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t overthink it.”
“That’s nearly impossible,” I snort.
“If you need to talk, I’m here.”
I glance at his honest expression. “I know, JJ. Thank you.”
I’ve got a therapy session later today, maybe then I’ll be able to get out all my concerns before it eats me alive.