Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Hank
Something was holding Jasper back from me this afternoon. It went beyond just not feeling well from the pollen explosion that had happened over the last couple of days. It was way deeper than that, and I had a sneaking suspicion I knew what it was.
With the new herd coming in, I’d immediately jumped into cataloging, getting the vet out here for health checks, processing paperwork, and doing all of the things I was used to doing.
The part I hadn’t taken the time for? Texting Jasper, even if it was just to give him a heads-up that I’d be out of commission for a couple of days.
I didn’t know shit about being a Daddy, but I was pretty goddamn sure ghosting someone was not the way to go.
Especially if that someone was already feeling vulnerable about this giant change in their life that they had orchestrated.
The guy had moved across the country with what amounted to a dream and a hope that the house was as good as had been promised.
It wasn’t that goddamn hard to pick up a phone, and I had completely fucked it up.
Jasper hadn’t said anything, but I could feel it—in the way he watched me, the way he held himself back.
He wasn’t sure where he stood with me, and that was entirely my fault.
I’d said I wanted to be his Daddy the other day, but when I said it, I hadn’t really taken in all the things that went along with the commitment.
I’d blown it on my first big test, and now I was going to have to eat the crow I deserved.
If I asked nicely, Jasper would probably bake that crow into a pie, which would be delicious… but still.
The problem was, every time I thought about calling him, something else had happened—a phone call, an animal that needed tagging, Mac needing to go to the vet because he’d been kicked—and I’d shove it to the back burner.
By the time I’d gotten home, or finally had the time, I’d been too goddamn tired to even pick up the phone.
But Jasper didn’t know any of that. All he knew was: we’d had sex, I’d taken him out in public, held his hand…
and then I fucking ghosted him. If I had to take a wild guess, the only reason he hadn’t thrown something at my head was because he felt too damn sick to do it.
He was gonna make me grovel, and I didn’t blame him one damn bit.
“Are you feeling better? How’s your head?” I asked. After a second helping, he seemed perkier than before. He hadn’t immediately collapsed back onto the cushions, so I figured that was a good sign.
“I have no idea what you put in there, but yeah—it’s gone completely. My tongue is numb, but I didn’t need it anyway.”
“No? I can think of a few uses.” Oh shit. Shut the fuck up, Hank.
Jasper didn’t take the bait. His laugh was weak, and he clutched his stuffed puppy a little tighter.
Let the groveling begin.
“When you’re feeling better, I was hoping to talk to you about something.”
Jasper’s demeanor changed like someone had flipped a switch.
His shoulders tightened and little marionette lines pulled down at his mouth.
The tight jaw was a dead giveaway—he thought I was about to say something that would hurt him.
And it pissed me off that I was the one who’d put him in that position.
“I owe you an apology. Another one.”
“An apology?” The tension hadn’t left him. If anything, his shoulders had climbed higher toward his ears.
“Yeah. I’m not very good with relationships. I haven’t had a lot of them, and it shows.”
“Okay?”
“So after I got you settled on the couch, I went back and took care of your ladies, and then I ran home real fast to get the stuff I needed to make soup and grab some files and my computer.” I trailed off because I wasn’t sure how to phrase the next part.
Jasper just waited, not rushing in to fill the silence.
“When I was sitting at the dining room table, I got to thinking about the last couple of days.”
“Yeah, I saw you working in the field with the flock of bingos.”
“I’m sorry. The what now?”
“The flock of bingos.”
“The herd of bongos?”
“Yeah, that. Is that the most important part right now?”
Shit.
“You’re absolutely right. It’s not important right now. But yes, I got those in, and I had to get them situated and tagged, set up, paperwork handled, vet records established, and a million other things that need to be done for a new batch.”
“Yeah, sounds like you’ve been busy.”
“Yeah, I have been. But not so goddamn busy that I couldn’t pick up a phone and text you to tell you that.”
“Oh.” Jasper’s fingers plucked at the blanket he’d pulled down next to him at some point. The tension in his shoulders dropped just a fraction, so I plowed ahead.
“Yeah. I got distracted by stuff, and I realized I left you hanging without an explanation. But how did you know they were bongos?”
“I took a picture and did a reverse search.”
I shook my head. “I think I have a lot to learn about being a Daddy.”
“You think so?”
“I absolutely know so because if I’d been a proper Daddy, I wouldn’t have left you wondering where you stood with me. And I kinda sorta think that’s exactly what you’ve been wondering.”
Jasper sighed but didn’t contradict me.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. I’m sorry I didn’t make myself clearer, and I’m even more sorry I didn’t explain what it’s like when I get a new herd—especially one this size. I could’ve fixed the problem by just texting you and explaining, but I didn’t, and I’m really sorry about that.”
“Did the little part of me freak you out?”
“No.” I tried to put as much conviction into that single word as humanly possible. “Not even a little bit. I like it.”
“You do?”
“Yep.”
“So what do we do now?”
“If you’re still interested in me, we could come up with some rules.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like…when I’m busy, I still need to make the time to check in.”
“And when I’m feeling like it’s been a while, I can text you and say, ‘What’s up?’”
“Yeah, exactly like that.”
“So that’s the situationship?” Jasper asked
“Can we call it dating?” Never before had I wanted to, or even attempted, to rearrange my life for someone. I wanted the damn title with Jasper.
“If you want.”
“I want.”
The afternoon blurred into the evening as the sun dropped lower in the sky.
I’d left long enough to do my evening chores and then give Jasper’s ladies their evening bed-down, but otherwise, I’d spent the afternoon with Jasper.
I worked at the table for a few hours before moving to the couch when my ass couldn’t take the hard chair any longer.
“Daddy, you tired of cartoons yet?” Jasper asked from the other end of the sofa. “Do you keep something on in the background when you’re working?”
“I don’t mind your cartoons. It’s fine.”
“That’s not what I asked…what is it…like Gunsmoke or something?”
“Ha-ha, I’m not that obvious, am I?”
“Does that mean I’m right?”
“Nope, I mostly listen to George Strait.”
“Hmmm,” Jasper said through narrowed eyes, “mostly, huh? What is it when it’s not George?”
“It’s nothing…just a dumb show. My mom likes it and started watching when I visit them.”
“C’mon, tell me, Daddy. Please. Pretty please.”
“You won’t judge me?”
“Cross my heart.”
“I like British Bake-Off.”
“Why didn’t you say so! I love that show, Daddy.” Jasper dove for the remote and switched it over to my show. He settled back into his seat, and it was too far away. After a few days of his absence—all my fault—I wanted a physical connection with him.
“Sugar, you wanna snuggle with me?”
As soon as he was close, that fresh, citrusy scent bloomed stronger, curling into my nose until I could taste it. I swallowed, like I could somehow take him in deeper, that tangy brightness filling more than just my nose.
People always describe themselves as melting, but I’d never seen it until now.
Jasper dissolved into a puddle of goo right before my eyes.
His eyes widened, then softened, and he did a quiet little shuffle-dance that made his feet tap in place.
Then he crossed the three feet between us in about two seconds, his knee bumping mine before he tucked himself against my side like he’d been there all along.
I made a mental note of how much he liked the little things and promised myself I wouldn’t make the same mistakes I’d made so far.
“Daddy, have you seen this one?”
“Only a few dozen times, I think.”
And then we chatted through a few episodes we both knew by heart.
We debated the merits of their cooking technique.
Only Jasper knew what he was talking about, but I had thoughts on the decorating.
I might not know how the contestants did it, but I knew what I liked.
We cheered when we agreed with the judges, and booed when they got it wrong.
It was a damn nice afternoon. Easy, simple, and I had a sexy man tucked into my side who forgave my foolishness.
“Sugar, can I ask you a question?”
“What’s up, honeycakes?”
“Do you only feel little when you’re upset?”
“Uhhh, no, but I almost always drop into a little space when I’m sad. It’s usually about feeling overwhelmed, and that can happen with good things. It’s nice to keep little stuff around, though, but I’m not sure I’d count that.”
“Like what do you mean?”
“So, like for the reception area slash living room in the main house, I was going to make a cozy corner like the one here,” Jasper said with a nod to the corner he’d already set up.
“With coloring books?”
“That and a couple of stuffies, some blocks, a few cars, stuff like that…” His voice trailed off, and I could feel anticipation radiating from his body. He might sound casual, but I suspected he’d spent hours planning this.
“I don’t think you’ve ever told me the name you’re going with.”
“What?” Jasper reeled back and looked at me with shocked eyes. “How did I not? It’s going to be The Lavender Porch. I’m going to go hard for the gays, but it’ll be inclusive to anyone, of course.”