Chapter 10
ten
Quinn
A t the advocacy center we’re split up with the kids going down one hall, while Storm and I are led in the opposite direction. Somehow I keep my cool through my own interview with an investigator. Storm looked a little shaken when she returned from her session. I held her hand and that seemed to help.
I know I should but I don’t ask about her experience with the questioning. Right now, just by being here, she helps me stay calm and focused. If I was here alone, I’m not sure I could control my anger.
For now we’re settled in a room watching the children’s interviews on a small screen. I am one hundred percent certain watching my kids being asked questions about what their mother did is more traumatic for me than for them.
How in the hell could Britany have first taken the kids, then abandoned them? Mentally I beat myself up for not having pushed for the termination of her rights before.
“Get a grip, Quinn,” Storm says. She crosses her arms and holds me in place with a fierce glare. “They’re going to be bringing the kids out before long. You need to get calmed down.” Her expression and tone soften and become tentative. “Would it help to tell me what the police said? You don’t need to shoulder all this by yourself. I mean, unless you don’t want me to know.”
Since I’ve never had a partner or lover to share the ups and downs of being a single parent with, I’ve become accustomed to keeping my thoughts and emotions tucked away inside. Sometimes that eats away at me and I question my ability to raise safe and happy children. When that happens I’ve been told I’m moody and even the kids seem to notice.
I’m always telling them that sharing our feelings is important even when I’m not successful at taking my own advice in that respect. I’ve never had anyone I’ve wanted to share my inner self with before. I’ve never had Storm.
“I apologize, baby. You need to know what’s going on. I’m so accustomed to handling everything myself, I’ve forgotten how to share my concerns.”
“I understand. Besides, we’ve only known each other a couple of days. That’s not a long time to be comfortable with talking about uncomfortable situations or trusting someone.”
“Yes, it’s only been a short time. I do trust you, Storm. Amazing as it is to me, I do. More than I ever trusted Britany in the years we were together. I…” Now is not the time to get into how quickly I fell for Storm, or how I love her more each passing moment.
“While Cortez’s partner was staking out the car, Britany and a guy tried to leave. Both were so high they could barely function.”
“No. She was using with the kids around?”
“I don’t think so. At least when she took them from the hotel. Helene has been through hell with her and knows what to look for with alcohol or drug abuse. She never would have left the kids alone with their mother if she suspected anything. Britany must have gotten high after she abandoned the kids.
“She and the guy are in custody. Depending on these interviews with the kids and with Helene, the court will determine charges.”
“They’re talking to Helene, too? That’s going to be difficult for her.”
“She’s stronger than she believes. And taking her beloved grandchildren is probably the last straw. She’s mentioned disowning Britany before. I believe this time it will happen.”
A light blinks on the screen indicating the end of the interview. Storm takes my hand. “The kids did great, but I imagine they’ll need some extra coddling after all this.”
“I can do that.”
“Without getting angry?”
I take a long look at my emotions, the anger, the love, and the need. I take a deep breath and nod. “I can. Will you help? With the kids I mean.”
Coddling her after this stress filled day will go a long way in easing my own tattered soul. I don’t need sex. Simply the comfort of holding and being held. Another thing I never experienced with my ex. This is another confirmation my heart now belongs to the right woman.
She leans close to kiss my cheek. “You know I’ll do anything I can to help.”
There’s a knock on the door before it opens and my children rush in. Emmerii is her usual quiet self while my boy chatters on about the trucks they had in the interview room for him to play with. He’s possibly young enough and really doesn’t remember his mother well so this experience might not be so problematic for him.
Storm and Emm have formed a strong bond already. I’ll ask Storm if she’ll try to get Emm to open up more. My daughter is so like me in that respect. Closing off emotions isn’t good for me and doubly not wise for a young girl. She needs a woman in her life to talk to. From the way she watches Storm, I’m certain Storm is who she needs.
My family, every one of us, needs Storm.
On the way back to the hotel, we make the promised stop at the candy store, which thankfully also sells ice cream. After a short discussion, I hand our tickets for the Royal Tournament to a family we’d passed in the lobby. Emm had overheard them attempting to calm a girl a little older than her when they were unable to afford the event.
Helene lavishes love and kisses on the kids until even Emm is disgusted. Once the kids are hungry for real food, I head to the food court for pizza and Chinese food. An odd combination, but this way everyone gets what they want. After the day we’ve had, juggling the varied orders and takeaway containers is something I’m happy to have to do.
At bedtime, Isaac balks, insisting he wants to sleep with me. On rare occasions like bad weather, I’ve allowed the kids to climb into bed with me. Today definitely counts as one of those times. However, while I understand his need for the close contact, sharing my bed with Storm is more in line with my thoughts and needs tonight.
Helene offers a solution while the kids are changing into their pajamas. “Go lay down with them until they fall asleep. Then I’ll take over. You need your space to… umm, decompress, too. Don’t worry. They won’t be alone tonight.”
When I enter the bedroom both kids are sitting on one bed. The covers have been turned down. Isaac frowns at me. “Where’s Storm?”
“In the other room.”
“I want her, too.” He crosses his arms and makes his pretend angry face. Then he grins. “Please?”
This could be interesting. I tap my chin as if thinking then say, “You can go ask her. But if she says no, there’s no argument. Got that?”
“Uh huh.” He’s out of the room in a flash.
I sit on the edge of the bed near Emm. “Is that okay with you?”
Her smile is sweet. “Of course.” Then she winks. “Anything to get him to go to sleep.”
We’re both chuckling when Isaac returns towing Storm behind him. He directs where each of us is going to lay then snuggles close to Storm, tugging on her arm until she’s wrapped it around him and his head is on her shoulder. “I’m tired,” he says. “I don’t need you to read my book tonight.”
“Oh, okay.” The day’s left me feeling drained, I can only imagine how the kids must feel. “Sweet dreams, son.”
“Night, Daddy. Night, Storm.” Within seconds his breathing shifts and he’s asleep. Storm finally relaxes and angles slightly to her side to hold him more comfortably.
I recline on my side as well, facing them, and tuck the sheet up under Emm’s chin. She takes my hand and twines her small fingers between mine before resting our hands on the mattress between us. “I love you, Daddy.”
I kiss her cheek. “Love you, too, sweetie.”
Storm’s watching, her eyes glistening in the soft light coming from the bathroom. She’s so beautiful, I’m awestruck. Isaac shifts and she grimaces. He’s a restless sleeper and has probably kicked her. Then he snuggles even closer and mumbles in his sleep. “My mommy.”
Eyes closed, Emmerii speaks softly as she falls asleep. “He’s right, you know. After two days she’s a better mom than that other woman ever was.”
For the next half hour Storm and I stare at each other in silence. While I agree with my daughter’s evaluation, I can’t judge Storm’s thoughts and try not to read my own desires in her expression.
Finally Helene tiptoes into the room and takes Storm’s place. “Don’t worry,” she says as Emm rolls toward them. “I won’t leave them alone. Go.”
The kids must have been exhausted because neither wake as I ease from the bed. Helene makes shooing motions with her hand and I follow Storm from the room. We don’t speak as we return to my room. Our room.
The remains of our unfinished lunch are scattered on the table and I unceremoniously swipe the dried up food into a trash can and set the smelly mess in the hall. Looking lost, Storm hovers in the middle of the room. I stand in front of her and lift her chin with my finger. “What’s going on?”
“Today was just so much. I’m having a difficult time processing everything. All the feels. The anger, the hopelessness, the… well, all of it. And you, now you’re calm and in control. How did you go from all the madness before to now?”
I take her hand and encourage her to sit with me on the couch. She curls against my side and I tuck her closer, stroking her side. “I honestly don’t know. The anger still simmers in my chest. She tried to steal my children.”
“I was surprised when Helene agreed so vehemently that your ex should be charged with kidnapping. Although maybe it’s not so difficult for a mother to disown a child.”
The sadness and loss in her tone rip another chip from my heart. She’s experienced this abandonment. “I’m sure that isn’t the case for most mothers. Or fathers. And there must be as many reasons as there are children who experience it. Baby, you’re not to blame for whatever happened in your past to make you feel this way.”
She gives a soft snort. “How would you know?”
“I know because of the woman you are now. What happened today made you retreat into your memories, didn’t it? Me, too. I got caught up in how I didn’t recognize the kind of woman Britany was, how maybe somehow I had contributed to her thinking that running off with the kids was a good idea. Most of those thoughts don’t make any sense when I look at them with a calmer brain. Still, memories can tie us up in knots until we can’t tell what emotions are real.
“You, oh hell, Storm. We both need to remember the past is just that. There’s nothing we can do to change what happened or what we felt. We can, however, keep moving forward in ways so those events and feelings won’t happen again. Or at least we can plan to react differently by focusing on the now. And the future.”
“You’re a wise man, Quinn Marshall. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you.”
“I would say the same about you, Storm Rankin. I have a serious question for you.”
She meets my gaze. “Oh? Okay.”
“How did you feel when Isaac called you his mommy?”
I assume it will take awhile before she answers, so I’m surprised when she speaks right away. “Good. It felt so good. Natural, like he’s always been a part of my life. Of me. I felt kind of gooey inside and that frightens me. I didn’t have a female parental figure growing up, and Dad was, well, he just was. I don’t know how to be a parent.”
“Take it from me, even if you have wonderful parents, everything is different when you have your own kids. Definitely a learn as you go experience. The learning is part of the fun of having kids. Each one needs to be acknowledged and challenged in their own individual ways. There’s no way I could raise Isaac the same way I have his sister.”
“What about when it’s too much? When you don’t think you can handle it anymore?”
This question feels like the one she’s been struggling with the most. “Believe me, there are plenty of those times. Like when you can’t figure out why your newborn won’t stop crying. Or when a toddler suddenly decides he’s not going to wear pants.”
I get a smile from her for that one.
“It’s not always the bad times that are overwhelming. Just the day to day gets to be too much sometimes. I’d say the most important thing—and what gets ignored the most—is finding time for yourself. Kids can easily take up every second of the day. Keeping personal space and time can be a scheduling nightmare. But if you don’t take care of yourself, you’re not helping your kids either. That’s why having a good support system is essential. You know, that takes a village thing.”
“That makes sense. Thank you for your wisdom.” Storm’s smile has relaxed and her body is soft and warm against my side. Together like this, just cuddling is my new self-care. Time taken for me. What I need.
“Baby, being with you like this, just holding each other, this is what I was talking about. This rejuvenates me. Just holding you.”
“Oh? Nothing more?”
“Not this time.” I give her pouting lips a kiss. “Definitely later, though.”
“Later,” she repeats on a sigh. “And I really did like being claimed as Isaac’s mommy. I wish it was real.”