CHAPTER 11
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Miguel
Miguel held her in his arms, willing the moment to freeze the passing of time. Lauren’s very embrace was the longest-held secret desire of his heart.
“It’s so good to see you,” she whispered in his ear before pulling away. “Gosh, it’s been too long!”
He eyed her familiar, beautiful face, taking in her puffy eyes and pale lips—no signature pink gloss to be seen. “Months I think,” he choked out and forced a smile. “How are you?”
Lauren snorted and turned to Olivia. “Oh, you know, surviving.” With a giggle, she sank to her knees and searched for her daughter’s pacifier in the stroller corners. “But absolutely wonderful,” she added as her fingers clasped the purple plastic in triumph.
“She’s beautiful, Lauren. Looks just like—”
“Her dad.” Lauren rolled her eyes and straightened before gripping Mitch’s forearm. She pressed a kiss on his scruffy cheek. “Nine months I carried her, and she came out looking like a full-on Benson.”
To her right, Mitch rolled his eyes, but swung his arm around her shoulder.
Their happiness radiated, pouring outward in shared smiles and dewy-eyed gazes at their daughter.
Eyeing their love, the last several years flashed through Miguel’s mind—reliving the roller coaster ride of the Pier Ninety-Two era, together. From the moment Lauren first shook his hand and offered him a job to the day she called him sobbing from an airport ready to hand it all over to him, the memories pummeled his heart, their friendship and connection a true treasure.
I’m happy for you, Lauren. You have everything you’ve always wanted... even if it’s not...
The words in his head pleaded with his heart, willing his love for her away and begging for the attachment and attraction to finally sever.
“Well, she’s absolutely adorable, isn’t she, Miguel?”
His breath hitched as Rachel’s voice pulled him from the musings captivating his mind and his heart. As he lifted his gaze to her, guilt flooded his veins.
She winked and stepped forward to grip his arm in a mirror image of Lauren.
My Sunshine.
He nodded and wrapped his arm around her waist. Placing a kiss on the top of her head, Miguel released a sigh as the flurry of unexpected memories and emotions dissipated at her connection.
“Wait, are you two together?” Lauren grinned and ping-ponged her index finger back and forth between them.
“Really?” Mitch frowned until Lauren’s elbow sailed into his gut. Huffing out a quick breath, he regained composure. “Er, I mean, small world...”
“Small world, for sure,” answered Rachel as she leaned into Miguel’s chest and pressed her ear against the thumps and bumps of his throbbing heartbeat.
“Oh, that’s wonderful... and so perfect!” Lauren roared and covered her mouth with her hands. “How did you meet?”
“Pier Ninety-Two, actually,” answered Rachel. With a stilted laugh, she pulled away and dropped once more to her knees before Olivia. Cooing at the baby, she tickled her tiny toes. “We met at Rose and Cole’s engagement party.”
Mitch readjusted the ballcap on his head. “I thought you were dating someone else.” He snorted. “That guy who liked Star Wars.”
Rachel stood with a scowl. “He liked the stars, Mitch. Not Star Wars.”
Their stupid, meaningless banter clouded Miguel’s brain, upending the pure elation in his heart that had existed prior to the last fifteen minutes. Shaking his head as the conversation continued, he battled the fog.
“Stars, Star Wars, Star Trek... whatever, the guy—”
“Doesn’t matter anymore,” Rachel interjected and gripped Miguel’s hand. “Ian and I broke up.”
Ian.
The man’s name soured Miguel’s stomach. The recall of his signature red bandana churned the morning’s coffee with the afternoon’s beer.
“Like a month ago,” Rachel added with a shrug.
“Well, past relationships mean nothing, right?” Mitch snorted.
But his words rang cold, gripping Miguel’s ears in a veiled threat. Lifting his gaze to the piercing green stare, his not-so-subtle message speared his heart.
You still feel threatened by me.
The memory of the infamous night he crossed the line with Lauren stalled the breath leaving his lungs. Clearing his throat, Miguel eyed the pavement as another bout of guilt tingled along every nerve.
I was so stupid that night.
“Umm, well,” interjected Lauren. “Gosh, it was so good to see you both.” Bending down to lift her fussing daughter from the stroller, she caught Miguel’s gaze. “I’m sorry, I have to feed her. But I’d love to catch up with you and hear how Pier Ninety-Two is doing. Maybe you two can come over for dinner soon?”
Miguel nodded and squeezed Rachel’s hand, thankful for the support searing from her palm. “Er, yeah—anytime, boss.” The old nickname slipped from his lips, unfiltered and unconsidered.
Her smile brought the past to life and gripped his heart once more with the ghost of lost love.
Giggling, Lauren shushed Olivia, but shook her head. “Nope. That’s you now, Miguel.”
And as if on command, his cell phone rang, buzzing against his hip with urgency. Tugging out the device, he eyed the screen as Pier Ninety-Two’s number appeared.
Ugh, what now?
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The quiet echoed in his ear thirty minutes later. Cruising down I-5, Rachel stared out the window with eerie silence.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, having finally found the courage to speak. “I don’t know what to say.”
Her head spun as if on a swivel. “Can I ask you something?”
Miguel gulped. “Mmm-hmm.”
“What’s between you and Lauren?”
Frowning at her immediate mention of the elephant riding in the back seat, he heaved out a heavy sigh as his body deflated. Out of the corner of his eye, he took in her crossed arms and rigid posture. “Nothing.”
She snorted. “Sure...”
“I’m being truthful with you, Rach.” He groaned and gripped the steering wheel tighter. “Nothing is between us. She’s married.”
“She is. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t still something there.” Rolling her eyes, she returned her gaze to the window. “I saw how you responded to her...” she muttered under her breath.
Taking a chance on the connection they shared earlier in the day, Miguel leaned over and gently rested his hand on her thigh. With a gentle squeeze, he held his breath and willed her to not to recoil.
Her body stilled beneath his touch, but she didn’t pull away.
“Will you let me try and explain that?” he asked.
Rachel gestured to the dashboard with her head. “I’m a captive audience for the next hour.” She shrugged. “There’s not much else I can do but listen.” Her shoulders softened as she twisted in her seat to face him.
With a heavy sigh, her cheeks flushed, and Miguel bit his bottom lip with anticipation.
You first though, Sunshine.
“Look, Miguel,” she started. “I understand that you didn’t expect to run into Lauren today. But after sharing such a wonderful date with you, it hurt seeing your face when she hugged you like that.” Rachel frowned. “I’m just surprised that there’s obviously more to what I assumed would have been a working relationship.”
Her truth sliced his heart in two.
“I’m so sorry,” he choked out as his chest throbbed. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. It’s been months since I’ve seen her.” Squeezing her knee, he tugged Rachel’s leg in his direction as he eyed the long stretch of highway. “All our history—it just hit me the second I saw her again. I didn’t expect it and now I’m embarrassed because of it.”
“Do you have feelings for her?” she pressed.
Miguel shook his head. “Rach, I’ve given you nothing but honesty the entire time we’ve known each other. You know that, right?”
She nodded.
“Then here’s more truth. I’ve felt a lot of things for Lauren over the years. I’ve felt gratitude. Friendship. Loyalty and admiration. We’ve spent so much time together, building Pier Ninety-Two from the ground up...” He shrugged. “We got close.”
The breath hitched in her throat as her body stilled again.
“But Lauren has Mitch. She’s married to Mitch. Not once did she waver in that commitment. Even when things were really bad between them.” The infamous night of the insurance check payout returned to his mind, bringing with it his inappropriate alcohol-induced actions.
“Are you saying you were in love with her?”
Miguel’s stomach churned as he shook his head and ridiculed his past stupidity. “It doesn’t matter. Whatever it was that I felt was never returned.”
She scoffed. “Answer my question. Did you—or do you still love her?”
“Rachel, please.” Frowning at her intrusive question, he groaned. “Love is something two people share. It’s something two people experience together, not separate.” Miguel sighed. “I’ll admit that there was a time I felt something for Lauren. But I promise you when I say, she didn’t return those same feelings, and she never will.”
Rachel swallowed and inched her hand closer, bringing their shared grip to rest on her knee. With a squeeze, she nodded.
“She represents so much of what I wanted. Er, what I thought I wanted. But she’s not mine to have. And I swear to you, I have made peace with that, even if I didn’t demonstrate that very well today.”
She swiped a finger beneath her right eye before sniffling beside him. “Thank you,” she whispered. “We barely know each other. I’m sorry. It really isn’t fair of me to—”
“No, don’t.” He tugged her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. “You have every right to ask.” With a roll of his eyes, he sighed again. “Trust me, Lauren was the last person I wanted to run into on our first date.”
Literally, the last.
Rachel snorted. “We all have a past.”
And I’d like to know more about yours... with Ian. Why would Mitch mention him like that?
“We do,” he muttered as several moments of silence ticked by, broken only by the bits of gravel pelting the windshield.
“Hey, Miguel?”
“Hmm?”
“You promised me a unique experience.” She snickered and widened her eyes. “Damn, you delivered.”
Laughter filled the car as the mood shifted, returning to their familiar level of shared comfort and ease. “Not quite the definition of unique I was going for.”
“Red flag, if you were.” She giggled and rested her head against the seat as a yawn overtook her. Adjusting the vent to aim the cool air on her face, Rachel sighed.
“Tired?”
She nodded.
“I’ll drop you off before I head to the restaurant.”
Rachel shook her head. “Don’t be silly. Pier Ninety-Two is on the way. It’d be stupid for you to drive me home, just to turn around again.”
True, but...
“I have no idea how long I’ll be though.” His stomach dropped as he recalled Michelle’s pleas for backup. Rolling his eyes, he dragged a hand through his hair. “I might get stuck in the kitchen or waiting tables. Or—”
Her smile warmed his body. Heat crashed through him as her fingers dragged along his thigh and toyed with the hem of his shorts. “Miguel, I’m a big girl. I can entertain myself or call an Uber if I need to.”
He snorted. “Our first date shouldn’t end with you in another man’s backseat, Raquel.”
Her giggles eased his soul. “We do everything backward. Why should this be any different?”
Gripping her fingers, he squeezed and focused on the softness of her skin. He pulled his gaze from the road and eyed the flush on her cheeks. Miguel’s heart hammered in his chest and pounded against his ribcage as the seconds passed.
Rachel’s eyes dropped to their intertwined fingers. “Now you’re the one staring at me,” she muttered, each word soaked in embarrassment.
Every nerve in his body tingled, rippling along his skin as he spied the stray strand of hair falling across her left cheek. Reaching over, he tucked it behind her ear and forced his eyes to return to the road.
“I can’t help it. There’s too much beauty.” Miguel swallowed a gulp of air, and the smile dancing on her lips tugged at his heartstrings. “Inside and out,” he added.
The next several miles whipped by in silence as Rachel leaned in and rested her head against his right arm. Her hair tickled his skin, but the soft snores falling from her lips held him in place. Rachel’s sweet, forgiving soul called to his.
Not exactly the first date I imagined. But I feel closer to you now more than ever.
With a longing sigh, Miguel slowed to the construction zone speed limit. The Los Angeles skyline reappeared in the distance and welcomed them home. At the intake of her breath, familiarity and comfort encircled him.
He stared at Rachel’s sleeping form, and his stomach sank.
Will there ever be a day I can finally let you go, Lauren?
“I want to move on so badly,” he whispered.
Rachel didn’t stir, but the desire in his heart grew with each passing mile. Her simple presence offered him hope for the first time in a lifetime.