Chapter Forty-Nine
Sophie turned her head so she could see his face fully. “Andy, I would never laugh at you. Not unless it was something you said or did intentionally. I had a rebellious and, some would argue, stupid phase that rewrote my entire family’s life plan, but I have never been cruel. Laughing at another person is not something I do. Nor do I leave people out intentionally. If I laugh and don’t share the source, it is probably because I am laughing at myself and feeling embarrassed, or it is something dumb, and I would feel stupid sharing it. Do you believe me?” she asked earnestly.
“Yes, I know you aren’t a cruel person, but I still feel left out. I’ve been told that I don’t laugh enough and would like to be included in anything you find funny. Please share.”
Rolling back to her previous position so she could see the sky clearly, she sighed, “Fine. Have you ever played the ‘I Spy’ game or the ‘Fantasy Cloud’ game?”
“I Spy, yes. That was a favorite in the boys’ home, but I didn’t find it overly fun because the boys I played with often changed the item, so you never figured out what they were spying on. I found it tedious and boring. What is the ‘Fantasy Cloud’ game?”
“The ‘Fantasy Cloud’ game is when you lay out on a cloudy day when they are big and puffy like today and see if you can find fantasy shapes in them. Then you try to help the person with you spy them. Sometimes, they are so obvious your partner can’t do anything but see them, but other times, they are more fanciful and in the person’s own imagination, and the other person can’t see them. Santiago and I used to play this game for hours when we were kids. Every time I see clouds like this, it draws me in, and I absentmindedly start looking. I giggled when I saw that huge cloud overhead. It looks like a clown with a cone hat on top of its head, complete with the little pompom ball on top. The clouds have shifted, but you may still be able to see it. I think it is plain as day.”
Fernando tilted his head back and gazed up at the sky. “I don’t see it, but you are perpendicular to my body, so you’re looking at a different angle.”
Sitting up, Sophie suggested, “Turn. There’s room for both of us to lay parallel on this tiny deck if your legs hang over a little. Don’t worry, I won’t let you roll off,” she teased.
Taking a moment to resituate themselves, this time with Fernando laying beside her with her head resting on his bicep tucked along his side, his legs hanging over the side of the boat from the mid-calf down, he looked back at the clouds and searched for the clown. When he saw it, a burst of laughter was startled out of him. It was as if an impressionist had dipped his brush in white paint and brushed it onto the sky. It was an incredibly clear image.
“I guess that means you found it? When I first saw the clown it kind of popped out of the clouds at me too but I immediately painted it with color in my minds eye. If you do that it really makes you chuckle,” Sophie added.
“Do you always add color in your mind?” Fernando asked, curious how her mind worked.
“No, usually I don’t, but some of the shapes are just so clear that my mind just automatically adds color. For example, if you look to the right of the clown just an inch or so, do you see the two clouds reaching up to the sky like the letter V?”
“Yes, I see them.”
“If you follow them down and use your imagination a little more, you will see a bunny rabbit. He’s just sitting there staring at us. The moisture in those clouds turned him a little gray. Do you see him?”
“I do. It took me a little while; he isn’t as easy as the clown was, but I can see what you are looking at and can imagine a bunny. Let me try.” Fernando took a moment to scan the sky. “I found one. If you look at the clouds blowing in from the left, I see a horse rearing up on his back legs. The sun is reflecting through him, painting him gold. Can you see that one?”
“Oh, I see it. That is a good one. His mane is even blowing in the breeze!” Sophie noticed excitedly. “Look just behind him, further to the left. Do you see the pirate ship? See the round belly of the hull dipping below the waves at the lower level of the clouds and the tall mast sticking up at the top of that cloud formation. Oh, Javi would have loved that one.”
“I see it. The bottom and top were clear, but you kind of have to fill in the middle with your imagination. Okay, if you saw that, how about a dragon? All the way to the right.” Fernando lifted his right arm and pointed to the cloud in the distance, directing her line of sight. “Start at the very end at the wisp of clouds curling up. That is his tail. Then, follow it left, and you see his back foot hanging down, followed by the tip of a wing. Follow it up, and you can see his head tilted back in a mighty roar.”
“Found it! That one is good too. You got the hang of this game quickly. Sophie cupped his face and turned it so he was looking down at her. “Am I forgiven for keeping my laughter to myself? Now that I know your sensitivity, I will try very hard not to keep it from you in the future.”
“I don’t hold grudges, Soph. You were forgiven as soon as I got past my momentary upset. Thank you for being understanding and not thinking I’m being petty. These small things creep up on me sometimes. As we spend more time together, I’m sure we will discover more of them.”
“Just promise you will talk to me about them. This wasn’t the first time you got upset with me over my secret laughter, but it was the first time you explained it. I know you are coming into this relationship with baggage; I am, too. We can unpack it together and move on as long as we don’t try to hide it in our mental closets. Promise to do that for me?”
The love reflected in her eyes nearly made him weep. He didn’t deserve a love like this, but he was going to thank God every day for blessing him with it.
“I will promise to try. Sometimes I feel like one of those old fashion mines with all the triggers poking out of it like spikes. If you bump any of them, I go off. Sometimes, I don’t even know what it is that triggered it. Other times, I just try to ignore it because I know it is something stupid from my childhood, and I just need to get over it. Telling someone not to laugh around me without explaining it is ridiculous. That is why I didn’t say anything the first time or the second. But I don’t want to get upset every time you chuckle, and apparently, you do it often when not in the work environment, so I needed to say something so it didn’t become a bigger deal—saying that out loud just helped me process what you are saying, though. I will do my best to talk to you when I am triggered. But, I need you to promise that you won’t take whatever nonsense I’m upset about hurt your feelings. This feels like a slippery slope to me, and my instincts are to keep this all to myself, but I see now that won’t be healthy for our relationship.”
Fernando toyed with their tangled fingers where they lay on his stomach, a clear indication to Sophie that he was uncomfortable. She removed her fingers from his and pulled him down for a sweet kiss. Feeling him relax a little, she pulled away but kept a firm hold on his face.
“We are in this together. You have trusted me with your business affairs for the last four years, and you can trust me with your heart for the rest of your life. I will not do anything to break it. I know the man you are. Not taking things personally happens to be a strength of mine and one of the reasons why I am still here with you today. I have been with you at your most exhausted, grumpy, distracted, absentminded, disheveled, and euphoric times. The ups and downs. Sitting at number one and number two. I have loved all your faces in all your phases, and I will love you when you celebrate the good memories and cry over the bad.”
Sophie sat up and leaned over him where he lay reclined on the deck of the old wooden boat, her right hand cupping his face while his left came to rest on her hip, their eyes gazing into each other’s souls. “Andy, I need you to understand something right here, right now. You mentioned it days ago, but I don’t think you have processed the depth of what it means... You found me, that is true. But sweetheart, I chose you. I called the number on the card and applied for the job. I bought new clothes and scheduled the interview. I took a job in an industry I knew nothing about and worked for a wonderful man who was so overworked and had so many different irons in the fire I never knew which boss I was going to see on any given day. And when the job seemed impossible, and I rarely saw my family and my baby boy, I stayed. I stayed because I chose you. The man. Not the billionaire media mogul. The handsome, brilliant, compassionate, stressed out, and overworked man. The man I knew I could trust. The man who treated me like an intelligent, capable woman. The man who paid me well above industry standards because he valued my skills and single-handedly provided for my entire family whether he knew it or not. I fell in love with that man, and now that I have his heart, I am never giving it back. If it’s a little battered and bruised, we’ll make the perfect pair because, as you know, I come with my scars. Never for one instant doubt my love for you. Promise to always talk to me, like we have on this trip. I want it all. Honesty and trust are what we will build this marriage on. You know all my secrets, even the ones that could get my little boy taken or killed. I need you to give me all of yours even when it makes you feel like less of a man because, in my eyes, you will never change. You will always be my hero. You may be smaller than your big brothers, but stature means nothing; actions do. The smallest of them all brought them together and made them a family. You are always looking for someone to give a helping hand to. You are the father I never imagined I could have for my son and future children. You are the lover I never expected to want again. You are the friend I look forward to growing old with. You are the husband I can’t wait to marry. If you believe me, kiss me because I have run out of things to say.”
It took Fernando a moment to comprehend the last few words because his mind and heart were a tumultuous mess over all that came before, but when it finally registered, he chuckled and turned them over, cushioning her head with his arm as he loomed over her this time his hand cupping her face. “I love you, Sophie; I can’t wait for our future to begin.” With that, he lowered his lips to hers and kissed her with all the love in his heart. January 1 st couldn’t come soon enough.