Chapter Thirty
Taking a fortifying breath, Enrique looked at Leigh; this was not going to be a short answer. “I admit, I do have an issue with women. Not all, but most. I have had a long line of women use, abuse, and eventually cast me aside, so I avoid the female gender the best I can and keep those I can’t at arm’s length. Yes, that is usually done by being a Grade-A jerk. I can honestly say that my sister Hannah, my brother Anthony’s wife, is the only woman I have ever truly loved. I would go to the ends of the Earth for her. Well, and now, my two precious nieces.” Enrique distracted himself with his cards for a moment, then went on to explain.
“To keep things short, my mother was not overly maternal. She was ecstatic when she found out she was pregnant because she thought that would help her keep her man. Then, when she had a boy, that was the icing on the cake. What man doesn’t want a son? I was a trophy for her, something to show off. As I got older, it was all about what I could do for her. There was no affection, no hugs and kisses, no bedtime prayers. I took care of myself for the most part. When she was in a bad way, I took care of her too. Later, I landed in various boys’ homes, and each one was run by a different woman, sometimes a couple, and each one was determined to straighten the streets out of me. As if I could fear their treatment after what I had already survived at home. It made me more and more hateful, though. Every missed meal. Every closet I was locked in. Every switching. Until all I saw was red every time a woman touched me and called my name. I can’t even describe how much I hated women. All women. My brothers saved me from myself, from jail. Hannah. Hannah saved my life. She loved me unconditionally and taught me what real love feels like. Looks like.”
Enrique played his last cards and looked up, “I don’t hate women anymore. I just… avoid them. I can work with them. I don’t have a problem with women being in charge, Leighann,” he said, trying to clear any misconception she had about him. “I’m just not used to it. In my company, I’m the boss, and everyone does my bidding. The only woman who has had the power to tell me what to do in a very long time has been Hannah. Looking back over my career, I have never had a female boss or even a college professor. Maybe that was God looking out for me, knowing I wasn’t ready. It is statistically improbable, but there it is. I am in a field predominantly run by men. Many colleagues have been female, but in my current line of work, we are individuals working toward a common goal but not actually working together. We maintain a great deal of anonymity, so even if I was working with a woman, I may not know it.” Enrique ran a hand through his hair.
“I treated you badly when we first met. Part of it was purposeful, and part was your interpretation of my behavior, which wasn’t exactly accurate at the time. Still, I took advantage of and built on it when I saw how upset you were getting.”
“But why?” Leigh put her cards down on the couch cushion and gave Enrique her full attention; the cards no longer a buffer for him to hide behind. “What did I do in those first few moments that made you decide to lump me in with the bad crowd? I was genuinely excited to meet you after all these years of Curtis going on and on about you, and then you treated me like a flea that needed to be flicked off as quickly as possible.” Confusion furrowed her brows as she thought back on their first meeting.
Enrique scrubbed a hand over his face, feeling the stubble of his beard. This was going to be uncomfortable. “There is a lot more to this story, but in short, I was surprised, which never goes well and… I was attracted to you.”
“Let me get this straight: you were attracted to me, so you were mean? That doesn’t make any sense! You’re not in elementary school knocking the cute little girl down and scraping her knee because that is better than saying, ‘I like you.’ I need more. According to the internet, you are the hottest bachelor in New York, with new arm candy every month. You like plenty of girls. If you treated them all this badly, you wouldn’t be able to get a date!” Leigh crossed her arms over her chest, waiting to hear what he had to say .
“To clarify, I was never intentionally hurtful to you. I tried to be annoying, maybe push your buttons, but not to hurt your feelings. Curtis would kill me if I did that. I apologize if anything I did caused damage. It was never my intention. Actually, I apologize for all of it, but especially for any pain I caused, including our current situation.”
Enrique adjusted his clothes, swung his right leg up on the couch, and placed it along Leigh’s left thigh, trying to get comfortable before continuing the discussion.
“Listen, all those women in the magazines aren’t real. They are connected to someone or something that needs me, or I need them. Business deals. Those photos are all PR stunts arranged for the women or me to be seen. Yes, I treat them the same way I treated you. Worse, really, because I actually despise the leaches. If they stay in their lane and keep it platonic and friendly, we usually have a good time and repeat the social outings over time. If they are clingy and demanding, the evening is cut short, and I don’t take a call back. Sometimes, I need to get my face in the paper, so I do a second date with an unpleasant woman, and if she takes it as encouragement, things can get nasty. Hence the name-calling in the tabloids. Just last week, I took the wrong woman out for the second time and missed a family communication that I would normally never miss. The attraction I felt for you the first time we met was overwhelming and new. I was trying to figure out what was happening, and you got all bristly. I may have pushed you away a little harder than usual because I was trying to squash my own feelings. ”
Leigh could tell this admission was difficult for him. “Did it work?”
“Did what work?”
“Did you squash your feelings for me? Did my snarky, frustrated side keep me at a safe distance from your cold, shriveled heart?” She had unfolded her arms, and they now lay in her lap. She tapped her two pointer fingers together in anticipation of his answer.
“Uh.” Enrique ran his hands through his hair, trying to puzzle out how much he was going to reveal. Deciding to go all in, he lowered his hands to his thighs, looked her squarely in the eye, and admitted, “No, it didn’t work. I’m completely out of my depth here, but I have never wanted a woman the way I want you. After you came down that mountain, for me, it seemed to be a lost cause. Saying you loved me last night and I was worthy… did something to me. I wanted to hold you and never let go. Hannah has been telling me that for years. The preacher in church has been saying it. It’s kind of crazy how I believed the God of the universe could love me, but not a woman. But… you risked your life to save me. I never actually thought it was possible for anyone except Hannah to feel that much for me. I pushed you away because I didn’t want to feel anything for a woman, knowing they were going to hurt me. You... you just keep coming back no matter how mad I make you. Now, I don’t want you to go anywhere, and our time is running short.”
“I meant what I said yesterday. I do love you. Love is a choice, and I chose to love you just as my brother, your brothers, and Hannah made that choice. What I feel, though, is different than what they feel.” Leigh reached across the space between them to grasp his fidgeting fingers. “What are your thoughts on love at first sight?”