12. Emilia
“This would look great on you too.” Guilia tosses a dress over her shoulder, not bothering to see where it lands. “What shoe size are you?”
“Eight-and-a-half. Really, you don’t need to do all of this,” I tell her, but my words fall on deaf ears. Her generosity is overwhelming.
She declared it was time to purge some of her closet and decided everything was going to go to me. I don’t have the heart to tell her our tastes are wildly different. I’m only a handful of years older than her, but I feel downright ancient when I hold up a tiny scrap of a dress and can’t imagine myself wearing it.
Not outside the bedroom, anyway. I’m sure it would drive Luca crazy, though he might feel differently if I were to remind him where I got the dress from. Nobody wants to hear they’ve been salivating over an outfit their little sister used to wear.
She only scoffs. “Are you kidding? This is fun for me. I always wanted a sister.” I look up from the dress to find her slowly turning toward me, cringing. “Sorry. I’m not trying to be all weird or anything.”
“You aren’t being weird. It’s sweet. And for what it’s worth, I’ve always wanted a sister, too,” I confess.
Her brilliant smile makes me smile in return. She’s such a sweet kid who only wants everybody to be happy. Knowing she’s here, a short walk from Luca’s, has helped me feel normal. Having a girl to talk to, somebody with no ulterior motives and no reason to be kind other than for the sake of kindness.
Glancing at my phone makes my stomach sink, “Is that the time? Shit.” I have to take the pile of clothes from my lap and place them on the bed, groaning at myself. “Craig will be here any minute.”
Her nose wrinkles. “I don’t like that guy.”
Interesting. I’d love to hear all I can about him before he gets here so I know what I’m dealing with. “I didn’t know you knew him.”
“I don’t,” she says with a shrug. “I’ve never really talked to him, but I’ve seen him around. He gives me a gross feeling.”
“From what I’ve heard, he’s not somebody I’d want to be friends with,” I agree. “Luca told me a little bit about him.” And his slimy double-dealing, but I’ll leave that part out. Guilia wouldn’t get it. She’s never been a cop.
“Why are you even going to see him?” she asks as she flicks another dress my way.
Because I want to be sure everything Luca told me is the truth.Knowing it might offend her, I can’t bring myself to say that out loud. As far as she knows, everything’s going well. I feel stronger, and I haven’t had a headache in days. No blurry vision, either.
But there’s always that question in the back of my mind. Was this real? Or is Luca only telling me what he wants me to believe? While I don’t exactly have faith in Craig’s honesty, there’s no reason for him to lie about this. I have to believe he wouldn’t steer me in the wrong direction.
“We have history. We were partners. Who knows, maybe he can help fill in the gaps.” I manage.
Maybe I’m completely na?ve. I’m not even sure anymore if my own rationalizations hold water. If I’m telling myself what I need to believe because every day I spend here, getting to know Guilia and sharing a bed with Luca, I’m a day closer to settling in and accepting this as my life. There’s still that tiny part of me that won’t let go of the way I always believed things ought to be.
After promising to come back later for the clothes, I hurry from Guilia’s bedroom and jog down the stairs, meeting Luca at the bottom.
His smile is bright and genuine, and I can’t help smiling back. “I was just going to come up and get you,” he explains. “Figured you girls might’ve lost track of time.”
The brushing of his fingers against mine makes my stomach flutter. “It’s like there’s an entire store up there,” I whisper, and he laughs indulgently.
I shouldn’t let myself bask in the warmth of his laughter or the joy of his touch. This has to be wrong, the way the past several nights must have been wrong. Nights spent practically tearing each other to pieces before we practically fall unconscious from exhaustion. But Luca has this way of making me feel like I’m his. I’m special, wanted, but more importantly, loved by him. No matter how right it feels, I can’t allow myself to indulge.
Maybe my body can…
… not my heart.
“Don’t ever let her tell you she isn’t spoiled.” There’s a lot of affection and fondness in Luca’s voice and his gaze as he looks up the stairs. “A call came in from the front gate. He just got here.”
So much for feeling breathless and giddy, my stomach now sinking like a rock. I have no reason to be nervous. I don’t know the man, but I’ve been looking forward to seeing him ever since Rocco decided it would be safe. All the excitement over the shootout two weeks ago has faded in the wake of fresh, compelling news stories.
I observe a dark blue sedan pulling up in the front courtyard through the window next to the front door. “That’s him?” I ask, shrugging into my coat.
“The one and only,” Luca confirms. I don’t have to guess at his feelings for the man, not when he sounds like he would rather get a root canal than see him.
When a tall, sandy-haired man in a long coat steps out of the car and looks up at the house, a surprised laugh bursts out of me. “I know him. I remember him.”
Luca takes my face in his hands, and it doesn’t occur to me not to lean into his caress. “Little by little, you’re coming back to me.”
He’s right. It might almost be worth putting up with Craig if it means regaining everything I’ve lost. The dread that’s gripped me all day dissolves, and I step outside, almost trembling in anticipation. What else can he help me remember? Finally, I might be able to get the answers I desperately need.
“There she is!” Craig calls out, beaming from ear to ear as I descend the wide stone stairs. “You look great. I was worried that you would be in bad shape.”
“Sorry to worry you.” When I reach him, he surprises me by giving me a brief hug. “I’m really feeling much better.” Funny, but his touch has the effect Luca’s used to, making me stiffen in discomfort.
“Do you remember me?” he asks as he lets go, and we stand face-to-face, our breath mingling between us. His gaze is intense enough to make me look at his chest like he’s trying to see through me.
“I recognized you when I saw you.”
“That’s great news!” Another hug follows this, and again, I go stiff. I doubt we had this kind of relationship before. We weren’t even working together long enough for me to remember him from the days before my attack.
“Come on,” I offer once he releases me. “I need to stretch my legs.” Really, I want to get away from the house, even if we can’t leave the grounds. I don’t want anybody overhearing any of my questions. I glance over my shoulder and see Luca staring at us through the glass beside the door. Suspicious, possessive—does it really matter which is the case?
“How is your memory?” Craig asks as we start across the gravel courtyard.
I shove my hands deep into my pockets and duck my chin against the cold before admitting, “Patchy. Sometimes things pop up, always when I least expect them.”
“Do you remember anything about the abduction?” When I flinch and hunch my shoulders, he makes a sympathetic noise. “Sorry. That was the wrong way to phrase it.”
Something about his apology makes my hackles rise. “It’s fine. I’m not a baby. I can handle it.”
His sudden laughter confuses me worse than ever. “It’s good to see some things haven’t changed. You sound exactly like the Emilia who drove me crazy when we worked together.”
“I do?”
He rolls his eyes before laughing again. “Please. You always knew best. It wasn’t easy to keep your ass safe, always running headfirst into everything.”
Okay, that sounds like me. “You don’t have to worry about that anymore,” I remind him. He doesn’t need to make it sound like I was such a liability. I’m being touchy, but I have to wonder how well we could’ve gotten along. It doesn’t sound like he liked me very much. Yet there he is, making a big deal out of coming to see me. Luca said he’s been asking ever since I got out of the hospital.
“Things are a lot quieter without you, that’s for sure,” he admits, kicking a few stones out of the way when we reach the dead, frozen grass. “That doesn’t mean I’m not sorry to see you go.”
“Luca told me about the story you made up to cover for what happened… my injury,” I clarify when he looks confused. “Don’t tell me you didn’t end up with a commendation or anything for that.”
“I did,” he admits, chuckling as he crams his hands into his pockets and lifts his broad shoulders. “I won’t pretend there was nothing in it for me. It doesn’t mean I’m glad.”
“Help me remember the way things were.” Does it sound like I’m pleading? Maybe I am a little. “It’s still foggy. Like I’m trying to tune into a radio station, and I can almost hear the music, but there’s too much static to be clear.”
His indulgent chuckle makes my hackles rise again, though I fight to conceal my reaction while he explains, “We were working on building a case. You were determined to put an end to them once and for all.” There’s humor in his voice, almost like he’s making fun of me a little.
“I couldn’t have made things easy for you,” I point out. There’s something off about him. It’s unsettling, especially since I can’t pinpoint exactly what is wrong. I couldn’t describe it if I tried. He’s just… off, somehow. Twitchy. Always looking over his shoulder to where the guards are watching. What is he so nervous about? I’m sure this isn’t the first time he’s been here.
“It was a real pain in the ass,” he tells me flat-out. “I couldn’t convince you to give it up. And look where it landed you.”
“Are you talking about where I currently live or my injury?”
“Both. Is that so wrong?”
This guy is a real piece of work. It takes concentration and a few deep breaths to contain my irritation. “Considering you’re on the family payroll, I don’t think you have the moral high ground here,” I quietly point out as we stroll across the lawn.
“Well, you still sound like yourself, anyway.” When I lift an eyebrow, he explains, “That’s exactly the kind of thing you would’ve said to me before.”
“I only lost part of my memory. I didn’t lose myself.” I kick aside a small branch that fell from one of the trees, but it does nothing to ease my frustration. How did I ever work with this man? The sarcasm has me grinding my teeth. It”s a good thing we didn’t work together for very long, or else I probably would have cracked every single one by now.
“You never answered my question.” I feel him watching me but refuse to show it. “Do you remember the abduction?”
“Not a thing,” I lie. What is it that won’t let me tell him the truth that I vaguely remember the room I was in, the men who cut my hair and beat me, and the fight we had at the house before they took me? Some instinct holds me back, and I know better than to go against it.
“It’s probably for the best,” he decides with a sigh. “You wouldn’t want to remember something like that. You’d be better off blocking it out forever.” Why the hell does he care so much?
I come to a stop, and he does the same. It’s time to drop the bullshit. “I need to know something. I need you to tell me the truth.”
He looks me up and down and, I guess, takes me seriously since he finally drops the snarky, sarcastic expression he was wearing. “What is it?” he asks, and if I didn’t know better, I would think he sounds suspicious.
“Was I undercover here? I’m serious,” I mutter when he snorts. “I mean it. How did I end up here?”
His head snaps back, and he folds his arms before looking me up and down. “You mean Luca didn’t already tell you?” he asks with a smirk. “I thought honesty was the most important thing in a relationship.”
Fuck this. “Let me know when you stop having fun…” I snap, “… so we can have an actual adult conversation.”
His brows lift before he whistles softly. “Listen to you. I’m glad to see you so strong and sure of yourself.”
“I’m glad you’re glad.” He’s insufferable. Imagine acting all snarky and full of himself when he has been accepting money from the Santoros to keep them safe. I guess he needs to feel superior, or else he might realize what a slimy piece of shit he is.
“You want to know if this all started as an undercover investigation?” he asks, looking serious again.
“That’s what I asked,” I grit out.
I can’t believe this guy. He keeps me waiting, holding my breath, like he’s having fun knowing I’m hanging on his every word. Finally, though, he shakes his head. “No. As far as I know, that’s not what this was about.”
I don’t know whether to be glad or devastated. This was my choice. I chose to be with Luca, not because of work but because I wanted him.
“You have to let it go,” he murmurs after a few silent moments.
I don’t bother hiding my irritation when I look up at him. He is wearing a knowing smirk I would love to wipe off his face. “Let what go?”
“Everything you thought you knew about yourself. You’ve got to let go of it, or else you’ll never be able to move forward.” He places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes surprisingly hard. “We all make our choices, kid. And really, it’s not up to anybody else to understand them.”
“Is that your way of defending yourself?” I ponder, tipping my head to the side. “You tell yourself nobody needs to understand why you decided to go on the take?”
His hand falls away like I hoped it would. “Just like nobody needs to understand why you decided to switch teams and devote your life to somebody whose family you were chomping at the bit to destroy.” He sounds tired all of a sudden and maybe a little sad. I guess I’d be sad if I were him too.
“Craig!” The shout is followed by a sharp whistle that makes us both turn. Dante is standing on the back terrace and waves an arm over his head once he has our attention. “Get over here, now!”
I never thought I’d be so happy to see Dante. If it wasn’t for his timely interruption, I might have no choice but to at least kick Craig in the shins for being such an unfathomable prick. I guess he needs to feel like he’s done the right thing, and we’re the same somehow. We never will be. If I’m here for love, that’s a hell of a lot better than betraying people who are supposed to be my brothers and sisters on the force for a little bit of money.
Maybe I’m the one trying to defend myself.
“I’ve got my orders.” His lips are set in a firm, grim line when he looks my way again. “Take care of yourself, all right? I’ll be back around to check on you.”
I want to tell him he really doesn’t have to go to the trouble, but he’s already walking away. I can’t say I’m sorry to see him go.
The little shiver that runs through me has nothing to do with the cold temperature. There’s something off about him. I can’t put my finger on it, and I could be imagining it. I don’t think so, though. He was too intense. Hanging on my every word. Why? I don’t get the feeling we were particularly close, even if we were partners. Maybe he was only trying to be polite but is too socially awkward to have it come off the right way. That’s not a crime.
Luca meets me halfway to his house and wraps an arm around my shoulders as we fall in step together. For the first time since I set eyes on Craig, I feel relaxed. “How did it go?” he asks.
“Fine, I guess.” I know I sound sullen, but I can’t help it. What did I expect? For Craig to unlock everything I can’t remember?
“You guess?” There’s a growl under his words, and for once, I like the sound of it. “Do I have to kick his ass? Say the word.”
I can’t help but giggle. “No, you don’t have to kick anybody’s ass.”
“Because trust me when I tell you, I wouldn’t mind.”
I can tell he’s trying to cheer me up, and affection swells in my chest in response. If only I could shake the weird feeling I have. Is there something I’m missing? Maybe. Maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something, only I don’t know what. All I can do is hope it’s nothing critical, or else I could be in trouble.
“I don’t like him,” I decide.
“Like I told you before, you had mixed feelings toward him. He lied to you and undermined you.” He snickers as we reach the front door. “Even if it was for my family’s sake, I hate him for it.”
Maybe that’s it. Subconsciously, I know I can’t trust Craig, and it’s hard to like anybody I can’t trust. That has nothing to do with my head injury.
We’re barely inside before Luca takes me by the waist and hauls me in, growling. “What is it about watching you with another man that makes me want to fuck you senseless?”
As always, a blaze erupts in my core. It’s like he knows the magic words to effortlessly turn me on. “Remind me to spend more time chatting with other men, then,” I murmur, grinning when his eyes narrow dangerously.
For once, the idea of forgetfulness sounds pretty good and the sort of forgetfulness only Luca can provide.