Chapter 9
Faith
Faith was brimming with feelings. Not only was she about to embark on a journey across the country to find Molly, but less than thirty-six hours ago, she’d reunited with Nathalie. Nathalie!
The Pride party had been eye opening, in the best way possible. Faith could count on one hand the amount of fantastic days she’d had in her life and by a wide margin, the party claimed the number one spot.
When Faith first clapped eyes on Nathalie, all the clichéd things happened. She was left breathless. The world around her disappeared. You know, the usual sappy stuff. But Faith didn’t care. All she’d ever wanted was to experience those emotions, and with Nathalie, she had them in spades.
Their talk by the pool had been shy to begin with. Faith’s mind kept traveling back to the dream she had on the bus, and if she were honest, several other dreams she’d had since. None of them family friendly. It wasn’t easy trying to get through an awkward conversation when certain parts of the body were waking up and causing mayhem. Faith was certain her face flushed more times than was humanly possible. If Nathalie noticed, she didn’t say anything.
Nathalie commented on Faith’s new look. Faith didn’t dare comment on Nathalie in that bikini. It was taking all her strength not to lower her eyes to Nathalie’s ample chest. Once the initial shock and awe had dissipated, they talked for hours. Faith gave Nathalie the CliffsNotes version of her reason for being in Seattle. The last thing she wanted was to bring the party down by talking about her family issues.
When it was clear Mateo and Carmen were far from sober, Faith stuck close to them. As much as she wanted alone time with Nathalie, Faith needed to make sure the Ruizes were okay. Thankfully, Nathalie found their antics completely entertaining.
By the end of the party, Faith had Nathalie’s phone number and a promise they would meet up again when she got back from Vermont. They began messaging the moment Faith sat in the passenger seat of Rita’s car. Carmen and Mateo had passed out on each other’s shoulders. Rita had made polite conversation, but she could see Faith was preoccupied with Nathalie.
Maybe the funniest part of the night was sending pictures of Carmen and Mateo with crude drawings on their faces, courtesy of Enid. Faith had never seen a woman cackle so hard than when Enid drew pieces of anatomy on each of their cheeks.
Today, however, the party was over and Faith had to bring herself back to reality. The reason she’d traveled thousands of miles and would travel thousands more: Finding Molly, and where she belonged.
“Everyone ready?” Carmen called from the driver’s seat. Faith was in the back with Enid. The group decided they would rotate seats after each rest stop. Enid brought out a book with a half-naked man on the cover. Faith gave her a little side eye and a smirk. Letting her head fall back on the headrest, Faith donned her headphones and selected the playlist Nathalie shared with her.
As the hours flew by, Faith’s mind wandered. In such a short space of time, she’d slipped into a new life. How would that look after she found her aunt? The prospect of never seeing Carmen and Mateo was like a punch to the chest. And what about her budding… relationship—could she call it that—with Nathalie? What if Molly didn’t want to be responsible for Faith? How would she deal with that? As usual, there were so many questions that she simply didn’t have the answers to.
The first rest stop was entertaining. Carmen wanted to stop for lunch, as did Faith if she were honest, but of course Mateo had so many rules and regulations regarding “roadside food” it took them an extra hour to find somewhere suitable. Carmen looked like she was ready to murder Mateo. Enid sat heckling them both when they argued with a few well-timed “oh damn, she’s going there” and “you just got burned, Ken doll.” Faith urgently needed the bathroom by the time they stopped.
The next leg of the journey saw Faith up front with Carmen. The Ruizes definitely needed a cooling-off period. Faith found it bizarre that they lived together successfully and yet already the road trip was causing such friction. When Faith noted Mateo had fallen into a food-induced coma, she broached the subject.
“You guys live so well together. What’s with all the stress now?”
Carmen huffed out an irritated breath. “We get on because we both have our own space. Plus, Mateo is out of the house nearly all day. When we’re cooped up like this, our infantile sides emerge. I know it’s stupid, but he just gets on my last nerve. Especially when he whines and gets all demanding.”
“Ah, the dark side to having a sibling,” Faith grinned.
“It’s not all facials and glitter,” Carmen laughed. “You know…” Carmen trailed off, her eyes darting from the road to Faith. “You’re a part of that now. Our odd little family. I just… I wanted you to know that no matter what happens with your aunt or your parents, you have a place with us.”
Faith’s throat tightened. Tears stung the corner of her eyes. “Thank you,” she croaked.
“Carmen, why is Faith crying again?” Mateo barked. Carmen rolled her eyes and pumped the brakes a little hard, causing Mateo to jerk forward, his head hitting Carmen’s seat. “Fuck, what did you do that for?”
“Because you keep insinuating that I make Faith cry on purpose. Stop butting in.”
“I’m fine, Mateo.”
“That was a nice move, Carmen. I’ll remember that the next time Mildrid yaps on about how precious her dog is even though it shits on my lawn. Maybe a good knock to the head will shut her up,” Enid laughed. Mateo scowled at everyone.
“Mateo, what time did you go to bed last night?” Carmen asked, her eyes boring into him through the rear-view mirror.
“You’re not my mother, Carmen.”
“No, I’m not. But you only get this bitchy when you run out of cucumber face mask or you’ve had less than six hours sleep. I know for a fact you have at least three tubes of cucumber goo.”
“Ugh, fine. I was a little late going to sleep.”
“Why, we all turned in early.”
Faith turned in her seat to look at Mateo, who had uncharacteristically blushed. His gaze darted everywhere but at Carmen or her. “Mateo, were you talking to a boy?” Faith teased. Being silly and teasing came as second nature to Faith now. She called it the Ruiz Effect.
“Mateo, were you talking to a boy?” Carmen parroted.
Mateo huffed dramatically, but it was all for show. He couldn’t suppress the smile on his face. “Daniel gave me his number and we may have been chatting.”
“About time,” Enid clapped. “That boy is as smooth as you!”
“How the hell would you know that?” Mateo laughed.
“I Insta stalked him.” Three sets of eyes whipped round to look at Enid. “What? You think because I’m old I don’t know how to find shit out? Hmm… that’s the problem with young people now.”
“What else did you find out?” Mateo asked nonchalantly.
“He’s got the goods to fill Speedos.”
Faith burst out laughing, as did Carmen. Mateo looked thoroughly delighted. “Well, maybe I should invite him to Rita’s. We can have a pool party.”
◆◆◆
Many, many hours later and Mateo finally stopped drilling Enid for information on Daniel. They’d stopped again for a pee break and began looking for a place to crash for the night.
The motel was alright. Faith couldn’t complain really, it’s not like she was the one paying for any of it. Somehow, she needed to work out a payment plan with Carmen. Although she was sure both Mateo and Carmen would decline any money, Faith was determined to pay them back for everything.
Everyone seemed on top form after a good night’s sleep. Carmen shared a room with Faith and Mateo with Enid. Allowing Carmen and Mateo to get some space away from each other had done them both the world of good.
The miles flew by in laughter and intrigue. Enid had lived a full and interesting life. Her stories helped keep Faith’s anxiety at bay. However, after a second night in a motel and a few more hours on the road, Faith saw a road sign for Vermont. In less than an hour, she would stand on Molly’s front porch. As they drew closer, everyone in the car grew quieter.
“How are you feeling, chica?” Mateo asked softly from the back seat.
Faith drew in a breath. “Nervous. It feels like a lifetime ago I found out I had an aunt. So much has happened and now… now I’m hopefully going to meet her.”
“She’s going to be thrilled to see you kid,” Carmen winked.
“But what if she’s not there?” Faith had to vocalize her primary worry. All this could have been for nothing.
“If she’s not there, we go home, regroup, and continue looking.”
A buzz from the center console alerted Faith she had a message. A quick look down at the screen and she was smiling like an idiot. Just seeing Nathalie’s name on her phone turned her into a silly, love-struck teenager.
Nathalie 14:30 p.m.
Are you there yet?
Faith 14:30 p.m.
Not too far away.
Nathalie 14:31 p.m.
Message me when you arrive. Good luck. I’m thinking about you. And…
Faith bit her lip in anticipation.
Nathalie 14:31 p.m.
I miss you.
Nathalie missed her. An excited squeak made Carmen jump. Faith couldn’t stop the giggle, even if she wanted to. “Nathalie, by any chance?” Carmen laughed.
“She said she misses me.”
“Oh shit, this is too cute,” Mateo chimed.
“Dental dams,” Enid barked. “Always have dental dams. That’s a thing, right? I’m sure I heard a lesbian say it once.”
“Was that back in the day, ‘coz ain’t no one using those anymore,” Mateo replied. Faith scrunched her face. Should she know what a dental dam is? It felt like one of those things a good lesbian should know. Dammit, one more thing to add to her lesducation list.
“Can we stop saying dental dam, please?” Carmen shouted, her face a little red.
Faith summoned whatever courage she could to ask, “Um… what is a dental dam?” The car fell silent. Faith looked back at Mateo and Enid, who were both staring at Carmen expectantly.
“Um…” Carmen began, clearing her throat several times. “It’s… um… it’s something that is used for oral sex.”
“Oral sex,” Faith parroted.
“Yup. Um…”
“Oh my God, Carmen, you are the worst sherpa I have ever met,” Mateo announced dramatically. “Faith, a dental dam is a piece of latex that is placed over a woman’s vagina or anus. It creates a barrier for safe sex.”
“For cunnilingus, dear,” Enid tacked on.
“That doesn’t sound very romantic,” Faith answered, shaking her head. She didn’t like the sound of it at all.
“They’re good if you plan to sleep with different people. I suppose most U-Haul lesbians don’t see the need in them, right Carmen?”
“I’ve never U-Hauled,” she shot back, clearly uncomfortable.
“Have you used them?” Faith asked, then immediately regretted it. Carmen’s eyes were wide and hyper-focused on the road. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”
“No, it’s fine. Um… yes, I have used them before. At the request of the woman I was with. I rarely use them though. I prefer no barriers. That is as long as both parties are consenting, of course.”
“Faith, honey, don’t worry about it. That’s something to discuss with your partner when the time comes.” Mateo reassured.
“I haven’t even kissed a girl yet, so I think it will be a while before I need to worry about safe sex,” Faith tittered nervously. As she’d got to know Nathalie more, her dreams had increased. To where, for the first time in her life, Faith considered touching herself. Masturbation was a sin, after all, according to her parents. Faith remembered that discussion vividly. It was part of her mother’s “sex education” speech. Acting on desire didn’t come easily, no pun intended. But Faith was determined to push herself. Wanting a full and rich life wasn’t a sin.
“Everything happens in its own time, chica.”
“Is that something you want to do with Nathalie? Kiss her, I mean?” Carmen inquired, clearing her throat.
Faith nodded her head with certainty. “Nathalie is wonderful. She’s so pretty, and she makes me feel comfortable. We’ve been talking a lot. I filled her in a little about my parents, etcetera. Not once did she make me feel like a loser—”
“You’re not a loser, Faith, never think that.” The severity of Carmen’s voice was surprising. The intensity in her eyes was just as striking. “Don’t put yourself down like that. You’re amazing.”
“I second,” Mateo called.
“Third,” Enid added from behind her book.
“I… just feel like I have so much to learn. Nathalie has seen the world. How interested is she going to be when she learns that this is the first time I’ve ever been away from home? Or that…”
“She already knows that, right? You said you guys talked. Chica, don’t look for reasons it won’t work before you even try.” Mateo pointed at her.
“And,” Carmen interjected, “you two have been chatting non-stop since the party. If she wasn’t interested, she wouldn’t be investing her time. Nathalie is like Rita in that sense.”
“Honestly, I’m surprised you two didn’t share a kiss at the party,” Mateo mused.
“Well, we might have, if I didn’t have to stop you two from scaling the palm trees, whilst singing Cher’s ‘The Shoop Shoop Song.’”
“Oh shit,” Carmen mumbled.
“I do love that song,” Mateo remarked.
“You pair of tits stopped that young lady from getting her freak on,” Enid tutted.
“I wasn’t going to get my freak on,” Faith gasped.
“You could have. Now you’ll never know,” Enid replied, head still in her book.
“Oh damn, Faith, we clam-jammed you,” Mateo squealed.
“Alright,” Carmen barked, “As the adult lesbian in this vehicle, I am officially prohibiting any gay man or straight woman from saying things like ‘clam-jam’ or ‘dental dam.’ We are going to keep it strictly PG-13 in this car. Do you understand?”
“Ugh, you’re such a buzz kill,” Enid clucked.
“Fine,” Mateo whined.
The car’s GPS rang out. “We’re a few minutes away,” Carmen announced unnecessarily.
Rubbing sweaty palms down her thighs, Faith tried to calm her thoughts. No matter what happens, you have Carmen and Mateo. The car finally pulled up to a cute little bungalow, not too dissimilar to Carmen’s house. The wraparound porch housed two Adirondack chairs with a small table in between. The shutters, which adorned every window, were painted a delicate blue, which stood in contrast to the brilliant white of the building.
“Are you ready?” Carmen asked, placing her hand over Faith’s.
“Yeah, let’s go.” Together, Carmen and Faith climbed out of the car. The four of them decided along the way to keep the meeting to just Faith and Carmen.
Making their way up the path, Faith noticed a light shining from one window. The porch creaked as they stepped. “Okay, here goes.” Faith muttered, rapping her knuckles on the door.
Could time stop? That’s sure what it felt like. It was only when she heard faint footsteps Faith knew the world was still spinning and time was indeed marching forward. When the blue door opened, disappointment was at the forefront of Faith’s mind. The person standing in front of them was not Molly.
“Hi, can I help you?” Dressed in yoga pants and a tank top, the young woman smiled brightly at them both.
“Hi, sorry to disturb you. I’m… I was hoping Molly was in?”
“Ah, Molly doesn’t live here anymore. She moved to Phoenix about four months ago.”
There was no stopping the visible slump of her shoulders. They’d driven all this way and Molly was gone. Carmen quickly delivered the reassurance she had tucked away in her back pocket. “Hey, it’s alright. Like I said, we’ll get back, regroup, and then try again.”
“I have her address. I wouldn’t usually hand out information like that, but I can tell you’re related. It’s striking really, apart from the different shades of hair color.”
“Were you together?” Faith asked.
“No, Molly was my roommate. Awesome one too, real shame she left but,” the woman shrugged. “Oh, I’m Felicity, by the way.”
“I’m Faith, Molly’s niece, and this is Carmen, my friend.”
“And those two?” Felicity pointed over their shoulders, a smirk forming on her face. Carmen and Faith turned in sync. Mateo and Enid both had their faces pinned to the car window.
Faith chuckled. “They’re our other friends.”
“Is that lady… panting?”
Carmen groaned. Trust Enid to show them up. They watched as Mateo swatted Enid, trying to get her to stop her—rather convincing—puppy impression.
“Anyway,” Carmen sighed, turning her attention back to Felicity. “Thank you for the address. We’ll leave you to it.”
“Can I just ask one thing?” Faith interrupted.
“Sure.”
“Molly, is she… is she nice?”
“She’s the best. I know about her background, so I’m guessing you had it rough too?”
Faith nodded.
“Molly is the kind of person you always want to be around. She’s warm and comfortable. We had a great time as housemates.”
“Do you know why she moved?”
“Her girlfriend, Ruth, got a job in Phoenix.”
“Oh, so she’s got a partner?” Carmen asked.
Faith eyed Carmen. Was that a brief flicker of annoyance in her friend’s eye? Interesting.
“Yeah, well, as far as I know. We haven’t spoken in a while. Hey, if you catch up to her, tell her to call me. I miss her. And tell her to stop changing numbers. How’s a girl supposed to keep in touch?”
“Absolutely. Thank you, Felicity.”
Mateo and Enid must have guessed the outcome as Faith trudged back to the car, feeling a little defeated.
“So where to next?” he asked with abundant enthusiasm.
“Phoenix,” Carmen answered.
“You don’t have to take me to Phoenix, Carmen. I appreciate all this, really I do, but we could be just chasing another dead end.”
“Hey, less of that. And this certainly wasn’t a dead end. We have an address. We will find Molly. I promise.”
Faith tried her hardest to believe the words Carmen was saying, but in the light of another failed search, it was becoming harder by the minute.