Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Sally
It took me years to feel comfortable looking in a mirror. People don’t talk about the start of the transition process—the time between the start and the finish we crave but might never get.
I’d wince with every glance at myself. My hair, my shoulders, my cheeks, my jawline. Every aspect of my body…I hated looking at it all.
That changed over time. I don’t think that’s the right way to describe it. Maybe instead of changing, it’s better to say I learned to look past it.
Now, that hatred is back as I stare at myself in the mirror. Not because I hate the way I look—this is the best I’ve felt physically in years—but because I crossed a line last night.
I should hate myself.
I should regret what happened. I crossed a line last night when Oliver and I slept together. He doesn’t know who I am, and even with the hope that he wouldn’t care, I know it wasn’t right.
Feeling defeated, I run my hands through the tangles of hair, getting caught in the process.
Oliver’s body lies still under the sheet. He looked so happy yesterday.
I should hate what happened, but I can’t hate the way his eyes shone with so much love and affection. The line we crossed might have been wrong, but in the moment, it felt so right.
Oliver has always been my hero, and even in that moment, he took the hurt I’d experienced in the past and kissed away the pain.
Feeling overwhelmed, I walk out of the room and to my safe space, away from the world.
The one place I feel above everything.
The night air isn’t warm or cool. It’s a little humid with the sound of nature surrounding me. The view from the roof is still as pretty as I remember especially with the moon illuminating the world around me.
“Sally.” My head snaps to see Oliver staring at me. It’s too dark to see the emotion in his eyes, but there’s a frown adorning his perfect face. “You left.”
“I…” my voice trails off without a single thought to finish the sentence. “I needed some air.”
“I didn’t like it.” His voice is soft, but the hurt is evident. My blood chills from the tone. “I don’t like waking up without you next to me.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper because I don’t want him to hear the break in my voice. Not being able to look at him, I turn around to look at the night sky. “I’ll be inside soon.”
Oliver makes his way next to me before sitting down. “I’ll wait with you. I don’t like the idea of you being alone out here.”
God, why is he so fucking perfect? Too perfect for a screwed-up girl like me.
“How did you know I’d be up here?” The question comes out of nowhere.
“Of course, I knew you’d be here.” His voice is still serious.
That isn’t the answer I was expecting, but it’s the one I need. He’s watched me and understood me to a level no one ever has.
Tears well in my eyes.
Oliver’s expression softens the minute a hot streak rolls down my face.
“Fudge, babe, please don’t cry. I hate it when you cry.” He scoots closer to me, taking my face in his hands, and thumbs away the tears. “Every time you cry, it breaks my heart and makes me want to punch someone. I guess I’ll have to punch myself this time.”
That gets a soft laugh from me. “Please don’t punch yourself. I like your face.”
“Only my face?” He tilts his head to the side. “Not any other part of my body?”
I meet his sarcasm with my own. “Yep, that’s all I like.”
His expression turns serious before he grabs my chin to turn it toward him. What’s his fascination with grabbing my face and making me look at him?
“I’ll have to remind you about all the things I can offer you.” Desire drips from his mouth with every word, to the point that I’m fighting not to tremble in his grip.
“Oliver…” my voice breaks again.
“Don’t,” he says firmly. “Please don’t try to tell me what happened was a mistake. Nothing about last night was a mistake. Honestly, I think we are made for each other, and I’m fighting really hard not to think about the end of summer.”
“There’s so much you don’t know.” I swallow. “So many things you should know.”
My words die the moment I see his face. The care and love written all over his features. Without pause, Oliver pulls me into his lap, encasing me in a cocoon of himself. The first thing I’m hit with is his scent. That mixture of the water and beaches. The perfect blend of our adventurous nature.
“I know,” his words come out hoarse.
“You can’t be okay with all of this.” I plead for him to demand something.
“Okay with it?” he repeats my words with a question. “Of course, I’m not okay with it. I hate that you aren’t ready to trust me with everything, especially after last night.”
“I’m sorry.” It’s lame, but that’s all I have to say at the moment.
“I’m not okay with it, but I also promised you that I’d stay until you’re ready. And trust me, I’m ready and waiting to knock down your walls. I don’t go back on my promises, princess.”
His words weigh down my head. He's too perfect for me. What did I do to deserve someone like Oliver in my life? First, with him being my safe space, and now, on this roof again, being the person to lean on and not ask for more.
I think I’m in love with him.
“Thank you for stopping by Adrien’s Bouquet!” I call out to the customer as he walks out with his anniversary flowers.
It’s kind of fun helping people pick out the perfect bouquet for their partners, parents, or even just something to liven up their homes.
Adrien might be the best guy I know. He kind of fills a role I didn’t really have growing up. I’ve never had someone else around me that is trans. Someone who truly understands every aspect of my struggles and can talk me through my swirling thoughts.
It’s not like I’ve never had someone to talk to about it.
I have two moms, and most of my family is queer in some capacity, but none of them have been able to help shed light on specific feelings.
Like, how I’ll wear makeup every day even if I’m just going to the store.
How my wardrobe is filled with feminine outfits because I fear being seen as masculine.
Adrien is able to talk to me about his trans experience and how it affected him in finding his wife, Isla.
The shop fills with my phone’s ringtone from the front counter.
“You have good news?” I answer on the third ring.
“We should be good to go,” Ella responds before her voice carries on away from the speaker. “We’re set up at Water's Edge. Piper convinced her dad to help out with space, plus they are doing an impromptu drink special today.”
“That sounds perfect. I’ll have to make a basket or something for him.”
“You sound like Mimi now. Not that we can pay, but hopefully, we can get the Sunday afternoon crowd that needs a cold beer, and it turns into them buying something.”
After Oliver moved in because of the water pipes fiasco, he started picking up double shifts at the bar. Then he is taking on any labor jobs around town. The past three days have already taken their toll.
He falls asleep minutes after hitting the bed, and I can’t even argue with him because he thinks he needs to handle this alone.
I admire that part of him. Oliver is someone who constantly wants to help people. He’s selfless in an unknown way to most people. I’m selfish by comparison, and selfishly, I want him to get his dream of traveling, even if it means going against his wishes.
While I love working in this flower shop, it’s for Oliver at the end of the day.
I say my goodbye to Adrien and head straight to Water's Edge. Oliver shouldn’t be around since he told me today was going to be filled with him helping to fix a few roofs around the riverfront.
Water's Edge comes into view. Today might be the perfect day for this. Partially cloudy but still hot enough to want a beer, and I’m sure there’s a sports team playing today. So, setting up shop here is perfect.
The first people I see are Ella and Piper setting the last table up on the patio.
“This looks amazing!” I call over with an almost bounce in my step as I walk up to my friends.
When I called Piper and Casey to see if they wanted to help, they jumped at the opportunity. I had to talk Casey out of giving Oliver an earful for not telling them what was happening.
“The lady of the hour is here!” Piper cheers, and I can’t help the smile and blush on my face. I’m not a hugging kind of girl, but Piper pulls me into a tight embrace before whispering in my ear, “Thank you for looking after that idiot.”
We pull apart with my face still burning. “I couldn’t have done any of it without you guys. Piper, I need to thank your dad for letting us use the patio.”
“I’m sure he’ll come out eventually. You can thank him then. I think he secretly likes the idea because as much as he pretends not to care, my Daddy is a big softy.”
I look over the tables filled with junk from the Gordon house. I didn’t know what to do with it, but the least my birth parents could do was help Oliver from the afterlife.
After a few hours, there was a couple that wanted to argue the value of a few of the items, but the minute I mentioned Oliver’s name, their expressions changed.
They practically threw the money in my face.
Apparently, Oliver helped fix a dripping shower head that had been bugging them for weeks, and professional repairmen kept canceling on them.
That was the first of many stories I’ve heard tonight, but all of them end in people wanting to help Oliver. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much.
“How is everything holding up?”
A deep voice catches my attention as I come face to face with a very tall and very thick man. He stares down at me with a smile I can barely see past the bush of his beard.
“It’s going great, Mr. Ralston!” I try my best to chirp.