Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Oliver
“You look like you could use one.” Jaxon holds out a can of beer to me.
“Thanks.” I grab the cold can from him as both he and Tyler take a seat next to me on the dock.
The wind is barely rocking my boat as it bobs in the water. I want to take her out again, but the thought makes my stomach drop.
On a warm day like today, a cold beer with my best friends should be the best time, but right now, it feels empty.
I’m missing one of my best friends, and I don’t think she’ll want to see me again.
My head is still trying to wrap itself around this whole situation. They are the same person, but my feelings stayed the same. I tried to see if I could separate my feelings and just see her as my friend, but I couldn’t. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted her by my side the whole night.
Then it all came to a head when she finally said the words I was waiting to hear.
My childhood best friend and my girl are the same person.
“We gotta get the girls together and take a trip. I don’t know where, but before y’all head off to your fancy schools for your fancy education.”
“Where would we even go?” Tyler laughs. “It’s not like the three of us can afford to go anywhere far. The girls go on vacations all the time, but not us.”
“What if we went to an island? Mess with the rich assholes there.” Jaxon lets out a laugh. “Oliver, what do you think?” Jaxon asks, taking me from my thoughts. “Are you still hung up on what happened at the cove fire?”
“What?”
Jaxon takes a large gulp of his beer. “I never would have thought Sally and that quiet dude from grade school were the same person.”
“Dude!” Tyler pushes Jaxon’s shoulder to shut him up, but it is too late.
I give my friend a nasty glare. “Jaxon, if you ever refer to Sally as a dude again, I’ll knock your ass flat.”
Jaxon stares at me for a second, most likely seeing the fire that must be burning in my eyes just like the fire running through my veins.
I’ll fuck up anyone that disrespects her.
He hangs his head. “I’m sorry. That was really shitty of me to say.”
“Where’s your head at with all of this?” Tyler asks, and honestly, I don’t have an answer.
I know I still want her. There’s still an attraction there.
Even when I found out who she was, my cock still hardened just from her presence.
I thought maybe seeing my best friend and her as the same person would change my feelings, but it didn’t.
She doesn’t fit in that box anymore. I never once saw Sally as a man. Even now, she’s just my girl.
“Did you know she was—” Jaxon stops when I look at him. My fist clenches, ready to stay true to my words.
“Trans?” Tyler supplies, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. The man has never liked conflict.
“That.” Jaxon points at Tyler with a finger. “Did you know?”
“Yes, I knew she was trans when we started all of this.”
It didn’t matter to me. I never really thought about why it didn’t matter. Sally is just Sally now.
Jaxon looks like he has more questions, but I turn to Tyler. “As far as my head, I don’t know. I kind of messed up at the cove fire, and I don’t think she’ll want to see me again.”
Pain pricks at the thought.
“But didn’t she lie for the past two months?
Not once did she tell you anything about who she was, and I don’t mean the trans part.
That’s whatever. But she’s the same person you’ve talked about non-stop since we became friends.
I might be your best friend, dude, but there was no way I could compare to those memories. ”
There was an almost sad tone in his voice. Jaxon is my best friend, but Sally…no one compares to our story.
“Jaxon, you, Tyler, and the girls are my best friends. High school would have been the death of me without you guys. But she is my girl, I can’t imagine my life without her. Sally is my tomorrow.”
With that, my shaggy blond friend downs the rest of his beer. For a second, I think he’s upset, but that’s wiped away as a shit-eating grin covers his face.
He grabs three beers and proceeds to puncture a hole in the base of each. “Then you better fix this because I’m tired of the sulking, Oliver. It makes no sense.”
These are my best friends. They know me better than anyone, and sulking is not our cup of tea. Well, one person knows me better, but I need to fix that first.
“Cheers to that.” Tyler takes one of the beers from Jaxon.
We each click open the tab, and beer rushes into my mouth, forcing its way straight into my gut.
The carbonation forces my stomach to let out a burp. Then Tyler lets out a smaller one. Jaxon sucks in his gut before letting out a fierce burp that I bet the town could hear.
“Still got it.” He claps his hand onto his chest.
“Always gotta make it a competition,” Tyler says as he rolls his eyes.
“I’m a winner. What can I say?”
Tyler then looks at me again, tossing his empty can into the cooler. “You got a plan?”
“Not really, but I’ve never been much of a thinker.”
I’m not known for thinking things through. I’m the type that dives into the water headfirst without checking to make sure it’s deep enough.
Just like when I’d jump off the roof of a house into the pool below. I’m here taking a risk that needs to be made.
I might drown if Sally leaves before we can talk through our issues. I can’t lose her again. I’ve spent the last six years thinking it was my fault she got taken away, but she has a family that loves her.
Just from the way her siblings and her interact, you can tell there is so much trust between them. Ella would break anyone if they even came close to hurting her sister. Leon allows her to let loose by matching any energy she has, and then Mimi brings this comforting warmth everywhere she goes.
Her family is fiercely protective of her, and I relate one hundred percent. She deserves to be loved more than anything. Out of the two of us, I’m glad she got out.
This non-plan could go completely wrong, but I don’t have much else to plan other than getting her to talk to me.
I want to say my confidence never wanes, but I’ve been on her porch for the last five minutes.
Come on, Oliver, you are one of the most confident men in this town.
With a deep breath, my knuckle make contact with the wooden door. For a few minutes, nothing sounds inside. Nerves prick at my mind. What if they already left, and I’m trying to get into an empty house?
What if the one person in my life who understands every inch of me has left, and I’ve lost my only chance to make things right and get her back?
As my mind races, the door begins to open. My breath hitches as she fills my eyes. God, she’s so beautiful.
Even when she looks tired, there’s not a single face that can ever compare to hers. There’s this uniqueness that many people wouldn’t notice, but every feature makes me have to fight my body from stepping forward and taking her lips with mine.
“Ollie?” There’s a slight tremble in her voice, and I hate that I’m the one causing it.
“Hey, princess.”
Something flashes in her eyes.
I step a little forward, and she steps back. That little motion causes my stomach to sink even further. At this point, it might as well be on the floor.
“Can we please talk?” I plead with her.
She doesn’t talk, but she’s also not shutting the door in my face, which is a good sign. She wipes her eyes and nods, walking into the living room with me following her lead.
I don’t miss the fact that we are still on opposite sides of the room. The distance feels larger than an ocean. The same body of water we promised to run away to together.
The world we wanted to see as little kids.
Sally shifts back and forth on the heels of her feet. She wants to run but is staying for me. We’ve spent this entire summer breaking down the walls surrounding her heart. I’m not going to let her build it back up with broken bricks.
Let’s start off easy. “How are you?”
She stills and then levels an irritated look. “That’s what you came all this way for?”
“Well, technically, it’s only like a three-minute walk. We are neighbors, after all.”
“Oliver.”
“I’m serious. How are you after everything?” I’m not going to let this one go. She might be pretty as heck, but it is obvious she’s been crying.
“I’m doing okay. Another week, and I’ll be out of your hair for good.”
“I don’t want that.” The words fly out, surprising both of us. I run my hand through my hair. The strands are catching a bit. “Don’t leave because of me.”
Sally’s eyes focus on my still-bruised knuckle from punching Dalton.
“How’s your hand?”
“Never been better.”
Her eyes trail from my fingers all the way up my arm. Instinctually, my bicep flexes and her breath hitches. At least I know she still finds me hot.
But there’s one question hanging in the air that needs to be laid out.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Sally closes her eyes like that was the question she was dreading. “There are a lot of things I didn’t tell you.”
“That’s an understatement. I wish you had trusted me enough to tell me that douche was in the same town as us, and he was the one that attacked you.”
“I didn’t want you to try anything.”
My jaw clenches. The worst part is, I know she didn’t hide it for his sake, but mine. She knew if I found out, the piece of shit would be in the hospital for even looking in her direction.
“Why didn’t you tell me who you are?” There it is. The question that’s hung over me since finding out.
“Were.”
I shake my head. “Sally, you were everything. Do you realize how much I tortured myself after they took you? How much it hurt thinking you had moved on without me? Even if I wanted you to be happy, it still hurt. These past two months, I felt that void finally fill, and it felt like I was leaving my friend behind, my hero.”
Oh, fuck, I can’t cry right now.
But the tears start to well.
“You were right here the whole time. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I knew the minute it was out, everything would change. I would no longer be just Sally. I would remind you of someone I no longer am. You proved me right when you almost dead-named me!”
“Sally, I’m so sorry.” I step forward but stop when she holds her hand up.
“I knew. I fucking knew the minute you found out it wouldn’t matter how much time we had spent together.
Our past would overwrite it. I’m sorry I lied to you, Oliver, but he’s dead.
I killed him when I started this journey, and I don’t regret that one bit.
I was saved the day CPS took me away. You saved me, Oliver, but we can’t go back to being the scared kids who were clinging to each other on the roof with a foolish dream of running away. ”
“Don’t call our dreams foolish, Sally.” My jaw hurts from how much my teeth are grinding together. “I don’t want this to be the end.”
“You don’t even know what you want.”
“That’s bullshit!”
Her jaw clenches and she grimaces like she hates the words that are about to leave her mouth. “You don’t even know if you want to stay here or leave.”
Her words feel like a slap to the face.
Sally brings her arms around herself, closing in and making her whole body smaller. She’s building her walls again, and I’m not sure breaking them down again will even help.
Finally, her hazel eyes find mine, and she gives me a soft but sad smile. A flicker of hope pulls at my heart.
“I’m leaving and never coming back. I think we should forget each other.”
Just like that, the fleeting hope shatters, and my knees feel weak from the shards cutting up everything around me.
“I can’t forget about you,” I say through my teeth. “You think I could forget about you when I have been inside of you?”
She visually shudders.
“I know you still lo—like me.” I shake the thought because I was really about to say love. I don’t know if she loves me like I love her.“Please don’t ruin what we have.”
“We have nothing, Oliver.”
I take another step forward, and she pushes herself further into the wall. “I told you everything would change.”
In only a couple of strides, I stand right in front of her. She’s still holding herself, not looking me in the eye. “Nothing has changed. You’re both the same person.”
I won’t let this change.
She rocks her head. “No, we aren’t. I’m not him!”
“Sally—”
“You promised me that this would be over when I wanted it to be over.”
My nostrils flare. “I don’t believe you.”
“Ollie.”
“If you really want this to be over, look me in the eye.” Please don’t do it.
She stills for a second before lifting her reddened eyes. “I want this to be over.”
I let out a silent sob before turning around and leaving the house. I fight every urge to stay longer and push harder, but she’s always building her walls, and I don’t have the tools to bring them down.
Even with the warm summer sun still being out, I feel nothing but a cold chill.