17. Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Sixteen
Noah
W hile apparently Christian had spent half his short life imagining this moment, I’d had a couple of days. Since the first blow job, I’d tried to picture what this instant might look like. Might feel like. Even what it might smell like.
Whatever I’d thought, it paled in comparison to reality.
His flushed chest, neck, and face. His rapid breathing. The smell of sex and sweat.
For me? The tightness and heat from him.
The unwavering trust emanating from him to me that overwhelmed.
I hadn’t imagined it would be like this.
That the emotional would be enough to break me wide open.
To melt the ice around my heart. Because I could see now, in a way I’d never been able to before, that I’d never given myself completely to anyone—not even Leroy .
As I withdrew almost to the tip, then slid back, the realization hit me.
I can love this man.
Hell, I do love this man.
In that way.
I wanted to shout it, but Christian wouldn’t believe me. He’d think this was a sex thing—and so I’d just have to find other ways to show him.
Withdraw.
Thrust.
Pull out almost to the tip.
Push home again.
Only to no home I’d ever known. Even through our panted, mingled breaths something shifted.
“Noah.”
I refocused my attention. Back into this moment. I snagged his erect cock and tugged to the rhythm I set. “I need you to come, baby. Okay?” Because I was on the verge, and rarely did I come before my partners. I’d always focus on their pleasure.
“Yes.” He hissed out the word even as he came in my hand, spurting cum everywhere.
I tried to nurse him through the orgasm, even as I came myself. I went rigid, held still, and let the climax wash over me. Envelop me. Send me soaring above the earth in the most mind-shattering orgasm I’d ever had. Why? Why with him? Why now?
Because you’ve never had this connection with someone before. Because this is what true love feels like.
I’d told Leroy I’d loved him—had believed that. Folly. Bullshit. I’d thought if I said it, then I could manifest it. Turned out, if someone else manifested it, it might’ve just rubbed off on me. I collapsed on top of Christian.
He was a solid guy, and he held me close.
I rested my cheek on his sternum and listened to the pounding of his heart. I’d no doubt in my mind that he’d enjoyed this as much as I had.
“That was…” He let out a long exhalation.
I tilted my head so I could meet his gaze. “Yeah?”
He blinked repeatedly, then a tear slid down his temple and into his burnished gold-and-auburn-colored hair.
“Don’t cry.” I levered myself so I could roll off him and pull him—admittedly awkwardly—into my arms.
He hiccupped as another tear rolled down.
I pressed a kiss to his temple, tasting the salty residue of the now-flowing tears. I didn’t know how to stem them—I didn’t have the words. I was certain this wasn’t a physical thing—he’d had pleasure. No, this was emotional…the one thing I was no good at.
He blew out a breath. “I don’t mean to cry. I just—” He sniffed. “—I’m so glad I waited, Noah. That you were the first. And I know it didn’t mean to you what it meant to me—”
I placed my index finger on his lips. “Hush. You don’t know what it meant to me because I haven’t shared.
It means everything, Christian. I can honestly say I’ve never connected with someone like that before.
And I don’t know what this means—it’s too raw.
” I smiled. “I’m going to clean us up, then tuck you in for the night. ”
“You’ll stay?”
“Of course I’ll stay.” I kissed him soundly. Then I carefully removed the condom and knotted it off. I rolled off the bed and headed to the bathroom.
Huh .
I put the condom in the trash and then put the trash can on the counter. No way was I leaving it anywhere the dogs might get into it.
If you get tested, then you could go bareback.
Well, fuck me. I got tested regularly—smart thing to do. But I’d never considered going bareback with anyone.
Anyone.
Not even Leroy—which probably should’ve been my first hint that I never fully trusted him.
Christian? One hundred percent. If I asked him to commit to me, he’d do it.
And if I committed to him, I’d do it. But what would that mean for our friendship?
I wet a washcloth as hot as I could stand and washed his cum off my stomach and chest. Then I rinsed it out and headed back into his bedroom.
His eyes were closed.
I washed him carefully, ensuring he was as clean as I could get him.
The damage appeared to have been confined to our chests, so we didn’t have a wet spot to worry about.
I returned to the bathroom, pissed, then headed back to bed.
Since Christian appeared to already be asleep, I tucked myself in next to him and drifted off as well.
Morning came as a rude awakening as Stormy leapt onto the bed and began licking my face. Only a sliver of light came through the blinds. Apparently, the dogs weren’t going to wait for full morning. “I’ll go.”
Christian stretched. “I’ll start breakfast. Eggs and toast or pancakes?”
For the first time in as long as I could remember, I was damn hungry in the morning. “Pancakes?”
He pressed a kiss to my cheek. “You’ve got it. ”
I dressed in jeans and a henley and gave Christian one wistful look as I hustled the dogs down the stairs, through the kitchen, and out the back door. All three headed for the fresh grass and squatted.
Watching them, I chuckled. “Sorry guys. My bad.”
Stormy woofed. When she was done, she loped over to the far side of the run.
She sniffed the ground with determined focus—which made me curious. So, I ambled over with two ruffians nipping at my heels.
“Did you find something good?” I stepped close to Stormy, but still gave her space. She was already a big dog, but she’d yet to grow into her paws—that were massive.
She continued to sniff the ground.
River and Sable joined in.
I chuckled as the morning dew sank into my bare feet.
Christian.
We made love last night.
He’s…my forever person.
I had no doubt in my mind. The only thing left was to show him how I felt. To prove I wasn’t just reacting this way because of the sex.
That said, the sex had been pretty epic.
I’d never made love to a virgin before. He was so very different from everyone who had come before. The thing was…I had known lots of good men back home. But I’d always picked losers.
Christian had patiently sat back and waited for me to get my head out of my ass. If he hadn’t sent those photographs of Leroy and the faceless man he’d been fucking, then I would still be living seeped in the lie—thinking I was happy. Telling myself Leroy loved me. Living the fantasy that we’d…
Fuck .
I didn’t know Christian’s dreams. I’d gone along with everyone else believing he’d marry Laura, eventually take over the reins of the factory, and they’d have kids, maybe a dog, and a nice, big house.
Never, in a million years, had I considered that might not happen.
Then Laura’d run away.
I…figured Christian would find another nice woman and marry her…
? I’d been arrogant when we first arrived in Foggy Basin.
I figured I could find a nice woman for him to date and eventually marry—even though I didn’t want to be alone.
Even then my subconscious had recognized that for the first time in my life, I was living with someone who loved me.
Platonically, of course. But his willingness to literally pack his belongings in an SUV and follow me across the country showed a devotion I didn’t deserve.
Now I understood he was also running from his demons. From his family’s expectations. From the town who would forever see him as the man left high and dry when his fiancée left town with another man.
A close call for all of them.
Would Christian have continued the charade? Married a woman he might care for, but with whom he’d never have a truly fulfilling relationship? Much like I’d gone along with Leroy. If I’d had niggling doubts, I’d shoved them so far down that I still couldn’t find them.
“Breakfast!”
I turned to see Christian standing on the back porch, waving a spatula.
Sheesh, how long have I been out here navel gazing?
My feet were frozen, Stormy had finally stopped sniffing that special spot, and the other puppies were each trying to eat the other’s ear.
I whistled and started striding for the house.
No one followed.
I spun to make eye contact with each of the dogs. “Breakfast. Food. ”
Stormy bolted, and the other two, clearly watching her, followed.
I chuckled as I held the door open for them.
Christian was putting a platter of pancakes on the table.
Real Canadian maple syrup, blueberry jam, and two mugs of coffee sat waiting as well. Before that, though, I had something important to do.
I snagged him around the waist and pulled him in for a long, deep kiss.
He molded himself against me—ensuring there wasn’t a whisper’s distance.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and held tight.
His hands traveled down my sides, along my flanks, then down to my ass where he squeezed. He pulled me even tighter against him, pressing his erection against my hip.
I pulled back. “The pancakes will get cold.”
“That’s what the microwave’s for.” He grinned.
“Are you sore?”
He shook his head. “You were gentle, Noah. Which I appreciated.”
After a moment, I nodded. He wasn’t wrong—I’d gone easy with him. And would continue to until he was more accustomed to this. Or until he asked me for more. “You could always make love to me…”
He kissed my nose. “You bet. But you’re right—food first. Plus, don’t you have to go to the pet store?”
“I do.” I did a little awkward shrug. “And I might be dropping by to see Pam at the shelter.”
“Make certain you buy everything you need for the cat. Or cats. I’ll feline-proof the yellow bedroom.”
I arched an eyebrow.
“Remove all the breakables and anything that isn’t washable in case there are accidents.
I should probably talk to Miss Esmeralda at some point about where we should be putting things.
She said the attic and the basement, but we might run out of room.
I mean, we might end up buying stuff of our own. ”
“True. No rush, though. As long as we take care of her things, we’re okay until I’ve got more money coming in. Oh, Pam said I could bring some flyers and business cards, so that’s good. I’ll check out the rec center over in Hartsville as well. Anywhere I might drum up business.”
He pressed a hand to my cheek. “I’m so proud of you. Now—eat.”
Stormy woofed.
“Okay, feed the dogs first and then eating.”
He grinned. “Works for me.”
And so we did. Then I left an hour later to get through my long list of tasks so I could get back to Christian as quickly as I could.