CHAPTER FOUR
WILLOW
While we walk to the subway station, Jax doesn’t say a word, and I greatly appreciate it.
I’ve already made enough of an ass of myself for one night.
When we get on the subway, he continues with his silent treatment, but the longer he doesn’t talk, the more I just want to get the conversation over with.
Like ripping the band-aid off. Why prolong it?
We get off in Cobble Hill and walk a couple blocks through a small suburbia neighborhood lined with cute brick townhouses.
When we arrive at his place, he unlocks the door and holds it open for me to walk through first. It’s fall in New York, so the temperatures tend to fluctuate.
This week has been on the cooler side, but when I step into Jax’s house, it’s nice and warm.
I take a look around and find the place to be neat and tidy.
The furniture is nice, nothing fancy, but it’s all good quality.
“The bedrooms and bathrooms are upstairs,” he says, walking toward the stairs. I follow him up and he stops at the first door. “This is the guest bedroom and it has its own bathroom. It’s stocked with toiletries and towels are under the sink.”
He steps back to walk away, but I stop him. “Don’t you want to talk about it?” After thinking about it, I’m going with ripping the band-aid off.
“About what? The fact that I almost fucked my employee in the bathroom of a club? My employee who is over ten years younger than me.” His eyes shoot to the ceiling like he’s praying to God to help him before he looks back down at me.
“Or the fact that you’ve been living on the streets for God knows how long and haven’t said a word to any of us? ”
“All of the above.” I shrug, unsure what to say.
“I’m tired, still half-buzzed, and it’s late…” He glances at his cell phone. “Or I guess early since it’s almost four in the morning. We have to be at the shop in a few hours, so how about we shower, get some sleep, and we can talk in the morning.”
“Okay.” I give him a half-smile, hoping to knock his evident frustration down a few notches. “I’ll see you in the morning—er, in a few hours.”
Closing the door behind me, I strip out of my clothes and head straight for the shower.
It’s been a few months since I’ve had a shower that’s not in a women’s shelter, and I find myself relaxing under the hot spray until the water goes cold.
Hopefully Jax already finished his shower.
I grab a fluffy towel and dry off, then grab my pajamas to change into.
Since I have a couple hours before we leave, I wonder if Jax would mind if I do a load of laundry.
I can do it at the laundry mat, but they’re freaking gross.
Tiptoeing over to the room I saw him go into, I knock lightly in case he’s already asleep.
If he is, I’ll just find the washer and dryer and do a load before he wakes up. I doubt he’ll even notice.
“Come in,” he calls out. My hand grasps the knob to open the door when he pulls the door at the same time. My body stumbles forward, and just before I think I’m going to faceplant, Jax catches me in his strong arms.
“Jesus, you okay?” He chuckles, the sound reverberating through my body and going straight to the apex of my thighs.
“Yeah.” I laugh softly. “I didn’t realize you were opening the door.”
“Everything okay?” He looks me up and down.
“Yeah, I was just wondering if you would mind if I used your washer and dryer to do a load. I’ll have it done before we leave in the morning.”
Jax’s jaw ticks and I worry I’ve overstepped. He’s already been kind enough to offer me a bed and a shower. “You know what… never mind…” I turn to leave when he grabs my wrist, twirling me back around.
“Are you homeless?” he asks, even though he already knows the answer.
“Yes.”
“For how long?”
“For about a year now.”
“Fuck,” he curses under his breath. “Why haven’t you said anything?”
“You’re my employer. It’s not your problem.”
“I’m also your friend.” His eyes bore into mine.
“Not really,” I say honestly. I’ve never been one to beat around the bush. “I mean you’re nice and I love working for you, but we aren’t friends.”
When his brows furrow, I add, “Where did I live before I became homeless?” When he doesn’t answer, I continue. “What’s my favorite color? My favorite food? Where am I from? What’s my ex-boyfriend’s name?”
Jax’s shoulders slump, and I give him a reassuring smile.
“I’m not saying all that to blame you. I’m just explaining that we aren’t friends.
I used to have friends… when I lived in Michigan, where I was born and raised.
Then I met Henry, and after dating for a few months, he got a promotion and was transferred to New York, so I moved with him.
The friends I made here were all his, and when we broke up, they remained his. ”
“Why didn’t you move back home?”
“Both of my parents died from cancer. My mom from breast cancer, and a few years later, my dad from colon cancer.”
“What about all those people at the club?”
“Those aren’t friends. They’re acquaintances. I don’t do friends, Jax.” Stepping out of his grip, I head back down the hallway to grab my dirty clothes. “Is the washer upstairs?”
“Down,” he says. I jump when his voice comes out right behind me.
“You can go to sleep.”
“Thanks for letting me know,” he replies dryly, following me down the stairs.
After I throw my clothes in, along with some detergent, I close the lid, then go straight to the kitchen to get a glass of water. When I can’t find the cups, Jax opens the correct cabinet and hands me a glass.
“Thanks.”
“Why are you homeless?” he asks, settling his back against the edge of the counter.
Not wanting his pity, I consider lying to him, but something tells me he’s not going to stop until he gets the truth out of me. He already stalked my ass ‘home.’
“Long story short, a year ago, the gynecologist found cancer cells in my uterus. I could’ve gone through chemo and all that, but instead I chose to get a hysterectomy.
Henry didn’t agree with it because it meant we could never have kids.
When I told him kids were no longer in my plan, and neither was marriage, he dumped me.
Since the apartment was his, I had to leave. ”
Jax’s eyes go wide, and his arms which are crossed over his chest, flex. “When you said you needed a couple weeks off to go on vacation you were having fucking major surgery?”
I nod.
“My insurance covered a portion of it, but not all, and then there were follow up visits and radiation and the medications. Unlike the hospital which allows you to make payments, the private facilities require payment at the time of visit.”
“Jesus, Willow.” Jax sighs. “You should’ve said something. Are you okay now?”
“I am. I’m done with all the treatments and as of right now, I’m cancer free. I’m saving for a place now.”
Jax stares at me for several beats before he says, “You’re staying here.”
“Tonight?” I ask, confused.
“No, indefinitely.” I open my mouth to argue, but he shakes his head. “I have a three-bedroom, three-bathroom place to myself. I’m not taking no for an answer.” He lifts a brow, daring me to argue.
“Okay, on two conditions.”
“You’re giving me conditions when I’m offering you my home to live in for free.” He throws his head back in a laugh, and I find myself smiling at how sexy he looks when he laughs.
“My first condition…” I raise my voice so he can hear me over his laughter, and he stops. “My first condition is I pay for half of the bills.”
Jax is already shaking his head. “Not happening. Next condition.”
I huff in frustration. “My other condition is that you’re not allowed to get attached to me. It’s inevitable we’ll hook up, and I have no doubt it will be hot as hell, but that’s all it can ever be. No friendship, no relationship.”
Jax stares at me for several seconds before he busts out laughing again. “Are you serious right now?”
“Yes, very.” I give him a dry look, so he knows I don’t think what I said is funny, nor do I think it’s necessary he laughs at what I said.
“Oh, Willow…” Jax steps forward. “One, we’re not hooking up. In case you forgot, I stopped it from happening tonight, and two, we are going to be friends. I know exactly what you’re doing, and unlike your piece of shit ex, I’m not going to allow it to happen.”
When I give him a what the hell are you talking about look, he says, “Your mom and dad died from cancer. Then you got cancer. Now you don’t want marriage or kids.
You don’t want friends. You would rather be homeless than lean on other people…
” He steps towards me. Out of instinct, I step back, but the kitchen is small and my back hits the edge of the counter.
Jax presses his body against mine and pushes a wet strand of hair behind my ear. “You’re pushing everyone away, Willow. If you make no connections, nobody can mourn your loss if you die.”
I swallow the boulder-sized lump in my throat because he’s right and we both know it. Breast cancer wasn’t the first cancer my mom was diagnosed with. It was just the one that killed her. Then there’s my aunt who died from ovarian cancer, and my uncle who died from brain cancer…
“I’m not letting you push me away,” Jax says, his voice filled with conviction. “You’re going to live here as long as you need to, and I’m going to be your friend. When you need someone to lean on, I’ll be here. Got it?”
My head is telling me to run. Run far and run fast. But my heart, the organ that’s craving a connection I’ve denied myself for too long, is begging me to stay, and like the fool I am, I go with my heart. “Got it.”
We head back upstairs, but before I can enter my own room, Jax’s hand lands on my shoulder. “You’ve been alone long enough, Willow. Why don’t you come sleep in my bed with me?”
Wordlessly, I allow him to take my hand in his and guide me down the hall to his room.
We both climb into his bed and shuffle under the covers.
At first, it’s awkward, especially since not even a few hours ago we were very close to fucking.
But then Jax lifts his arms and scoops up my body, dragging me closer to him.
My arm drapes across his torso and my face snuggles into the curve of his shoulder.
His fingers run up and down my spine and my eyelids begin to flutter closed.
For the first time in too long, I not only feel connected to someone, but I feel safe.