Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
It was bad. She’d experienced worse, but this was still bad. Staying up until four in the morning, doomscrolling through hundreds of images of her and Jordan kissing in the club hadn’t helped.
Eventually, she’d chucked her phone across the room, then tossed and turned all night. At some point, she’d given up caring, and the next thing she knew, morning light cut through her blinds.
When her failed attempt at meditation didn’t help ease the knot in her stomach, she decided to get ready for the day.
Over the past months, she’d taken over her sister and Joel’s Pearl District apartment, above Bowie’s bar.
Her visit to Portland started as a quick trip for her sister’s engagement.
At first, she’d stayed a few weeks at her Zia Ella’s house in a quiet suburb outside of Portland.
But when it became clear she had no job to go back to Vancouver, Canada, or Los Angeles, she moved into the apartment, where she’d been now for almost a year.
It worked out nicely, since Joel and Lucy lived mostly in San Francisco, only visiting Portland to see family or for work.
After their wedding, they’d asked Vanessa to stay at their place to get the mail and water plants, but she wasn’t fooled.
They knew perfectly well she could afford her own place. It was a protective older-sister thing.
Lucy was more relaxed knowing Vanessa was there and out of trouble, and honestly, Vanessa was happy to be there. It was familiar, safe…kind of like moving home. She’d offered to pay rent, but they hadn’t entertained the conversation.
On the rare days she missed the lively atmosphere at her Zia Ella’s place, she’d go over and get her fill of the energy and the food. On days when her anxiety had a stranglehold on her, like today, it was a nice distraction to be around the chaos.
Isolating herself when she was feeling this unsteady and panicked was never a good idea. But her aunt was a twenty-minute drive away, and she second-guessed calling Anderson so late last night. Damn Jordan and his guilt trips.
Luckily, she had someone even better a few minutes’ walk down the street. A visit with her cousin Natalie was exactly what she needed.
After taking a shower, dressing in her favorite soft pink cashmere lounge set, and doing her full makeup routine, she felt half human again.
Grabbing her coat, she tugged open the front door and spotted her neighbor across the hall wiping sweat off her brow with the hem of her athletic shirt.
“Oh, hey! Good morning,” Ivy said, taking an earbud out. “I just got back from a run, and funnily enough was thinking about you.”
“Good morning.” There wasn’t much good about her morning, but Vanessa forced out the words along with a bright smile.
“Hope you were thinking only good things.” Please, not a conversation about the memes, reels, and stories circulating the socials right now.
Instinctively, her hand went to her purse and her phone inside.
“Of course, good. I wanted to let you know that Sean and I will be out of the country for a bit.” A giddy smile blossomed across her face. “We’re going on our first big vacation together.”
Sean and Ivy were great neighbors, easy and fun to be around. They’d had many entertaining evenings downstairs at Bowie’s, and they usually came over when Lucy and Joel were in town.
“Oh? That’s exciting. How long will you be gone?”
“A month,” Ivy exclaimed.
“A month,” Vanessa repeated in surprise. That was a hell of a holiday, even for Vanessa.
“My nana is getting older, and hasn’t been home to England in a long time.
” Ivy shoved her damp bangs out of the way.
“And honestly, Sean and I have been planning it for a while. Saving and organizing a replacement for him at the gym and a locum for me at the clinic. Going that far, the cost, and the jet lag, we figured might as well go for a while.”
“Wow, that sounds like a fun trip. I love England. I walked in fashion week in London a few years back. Beautiful city.” She’d been to Europe numerous times. Sometimes for less than forty-eight hours. Jet lag wasn’t allowed to exist in the fashion world. Everything moved so fast.
“Anyway, I wanted to let you know, since there’s no one else living here but us.” She spread her arms wide to indicate the empty hallway with the two doors facing each other.
“I appreciate the heads up. Do you need me to keep an eye on your place while you’re gone?” Better that than having someone she didn’t know come and go from their apartment.
“Oh, don’t worry. Sean’s brother is doing all that for us.”
Vanessa’s heart slammed into her throat, her smile freezing in place. “Excuse me?” Sean’s brother was—
“Jordan,” Ivy said as she shoved a key into her lock. “Don’t worry, he looks scary, but he’s really a teddy bear. You’ve met him, right?”
“Yes, a few times.” And teddy bear was not the description she would have chosen.
“He’ll be popping in twice a day or so. Not often, but he’s good to have around if you ever feel spooked or anything. Give him a call. I’m sure he’d love to help.”
“Right.” Her fake smile was starting to hurt.
“I’ll see you on the other side. Enjoy the rest of your day.”
“You too,” she murmured as the door shut behind Ivy.
She needed to brush the dust off her gratitude journal, because so far, this day was not it. But hey, it wasn’t even noon. What more could possibly go wrong?
The donut pit stop was a necessity. They always made things better, especially Portland donuts.
There weren’t many treats available in the modeling world.
Acting life hadn’t been much better, and over the years she’d become accustomed to food restriction, especially sweets.
But she was on a career break now, and the best part was donuts.
The sugary, doughy confections in this city were the tastiest she ever had.
After a quick detour to her favorite bakery, where she ordered a dozen assorted donuts, she walked the rest of the way to her cousin Natalie’s hair salon.
A biting wind swirled around her head, numbing her ears, but she welcomed it. The fresh air helped clear her mind some, but fresh hair would help even more. A quick trim and blowout and she could almost pretend last night didn’t happen.
When she opened the salon doors, the first person she saw was Colin. The stylist’s welcoming smile faltered when he saw her, and so did the beat of her heart. She knew that look, the one that said, I’ve spent all morning on the socials, and it wasn’t pretty, sweetheart.
Sure enough, his expression softened with instant sympathy.
“Oh, honey,” he started as he came around the reception desk. “I didn’t think you’d be out and about today.”
Determined not to let the dread coiling in her gut win, she flipped her long hair, forced a casual shrug and shoved the box of donuts into his hands.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Stripping off her jacket, she hung it on the coat rack and flounced past him.
Natalie’s chair was taken, so she dropped onto Colin’s.
Colin trailed behind her. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because last night was a disaster?” He set the donuts on the table, ran his fingers through her hair, and met her gaze in the mirror. “Have you been on your phone yet?”
“Of course I have. This is a blip. It’ll blow over.” She lifted her chin. “Portland is the small town of big cities. What’s hot one minute, is over the next. People gossip, then move on. It’s nothing.”
“Nothing? I saw a video with over 150k likes of you French kissing a bouncer at Silk. This is ‘let’s cut bangs’ level drama.” He dangled a lock of hair over her forehead, mimicking bangs.
Vanessa snorted and swatted his hand away, even as the knot in her stomach tightened. A video going viral of her making out with Jordan was not ideal, but surely it wasn’t exactly scandalous.
“If that’s bangs-worthy drama, Col, you’ve lived a very sheltered life.” She glanced at the client sitting in Natalie’s chair, who was flipping through a magazine but clearly eavesdropping on the conversation. “Where’s Nat?”
The opening lyrics of Taylor Swift’s Delicate blared through the speakers.
Seconds later, Natalie emerged from the back, carrying a steaming mug. She placed the coffee in front of Vanessa and opened her arms as she sang loudly, “I will love you for you.”
That was all it took. Tears pooled as Vanessa launched herself into her cousin’s arms.
“You swore you didn’t love the drama, Ness,” Natalie murmured against her shoulder as she rubbed her back.
“I can’t help it. It loves me,” Vanessa wailed. “I don’t know why.”
Natalie stepped away, hands steady on Vanessa’s shoulders, assessing her.
After a beat, she wiped a tear from under Vanessa’s eye and nodded.
“This is child’s play compared to some of the crap you’ve been through.
All you need is a donut and a blowout.” Natalie pushed her down onto Colin’s chair.
“Col, give her a wash, extra conditioner, then we’re volumizing the shit out of this hair. ”
Colin picked up scissors. “Should we cut bangs?”
“Absolutely not. This isn’t end-of-the-world heartbreak. It’s a supermodel impulsively kissing the world’s hottest bouncer at a club. It’ll blow over.” Natalie turned to her client. “Right Chantal? This isn’t the first time a girl’s made a mistake in a nightclub and it went viral on social media.”
The middle-aged woman in her boxy cardigan and low-maintenance bob widened her eyes. “Well, it’s never happened to me.”
Natalie leaned in with a conspiratorial wink. “Then you need to come party with us sometime.”
Vanessa blew her nose with a napkin she’d brought with the donuts. “I’m so stupid. Why do I keep getting myself into these messes? I never learn.” She dug her phone out of her purse and it opened automatically to her social media page. 1037 notifications in the last hour.