Chapter 37
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
As they crashed onto the bed, Jordan was grappling with control and losing. The raw, primal need that consumed him was insane.
He’d never hurt her, never in a million years, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t completely undone by her right now. Leaning back, he fought to catch his breath.
The towel was half off her, one breast peeking out the side, the terry cloth tangled between her legs.
She was a flushed, damp, dark-haired mess on his bed.
She was splayed out indecently, provocatively, and she didn’t appear to have a single fuck to give.
The look on her face reflected his own chaotic feelings.
“I want to go slow,” he said between heavy breaths.
“Please don’t.”
His dick pulsed painfully under his soaking briefs, telling him to do as she said. Ignoring his base instinct tested his willpower. “Vanessa, I can’t come inside you.” He didn’t want to bring it up, but he also didn’t want to be so far gone that they were beyond thinking about it.
Confusion flickered over her face. “What do you mean?”
The mattress dipped under his weight when he planted his knee on the bed.
Hovering over her, he smoothed a wayward strand of hair off her brow.
“It means that I don’t have any condoms. Despite what it might look like.
My bringing you to my isolated beach house.
This wasn’t part of the plan. I’d never do that to you. Never risk it.”
Her brow furrowed in genuine bewilderment, like she had no idea what he was talking about. “I’m on the pill, and I haven’t—” Her gaze slid sideways. “I haven’t done this in a very long time.”
Everything he’d intended to explain skidded to a halt in his brain. “How long?” The words slipped out before he could think them through. “I’m sorry, don’t answer that. It’s not my business.”
“No, it’s okay.” Sighing, she propped herself up on her elbows.
“I know I have a reputation, but things aren’t always what they seem.
I haven’t been with a lot of guys, especially in the last few years, and I don’t…
” She blushed prettily. “I don’t have a ton of experience, despite what the internet says. ”
Her expression looked torn between embarrassment and relief, as if she’d unloaded her biggest secret, and his heart cracked right down the middle. If honesty was what she wanted, he’d offer it up. A truth for a truth.
“I can’t say I don’t have a lot of experience. Before I went to prison, women and sex were a regular part of my life. Too regular. I lost myself in it, in them, to mask my pain.” He remained silent until she met his gaze. “I didn’t have sex while I was in prison. And not since I got out.”
Her eyes widened in shock. “But that’s been—”
“Years,” he finished for her. “Seven, to be exact.”
Vanessa’s jaw dropped. “You haven’t had sex in seven years?”
He chuckled, leaning down to kiss the tip of her nose. Then her forehead. And her mouth. He lingered there until the kiss became heated, her arms looping around his neck. “Have to say,” he murmured between kisses. “I honestly didn’t even miss it until you came barreling into my life.”
Being this vulnerable with her was a risk, but he wanted her to feel comfortable with him, safe. So that meant being completely honest.
“Please stop talking. If you make me any hornier, I’ll come before you finish your next sentence.” She deepened the kiss, shutting him up.
He hadn’t lied when he told her he wanted to take it slow. Easing back, he peeled the towel off her body. She was a work of art. Her body was long and toned, her curves tantalizing. He itched to touch her but forced himself to take the moment to admire.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured keeping his voice low, reverent.
He knew she’d heard those words a thousand times. Hell, she made a living off her looks and her body, but he needed her to know this was different.
Because she wasn’t posing. This wasn’t a photoshoot. She was exquisitely, vulnerably exposed for him and him alone. And he felt the honor of that like a hand around his heart.
When he met her eyes, a single tear slipped free, and he caught it with his thumb.
“You’re beautiful everywhere, to me, Vanessa.”
Leaning in, he tenderly kissed her collarbone before tracing his lips to the swell of her breast until he drew her nipple in his mouth, making her moan.
Switching to the other breast, he swirled his tongue and bit down gently before drawing on it.
He continued until she was panting his name, her fingers gripping the back of his skull.
When he caught her trying to touch herself, he dragged her naughty hand up and over her head, taking the other one as well, until both were pinned above her. “Keep them there.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Her swollen lips were the color of cherries.
He offered her his best do I look like I’m kidding? Look.
She scoffed. “Or what?”
He stood up at the foot of the bed and shucked his underwear. His cock sprang out, free at last. “Or you won’t get to come until I say so.”
Her eyes widened, impossibly round, as they focused on his groin. It only made him harder.
Giving in to the sight of her, all flushed and gorgeous, he stroked himself once, a bead of pre-cum catching between his finger and thumb at the top.
He wanted to smear it across her nipple, or even better, her pussy.
Instead, he rubbed it around the head of his cock.
Her eyes tracked the movement, lips parting slightly.
For a heartbeat she was still, trapped in the same spell as he was, and then in a sudden rush of movement, she shimmied higher up the bed, stretching her arms until she gripped the headboard rails.
“There,” he murmured, kneeling over her again. “That’s my good girl.”
“Yeah, don’t get used to it, Zeus.” Her breathless tone took the edge off her snark.
She was the cutest fucking thing. Why had he ever tried to ignore her? And how had he not admitted to himself until this exact moment how wildly attractive all the sides of Vanessa Barone were. Submissive and eager, argumentative and sarcastic, she was a diamond that sparkled from every angle.
He shut off the voice in his head that said he didn’t deserve something that glittered the way she did, and he kissed the tip of her nose.
“With you, I don’t get used to anything.
I’m prepared for everything.” He dipped his fingers between her bare, slick flesh and groaned.
“Baby, you’re really trying to kill me.”
Squirming under him, she spread her thighs wider, and he fell between them, his hips meeting hers. “I’d never kill you like this. At least not until I’ve come.”
“Brat.” A low rumble stirred in his chest, rolling out as a groan when he notched his throbbing tip to her soaking entrance. Their gazes locked. “Slow or fast?”
Vanessa wriggled again, panting lightly. “Fast. Definitely fast.”
His chuckle came out soft. “Slow then.”
Gradually, he slid in until his head was covered. Sweat broke out on his skin. Fuck, she was tight. How long had she said it’d been?
“Big,” she panted. “So big.” She lifted her hips, seeking, adjusting to accommodate him. “More.”
Seeing her like this, breathless and wanton, for him, made his heart somersault in his chest.
He touched his forehead to hers, holding her gaze. “Vanessa.” Saying her name was the only warning he gave her before he slid all the way home.
Weeks of pent-up frustration came to a head. Her snug entrance was hot around him, and his dick pulsed dangerously inside her. Any chance he might have had at control and pace went out the window.
Seven years he’d waited for her. Maybe longer, because no woman he’d ever been with had made him feel like this. Alive, salvageable, redeemable.
Burying his nose in her neck, he inhaled a long steady breath. She bucked beneath him, and he gave the curve of her neck a light bite. “Careful, princess, or this is going to be over faster than either of us wants.”
She stilled, her hands smoothing down his back. “Has it really been seven years?”
“Yes,” he hissed against her neck.
Her gentle fingers tracing his spine did nothing to ease his raging lust. “Does it hurt?”
“Yes.” His voice was a pitiful echo of his agony.
He swore against her soft skin and pumped his hips. Lifting his head, he caught that devilish look in her eyes, so he dragged his hips back until he was almost out of her then surged back in, sending her up the bed with a shout.
“Everything with you hurts too fucking good, Vanessa.”
“Jordan.” The way she whined his name set off fireworks in his balls. She locked her ankles around the small of his back. “I need you to fuck me until it stops aching for both of us.” Her head went back and her hips up, her insides gripping him like a vise.
He unraveled, bucking his hips, slamming home, over and over until she was so tight around him, he barely had room to thrust. He knew she was seconds from coming. Her pussy gripped him almost painfully, her thighs shook around his waist. Her moans turned to cries.
In response, his vision blurred. His skin heated. Needing to be deeper, he sat back on his heels, dragging her with him. They were still joined, but her back arched over his bent knees, her fingers gripping the bedsheets.
“You are so fucking beautiful, so precious. I sometimes feel like I shouldn’t even touch you.” His voice cracked under the weight of this truth. “And it kills me a little bit more each time I look at you.”
“Why?” She gasped, her gaze meeting his in a collision that had the impact of a trainwreck.
He swirled his thumb around her clit, and she cried out with pleasure, her inner muscles gripping him even tighter. He grunted at the sensation.
“Because, princess,” he forced through gritted teeth as he pumped in strong, rhythmic thrusts he knew would get her there. Only when her eyes rolled back and her inner muscles were spasming around him, did he reveal the truth. “I know I can never really have you.”
Running his hand up her toned stomach to her breast, he pinched her nipple as he stroked her clit.
Her exquisite scream filled the room as she convulsed around him, her body bucking, thighs quaking, shoulders pinned against the mattress as she arched her entire body.
Grabbing her hips, he thrust in earnest, his climax so close he could taste it.
When his balls tightened, and his release shot forward, he withdrew from her on a roar. She melted onto the mattress, watching him through heavy lids, while he stroked himself to his finish. When he painted her breasts and belly with his climax, the only word he was capable of was her name.