Chapter Thirteen #2
The door slowly opened, and Valon stuck his head inside, as if uncertain of his welcome. His hair was in a bun and his face clear of all makeup. As Ledger looked on, one silver curl slipped from the bun and covered his eye. Valon tucked the lock behind his ear.
His gaze was locked on Kash. “Did he love it? We’re dying out here to know.
” He stepped fully into the room with Marc on his heels.
Valon climbed onto the foot of the bed and sat back on his heels.
He focused on Ledger without giving Kash time to answer.
“It’s fucking gorgeous, isn’t it? Let me see it on your hand. ”
Ledger held out his hand. As he watched Valon look it over with genuine interest, he couldn’t take it anymore. “You’re really okay with this, aren’t you?”
Valon’s forehead furrowed as he met Ledger’s stare. “Of course. I set this up.”
Ledger shook his head. “I don’t understand why you seem so unbothered.”
Valon shifted positions and sat cross-legged. He looked stone-cold serious about the topic. His gaze moved to Kash. “It really was a lifetime ago, huh?”
“Yeah.” Kash sounded slightly sad, like a nod to a past that mattered but could never exist again.
Valon looked Ledger’s way. “It feels like fifty years have passed in the last few years. So many good, bad, and unbelievable things have happened.” His gaze seemed to turn inward.
“Sometimes I don’t know which of those things I’ve had the most of, but I know one thing.
” His expression shifted again, as if coming back to the present.
“It turns out you two are the only people who have ever loved me for real. One night, I stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep. You can close your ears for half a second on this one, if you’d like, Dad.
” Unfortunately, he didn’t actually pause to give Ledger time to cover his ears.
“Admittedly, I was high as a kite to the point I didn’t think I’d ever come down.
It was one of those crazy things where I was so out of it, I felt like I floated on a different plane and saw my life with zero emotion attached. Do you know what I saw?”
Again, he didn’t have any time to answer.
“I saw you two sacrificing everything for me, even when I definitely didn’t deserve it.
Most especially when I didn’t deserve it.
I saw you two sit quietly by, encouraging me, while I built a life that would barely include you, if at all.
Meanwhile, all you two really had was each other and all the pain I caused. ”
Valon focused on Kash. “You’re right. Silence is its own form of violence. In the silence that night, I realized how truly fucked up I am.”
“Baby, that’s not true.” Ledger couldn’t hear Valon say anything bad about himself. It hurt his heart too badly.
A sad smile passed over Valon’s lips.
Marc leaned against the doorframe with an expression that screamed he didn’t judge.
Kash stared at Valon as if studying for a test.
Ledger couldn’t stop taking in every detail.
Valon took his hand. The moment had the whole I’m-going-to-hold-your-hand-while-I-say-this vibe.
“I need you to be happy. Please do this one thing for me and have the life you deserve. Let this be one time I didn’t—” Valon stopped and took a second.
“I need to know you’re happy.” His gaze moved Kash’s way. “I need to know we’re still friends.”
“There’s never been a day you couldn’t call me.” Kash sounded gruff, as if trying but failing to hide his emotions.
Valon brightened. “You two should enjoy your day.” He jumped out of bed.
“I’m going to show Marc the studio here where I recorded my first album.
When I called earlier, they said I could use whatever they have available if I just need some inspiration to write something new.
It could be fun to get back to the basics. ”
Ledger nodded along, wondering when his son had developed a split personality. “Have a good time. I’ll see you when you get back.”
With a smile and a wave, Valon was out the door.
Ledger and Kash looked each other’s way. For a moment, they simply held each other’s stare. Then, simultaneously, they settled in to snuggle. Tucked beneath Kash’s arm, Ledger trailed his fingertip up and down Kash’s torso, drawing invisible pictures.
“Welp.” Kash’s sexy voice broke the silence. “This has been a very enlightening yet confusing visit.”
Ledger took a steadying breath. He had to believe everything would be okay. “At least I know my son is still in there. I think he’ll talk to us when he’s ready. You know Valon can’t sit still.”
“Or stay quiet when he’s comfortable with people,” Kash said with a deep chuckle that vibrated against the ear Ledger had pressed to his chest.
A genuine smile popped to Ledger’s lips. “Yeah.” He made it two heartbeats. “When are we getting married? I know you. You have a plan.”
“This one time, I think I’ll let you help make some decisions.”
Ledger couldn’t stop smiling due to the happiness in Kash’s voice alone. “You’ve never had a wedding, so…”
“Who the fuck would I invite to a wedding?” Kash sounded genuinely confused.
“Thank God. I never want to go through the stress of matching flowers with napkins and bow ties ever again. That shit sucks the life right out of you.” After his rant, guilt set in.
He shouldn’t talk about his past, and Kash deserved a huge wedding.
He would only have the one. “But I’d be proud as hell to have you at my side in front of a huge venue that someone else put together. ”
Kash didn’t respond right away. When he did, he sounded kind of dreamy rather than any reaction Ledger had been panicking over. “Do you remember the night before I broke down and drove to L.A. to confront Valon?”
Ledger couldn’t forget that night. They had almost kissed, or at least it had felt that way to Ledger.
He had thought about that night way more than was probably healthy, trapped between longing and knowing that was the moment that had broken Kash.
That almost-kiss was the catalyst that changed the course of their lives.
“Yeah. We went to the bookstore and got ice cream afterward.”
“I mean after that,” Kash said, pushing Ledger to focus on the moment that could have gone so many ways.
“We went to the beach, sat in the sand, and listened to the crashing waves.” Ledger swore he still felt every emotion from that night. Every sound still lived in his ears.
“I was enraged at the unfairness of life.” Ledger froze at Kash’s confession.
Kash kept talking, changing Ledger’s view of what happened.
“You were always so sad, and I was hurt and fucking furious.” His tone backed up his claim.
“Frustration boiled hotter and bigger inside me with every second that passed. All because I realized how hopeless everything was. I’d spent years thinking I built some kind of future with Valon, only to find out too late that I spent more time building a life with you than him, and it was a life I would never have.
” His muscles relaxed. His tone softened.
“But then I looked at you and you looked at me, and I thought, one day, I’ll marry him.
I had no idea how long it would take, but I knew you were the one.
Back then, that was probably the most heartbreaking moment of my life.
Now, I think maybe that’s where we should get married. ”
Ledger’s whole chest warmed. He hadn’t even suspected that was where Kash’s confessions were headed. But Kash was right, and Ledger could already picture it.
“Just us with Valon as our witness. That sounds beautiful.”
Kash somehow managed to snuggle even closer. “Yeah. It’ll be perfect. You’ll see.”
Ledger closed his eyes and drew Kash’s life force into his lungs. He felt more at peace than he could vocalize.
“Do you think Valon looked too skinny?”
Kash’s entire body shook with laughter at Ledger’s question. “You couldn’t handle it, could you? Five minutes of peace max, and then you have to worry about something.”
Ledger huffed.
Kash rolled, pinning Ledger beneath him.
He slid down the bed and blew raspberries on Ledger’s stomach.
Ledger laughed and twisted, fighting for his life to get away.
By the time Kash stopped tormenting Ledger, Ledger was on his stomach, crushed beneath Kash’s weight.
His playful tickling turned into sweet kisses.
Ledger smiled so hard, his face hurt. If Ledger knew nothing else, he knew he didn’t deserve this massive happiness, who weighed too much to be acting like Ledger’s blanket.
God, he fucking wanted it, though. Ledger would do whatever it took to keep this.
It never took long for loving kisses to turn heated between them. The air practically crackled with need. Kash’s body was on fire. He sat back on his knees and peeled off his shirt before he went back to nibbling on Ledger’s back.
“I’m an old man.” The words sounded like Ledger faked crying.
Kash chuckled against Ledger’s back at the statement. “Shut up.”
Ledger laughed. “I was about to say, I’m an old man, but I swear my libido has never been higher. Fuck, you keep me hard.”
“Good. The feeling is mutual. I shouldn’t have to suffer alone.” Kash moved lower, kissing every bump of Ledger’s spine. He peeled off Ledger’s pajama pants in the process.
When he sank his teeth into Ledger’s ass cheek, Ledger moaned. “Damn, Kash. You know I love it.”