Chapter 4
I wake up slowly after a fitful night of napping and tossing around, still under the covers, as the events from yesterday replay in my mind. I’m completely numb. During the night, my emotions became nonexistent.
There’s a knock at my door. “Summer, it’s me. I have some tea for you.” I hear the door open as Sue comes in. “Oh sweetheart. I’m so sorry. Will you come out and talk to me, please?” She asks. “Summer?”
I roll away from that voice towards the wall, taking the blankets with me.
“Okay, well, I’m going to leave your tea on the bedside table. I’ll come and check on you in a while,” she whispers.
I hear the click of the door and fall back asleep.
Sometime later, Sue comes back to my room.
I’m now lying on my back, staring at the ceiling with my sheets and comforter tangled around my legs.
I still feel numb. There’s just…nothing left.
She takes a seat on the edge of my bed. “Sweetheart, I know that you’re upset, but you need to drink something for me, please. ”
I hear the words, but…nothing. I stare at the ceiling as Sue leaves again.
The next time she enters, I’m sitting on the floor, leaning up against my bed with a blanket wrapped around me. She places a bottle of water in my hands with the cap off. I take a drink. That’s good, so I take another. I blink slowly.
“Summer?” I turn slowly and observe Sue. “Sweetheart, I’m worried about you. You’ve been unresponsive all day. I’ve got Sarah on video here. Can you talk to her, please?” She sets my laptop on my knees.
My therapist is looking at me from the screen, and she looks very worried. She hasn’t given me that expression in a long time. I blink again. “Hi Summer. Sue called me and filled me in on your situation. How are you feeling right now?” she asks.
I’m numb…I think.
“Okay, let’s try something else. Are you able to understand me, Summer? Nod your head for yes.”
I slowly nod.
“Great, you’re with me. Let’s begin with breathing. We won’t talk, just breathe like I showed you. Sue is going to sit in front of you and breathe with us. Nod again if you understand.”
I nod once.
“We’re going to take a deep breath in. Watch Sue, Summer. See her chest rise as she breathes in deep.”
I watch Sue breathing in and try to do the same.
“Hold your breath until I count to three. One…two…three. Now slowly let your breath out, Summer. See how Sue is relaxing as the air leaves her lungs?”
I let go of my breath as Sue does.
“Wonderful. I’m counting to three again, Summer. One…two…three. Now, take a big breath in again, everyone.”
I watch Sue breathe in and copy her.
“Good, I’m counting again. One…two…three. Now, let your breath out slowly again. Great. One…two…three. Excellent Summer. Let’s continue our breaths,” Sarah says.
We keep going until I slowly become more aware and blink a few times quickly.
“Summer? How are you doing? Can you direct your attention towards me on your laptop?”
I see Sarah on the screen. “I’m here,” my voice sounds like a frog croaking.
“Fantastic. Hi Summer,” she smiles. “Sue, I’ve got it from here. Thank you for calling me.”
“Okay, I’ll see you in a bit, sweetheart,” she pats my arm before she gets up and leaves, closing the door quietly.
“Summer, I want you to keep taking slow breaths in and out for me and drink some of that water you’re holding, please.”
I take a few small sips of water while focusing on my breaths.
“Excellent Summer. Now, can you let me know what emotions are going through you?”
“I’m completely numb.”
“Your system is overloaded. Your body shut down your emotions to cope. That’s okay and not unexpected. You were not prepared for the news yesterday. At this stage, we will only focus on taking care of your basic needs, okay?”
I clear my throat. “Okay.”
“Good. So right now, are you still thirsty? Or perhaps hungry?”
My stomach grumbles in response.
“I take that as a yes,” she chuckles. “Why don’t you grab the bagel that’s on your nightstand and start eating.”
Looking over, I see a toasted bagel with cream cheese. Huh, when did the bagel get here? Grabbing the plate, I stuff my face while sipping on my water. Once I finish everything, I direct my attention back down to Sarah on my screen.
“Great Summer. That should give you some energy. Are you feeling up for a shower at this time?”
“I think so, yeah.” I nod my head.
“Okay, why don’t you gather up some clean clothes and hop in the shower? That should be nice and refreshing. I’ll stay on the line. Don’t worry about anything else. Focus on your basic needs. Just focus on your shower.”
“Okay, just a shower,” I repeat.
“That’s right. I’ll be here waiting when you get back.”
I set the laptop on my desk, grab some pajamas from my dresser, and head out to the bathroom.
I close the door and turn on the faucet.
I pee, wash my hands and strip down, hopping under the hot spray, washing my long brown hair and scrubbing my skin with my bodywash.
After I’m done, I towel off and get dressed in my clean pjs, walking back to my room.
I grab the laptop and sit down on my window seat. Sarah is right where I left her.
“Hi Summer,” she smiles.
“Hi Sarah.”
“Still feeling numb?” she asks.
“Yeah, I am. It’s weird.” I remember little after the accident, but I do recall the fear, anger, and desolation, not numbness.
“It can be a strange sensation, but we need to trust your body right now. It’ll come back online when you’re ready. This is just a minor setback.”
“Okay. So what now?”
“Now you don’t worry about anything but basic needs. Eating, drinking, sleeping, and going to the bathroom. Things like that. You take care of your body’s basic needs. Everything else is not important right now.”
“Okay.”
“Wonderful. Do you prefer to stay on the line or to check in tomorrow?”
“I think I’m going to change my bed and get some sleep. I’m tired.”
“That sounds like a solid plan, Summer. I’ll check with you tomorrow, but call if you need to talk, okay?”
“Okay, Sarah, I will.”
“Remember, only basic needs right now. Goodnight Summer.”
“Night, Sarah.”
I put my laptop on my desk again and plug it in, then take the bedding off my bed and put it in my hamper.
Next, I grab some clean linens from the hall closet and make up my bed with fresh sheets and a clean bedspread.
I pull a blanket from my closet and lay it on top.
Turning down the corner, I get under the covers as sleep takes me quickly.