Chapter 34
AMARA
While beach sounds used to settle me, right now, I don’t feel settled at all.
The waves that used to soothe me are only a reminder that I’m back in my hometown. Not only that, but I’m in my hometown with Cooper’s torso pushed into my back.
I swear these beds seemed so much bigger when we were younger. I haven’t had to deal with fitting into a bed this size with someone since smuggling men into my loft bed in college, and those men were not six foot five.
“Why is your heart beating so fast?” I mumble, and I can physically feel Cooper smile.
“I’m trying really hard to make sure my brain thinks horrible thoughts,” he replies, his lips so close to my ear that it tickles.
“Get your mind out of the gutter,” I say, trying to move away.
But in a move that seems to shock both of us, Cooper’s arm reaches out, pulling me back into him. “If you just hold still, there won’t be any issues.”
Getting annoyed at my ticklish ear, I work to move myself down just a little, so his head is above mine.
Bad move.
Cooper groans, his hand tightening around my hip. “Can you stop? Otherwise, I’m sleeping on the floor.”
“Why are men so weak?” I ask.
“I swear I’ve never had this issue before.”
“That’s what they all say.”
“I’m serious.”
“And I’m a fucking billionaire.”
He rolls his eyes, but I’m suddenly extremely curious.
So I roll onto my back, sending him flying back into the wall to get as far away as humanly possible.
Which is not far. I’m pretty sure half my asscheek is hanging off the side.
“When you said that you didn’t want to be friends with me, what did you mean?” I ask, not super sure that I want to know the more detailed answer.
He studies me, his eyes dipping down to my lips. “I told you what I meant.”
“But what did you really mean?”
“I told you. I will take you in any capacity you will allow. You want to be friends? Fine. You want to never have anything to do with me ever again? Fine. But if you’re asking me what I want, it’s not friendship.”
I think about this, my head swimming with what-ifs. Cooper’s hand still grips my hip, his arm resting on my lower stomach.
God, his hand is giant.
I’m absolutely positive he could fit my whole—
Stop. It.
I don’t think before I say it. “I just don’t want to have to say goodbye again, Cooper.
I don’t think you understand how painful it was when you abandoned me.
I felt like I lost part of myself. I lost you, and then I lost your sister because it was just all too awkward, and we were growing apart anyway.
And then I lost your grandpa. I just don’t want to have to say goodbye twice. ”
His frown deepens, his eyes softening at every word. Eventually, after our breathing syncs with the waves, his hand brushes up my sides, his fingertips leaving little fires in their wake before he grips my chin between his fingers.
“I need you to know,” he starts, his face so close to mine that our lips nearly brush, “that if you were to ever give me a chance, I’d work the rest of my life to make sure that I deserve you. I’d work so hard for you to never hear goodbye from me ever again.”
“I think that’s our disconnect,” I whisper. “You didn’t say it.”
He licks his lips. “I’d make sure you felt cherished every day. Happy. Content. There would never be a question in your head of how I felt about you.”
My heart picks up speed, hammering in my chest. “You didn’t want me when you stopped talking to me.”
He shakes his head. “I wanted you. I wanted you too much, Amara. I just didn’t have enough to give.” His voice quivers with pain. I’ve never in my life heard him like this.
And in a moment of pure impulsiveness, I reach out, wrapping my arm around his neck, and kiss him.
It’s explosive.
Different from when we were kids. That was innocent.
My back arches immediately to meet his chest, his arm slipping underneath to pull me closer. A sound vibrates through him, something like a low growl of approval as my fingers get tangled in his hair.
It’s fast and hot, a mashing of teeth and tongue, and yet at the same time, it feels tender. Caring. Years and years of history, love, and hurt just letting loose in his small childhood bed.
I moan as his lips leave mine, trailing down to my jaw. He kisses along it, nipping the sensitive skin until he reaches my ear. He bites it, his tongue flicking at the lobe, and I’m all too aware of the pressure building inside of me.
I have never been touched like this. With such care. With such devotion.
I grasp his shirt as his teeth graze the exposed skin on my neck, and when I turn to face him, capturing his lips in mine, I gasp as his bulge grazes my thigh.
He’s the first to pull away.
“Amara—”
“You’re right,” I say, scooting away as far as I can. Putting space between us right now is probably the best for both of us. “I’m so sorry.” My fingers touch my lips, desperately wishing I could feel his again.
“Why are you sorry?” His smile is dazzling in the moonlight. “Do you know how many times I pictured that happening in this bed?”
I blush.
“Hey,” he turns my chin toward him. “I told you. I’ll take you in any capacity you’re willing.”
We fall into silence as I think, the thoughts swirling about my head too loud. “We’re stuck in this situation for a while longer, right?” I ask softly.
“Yeah.”
“I’m not saying that we have to do anything,” I say slowly. “But if we’re here, why not enjoy the time we have together?”
His breathing stops.
“In this situation?”
I nod.
“Like the show,” he says slowly, the wheels in his brain turning.
“Coop, I’m not fucking you tonight.” I yawn. As much as I’m desperate for it, I think we both need to think about it a little longer. Besides, I’m wiped out.
“Oh, I mean, of course, I didn’t think—”
“You can say no, I assure him.”
He shakes his head. “No, I think that’s a really good way of looking at it.”
Silence falls upon us once more, and this time, I let it pull me under.