1. Ellie
Chapter one
Ellie
Almost two years ago
M y hands won’t stop shaking.
This doesn’t feel real, but the four tests lying on the bathroom countertop all prove that it is.
I’m pregnant.
I hover shaking fingers over my lips with one hand while the other snakes around my belly, fingers stretching along my lower abdomen, feeling around for signs of life. Impossible this early, I know, but that doesn’t stop me from searching anyway.
A few walls of muscle and tissue separate my palm from the little being that’ll someday be a whole person. A smile explodes across my face and a breathless laugh escapes between my fingers.
Tears roll silently down my cheeks and my mind empties. You’d think I’d have this grand poetic thought about how I’m going to be a mother and what that means. How I’m already bonding and connecting with this little, soon-to-be baby, but no. My mind is completely empty , shock and disbelief stealing my ability to think a single coherent thought .
“Hi, baby,” I whisper softly, my eyes closing as I picture the little ball of cells making a home so near my heart. “I’m your momma. Momma’s here.”
Knock, knock.
“Hey, babe, we’re going to be late. You almost ready?” Dominic—Dom—my husband, calls from the other side of our bathroom door.
My eyes snap to the mirror, taking in my rattled appearance. I barely recognize myself, the shock and excitement practically glittering in my eyes.
I take a deep breath, failing to calm my racing heart before opening the door to find Dom leaning against the wall in front of me.
God, I love him. I’m so lucky we’re doing this together.
“We’re already late,” I say with a hysteric giggle.
His brows furrow in confusion as he stretches, pulling the sleeve of his button-down shirt farther up his arm so he can check his watch.
“Not yet, but we have to leave now if we don’t want to miss out on the apps. You know Marie’s Diner has the best sampler. At this rate, Jake and Chris will be halfway done with it before we park the car.”
“I’m telling you now, we’re already late ,” I say, unable to contain my excitement, clumsily reaching behind me to grab a test from the counter and holding out my shaking hand in the space between us.
His entire body freezes. Like he can’t risk moving even to take a breath. My husband-turned-statue stares for one…two…three of the longest seconds of my life before his shoulders crumple and he hinges forward at the waist, his palms covering his face as a sob escapes.
I sob in answer and laughter bubbles up, too, as tears of gratitude, fear, and uninhibited joy escape my heart through my tears.
He stands from his crouched position after a moment, blindly reaching for me until he’s wrapped me tightly in his arms, his embrace shielding me and our baby from every force in the world. It’s just us. Here and now, just the two…three of us.
“Oh my god, Ellie. I love you. I love you so fucking much. This is it.” He takes a step back, holding the side of my face with one hand as the other gently moves to my stomach, the warmth of his touch registering through the shock. When my eyes lock with his, my heart stutters and our dopey smiles of disbelief must mirror one another’s.
“Holy shit, we need to go to the store. What do we need for a baby’s room? I don’t know anything about breast pumps—we need one of those, right? What kind of clothes do they wear when they’re that small? We need to…need to…” His glassy eyes flutter back and forth, lost and searching for something to bring him back to solid ground.
“Dominic, breathe,” I say, running my hand over his, both of them now stretched across my stomach. “Breathe. We don’t need to do anything right now…except get your pregnant wife to the place with the food .” I wink and that seems to break him out of his shocked state. Our nervous laughter echoes through the hall as we rest our heads against one another, threading our fingers together over the space I’ll be growing our little one until they’re ready to meet us.
We’ve been wishing and waiting for this, yet I don’t think anything could prepare us for how it’d feel to realize we’ve already been strapped into the seats of this roller coaster, departed the station, and are making our way up the hill before we even knew. No idea what the track ahead looks like. Where it’ll dip, dive, climb, and curve. How fast we’ll be careened from one twist to the next.
But I know I’m ready. We’re ready.
I know more than anything that this man is the person I’m meant to be with. The man I’m meant to share this life with as we welcome this little one into our bubble of love.