19. Ellie
Chapter nineteen
Ellie
D om pops his head into our closet, catching me in my shapewear. Goddammit. Nothing says sexy like nude shapewear I had to jump, shimmy, and shake my way into, but my dress for tonight calls for it, so here we are.
“Hey, Momma,” Dom purrs, his body still hidden behind the door frame, and his eyes rove over my form. “Looking good.”
“Stop,” I say with an embarrassed laugh. Despite my brutal inner monologue about my body, Dom has always made sure I know how much he wants me.
“Couldn’t if I tried. Hey, close your eyes for a second.”
“We don’t have time, babe. We’re supposed to be there in forty-five minutes. I still have to get into my dress, and you know I like to give our parents a rundown of the latest bedtime routine before we go.” Luca’s routine changes all the time. A million small adjustments in a hopeless attempt to get longer stretches of sleep. I think at this point I’ve convinced myself that if we follow every step to a T, Luca will magically become a baby who loves to sleep. Dom’s accepted his fate. He says he’s learned to function as a caffeine-fueled zombie. I’m not giving up.
“I’ll only take a minute,” he says, striding into the small walk-in space with another small brown box in his hand, with a familiar rattle .
“Another one?”
He flashes me one of his perfect smiles, and I take the box and open it.
I’m still digging through the pieces, trying to find the one with his familiar—albeit almost illegible—handwriting.
Cheese. That’s all it says.
“Dom, what does this mean?” I ask.
He reaches above me, grabbing a gift bag I hadn’t noticed off the top shelf of our closet.
“This one requires some new tools.”
“Are you giving me sex toys in our closet while our family is downstairs watching our son?”
“No, babe, you’re a screamer. That would be poor planning on my part to give you something I couldn’t use right away without traumatizing everyone.”
I lightly slap his chest and he smirks in response.
Fucking smart-ass. Ugh, I love him.
“Open it.”
Not one to turn down a present—sue me, a girl can enjoy being spoiled—I toss the tissue paper over my shoulder to find a…
“Oh my god,” I whisper, hand coming to my mouth. I can’t believe it.
I’m holding my dream camera, a Canon EOS R5.
“Aiden thought you could use the upgrade,” Dom says, shoving both hands into his pockets and rolling back on his heels, an amused expression at my shock.
“Why? I can’t accept this.”
“Babe, he’s a professional baseball player. Let’s say thank you and take the camera. Besides, you’ve got a job to do tonight and he’s offering that as payment for his investment.”
“Okay, now I’m really lost,” I say, shaking my head.
“He’s asking her. Tonight.”
“Holy shit…Aiden’s proposing to Bec tonight ? And you’re just telling me this now ? At the very last minute? What, does he not think I can keep the proposal plans a secret?” I say, with mock horror, because that’s exactly what he should think.
“Uh, yeah . You and Bec have a hive mind. I tell you something and Aiden is texting me about it two seconds later because Bec’s already running her mouth.”
“You knew what this was when you married me,” I say with a shrug. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me close and placing a kiss on my forehead.
“I’d do it all over again tomorrow. But unfortunately, this is why I was in full support, possibly even the mastermind behind keeping you in the dark about it. He’s asking her tonight, and this is his puzzle piece for you.”
I’m too distracted by the gorgeous camera I continue to turn over in my hands, in awe that Aiden would do something like this before what he says registers. “Wait, what?”
“He’s hoping you’ll take a few photos of the engagement tonight. You got a purse big enough to hide a camera that big?”
My heart beats wildly with excitement. Faded, in the hazy edges of my heart are memories of how much joy photography used to bring me. I’d taken a couple of classes throughout college—something to help with my marketing degree—but I fell in love with it. The afterthought, supplemental, elective course became my passion project that I inhaled until my lungs burned any chance I got. I took photos for the university, documented all the big events, even provided them with promotional material for the athletic programs. I never considered doing anything serious with it. Daydreams of being a photographer felt indulgent. Maybe a little unrealistic to think I was good enough to make a career with something I felt that passionate about. Wasn’t a job supposed to be that? Just a job?
“I haven’t taken photos like that in a long time,” I say, a sharp spike of insecurity twisting my thoughts.
“What better way to dive back in? What do you say, Ellie? Ready to get back in the game?”
** *
The shutter snaps in quick succession as I blink away tears. Aiden down on one knee, staring up at Bec as he whispers words of love and devotion, speaking of promises and gratitude.
My heart swells, thrumming with joy. Bec deserves this. Aiden deserves this.
They’ve shown each other, and themselves, that they can work through hard things together. But this isn’t one of those moments. This is a new beginning. One I’m lucky enough to capture.
The space is gorgeous. Aiden rented out the entire rooftop bar of the hotel Dom and I got married at years ago—and the place where Bec and Aiden met. I move quietly, trying not to draw focus from the proposal. I adjust the lens, and angle so I can get good shots of both their expressions with the evening skyline in the background.
Bec’s and Aiden’s parents and siblings are huddled together. I take a few shots of their reactions, with Aiden and Bec still the forefront of the image.
When the big moment is over, and Bec hugs her mom, I continue snapping a few more photos. I capture celebratory cheers of congratulations, empty threats from two older brothers and older sister, if I had to guess, and a teary welcome to the family from both Mr. and Mrs. Miller. Evie squeals and grips Bec and Aiden in a firm, if discombobulated group hug, Aiden towering over both of them. Aiden speaks softly to his mother and holds her hand while she looks at him with a soft smile.
I pause to skim through the last few shots, looking up at the sound of heels clicking in a speedy approach. Bec’s arms are tight around my neck before I catch a glimpse of her brown curly hair flying away from her face and into my mouth.
“Ellie, this is crazy. Did you know?” she asks, half giggles, half hysterics.
“Only for about an hour before you did. Can you believe Dom and Aiden? Those guys didn’t think I could be trusted with a secret,” I say with a laugh, spitting out her hair and returning her hug with a tight squeeze, careful of the camera in my hand. I mean, I know Aiden can afford to replace it, but she’s too pretty to break and I’ve already named her. Stella and I are going to go a long way, finding beautiful images together. I can feel it.
“We’ve got a lifetime to make them pay for it,” Bec replies with glee.
** *
“I’ve been told I owe you an apology,” Aiden jokes.
“I can keep a secret,” I say defensively. I can’t keep a secret. “Apology not accepted. How about another camera, instead?”
Aiden and I are standing on opposite ends of the corner of the rooftop bar—thank god for the space heaters—him leaning on the edge and me seated at the other.
“Dom told me to get that camera specifically.”
“Oh, Stella’s perfect,” I assure him. “But you know, if you need more photos taken in the future, I might need a new lens or something.”
He laughs before taking a sip of his drink, letting his eyes wander back to Bec as she laughs with Carissa and her sister, Danny, seated on a cushioned L-shaped couch surrounded by greenery and string lights.
“It’s the least I can do to repay you,” he says, his attention returning to me. I know it’ll be about thirty seconds before he steals another glimpse of his fiancé. The man is infatuated.
“For what? Twenty minutes of me taking pictures does not equate with the cost of that camera, I promise you.”
The playfulness disappears, and he drops his gaze to the bar, tapping his fingers against his glass.
“I don’t know how long it would have taken me to come back to myself, Ellie. Without you and Dom, I’m afraid I would have lost Bec to my own idiocy before I managed to pull myself out of that place, if I ever did at all. I could have lost her.” His voice sounds haunted. It was months ago, but nothing that painful is forgotten quickly.
“Aiden, promise me something. Let yourself enjoy this. Savor every moment of your life with my best friend. You don’t owe Dom or me a single thing, but you and Bec owe everything to each other. You brought yourself back, but we will always be here for you both when you need help remembering who you are. ”
“You know that goes both ways, right?” His question catches me off guard, though I guess it shouldn’t. Not with the way Dom has everyone in on his game for me.
“I’m okay, really. I’m grateful for everyone who agreed to…participate in what Dom has planned. But really, I’m okay.”
“You know it’d be okay if you admitted you weren’t.”
An uneasiness settles into my lungs, making it difficult to take a full breath.
“You didn’t ask me to explain myself,” Aiden continues. “When I was struggling, you didn’t dwell on all I could have done differently. You helped me pick myself up and move forward.” He swipes a palm over his face. “I don’t want you to think you have to minimize what you’re going through with all of us.”
All I can do is nod, biting my lip because all of a sudden, I feel like crying. This feels dangerously close to digging into my own wounds, and I’m not doing that tonight.
I bury it, shake it off, and force a smile.
“Thank you. I’m going to be okay.”
He waits a moment, measuring the truth of my words before he nods. “I know. And like you said, we’ll be here for you both when you need help remembering who you are. Thanks again, Ellie. I don’t know if I can ever thank you enough, but I’m grateful all the same.”
He takes off, heading toward his mom and Evie, who are speaking with Mr. Miller and one of Bec’s brothers, leaving me feeling…vulnerable.
With only a few words—my own thrown back at me—all my doubt, all my insecurities are laid bare for everyone to see. I’ve been doing my best to hold myself together, desperately grasping at the seams to pretend I can do it all without falling apart.
When you need help remembering who you are.
It’s a punch to the gut. By trying to reassure Aiden, I’ve only shaken my perception of myself. I don’t remember who I was. That version of me feels so far away, like a stranger, an imaginary someone who never really existed. If I can’t remember who I was, then who am I now?